


The Chosen One? Do You Mean a Walking Disaster?

by Lunar_Viper



Category: Pokemon - Fandom
Genre: Chapters are always posted at 3:10, Idk what you’ll expect from a fic spawned from sleep deprivation:/, Liberal use of the word Thot, Most nicknames are memes/vines, No Plot/Plotless, Some angst, This whole thing is utter chaos, a lot of “In this Chili’s” jokes, and random HCs, doesnt matter if it’s am or pm, it’s a chat fic, this is getting posted at almost 3:10 am, written while sleep deprived
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-26
Updated: 2020-03-28
Packaged: 2020-07-20 04:40:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 48
Words: 79,254
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19986262
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lunar_Viper/pseuds/Lunar_Viper
Summary: Ash makes a group chat, drama and bad jokes ensues





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> OwO? What’s this? You found my cuwsed fanfic?

**Imabadbitch** added **MistywithaB, Rockhard, Itsbrittanybitch, Countryboi,** and 10+ others to  **It’s YOTED**

**Yeetorbeyeeted:** Why am I here I didn’t ask for this

**Imabadbitch:** I didn’t ask to be the chosen one but here I am dying every other month

**Rockhard:** Closer to every other week but carry on

**Yeetorbeyeeted:** I don’t know if you’re serious or not and I’m too scared to know

**Itsbrittanybitch:** **_THEN PERISH_ **

**Yeetorbeyeeted:** What the  _ fuck _

**MistywithaB:** As the resident mom friend I can confirm this

**Imabadbitch:** Actually Brock is the mom friend. He’s also the dad friend

**MistywithaB:** Then What am I?

**Imabadbitch:** The bitch friend I guess?

**Rockhard:** You better run Ash

**Imabadbitch:** She can’t get me from Alola!

**Itsbrittanybitch:** Hey,  _ what the fuck _

**Itsbrittanybitch:** Also who is everyone and why is Ash “Imabadbitch”

**Imabadbitch:** Because only Arceus himself can kill me. Ask  **anyone** who’s tried to kill me

**Yeetorbeyeeted:** I’m Paul and would you like to test that theory?

**Imabadbitch** : I know this for a fact. I’ve died probably over ten times but Arceus just resurrected me

**Yeetorbeyeeted** : I’ve never been so concerned for someone

**Yeetorbeyeeted** was changed to  **Actuallycares™️**

**Actuallycares™️:** What in the living name of Arceus

**Imabadbitch** : I created this chat don’t test me

**_Thot_ **

**Rockhard:** @ **MistywithaB** is Misty and I’m Brock

**MarshMALLOW:** Ash…  **IT’S THREE IN THE MORNING**

**Imabadbitch:** Sleep is nonexistent when your life’s a literal nightmare

**MarshMALLOW:** Sleep or I’m telling Kukui

**Imabadbitch:** **_I AM A GOD, I AM-_ **

**Imabadbitch:** Being yelled at by both Burnet and Kukui to go to bed

**Itsbrittanybitch:** So much for being a god

**Maskedroyal:** I swear to  **Arceus** I will take away both of your phones tomorrow if you don’t go to bed now, Mallow and Ash

**Imabadbitch:** _ Fine _

**MarshMALLOW:** Why is your name Maskedroyal, Professor?

**Maskedroyal:** …. just go to bed

**Itsbrittanybitch:** Oh wow, Ash is actually listening to an adult

**Imabadbitch:** I listen to only four people. My mom, dad, Kukui, and Burnet

  * ••••••••



**Illgladlysteponyou:** Ash, who  _ is _ your and why is he never around?

**Imabadbitch:** Augustine Sycamore, Why?

**Illgladlysteponyou:** **_AGDLHDKAHRJDLWIDJSLSBDKA_ **

**Lemonchild:** WAIT! Your dad’s Professor Sycamore of all people! Why didn’t you say anything?

**Imabadbitch:** You ... never asked?

**Illgladlysteponyou:** Is that why he was yelling at you and about to cry after the Kalos incident?!

  
  


**Imabadbitch:** I don’t know why else he would have

**Rockhard:** It finally makes sense why he’s never around

**Imabadbitch** : What? Did you think he was dead or something?

**Treedad:** I may be dead on the inside but I can confirm, I’m very much alive

**Illgladlysteponyou** : Agdladgslahdjshfkslfjsjaldjllsks

Lemonchild: I don’t know what I expected but it wasn’t  **_THAT_ **

**Treedad:** Also, Ash, I expected much better from you name-wise. Your mother would approve of you swearing

**Imabadbitch:** But you’ll let it slide this once, right?

**Treedad:** Fine, but the minute you actually swear while talking, I will tell her

**Imabadbitch** : Deal

**Purebean:** Can you be my parent @ **Treedad**

**Treedad:** Assuming you’re one of my son’s friends, yes

**Imabadbitch:** Oh neato another honorary sibling

**Maskedroyal:** How many do you have?

**Imabadbitch:** Uh… I think Lillie’s the sixth? There’s Misty, Brock, Iris, Clemont, Bonnie, Alain, and now Lillie. So Lillie’s the seventh. 

**MistywithaB:** What about Gary and Paul?

**Imabadbitch** : My mother is a very motherly person to  _ everyone  _ she meets but she has explicitly made it known that you and the others are who she considers her own children. 

**FuckitupSoph:** Who are eight of the eleven people mentioned?

**Imabadbitch:** @ **MistywithaB** is my friend Misty, @ **Rockhard** is Brock, @ **DragonsmakemegoUwU** is Iris, @ **Lemonchild** is Clemont, his sister is Bonnie, @ **Edgyadult** is Alain, @ **Countryboi** is Gary, and @ **Actuallycares™️** is Paul. All of which are good friends of mine. 

**FuckitupSoph** : That kinda answers my question 

**MistywithaB:** Whomst the fuck is Alain

**Treedad** : Why are your friends so vulgar?

**Imabadbitch:** I mean… to be fair Misty is two years older than me?

**Maskedroyal** : I can hear is disappointment and he’s texting

**Purebean** : Am I okay, Mr. Sycamore?

**Treedad** : Of course. That was only directed at Ash about his older friends

**Imabadbitch:** You literally swore in front of me multiple times and  _ they’re _ the vulgar ones

**Treedad:** While that’s true, I never meant to. Also, what’s this about you dying constantly?

**Imabadbitch:** _Who told you_

**Treedad:** Your friends and all you have to do is scroll to the top

**Imabadbitch:** _ BITCH _

**Treedad** left chat  **It’s YOTED**

**Imabadbitch:** wait  _ NO _

  * _••••••••_



**Treedad:** I don’t know what I expected but it sure wasn’t that

**Imabadbitch:** asjflshfls

**Maskedroyal:** Well I just I have blackmail for both of you now and please don’t screech like that again

**MarshMALLOW** : W-what happened

**Maskedroyal** : Absolute chaos but now Professor Sycamore will be helping at the school next week

**MarshMALLOW:** I

**Maskedroyal:** Well That and now Ms. Delia knows every time her son died and that Diantha flirted with her husband once

**Itsbrittanybitch:** Rip Ash and Prof. I how they can rest well.

**Edgyadult changed their name to Alain**

**Alain** : Do I even want to know?

**Maskedroyal:** Not really I think?

**Imabadbitch** : You can literally get up walk over and talk to dad. So if you want to know so badly, ask him

**Alain** :You don’t know that, for all you know I could be in Anistar

**Imabadbitch** : I know for a fact you’re there. Don’t think I’m not aware of your broken arm

**Alain:** Damnit

**Imabadbitch** : Suffer thot

**MistywithaB** : Ash, all due respect, but you’re dad’s a cryptid

**Imabadbitch** : THOT

**Illgladlysteponyou** : On the behalf of everyone who’s known you for years, Misty’s right

**Illgladlysteponyou** :  _ THOT _

**Imabadbitch** : I suddenly can’t read

**Lemonchild** changed  **It’s YOTED** to  **Welcome to Chili’s**

**Imabadbitch** : HOW

**Imabadbitch:** _ I never made you a mod _

**Lemonchild:** Hacking THOT

**Imabadbitch** : I don’t like the song in this Chili’s tonight

**Imabadbitch** : I came here to be attacked but I’m honestly having a good time right now

**MarshMALLOW:** W-what

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : I don’t know what to say but I’m not surprised

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : Hey I found Paul’s diary and half of it is about how much he loves you and honestly same

**Imabadbitch** : Sorry but I’m taken

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : By Whomst 

**Imabadbitch** : The cold clammy hands of death

**Rockhard** :

**Imabadbitch** : No

**Imabadbitch** : You May be my best friend but suffer

**Whowantslasagna:** How can we be really all that sure that Professor Sycamore is your father. You two are quite different

**Imabadbitch** :

**Treedad** : As valid as those things both are,  _ what the fuck _

**Imabadbitch** :  _ The Dadther said the fuck word _

**Treedad** :

**Treedad** : I didn’t raise you to be like this 

**Imabadbitch** : You didn’t even raise me to begin with. You’ve been gone half my life

**Treedad** has logged off  **Welcome to Chili’s**

**Whowantslasagna** : That was a little too far and cut quite deep :/

**Alain** : I know for a fact that next time Sycamore sees him, he’s just gonna hug him

**Alain** : It’s gonna feel like you’re being suffocated

**Imabadbitch** : 1(One) fear

**Alain** : Your dad would willing stab Lysandre for you if you asked

**Alain:** _ I  _ fear him because of how much he worries

  * ••••••••



**MarshMALLOW** : I fear 1(one) man

**Imabadbitch** : He can lift a Gabite, I don’t know what you expected 

**FuckitupSoph** : How is your back not broken

**Imabadbitch** : Have you all never had a genuine hug from your father

**MarshMALLOW** : Brave assumption 

**FuckitupSoph** : uh

**Itabrittanybitch** : Of course

**Imabadbitch** : Based off how everyone’s silent but May

**Imabadbitch** : I will assume no

**Countryboi** : Not everyone has an existent dad like you do

**Imabadbitch** : If you ask nice enough he’ll hug you 

**Imabadbitch** : It’s like having a blanket wrapped around you but it’s flesh and 100+ pounds

**Countryboi** : Tbh a flesh blanket sounds terrifying 

**MistywithaB** : Look our Gary, the giant flesh blanket is looking for food and you fit the bill

**Imabadbitch** : Misty I trusted you 

  * ••••••••



**MistywithaB** : Can we all agree half of us if not all of us have had a thing for Ash when traveling with him

**MistywithaB** has now been muted for the next twenty-four hours

**Lemonchild** : That’s enough of that

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : Just pussy up and admit she’s right

**Imabadbitch** : the song at this Chili’s  _ SCARES _ me

**Imabadbitch** has logged off

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : I’ve never met you irl but would trade you to Giratina for a corn chip


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How do you add pictures and boldedbwords? I realized the names weren’t bolded and the images were missing when I posted last chapter

**Treedad** : Should I be concerned?

**Lemonchild** : If you ever meet Misty irl, have Garchomp yeet her

**Treedad** : No

**Treedad** : What in the great name of Arceus happened

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : Misty being a THOT

**Illgladlysteponyou** was changed to  **Actuallyaqueen**

**Lemonchild** : Serena, I don’t think you realize the implications of your name

**Actuallyaqueen** : Oh no, I do. I would gladly do it with ten inch heels if they don’t shut their fuck

**Rockhard** : @ **Imabadbitch** , your Kalos friends scare me

**Imabadbitch** : Suffer then I guess

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : Hey You’re not dead!

**Imabadbitch** : Not yet

**Treedad** : I’m concerned to know what you’re implying

**Imabadbitch** : I want to jump off the next cliff I’m on

**Treedad** : I think the fuck not

**Imabadbitch** : Then I’ll yeet myself into the nearest volcano 

**Maskedroyal** : No

**Imabadbitch** : You’re not my dad

**Treedad** : But I am and I say no

**Imabadbitch** : Damnit 

**Rockhard** : As your best friend, please stop trying to die

**Imabadbitch** : I only wish for it, but I will listen since you’re my only sane friend 

**Itsbrittanybitch** : What about me?

**Imabadbitch** : You two are my only sane friends

  * ••••••••



**MistywithaB** has been unmuted 

**MistywithaB** : ASKAJDLAHDKAKDL

**MistywithaB** : FUCKING FINALLY 

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : Damn, I was hoping she’d be muted longer

**MistywithaB** : THOT

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : Wow I hope you aren’t this loud or mad irl

**Rockhard** : Sorry Dawn But it’s 10x worse irl :/

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : I’m sorry Brock, my condolences

**MistywithaB** : BITCH

**Itsbrittanybitch** : Misty neither of them are wrong 

**Imwashingmeandmyclothes** : @ **Imabadbitch** , your friends scare me

**Imabadbitch** : They scare me too sometimes but mainly Misty 

**MistywithaB** : AJDLAJDLSHDLCHSLAHFLAHF

**MistywithaB** : THOT

  * ••••••••



**Rockhard** : What’s the mood in this Chili’s tonight, kiddos 

**Imabadbitch** : Fear

**Actuallycare™️** : What happen now dumbass 

**Treedad** : You wanna fight kid?

**Actuallyaqueen** : 1(one) fear

**Imabadbitch** : Dadther is threatening me with bubble wrap

**Rockhard** : Why

**Imabadbitch** : Because I almost died again 

**Actuallycares™️** : are we going to ignore the fact your dad’s threatening me

**Imabadbitch** : Yes because you deserve it Thot

**Countryboi** : His mom, Ash, and I don’t compare him to a mother Kangaskhan for nothing

**Imabadbitch** : My dad is the type of person to face Arceus if my mom or I get hurt

**Rockhard** : 1(one) Fear

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : 1(one) Fear

**Itsbrittanybitch** : 1(one) Fear

**Actuallycares™️** : 1(one) Fear

**Countryboi** : 1(one) Fear

**Imwashingmeandmyclothes** : 1(one) Fear

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : 1(one) Fear

**MarshMALLOW** : 1(one) Fear

**FuckitupSoph** : 1(one) Fear

**Maskedroyal** : Oh at least you didn’t know him as a trainer

**Treedad** : I’m not that bad

**Maskedroyal** : You had the look of murder in your eyes and your Garchomp is fucking terrifying 

**Maskedroyal** : Then again your mother in law’s Kommo-o is even worse

**Treedad** : I recommend you stop there

**Treedad** : We don’t talk about those satan people

**Imabadbitch** : Wait, is Kukui talking about how Nana’s Kommo-o yeeted your parents after they tried crashing your’s and mom’s wedding

**Treedad** : Yes sadly, we don’t talk about my parents

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : OwO? What’s this? Ash has famiwy secwets? Teww me mowe 

**Treedad** : What in the great name of fuck

**Imabadbitch** : I wefuse, I twusted Dawn! ÓwÒ

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : Pwease

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : Bwease

**Imabadbitch** : Fine. My gwandpawents on my dadthews side gweatly dispwove of my momthew and twied to get them spwit up. Evew since then all ties have been cut with them

**Rockhard:** That is hard to read

**Imabadbitch** : Which part Bwock

**Rockhard** : The hellspeak

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : What If that’s how Giratina talks and that’s why he was banish to the Reverse world

**Treedad** : :/ Why are you children like this

**Imabadbitch** : because we’re children :/

**Treedad** : You’re sixteen 

**Imabadbitch** : Still a child :/

  * ••••••••



**Itsbrittanybitch** : Can we all collectively agree TikTok is Vine 2

**Imabadbitch** : Yes

**Rockhard** : Yes

**Actuallyaqueen** : Yes

**Maskedroyal** : Yes

**Treedad** : I don’t know what either of those things are but yes

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : Aside from all the people who treat like musically and lip sync songs, yes

**Itsbrittanybitch** : So E-Girls

**Purebean** : Do you guys just generally ignore that Ash befriends most of not all legendaries and mythicals while almost dying in the process half the time

**Rockhard** : Yes

**MistywithaB** : Definitely 

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : You hit the nail on the head

**Imabadbitch** : No, but actually yes

**Treedad** : I’m getting the damn bubble wrap if any of that shit happens

**Imabadbitch** has added  **Themomthership**

**Imabadbitch:** @ **Themomthership** Dadther keeps swearing

**Themomthership:** I said the same, if not worse than what he said, after the stunt you pulled during the Entei incident

**Treedad** : What Entei incident?

**Imabadbitch** : Mom got kidnapped by Entei at some point during my time in Johto

**Treedad** : …

**Treedad** : I am concerned for both of your well beings

**Itsbrittanybitch:** AKDHALDHKDKGKLFJDLGJA

**Itsbrittanybitch:** oh NOshdlahdkshdlfjaldhsllajdls

**Imabadbitch:** May?

**Itsbrittanybitch** : Max stolE MY PHONE

**Itsbrittanybitch** : You all collectively scarred him and now I’m in trouble. He now knows who your dad is and can’t breath

**Imabadbitch:** Why does everyone collectively panic when they find out who my dad is. He’s not some holy being

**Itsbrittanybitch** : Because you’re dad’s a professor 

**Imabadbitch** : So? Yours is a gym leader

**MistywithaB** : Add Max and let him PERISH

**Imabadbitch** : Adkdlfjskslfjslslfjslaa

**Countryboi** : Isn’t he like… nine?

**Satanicgremlin** has been added to  **Welcome to Chili’s**

**Satanicgremlin** : I’m 11 so shut the fuck up

**Imabadbitch** : dkahdkalfndkskflalajflslfj

**Imabadbitch** : MAX

**Imabadbitch** : Not in my Christian chat

**Satanicgremlin** has been muted

**Themomthership** : Also Ash, don’t give your father a hard time. You did it enough when you were younger. Just holding you after you were born made him cry

**Themomthership** : Not even me nearly breaking his hand made him cry

**Rockhard** : I don’t know what to do with this information

**Imabadbitch** : May I know why

**Themomthership** : Because you we small and born early. When you were really sick when you five he was so worried because you had to be hospitalized

**Countryboi** : Ash was a fragile boi™️ when he was young

**Itsbrittanybitch** : Oh no, we must protect this smol bean

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : Protect the bean, he’s a danger to himself

**Imabadbitch** : I’m taller and older than both of you 

**Alain** : I for one say you’re a danger to yourself and need to protected 

**Imabadbitch:** Alain you thot, I trusted you 

**Alain** : Remember when you passed out mid-battle? That just proves you need to be protected 

**Treedad** : You did what?!

**Imabadbitch** : in my defense, I didn’t get hurt in the end and the situation I was in was caused by Clemont

**Lemonchild** : FLFKLDASJLFSAJLLGK

**Lemonchild** : Thot? Way to throw me under the bus?

**Actuallyaqueen** : Alain, you Thot, are also to blame. You didn’t have to battle Ash and all Clemont was just monitoring Ash and Greninja when they were synced up

**Actuallyaqueen** : You didn’t have to but you did Thot. You put him under the pressure that caused him to pass out

**Maskedroyal** : I recommend you yeet yourself out the nearest window because he isn’t sparing anyone, Alain and Clemont

**Maskedroyal** : In this world it’s yeet or be yoted and you guys are going to be yoted

**FuckitupSoph** : Are we gonna ignore that Professor Kukui is well versed in memes and Professor Sycamore is planning murder

**Imabadbitch** : I’m gonna stop you right there dad, you are not killing anyone

**Imabadbitch** : Also, we ignore Kukui here in general

**Maskedroyal** : Wow… thanks

  * ••••••••



**Whatthefuckkyle** : Idk what’s worse at this point

**Whatthefuckkyle** : Professor Sycamore’s kindness is a facade or that Ash is his son

**Imabadbitch** : Sklfahlgsajlfsahllddfjkkdssjk

**Imabadbitch** : What’s That supposed to mean?!

**MarshMALLOW** : YAY

**MarshMALLOW** : KIAWE’S ON

**Imwashingmeandmyclothes** : He finally has succumbed into the idiocy

**Imabadbitch** : I THOUGHT YOU WERE MY FRIEND 

**Whatthefuckkyle** : Then you thought wrong, Thot

**Imabadbitch** : I came here for a good time but I honestly feel so attacked rn

**DragonsmakemegoUwU:** So…. is the meat blanket similar to that one pop star’s meat dress?

**Imabadbitch** : I thought we dropped that! Let me forget my mistakes

**MistywithaB** : Yes But the blanket is sentient

**Imabadbitch** : You were my friend Iris!

**DragonsmakemegoUwU** : That’s Your mistake :/

**DragonsmakemegoUwU** : Perish I guess

**MistywithaB** : Watch out Ash, the meat blanket is coming for you 

**Imabadbitch** : Shut your fuck

**Imabadbitch** : I will mute you if you aren’t careful 

  * ••••••••



**Jessie** : Prepare for trouble

**James** : Make it double

**Imabadbitch** : Oh for fuck sake

**Jessie** : To protect the world from devastation

**MistywithaB** : I will pay you to shut up

**James** : …. How much?

**Jessie** : Wtf is a ‘meat blanket’

**Imabadbitch** : All my sins since creating this chat

**MistywithaB** : His terrible explication of a hug

**MistywithaB** has been muted

**Imabadbitch** : I warned you

**Satanicgremlin** has been unmuted

**Satanicgremlin** : HDLABDKDKFNALFJDKFLGLSHSLS

**Jessie** : I… I don’t know what I expected 

**Imabadbitch** : I will hunt you down if you aren’t careful

**Jessie** : Yeah right

**Imabadbitch** : I can and will send my dad’s Garchomp after you

**Jessie** : What dad? I thought he left your pathetic ass

**Imabadbitch** : Read up Thot

**Jessie** : Fuck

**Treedad** : You wanna fucking try me

**Countryboi** : He has to modes, dead inside and Mother Kangaskhan

**Imabadbitch** : Run

**Jessie** left  **Welcome to Chili’s**

**Whowantslasagna** : Honest question Professor. Not to come of as rude but when and why did you leave?

**Treedad** : Well I had to leave when he was nine because they needed me back in Kalos. I visit them at least twice a year or when possible for a month at a time. 

**Whowantslasagna** : Did you see him off on his first journey?

**Treedad** : I wish I could’ve but they needed me to stay in Kalos because it was Team Flare first started popping up

**Lemonchild** : SHDLAHFKSJ THAT'S WHY YOU LEFT FOR A MONTH AT A TIME IN SUMMER AND WINTER

**Imabadbitch** : Correct if I’m wrong but isn’t your dad around a lot less? 

**Lemonchild** : At least my friends know who my dad is the moment they met him

**Itsbrittanybitch** : Go argue about your daddy issues elsewhere

**Imabadbitch** : Agdlshfkskfhslslfj BITCH

**Itsbrittanybitch** : Shut up, you love me even for that

**Imabadbitch** : You’re right

**Satanicgremlin** : Are you two dating? 

**Imabadbitch** : Nah, it’s a bromance

**Itsbrittanybitch** : it’s a brot3 if you include Brock

**Rockhard** : I love you guys too

**Satanicgremlin:** What the fuck am I witnessing

**Whowantslasagna** : I true and pure melodic bromance

**Themomthership** : Aw, that’s sweet

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Imabadbitch - Ash  
> MistywithaB- Misty  
> Rockhard- Brock  
> Maybeitsnotmaybeline - Dawn  
> MarshMALLOW - Mallow  
> Lemonchild - Clemont  
> Illgladlysteponyou > Actuallyaqueen - Serena  
> Maskedroyal - Kukui  
> Itsbrittanybitch - May  
> Purebean - Lillie  
> FuckitupSoph - Sophocles  
> Yeetorbeyeeted > Actuallycares™️ - Paul  
> Countryboi- Gary  
> Whowantslasagna - Cilan  
> Themomthership - Delia  
> Satanicgremlin - Max  
> Whatthefuckkyle - Kiawe  
> DragonsmakemegoUwU - Iris


	3. Chapter 3

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : I remember being one of your favorites, what happened to that

**Imabadbitch** : the comment about Paul’s diary

**Imabadbitch** : But don’t worry, you still hold third place as my favorite friend 

**Imabadbitch** : Out of all my friends, I hate Trip the most

**Imabadbitch** : Trip will forever hold last. I may have befriended him but he’s still an ass

  * **••••••••**



**Maskedroyal:** What’s Crackalackin my duderinos

**Maskedroyal** : What’s the mood in this Chili’s tonight 

**Treedad** : I can’t believe I had to read that with my own eyes. I know you’re the youngest Professor at 29 but what the fuck

**Maskedroyal** has been changed to  **Cursed**

**Cursed** : Wouldn’t you like to know weather boy

**Imabadbitch** : I’m sorry but what hell

**MarshMALLOW** : A Floette used aromatherapy on him and it had… some interesting side affects

**Treedad** : So he’s high?

**MarshMALLOW** : No but actually yes?

**Imabadbitch** : ADLSHDLSKAHDLSLSH

**Treedad** : I’m on my way. That’s the last time I’m letting him got to the meadow by himself 

**Imwashingmeandmyclothes** : Remember when you purposely did that, Mallow?

**Imabadbitch** : OwO? Mawwow got purposewy high?

**Imabadbitch** : Omfa, dad just took the deepest most disappointed sigh as he looked at his phone

**Treedad** : You’re all a danger to yourselves

  * ••••••••



**Actuallycares™️** : Is your dad okay?

**Imabadbitch** : If he’s plotting murder, no. If he’s just disappointed, yes

**Satanicgremlin** : I take he’s constantly disappointed in you?

**Imabadbitch** : Aslfjslfjsla

**Treedad** : Believe it or not but no. He’s done better than you at your age and I’m not just extremely disappointed

**Treedad** : Being a Professor is stressful. Being a dad is only stressful because my son is walking disaster

**Rockhard** : That’s only because he’s the Chosen One

**Internallydying** : I can confirm this. The Lugia incident was a disaster

**Treedad** : Which legendaries have you met?

**Imabadbitch** : Most

**Imabadbitch** : I’m sorry father

**Imabadbitch** : Tracy?! Is that you?!

**Internallydying** : Yes. Drawing is just internal dying because you have to just suffer 

**Internallydying** : That or you sell your soul to Giratina

**Imabadbitch** : Wise words my friend

**DragonsmakemegoUwU** : Would ditto be considered a meat blanket?

**Treedad** : I’m sorry but kind of flip flap wack ass question is THAT

**Imabadbitch** : I’m gonna go find Lugia and hope they drown me

**Treedad** : I THINK THE FUCK NOT

**Whowantslasagna** : @ **Themomthership** I’m sorry to disturb you if it’s late or very early but please calm down your husband and small child 

**Themomthership** : Would you two please calm down? 

**Cursed** : He’s calm but he has wrapped Ash in a layer of blankets and bubble wrap

**Treedad** : Torracat is now weighing him down too

**Actuallycares™️** : Oh wow, his dad went through with that threat

**Satanicgremlin** : What threat?

**Actuallycares™️** : That he would wrap him in bubble wrap is he keeps pulling dumb shit

**Treedad** : Y’all are next if you aren’t careful

**Alain** : Agdlkghskdkdjdlak

**Alain** : I thought you saying Y’all was some fever dream buT ITS NOT 

**Lemonchild** : The most professional person in Kalos just said fucking YALL

**Actuallyaqueen** : ASJSDJFSKSFJDKAAL

**Imabadbitch** : Thanks dad you killed them :(

**Treedad** : They can perish then I guess :/

**Themomthership** : Honey we’ve talked about this, don’t upset his friends. 

Itsbrittanybitch: ASHDSAJDLKGSSJL CAN HE BE MY DAD TOO

**Imabadbitch** : Don’t you already have one?

**Itsbrittanybitch** : Yeah but mine’s boring and I don’t mind two dads

**Imabadbitch** : AJSAKLFSJK You’re dad’s a bomb ass gym leader but go off I guess and yes

**Satanicgremlin** : What about me?

**Imabadbitch** : No, perish 

**Itsbrittanybitch** : I

**Itsbrittanybitch** : ADKGKSHSKDJDLAKFKLFJS

  * ••••••••



**Whowantslasagna** : ASH

**Whowantslasagna** : DO CHEESE AND GHOST PEPPERS BELONG ON GARLIC BREAD 

**Imabadbitch** : No I think?

**Imabadbitch** : why do you ask and why me of all people

**Whowantslasagna** : Because while being a living garbage disposal, you have better taste than my brothers

**Imabadbitch** : ahdlahdksjfljdjs

**Imabadbitch** : You listen to ME OVER YOUR BROTHERS 

**Whowantslasagna** : Yes because Chili says anything is good with ghost pepper and Cress likes making this unnecessarily complex 

**Whowantslasagna** : Garlic bread is a dish best made with a loaf of any rustic simple bread, fresh garlic, quality butter, and fresh basil

**Itsbrittanybitch** : gskshslsldhslalsjjd

**Itsbrittanybitch** : IT THIS NORMAL????

**Imabadbitch** : Very normal

**Rockhard** : Misty’s still muted

**Imabadbitch** : Damn, I should probably fix that

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : Please don’t!

**MistywithaB** has been unmuted

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : Damnit

**MistywithaB** : DHALDHAKDJDKAJSKFLSHS THOT

**Imabadbitch** : The only thot I see is you

**MistywithaB** : I thought we were friends

**Imabadbitch:** That changed and now Serena is my fourth favorite

**Actuallyaqueen** : Wow, I’m now higher than Misty

**Rockhard** : Don’t feel special, he only holds Misty pretty high is because fear 

**Imabadbitch** : He’s not wrong

**Whowantslasagna** : CHILI HAS DEFACED THE BEAUTY OF LASAGNA!

**Actuallyaqueen** : W-what?

**Whowantslasagna** : YOU DON’T ADD GODDAMN GHOST PEPPERS TO FUCKING LASAGNA AHDLAHDKSHDLALSJDKFLFLFJSK

**Imabadbitch** : I have felt such a level of disappointment

**Imabadbitch** : Dadther, what is this horrid feeling?

**Treedad** : Your Friend’s brother is living a life of sin

**Treedad** : How does he even taste normal food?

**Whowantslasagna** : he doesn’t. He adds an excessive amount of heat to foods to dean it worth

**Treedad** : He can perish

**Imabadbitch** : HDLAHDLAHDLDLFJAGALFLDJS

**DragonsmakemegoUwU** : How much can you lift Ash because Brock told me that you could carry a larvitar

**Imabadbitch** : Enough to lift the cursed sins of humanity every time I face Arceus

**DragonsmakemegoUwU** : I

**DragonsmakemegoUwU** : GDLFKDHSLSHDLAKSHSLSJDL

**Itsbrittanybitch** : Your brother is insane

**Whowantslasagna** : at least you don’t live with him :/

**DragonsmakemegoUwU** : He’s a THOT

  * ••••••••



**Imabadbitch** : Random fact: My dad caused a family revolt between him and his sibling

**FuckitupSoph** : W-what

**MarshMALLOW** : Please explain

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : OwO! Mowe infowmation on Ash’s famiwy!

**Imabadbitch** : When My parents got married, his brother’s started going against their parents. Dad was 22 at the time meaning his brother was 16-17. 

**Purebean** : Isn’t 22 a bit young to get married?

**Treedad** : We met at age five because our schools made us have pen pals and we stayed pen pals until we were twelve because we started going through the regions together because I wanted to get away from my parents

**Purebean** : Aw, that’s sweet! 

**Imabadbitch** : Anyways so this caused him to just go against his parents. He ended up moving to another region in revolt

**Treedad** : In the end, none of us talk to our parents anymore. They also tried setting me up with someone while I was engaged so that’s another reason :/

**MarshMALLOW** : Your parents sound like shitty people :(

**Treedad** : They are

**Whatthefuckkyle** : So you’re dad had a rebel phase that passed to his brother

**Treedad** : Yes

**Imwashingmeandmyclothes** : Huh

  * ••••••••



**Actuallycares™️** : I don’t like my brother 

**Imabadbitch** : OwO?

**Actuallycares™️** : Stop that 

**Actuallycares™️** : Anyways… Reggie made me go to fucking Alola with him

**Imabadbitch** : ÒwÓ!!!!

**Actuallycares™️** : Why is it so goddamn hot here!

**Actuallycare™️** has been changed to  **Bitchysnowman**

**Bitchysnowman** : ASH

**Imabadbitch** : ÓwÒ? What’s wwong pauw?

**Bitchysnowman** : I’m gonna Fucking fight you 

**Imabadbitch** : meet me on Melemele island then, thot!

  * ••••••••



**Whatthefuckkyle** : Well… That was interesting

**MarshMALLOW** : remind me not to mess with Ash 

**Bitchysnowman** : Goddamnit AKLFSHKLDSKLF NOT AGAIN

**Imabadbitch** : You can’t beat me Thot

**Treedad** : That was an experience 

**Cursed:** I’m sorry but what the fuck. How is that charizard so strong

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline:** What happened? 

**Imabadbitch** : Paul wanted to battle me 3v3 and I won 

**MistywithaB** : And yet you can’t win a league 

**MistywithaB** has been muted

**Rockhard** : Stop picking on Misty

**Imabadbitch** : Never

**Rockhard** : Rip you Then I guess 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Imabadbitch - Ash  
> MistywithaB- Misty  
> Rockhard- Brock  
> Maybeitsnotmaybeline - Dawn  
> MarshMALLOW - Mallow  
> Lemonchild - Clemont  
> Illgladlysteponyou > Actuallyaqueen - Serena  
> Maskedroyal > Cursed - Kukui  
> Itsbrittanybitch - May  
> Purebean - Lillie  
> FuckitupSoph - Sophocles  
> Yeetorbeyeeted > Actuallycares™️ > Bitchysnowman - Paul  
> Countryboi- Gary  
> Whowantslasagna - Cilan  
> Themomthership - Delia  
> Satanicgremlin - Max  
> Whatthefuckkyle - Kiawe  
> DragonsmakemegoUwU - Iris  
> Imwashingmeandmyclothes - Lana  
> Internallydying - Tracy


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys please. How do I add bolded text and images to here

**Imabadbitch** : I’m unsupervised

**Rockhard** : What do you mean

**Imabadbitch** : Dad, Kukui, and Burnet are in Kanto for those annual meetings meaning I’m alone with just my Pokémon

**Rockhard** : Perish I guess?

**Imabadbitch** : Ahdlahdksjfllfjs

**Imabadbitch** : NOT HELPING 

**Itsbrittanybitch** : If dad wasn’t making me watch over the gym, I’d visit you unlike Brock 

**Satanicgremlin** : Just say you wanna visit your boyfriend, it’s truly painful May 

**Itsbrittanybitch** : AHDLAHDK MAX

**Satanicgremlin** : Gotta go, May’s probably gonna go yeet me

**Imabadbitch** : GDLAHDLFJSLDJSLAKHD

**Imabadbitch** : WE’RE NOT DATING

**Lemonchild** : I think I heard Serena’s sanity break. She’s not even on but I can tell

**Imabadbitch** : What the fuck?

**Itsbrittanybitch** : Oh my Arc- MAX IS FUCKING NARUTO RUNNING WHILE GLACEON CHASES HIM

**Imabadbitch** : Pics or it didn’t happen

**Itsbrittanybitch** uploaded file  **FrickinWeeb**

**Imabadbitch** : A legend

**Itsbrittanybitch** : That tiny ASSHOLE’S METAMG YEETED GLACION THROUGH THE DOOR

**Imabadbitch** : Rip him

  * **••••••••**



**Itsbrittanybitch** : Well mom ripped him a new one and now he has to watch over the gym instead of me

**Imabadbitch** : That’s worse then letting a robot run a gym

**Lemonchild** : Sgdlahfksldhdkfl

**Lemonchild** : Thot?

**Actuallyaqueen** : Ash is right Clemont

**Lemonchild** : Shut up you low level E-Girl

**Itsbrittanybitch** : SHFLAHDKDBSLALALFJ

**Actuallyaqueen** : At least I’m more successful than you

**Imabadbitch** : Ladies, Ladies

**Imabadbitch** : There’s no need to fight, you’re both beautiful 

**Itsbrittanybitch** : WHAT A TIME TO BE AWAKE

**Imabadbitch** : Aklsajdgkkd

**Imabadbitch** : What time is it in Hoenn?

**Itsbrittanybitch** : 1 am-ish?

**Itsbrittanybitch** : Also, mom said I could visit you in Alola and I’m leaving tomorrow at like 6 am?

**Imabadbitch** : Oh funky 

**Itsbrittanybitch** : How long will the Professors be gone?

**Imabadbitch** : A week but after the meeting Dad has to go back to Kalos :/

**Itsbrittanybitch** : Rip :/

**Imabadbitch** : Btw, Kukui is fine with you staying

  * ••••••••



**Itsbrittanybitch** : Ashsagkfsajhsa I WAS NOT EXPECTING A 13 HOUR FLIGHT

**Imabadbitch** : Unfortunate

**MarshMALLOW** : O want to meet the child who has Ash’s second place spot 

**MarshMALLOW** : I wanna swipe it from her

**MarshMALLOW** : Maybe get number one

**Imabadbitch** : First of all no Brock will forever have number one in my heart

**Imabadbitch** : second of all, snowball’s chance in hell that you can surpass even Serena and Clemont

**Imabadbitch** : Not to mention I have Torracat and my Rowlet on me and I can’t betray their trust

**Imabadbitch** : I also may or may not have drank milk even though I’m Lactose intolerant

**Itsbrittanybitch** : I can confirm and he said and I quote “I wanna see how much Arceus will let me suffer”

**Itsbrittanybitch** : Turns out for petty shit like this, a lot

**Rockhard** : May try summoning Mew 

**MarshMALLOW:** isn’t Mew a mythical?

**Rockhard** : Yes

**Imabadbitch** : I’m surprised mom and dad haven’t said anything to intervene

**Rockhard** : Yeah it's like 2pm here and the meetings started today so you’re dad’s probably in one

**Countryboi** : They start tomorrow???

**Cursed** : Augustine did mention visiting Delia in the plane here so maybe they’re just spending time with each other 

**Countryboi** : I think if they were just spending time together I think one would’ve intervened by now

**Imabadbitch** : … 

**Imabadbitch** : I’m hunting you down when you come to Alola or when I’m back in Kanto, Gary

**Itsbrittanybitch** has sent file  **Tiredbois**

**Purebean:** Awww 

**Bitchysnowman** : That’s pathetic

**Imabadbitch** : Not as pathetic as your Pokémon in battle 

**Itsbrittanybitch** : akdahlldahklkfsl

**Imabadbitch** : I’m sorry, your Pokémon are great but their trainer not so much :/

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : Holy shit that’s a beautiful roast alsajlldakll

  * ••••••••



**Whowantslasagna** : I’m sorry I’m late but that was a roast so beautiful it could put Siebold’s roasts to shame

**Imabadbitch** : You know what’s more beautiful that that roast?

**Whowantslasagna** : Whomst?

**Imabadbitch** : You

**Bitchysnowman** : That’s gay

**Imabadbitch** : I’m bi but thanks for asking Paul

**Itsbrittanybitch** : AgdlfhaldbslfnslKahdk

**Itsbrittanybitch** : We STAN a king

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : Look at the shade that’s just getting thrown 

**Rockhard** : I would scold you but that was good

  * ••••••••



**Itsbrittanybitch** : Are you still in Alola?

**Bitchysnowman** : Thankfully no

**Itsbrittanybitch** : That Stonks

**Itsbrittanybitch** : I wanted to see ash beat you irl

**Bitchysnowman** : ….

**Bitchysnowman** has left  **Welcome to Chili’s**

**MistywithaB** has been unmuted 

**Welcome to Chili’s** has been changed to  **Arceus great god above end me**

**Imabadbitch** : May, Brock, and Dawn, when I die, I entrust all my Pokémon to you guys

**Imabadbitch** : Once Pikachu, Torracat, and Rowlet wake up from their nap, I’m yeeting myself into the ocean and drowning

**Itsbrittanybitch** : Ash no!

**Rockhard** : Ash, please, don’t leave me with Misty

**MistywithaB** : Ahdlajdkaldjalzhkslajdk

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : Who’s gonna knock down Paul’s ego if you’re gone?!

**Imabadbitch** : Pikachu and Charizard

**Whatthefuckkyle** : Ash’s Charizard honestly scares me

**Itsbrittanybitch** : Oh it should. This beautiful thot beat an Articuno with it

**Whatthefuckkyle** : I want to meet it but it scares me at the same time

**Imabadbitch** : Good

**Imabadbitch** : Anyways, I’m gonna go yeet myself now. Torracat and the others are awake

**MistywithaB** : I’m sorry but is Ash actually gonna attempt death

**MarshMALLOW** : Kukui will be pissed when he finds out

**Cursed** : If I have to explain to Augustine why you died or severely injured, I won’t live long enough to get the first sentence out

**Imabadbitch** : Perish I guess

  * ••••••••



**Itsbrittanybitch** has uploaded file  **Stonks**

**Itsbrittanybitch** : agdlggakdbslgkdkgldjaha

**MistywithaB** : Ash should have known Lugia was gonna jump his ass before he even touched the water

**Itsbrittanybitch** : Ash is just getting furiously hugged and nuzzled by this 476 pound Pokémon 

**Itsbrittanybitch** : I thought I saw all the bullshit he gets into 

**Rockhard** : Then you thought wrong

**Itsbrittanybitch** : APPARENTLY

**Themomthership** : …

**Themomthership** uploaded file  **Dirtychildren**

**Themomthership** : Believe it or not but Augustine and I know better than that and my husband is just a tired man

**Cursed** : I’ve never seen him so at peace in the past two weeks except for when Ash and him fell asleep in the loft after just catching up

**Countryboi** : I-I

**Countryboi** : The man who will literally throw hands in the name of his family is literally just sleeping while laying down with his wife

**Countryboi** : Well I guess we know who the bottom is

**Themomthership** : GARY SHIGERU OAK

**Countryboi** has been muted 

**Lemonchild** : it is 5 am here in Kalos and I didn’t WANT TO FUCKING WAKE UP TO THAT

**Imabadbitch** : And wow, would you look at that. Trip is a better friend than Gary

  * ••••••••



**Treedad:** Out of all the things I wake up to… 

**Treedad** : At least he didn’t swallow shampoo but that would’ve been better to hear

**Imabadbitch** : You think I would swallow soap?

**Treedad** : Yes

**Itsbrittanybitch** : I mean you did swallow toothpaste earlier 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Imabadbitch - Ash  
> MistywithaB- Misty  
> Rockhard- Brock  
> Maybeitsnotmaybeline - Dawn  
> MarshMALLOW - Mallow  
> Lemonchild - Clemont  
> Illgladlysteponyou > Actuallyaqueen - Serena  
> Maskedroyal > Cursed - Kukui  
> Itsbrittanybitch - May  
> Purebean - Lillie  
> FuckitupSoph - Sophocles  
> Yeetorbeyeeted > Actuallycares™️ > Bitchysnowman - Paul  
> Countryboi- Gary  
> Whowantslasagna - Cilan  
> Themomthership - Delia  
> Satanicgremlin - Max  
> Whatthefuckkyle - Kiawe  
> DragonsmakemegoUwU - Iris  
> Imwashingmeandmyclothes - Lana  
> Internallydying - Tracy


	5. Chapter 5

**Cursed** : Be thankful none of you are professors

**Cursed** : The first meeting when on an hour longer because of Rowan and Oak and Augustine was just glaring at Gary when ever the others weren’t looking at him

**Itsbrittanybitch** : agdlhshrldk

**Itsbrittanybitch** : He’s not dead yet?

**Treedad** : He’s still the little shit he was ten years ago

**Itsbrittanybitch** : Oh???? Explain???

**Treedad** : He tried starting a fight with Ash and called him a pansy

**Treedad** : I don’t know where he learned to us it as an insult but I didn’t like that he said it

**Satanicgremlin** : Isn’t Pansy a flower

**Treedad** : Yes But it’s also an insult that should never be used, especially by a six year old

**Imabadbitch** : He pretty much called me a twink

**Satanicgremlin** : agdlshdkshdl

**Itsbrittanybitch** : There are two kinds of people 

**Bitchysnowman** : Gary isn’t wrong 

**Itsbrittanybitch** : Three kinds of people

**Imabadbitch** : You sir, are a dwarven potato that not even a starving Galarian child would eat if his life depended on it. No dignified Sinnohian would dare use you to craft even the cheapest vodka, and Mark Watney would rather launch you into space with Carlos’s feces than use you to survive.

**Satanicgremlin** : Gsglsbslfndlfjdlshajsndk

**Whatthefuckkyle** : Agslfldlgjsgsjslgkfhala

**Whatthefuckkyle** : Ash literally just dragged this man through the dirt

**Whatthefuckkyle** : But tbh… you kinda look like a twink

**Imabadbitch** : Agdkfkslhd I DON’T DIE FOR YOU SHITS JUST TO BE INSULTED

**Countryboi** has been unmute

**Countryboi** has been changed to  **Thoticus**

**Imabadbitch** : I’m giving you one chance to redeem yourself before I yeet you 

**Thoticus** : Your dad looks like a twink

**Treedad** : ….

**Treedad** : Well I’m gonna go get 20 shots of espresso 

**Cursed** : I’m gonna make sure he doesn’t

  * ••••••••



**Itsbrittanybitch** : Agdlalfjlaj

**Itsbrittanybitch** : Mew’s here and neither of us tried summoning them 

**Imabadbitch** : I was feeding the Pokémon and Mew just yoinked Torracat’s food to eat it for themselves

**Imabadbitch** : I’ve never seen a Pokémon so ready to kill 

**Cursed** : IT'S BARELY BEEN TWO DAYS 

**Imabadbitch** : DGALDHSLSHSLDLFJ

**Imabadbitch** : I DIDN’T DO SHIT THIS TIME

**Treedad** :  [ https://youtu.be/5Rh24r1pMtM ](https://youtu.be/5Rh24r1pMtM)

**Imabadbitch** : algsjkdajlldsagjkdsfh

**Imabadbitch** : DAD

**Treedad** : I’m tired of this

**Treedad** : I have another meeting, don’t die

**Imabadbitch** : ALSJKDAAHKDSHKKSFHKGF

**Thoticus** : Didn’t Mew kill you five years ago?

**Imabadbitch** : Yeah But we’re friends now

**Imabadbitch** : Mew has killed me but they’re still a better friend than you 

**Thoticus** : Sgdlfhalfj HOW

**Imabadbitch** : THEY DON’T IMPLY MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING

**Thoticus** : I WAS JOKING 

**Imabadbitch** : And I will end you :)

  * ••••••••



**Imabadbitch** : Hey y’all

**Imabadbitch** : this is really important and you need to see it

**Imabadbitch** :  [ https://youtu.be/y1WlYO2U3k8 ](https://youtu.be/y1WlYO2U3k8)

**Itsbrittanybitch** : ALSJLKSAHGSJLGSGLKSKFHH

**Rockhard** : I can’t believe this

**Treedad** : …

**Treedad** : I crave death

**Thoticus** : a BOP

  * ••••••••



**Imabadbitch** to  **Rockhard** and  **MistywithaB**

**Imabadbitch** : is it ready

**MistywithaB** : Yeeticus

**Rockhard** : Ready when you two are

**Imabadbitch** : Do it when he’s completely oblivious

  * ••••••••



**Treedad** : why THE FUCK did Gary just ungodly screech

**Cursed** : Alsahlkdahll That was Gary?!

**Treedad** : Youngest person here with that annoying of a voice 

**Cursed** : Ash what did you do now

**Imabadbitch** : dhflsgdkgl ME?! 

**Imabadbitch** : I’M MILES AWAY FROM KANTO, I'M STILL IN ALOLA

**Cursed** : I doubt that would stop you

**Thoticus** : Shflahdkgldhslakdhdl

**Thoticus** : MISTY AND BROCK FUCKING YEETED AN ACTUAL MEAT BLANKET AT ME

**Itsbrittanybitch** : I'M LIVING

**Cursed** : You were behind it weren’t you 

**Imabadbitch** : Mayhaps

**Treedad** : You’re a disappointment 

**Imabadbitch:** Thanks dad :-)

**Thoticus** : How the fuck do you even get a hold of a meat blanket

**MistywithaB** : We have our ways

**Rockhard** : I’m not saying anything 

**Thoticus** : Watch Out kiddos

**Thoticus** : You won’t have toes by morning 

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : I don’t know what I woke up to but it’s beautiful 

**Thoticus** : Seriously though, How’d you get a fucking meat blanket

**Thoticus** : OH GREAT NAME OF ARCEUS ITS MOVING BY ITSELF 

**Thoticus** : BROCK MISTY

**Thoticus: GUYS PLEASE**

**Imabadbitch** : :-)

  * ••••••••



**Imwashingmeandmyclothes** : Hey Ash, you wanna come over to Mallow’s? We’re doing Pokémon battles but you have to be as extra as possible 

**Itsbrittanybitch** : Do…

**Itsbrittanybitch** : Do… you mean contest battles

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : Those are contest battles 

**MarshMALLOW** : What type of Contests do you have in fucking Sinnoh and Hoenn???

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : You…

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : You poor poor children

**Purebean** : I’m confused, what are you talking about?

**Itsbrittanybitch** : They’re competitions between Coordinators and the first round is showing of your Pokémon’s abilities. Then who passes goes to the battles and you have to be extra to win

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : That or make your opponent faint

**Itsbrittanybitch** : Last person standing wins a ribbon and when you get five you get to go to the Grand festival

**Actuallyaqueen** : AlshklfsklfaklfgklfJlkddkk

**Actuallyaqueen** : I want those to be in Kalos!

**Imabadbitch** : Didn’t you go to Hoenn for those

**Imabadbitch** : Aren’t you IN Hoenn?

**Actuallyaqueen** : Shut up thot

**Actuallyaqueen** : I went to Hoenn for their showcases

**Imabadbitch** : Gslfjalfhskxhsk of course

**MarshMALLOW** : So are you in or not?

  * ••••••••



**Whatthefuckkyle** : Who came first, Arceus or Mew?

**Imabadbitch** : Yes 

**Whatthefuckkyle** : What do you mean???

**Imabadbitch** : They came at the same time but Mew Merely a second earlier

**Rockhard** : I hope Arceus smites you where you stand

**Imabadbitch** : He gets rid of me, no one can save the world :/

**Whatthefuckkyle** : What the fuck

**Whatthefuckkyle** : I’m active once (1) and you pull this shit

**Rockhard** : He’s done it at least once to everyone

**MistywithaB** : I’ve seen Entei give him a severely disappointed look when he was shitting with Brock by saying that Entei and the others weren’t ever really Pokémon that died in burning of the Brass Tower

**Imabadbitch** : I was a dumb ass 12 year old then, shut up

**Itsbrittanybitch** : So who’s next bitches

**Purebean** : I’d like to try

**Itsbrittanybitch** : Lillie it is >:3

**Imabadbitch** : Beautifly was a mistake to send out

**Whatthefuckkyle** : That was a very different topic change

**MarshMALLOW** : This was a mistake

**MarshMALLOW** : I can’t believe how good May is

**Imabadbitch** : She’s even better in contests

**Imwashingmeandmyclothes** : Proof or your lying

**Imabadbitch** uploaded file  **Gardeniacup**

**MarshMALLOW** : Adjflshdldjslajfkdkslanddlalskskdkld

**Imwashingmeandmyclothes** : I

**Imabadbitch** : Gslfhalgkdlgj

**Imabadbitch** : How is your Beautifly beaten by a Vulpix???

**Itsbrittanybitch** : HDKFKSGDKLGJD BECAUSE I WAS A DUMBASS 

**Imabadbitch** : The Vulpix is a lower level!

**Itsbrittanybitch** : SHUT

**Imabadbitch** : Never

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : What in the great name of Arceus happened

**Imabadbitch** : Lillie’s Vulpix one shotted May’s Beautifly

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : Not surprised, Vulpix is a fire type

**Purebean** : But Snowy’s an ice type?

**Imabadbitch** : Professor Kukui said yours was an Alolan Vulpix for a reason 

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : Dhdlfjsjflsk There’s regional variants?

**Imabadbitch** : No shit Sherlock 

K

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : Shut Your fuck, we weren’t told that by anyone 

**Imabadbitch** : Your loss :/

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : I hope Gible headbutts You in the crotch next time he sees you 

**Imabadbitch** : Don’t be mad at me for not learning :/

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : Leave me be

**Itsbrittanybitch** : Do you have a Lucario yet Ash?

**Imabadbitch** : What do you mean by “Yet”

**Itsbrittanybitch** : Remember the whole ordeal with that Lucario, aura, and you being a descendant of Sir Aaron

**Imabadbitch** : ahflgkfkaj What does that have to do with me catching a Lucario 

**Itsbrittanybitch** : Idk, I just thought you might get one because of everything and maybe you wanted to train your abilities

**Whatthefuckkyle** : What the fuck

**Imabadbitch** : Shflfjsgskfj May I can’t even use it without those gloves and I’m pretty sure I need an actual Aura guardian to train me?

**Itsbrittanybitch** : Then we can find one

**Imabadbitch** : Shflfjsjalfjsbajfldhslfn

**Imabadbitch** : No. it’s not like they exist anymore anyways 

**Whatthefuckkyle** : What the fuck is May talking about

**Imabadbitch** : Something That happened back when we were traveling in Hoenn, nothing important 

**MarshMALLOW** : seems pretty important IF YOUR A DESCENDANT OF SIR AARON

**Imabadbitch** : :/

**Imabadbitch** : I’d rather stay traveling then become an Aura guardian and try being murdered every other week :/

**MarshMALLOW** : Hdlfjskfksldhdlslahekfhdldjflah

  * ••••••••



**Treedad** : Well Gary’s scarred for life, Kukui and Burnet are sleep deprived thanks to your bullshit Ash, and I might be moving back to Kanto for research purposes

**Imabadbitch** : Ahflfhsldjsl What did I do this time 

**Cursed** : Remember the whole ordeal with the ultra beasts, Lunala, and Solgaleo?

**Imabadbitch** : Tgalfkfdkfhsehkd That wasn’t my fault!

**Treedad** : Doubt

**Imabadbitch** : BETRAYED BY MY OWN FATHER

**Treedad** : Perish

**Imabadbitch** : ahdlfksgdlfkfhskd

**Rockhard** : If you’re coming back to Kanto, that means some of us can finally meet you 

**Treedad** : … We met not that long ago

**MistywithaB** : Your point?

**Imabadbitch** : My dad is a normal human being. While he would face Arceus and Mewtwo at the same time with a switchblade, he still makes horrible mistakes like the rest of us

**Imabadbitch** : After all

**Imabadbitch** : I’m his biggest mistake :)

**Cursed** : You act like your father wouldn’t do it with a butter knife 

**Imabadbitch** : He has better standards than that

**Treedad** : …

  * ••••••••



Private conversation between  **Treedad** and  **Imabadbitch**

**Treedad** : Ash is something wrong

**Treedad** : I know you were never got over me having to leave 

**Imabadbitch** : I’m about as happy as Garchomp was when he was being controlled by Team Rocket

**Treedad** : Ash, What’s bothering you. I know for a fact you’re never self deprecating to this point. I have never thought that you were a mistake. If it’s about what I said earlier, I’m sorry. I never was serious and I should have made it clear. 

**Imabadbitch** : It wasn’t that, I know how you mess with people sometimes and I’ve never had a problem with it

**Treedad** : Then what? Is it about me not being around much? You know that it’s not intentional. If I had more of a say in the matter, I would’ve stayed. You and your mother mean the world to me and marrying her and having a son were never a mistake. 

**Imabadbitch** : Then what am I supposed to think every time you leave? You rarely call and I doubt you call mom much too. The most you’ve talked to me was when I was in Kalos and when I made this chat. 

**Treedad** : I’ve tried calling you, everytime Delia tells me your in a city, I try to call you from their Pokécenter. I end up missing you by a few hours because sometimes I don’t get called till later or I’m in the middle of working on something when I’m called. 

**Treedad** : You mean the absolute world to me and I’m so sorry I upset you. I will talk to the league about this after tomorrow’s meeting with Kalos and Kanto’s

**Treedad** : You can call me whenever you feel like, even if that means you call me at the dead of night, I’ll answer

**Imabadbitch** : Really?

**Treedad** : Of course, you are my son and I’d do anything for you. If it’s me getting up at twelve in the morning to talk or facing Arceus with a butter knife, I’ll do it for you. 

**Imabadbitch** : … I’m sorry for getting mad at you. I know how your work can be and it’s not just something you can just drop. 

**Treedad** : You don’t need to apologize, Ash. I should’ve talked to you about this long ago. I should be apologizing. 

**Imabadbitch:** No, it’s fine dad. I guess you should call it a night since it’s almost eleven there. 

**Treedad** : It’s fine if up longer if you still need to talk, Ash. I said I would if you need me to

**Imabadbitch** : No, it’s fine

**Treedad** : If you say so, call if you want to talk later. Meetings don’t start until then since today’s ran longer for everyone

**Imabadbitch** : Okay, dad. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Imabadbitch - Ash  
> MistywithaB- Misty  
> Rockhard- Brock  
> Maybeitsnotmaybeline - Dawn  
> MarshMALLOW - Mallow  
> Lemonchild - Clemont  
> Illgladlysteponyou > Actuallyaqueen - Serena  
> Maskedroyal > Cursed - Kukui  
> Itsbrittanybitch - May  
> Purebean - Lillie  
> FuckitupSoph - Sophocles  
> Yeetorbeyeeted > Actuallycares™️ > Bitchysnowman - Paul  
> Countryboi- Gary  
> Whowantslasagna - Cilan  
> Themomthership - Delia  
> Satanicgremlin - Max  
> Whatthefuckkyle - Kiawe  
> DragonsmakemegoUwU - Iris  
> Imwashingmeandmyclothes - Lana  
> Internallydying - Tracy
> 
> Credit to my brother, CommanderNexus0, for Ash’s insult towards Paul


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So uh.... Last chapter was actually indeed written on full sleep deprivation and also part of this chapter? Uhhh I may or may not have 10 hours of sleep over the course of a two days prior to chapter 5 being released.......

**Imabadbitch** : Ajldjlshkhdgk

**Imabadbitch** : GUYS IM FINE

**Itsbrittanybitch** : THEN WHY WERE YOU CRYING

**Imabadbitch** : I don’t have to tell you anything 

**Itsbrittanybitch** : Blease

**Itsbrittanybitch** : OH ajkdhkj

**Itsbrittanybitch** : Can I hug you Are will you take my hand off

**Imabadbitch** : I won’t but Torracat will

**Itsbrittanybitch** : ajldagkgsfjmds I didn’t realize they were on you 

**Imabadbitch** : How, Torracat’s a large black and red lump on me

**Itsbrittanybitch** : Silence Thot 

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : Wait, why were you crying 

**Imabadbitch** : I’m only telling May because she won’t be a thot about it and rat me out

**Imabadbitch** : And I can verbally threaten her to keep it a secret 

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : Such little trust

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : But that’s fair I guess

  * ••••••••



**Treedad** : This just in, the head of the leagues are old heartless people who don’t have children much less a family in general 

**Cursed** : Sucks to you :/

**Treedad** : Easy for you to say

**Cursed** : Sgdlgjdksjgl Oh?

**Treedad** : I rarely see my family unlike you

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : I apologize but shots have been fired

**Imabadbitch** : if you two fight, I’m bringing Burnet and Mom on here

**Cursed** : Then have them move to Kalos?

**Treedad** : …

**Imabadbitch** : @Themomthership @Inyourdreams

**Imabadbitch** : Please control your rowdy husbands

**Themomthership** : August, please don’t get mad, just ignore him right now. If he continues, I will have Mimey deal with him :)

**Inyourdreams** : Yes, and I’ll let her, honey. Husband or not

**Themomthership** : Also, like I’ve said before, neither Ash or I mind moving to Kalos 

**Treedad** : I know but I don’t want to make you move just because of my job and Pallet town has been your home for years

**Themomthership** : While Pallet Town May be where I was born and raised, my home is with you 

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : Ash your Mom and Dad are saps and so sweet! They’re gonna make me cry

**Imabadbitch** : Mom’s right, I don’t at all mind moving to Kalos, I’ll be closer to you after all

**Imabadbitch** : Then parish, Dawn

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : Wow, the whole family’s gonna make me cry. Ash in more reason than one

**Imabadbitch** : :)

**MarshMALLOW** : Ash, you and your friends are… interesting 

**Imabadbitch** : Alagkddkhdkj

**Imabadbitch** : I traveled a whole region or multiple regions for some, we’ve got quite the dynamic. 

**Imwashingmeandmyclothes** : Who did you travel with in what regions?

**Imabadbitch** : I went with Misty and Brock through Kanto and Johto, with Brock, Max, and May through Hoenn, with Brock and Dawn through Sinnoh, With Iris and Cilan through Unova, and Serena, Clemont, and Bonnie through Kalos

**Imabadbitch** : I’m surprised Brock went through with my shit for four years

**Rockhard** : Someone had to keep an eye on you 

**Imabadbitch** : True But you didn’t it bc you love me

**Rockhard** : What if I don’t and Arceus is just making me suffer for my sins

**Imabadbitch** : Perish then 

**MarshMALLOW** : Wtf

**MarshMALLOW** : Goes from Augustine ready to stab his cowork, to Ash’s parents being total saps, to Aah making people suffer 

**Imabadbitch** : Shhhh

**MarshMALLOW** : @TheMomthership can you be my mom please

**Themomthership** : Oh course, I don’t mind being a mom to my sons friends

**Itsbrittanybitch** : Shflshfkdhsl Ash’s parents will honorary adopt anyone if they ask

**Itsbrittanybitch** : Also Ash is suffering because Torracat’s napping on him now

**Imabadbitch** : Shake the food container, maybe they’ll get off that way

**Itsbrittanybitch** : No, Perish

  * ••••••••



**MarshMALLOW** : Hey do any of y’all in Alola wanna go to Ula’ula w/ me?

**Imabadbitch** : Sure, how come?

**MarshMALLOW** : I wanna get a Phantump

**Imwashingmeandmyclothes** : She wants to battle Acerola 

**Imabadbitch** : Not surprised™️

**MarshMALLOW** : Shush You

  * ••••••••



**Itsbrittanybitch** : Oh my fucking god

**Itsbrittanybitch** : When Mallow said she wanted to fight- OH FUCK

**Rockhard** : ?

**Rockhard** : May? Did something happen? 

**Satanicgremlin** : May? What’s going on

**Itsbrittanybitch** : Ash Just got thrown OFF THE SIDE OF THE CLEARING

**Rockhard** : Wait what? May?

**Itsbrittanybitch** : WE WERE IN A CLEARING WHILE MALLOW AND ACEROLA WERE FIGHTING AND THE AN ANGRY RATICATE 

**Itsbrittanybitch** : ASH DIDN’T SEE IT RIGHT AWAY AND IT HEADBUTTED HIM OFF THE SIDE

**Itsbrittanybitch** : WE WERE FAR FROM THE EDGE BUT THIS THING WAS SO MAD THAT IT JUST THREW HIM OFF. MALLOW AND ACEROLA DEALT WITH IT WHILE LANA AND KIAWE WENT TO GO GET HIM

**Rockhard:** What! Is he okay?!

**Whatthefuckkyle** : He’s bleeding on the back of his head and barely breathing

**Imwashingmeandmyclothes** : Oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no

**MarshMALLOW** : Kukui and Sycamore are gonna kill us and Sycamore’s gonna give us hell if he dies!

**Itsbrittanybitch** : Brock, please don’t tell them!

**Whatthefuckkyle** : Fuck! He stopped breathing and he won’t wake up

**Rockhard** : affjflshslshf just give him an hour, he’ll be fine

**Whatthefuckkyle** : WHY ARE YOU SO CALM

**Whatthefuckkyle:** YOUR BEST FRIEND IS DIED

**Cursed** : @ **Itsbrittanybitch** to late

**Cursed** : @ **Rockhard** I hope Augustine yoinks you off a cliff

  * ••••••••



Augustine wasn’t sure what to expect when Kukui burst into the meeting room panicked and almost crying. When he heard the words come from his mouth, it felt like he had just been punched in the stomach and had bricks thrown at him. He didn’t know what to say and he felt the tears start to fall. The people around him fell silent. 

“Sycamore, don’t act brash now. I know he’s your son but you need to stay calm right now. Kukui, what caused this?” One of the older heads of the international Pokémon league who keeps eye of The Kalos league.

“Ash-“

“Stay calm? Are you insane?” Sycamore yells, tears running freely down his face, “I know that you don’t have children of your own senile woman but have some empathy! God, I knew I shouldn’t have left him by himself,” 

“Augustine! I know you’re upset, but please! This wasn’t in your control!” Kukui says, “Ash was randomly attacked! There’s nothing that could’ve helped prevent this!”

“YOU DON’T KNOW THAT!” Sycamore yelled, “There could have been something that could have changed the outcome!”

“And if there wasn’t? Then what? You can go back in time and it could’ve been someone else’s kid! Don’t make this situation any worse than it is, your son’s friends are all upset and distraught right now.”

“This meeting will be put on hold till later. Kukui, go calm down Sycamore,” Diantha. She turns to the rest of them, “I know you may not like this but the news hit Augustine like a sack of bricks. Much like if was your child. If you can’t respect that, I won’t hold back on stopping you if you try anything.”

Kukui had pulled him out of the room. He immediately fell to the ground, crying his eyes out. He had always been worried about his son but now his worst nightmare had come true. He hadn’t cried this hard since his son was close to death at age five. Then he was so sick he was hospitalized and know he was dead because of a Pokémon attack. 

He wasn’t sure how long he’d been crying but it was long enough for Delia to arrive. She held him tightly. Professor Oak had heard from Gary and immediately went to go get her. 

“I-I’m so sorry Delia, it’s my fault Delia! He’s gone and it’s my fault!” he sobbed. She held him tighter as he cried. 

“Oh Augustine, please don’t blame yourself,” She says softly, “I know you’re upset, so am I but blaming yourself won’t bring him back. I’m sure he doesn’t blame you at all for what happened, he loves you too much and you were so far away that not even leaving Garchomp could’ve prevented it.”

“What if it could’ve? He was attacked by a Raticate, what is he could’ve stopped the Raticate before it attacked Ash?”

“You didn’t expect that to happen, no one did. Please don’t beat yourself up for it, Ash will be upset if you do,” Delia says as she hold he crying husband close. 

  * ••••••••



**Treedad** : Everyone who’s fucking involved, I won’t hesitate it making your life a living fucking hell

**Treedad** : I don’t know what you were even thinking going somewhere so close to a cliff that you could fall and die from. 

**Cursed** : I swear to god, he spent two hours crying. If any one of you say some rude ass shit, I will let him and Delia tear into you.

**MarshMALLOW** : HOW DO YOU THINK WE FEEL

**MarshMALLOW** : Lana, Kiawe, Acerola, May and I all just saw Ash fall and die while being unable to help even though we were with him!

**MarshMALLOW** : DAD OR NOT, YOU CAN’T JUST YELL AT US. WE DIDN’T MEAN FOR ANY OF THIS TO HAPPEN!

**Imwashingmeandmyclothes** : Mallow, Professors, please calm down, no one expected this or wanted this to happen. No one here’s to blame. While Brock doesn’t seem as affected I’m sure he’s hurting as just as much. We were all close to him. For now just take some time to yourself, this hit hard to all of us here

  * ••••••••



**Imabadbitch** has uploaded file  **Ilivedbitches**

**Imabadbitch** : I’m a bad bitch, you can’t kill me

**Rockhard** : I fucking CALLED IT

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Imabadbitch - Ash  
> MistywithaB- Misty  
> Rockhard- Brock  
> Maybeitsnotmaybeline - Dawn  
> MarshMALLOW - Mallow  
> Lemonchild - Clemont  
> Illgladlysteponyou > Actuallyaqueen - Serena  
> Maskedroyal > Cursed - Kukui  
> Itsbrittanybitch - May  
> Purebean - Lillie  
> FuckitupSoph - Sophocles  
> Yeetorbeyeeted > Actuallycares™️ > Bitchysnowman - Paul  
> Countryboi > Thoticus - Gary  
> Whowantslasagna - Cilan  
> Themomthership - Delia  
> Satanicgremlin - Max  
> Whatthefuckkyle - Kiawe  
> DragonsmakemegoUwU - Iris  
> Imwashingmeandmyclothes - Lana  
> Internallydying - Tracy  
> Inyourdreams - Burnet
> 
> •••••••••
> 
> Slsgkhfhsajlhd So I’m considering adding Advancedshipping(MayxAsh). Speak now on whether or not you want it.


	7. Not a chapter

Sorry to be a thot but this is just a quick update. I was a dumbass and didn’t realize that using rich text meant you don’t have to use HTML so now stuff is bolded. When I have more patience, I will add the pictures from the first chapter. The links in chapter five now work too


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Imabadbitch - Ash  
> MistywithaB- Misty  
> Rockhard- Brock  
> Maybeitsnotmaybeline - Dawn  
> MarshMALLOW - Mallow  
> Lemonchild - Clemont  
> Illgladlysteponyou > Actuallyaqueen - Serena  
> Maskedroyal > Cursed - Kukui  
> Itsbrittanybitch - May  
> Purebean - Lillie  
> FuckitupSoph - Sophocles  
> Yeetorbeyeeted > Actuallycares™️ > Bitchysnowman - Paul  
> Countryboi > Thoticus - Gary  
> Whowantslasagna - Cilan  
> Themomthership - Delia  
> Satanicgremlin - Max  
> Whatthefuckkyle - Kiawe  
> DragonsmakemegoUwU - Iris  
> Imwashingmeandmyclothes - Lana  
> Internallydying - Tracy  
> Inyourdreams - Burnet

**Cursed** : I can’t fucking Believe you sometimes

**Imabadbitch** : That’s fair

**Cursed** : Your dad also passed the fuck out

**Imabadbitch** : Oof

**Itsbrittanybitch** : IM GONNA KILL YOU 

**Imabadbitch** : Raticate already tried and look how it turned out

**MistywithaB** : Gsglufjglsgdkgklgkfhs

**MistywithaB** : I hope you’re grounded by your dad and get wrapped in bubble wrap again

**Thoticus** : Seeing How you often cheat death, can you be considered a cheater

**Imabadbitch** : Not another word from your dumbass

**Thoticus** : At least I didn’t die

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : Ash broke his record of how long he’s dead

**Imabadbitch** : I now have Xerneas on my ass for dying again

**Alain** : I didn’t sign up for heart attacks when becoming your friend

**Imabadbitch** : :/ Suffer I guess 

**Lemonchild** : So being yeeted off a cliff kills you but not the Kalos incident

**Imabadbitch** : I guess :/

**Actuallyaqueen** : I’m gonna fucking stab you next time I see you and cry too

**Imabadbitch** : Arceus would smite you if you tried

**Imabadbitch** : Speaking Of smiting people, Arceus will smite you where you stand next time you say something rude @ **Thoticus**

**Thoticus** : Thanks for the heads up

**Actuallyaqueen** : Shfhehflgkdbgllahdkglsk

**Actuallyaqueen** : What the fuck

**DragonsmakemegoUwU** : What the fuck did I wake up to

**Whowantslasagna** : Hey Ash, what the fuck 

**Imabadbitch** : That’s right, you two never witnessed me died and be resurrected

**DragonsmakemegoUwU** : Oh god what in the living name of FUCK

**Cursed** : IS THIS WHY YOU WERE SO CALM

**Cursed** : YOU KNEW HE’D BE BROUGHT BACK

**Cursed** : @ **Themomthership**

**Themomthership** : :)

**Cursed** : :(

**Imabadbitch** : Mom’s dealt with my bullshit for years

**Imabadbitch** : She knows that I’m the chosen one

**MarshMALLOW** : #Notmychosenone

**Imabadbitch** : :(

**MarshMALLOW** : DON’T GIVE THAT FACE THOT! YOU SCARED THE SHIT OUT ALL OF US

**Imabadbitch** : Sgdlghsnfjg

**Imabadbitch** : IT WAS THE FIRST THING I SAID WHEN I CREATED THIS CHAT

**Imabadbitch** : YOU JUST HAVE SHIT MEMORY

**Imabadbitch** : Shfjdhdlgjdjdfhksl

**Imwashingmeandmyclothes** : YOU WERE KILLED BY LEGENDARIES THEN

**Imwashingmeandmyclothes** : YOU FELL OF A CLIFF THIS TIME AND WE WEREN’T CERTAIN IF YOU’D MAKE IT THIS TIME

**Imabadbitch** : :( 

**Imabadbitch** : I’m sorry Lana, I didn’t mean to scare you

**MarshMALLOW** : You apologize to Lana but not us?

**Imabadbitch** : Yes

**FuckitupSoph** : Shfjfjdlfjdjfkk What in the great name of Arceus

**FuckitupSoph** : The more I learn about Ash to more worried I become

**Imabadbitch** : :) Would you like to know about the time I met Mew and Mewtwo then got murdered

**FuckitupSoph** : HEY WHAT THE FUCK

**Imabadbitch** : :’(

**Imabadbitch** : It’s not as bad as it sounds

**Imabadbitch** : They’re chill dudes now

**Rockhard** : That’s the first time we learned that he would be killed and resurrected 

**MistywithaB** : He almost stayed dead too

**Cursed** : And would you look at that, Augustine’s wake and the whole damn league knows you’re the chosen one

**Treedad** : If it weren’t for the fact that I’d be smited immediately, I would challenge Arceus for all this bullshit

**Imabadbitch** : Please don’t be mad

**Treedad** : Tough luck

**Imabadbitch** : :(

**Themomthership** : :(

**Alain** : :(

**Purebean** : :(

**MistywithaB** : :(

**Rockhard** : :(

**DragonsmakemegoUwU** : :(

**Lemonchild** : :(

**Treedad** : …

**Treedad** : You aren’t in trouble but I’m still not happy

**MarshMALLOW** : Make him  _ PERISH _

**Imabadbitch** : :(

**MarshMALLOW** : :)

**Imabadbitch** : Wow

**Imabadbitch** : Thot

  * ••••••••



**Bitchysnowman** : I THOUGHT YOU WERE FUCKING JOKING 

**itsbrittanybitch** : That’s a Brave assumption

**Imabadbitch** : Paul, I know you’re not around my bullshit often but we’ve discussed this

**Imabadbitch** : You were even vocal about your concerns when this was first brought up

**Bitchysnowman** : Yeah! 

**Bitchysnowman** : But I didn’t think you were actually serious

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** :  _ FOOL _

**Bitchysnowman** : Shut Your fuck

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : I know where you live and I’ll fight you >:(

**Whatthefuckkyle** : What does #Notmychosenone even mean

**MarshMALLOW** : This trickass bullshit bitch is not my Chosen One

**MarshMALLOW** : He likes Lana more than us

**Imabadbitch** : No, she’s the only one of you who had a reason to be mad at me :(

**Imabadbitch** : You also wanna replace Brock and May which is a big no from me

**MarshMALLOW** : Shclgjxbflgldhflf I WAS JOKING

**Imabadbitch** : Perish my friend 

**MarshMALLOW** : :( Kiawe help me

**Whatthefuckkyle** : No, this is why I’m not on often

**Whatthefuckkyle** : You all argue too much

**Imabadbitch** : It’s just playful jabs at each other :(

**Imabadbitch** : We’re all still friends at the end of the day

**Whatthefuckkyle** : Oh really?

**Whatthefuckkyle** : What about Gary?

**Imabadbitch** : That was warranted

**Whatthefuckkyle** : Fair Enough 

**Thoticus** : Wow

**Thoticus** : I’m your friend for years and this is what I get?

**Thoticus** : Rude

**Imabadbitch** : That’s what you get for implying my parents when they were just cuddling :)

**Imabadbitch** : Your punishment will be worse if you say anything about my parents sex life again

**Imabadbitch** : That’s a topic that will get you smited immediately

**Rockhard** : Gdjfkflglgjsgahfj

**Rockhard** : What the fuck happened while you were dead

**Imabadbitch** : Arceus agreeing to smiting anyone for me as long as it’s warranted :)

**Imabadbitch** : Watch Out @ **MarshMALLOW** @ **Thoticus**

**MarshMALLOW** : 1(one) fear

  * ••••••••



**Actuallyaqueen** : Is it me or does Lysandre look like a Pyroar furry?

**Treedad** : We do not talk about the Bitchface McFuck Furry In this hell hole

**Imabadbitch** : Aglddjjfkldghdgllfjk

**Lemonchild** : I mean… she not wrong, Professor

**Imabadbitch** : BITCHFACE MCFUCK FURRY

**Imabadbitch** : AJLDFJLFFKLFYKDFOLG

**Treedad** : You attack my home, my son, and try killing the whole world

**Treedad** : You’re going to be called Bitchface McFuck Furry

**Whowantslasagna** : Ash, your father is like watermelon with pepper flakes. A nice subtle and familiar flavor but with a surprising kick

**Treedad** : I…. what?

**DragonsmakemegoUwU** : He says you have an interesting personality

**Treedad** : Okay…

**Lemonchild** : ajfflk FUCKING FINALLY 

**Lemonchild** : SOMEONE ELSE WHO DOESN’T UNDERSTAND CILAN

**Imabadbitch** : Clemont, Cilan, you two are killing me 

**Imabadbitch** : it’s only 7 at night and I’m dead tired already

**Itsbrittanybitch** : Well you did die and meet Arceus 

**Imabadbitch** : agkjsgllgshkl

**Imabadbitch** : That has nothing to do with it

**Itsbrittanybitch** : Okay, fair

  * ••••••••



**Cursed** : I’m ready to just yeet myself off the tallest building

**Cursed** : These meetings suck and hate almost everyone here

**Inyourdreams** : He’s Just mad because he has a five o’clock meeting

**Treedad** : We all have at one point, he can perish 

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : this is… interesting to say the least

**Imabadbitch** : I’m sorry but perish @ **Cursed**

**Cursed** : I hope Torracat sleeps on you all day

**Imabadbitch:** :(

**Imabadbitch** : Rude

**Bitchysnowman** : You can just push it off when you need to get up?

**Imabadbitch** : Like any other feline Pokémon, you can’t break their trust 

**Imabadbitch** : If you do, I hope you like sharp claws in your thighs

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : I once did that to Glameow but that was a mistake and a half

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : She refused to acknowledge me for three weeks

**Imabadbitch** : Feline Pokemon are weird and easy to accidentally betray

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : Damn straight

  * ••••••••



**MarshMALLOW** : Ash, is it true that you threw yourself off Lumiose Tower to save Pikachu after you went up there to save a Garchomp

**Imabadbitch** : Mallow, it’s two am

**MarshMALLOW** : Yeah…. But is it true?

**Treedad** : Yes He did and collectively gave everyone a heart attack

**Imabadbitch** : Either Garchomp gets seriously hurt or die or it’s me who does it

**Imabadbitch** : Even then I’d be resurrected if I die

**Treedad** : … You’re a headache

**Imabadbitch** : Yeah But you still care about me

**MarshMALLOW** : Who’s Garchomp was it and what even caused it? 

**Imabadbitch** : Garchomp is my dad’s Pokémon and it was Team Rocket being THOTS

**MarshMALLOW** : Aren’t they always thots?

**Imabadbitch** : Yes

**Cursed** : I will be the parent because the actual parent won’t

**Cursed** : You two go to bed, it’s late and you shouldn’t be up to begin with 

**MarshMALLOW** : No thanks I’m good

**Treedad** : At least try to get some sleep

**Treedad** : @ **Cursed** I can see things you can’t and Ash has a valid reason to be up

**Cursed** : That’s why it takes you two longer to respond! 

**Treedad** : If you come over here just to see my private messages, I will kick you

**Cursed** : Damnit

**Imabadbitch** : Akldsullfxjlkghll

**MarshMALLOW** : OwO What’s this? The pwofessor feews thweatened by Ash’s Dad?

**Cursed** : He’s Taller than me and I’m pretty sure he’s mainly leg

**Treedad** : I hope you feel threatened

**Cursed** : Rude

**Imabadbitch** : I’m going to bed, I don’t need this stress

**Cursed** : AHLLDSHLLGHGDS

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The nickname list has been moved to the top of the chapter for convenience


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Imabadbitch - Ash  
> MistywithaB- Misty  
> Rockhard- Brock  
> Maybeitsnotmaybeline - Dawn  
> MarshMALLOW - Mallow  
> Lemonchild - Clemont  
> Illgladlysteponyou > Actuallyaqueen - Serena  
> Maskedroyal > Cursed - Kukui  
> Itsbrittanybitch - May  
> Purebean - Lillie  
> FuckitupSoph - Sophocles  
> Yeetorbeyeeted > Actuallycares™️ > Bitchysnowman - Paul  
> Countryboi > Thoticus - Gary  
> Whowantslasagna - Cilan  
> Themomthership - Delia  
> Satanicgremlin - Max  
> Whatthefuckkyle - Kiawe  
> DragonsmakemegoUwU - Iris  
> Imwashingmeandmyclothes - Lana  
> Internallydying - Tracy  
> Inyourdreams - Burnet  
> ChaoticNeutral - Norman  
> Honoraryparent - Alain

**Lemonchild** uploaded file  **leeeeeg**

**Imabadbitch** : Hey Clemont, WHAT THE FUCK

**Actuallyaqueen** : I’m gonna stab you Clemont

**Alain** : I hope Sycamore yeets You when he sees it

**Lemonchild** : :)

**Imabadbitch** : You’re cursed

**Imabadbitch** : Don’t give us that look

**Lemomchild** : :(

**Imabadbitch** : Perish 

**Alain** : Was this image really necessary?

**Lemonchild** : Absolutely

**Itsbrittanybitch** : Your next on my kill list :)

**Imabadbitch** : ajkdgolfgousskpfj

**Imabadbitch** : You have a kill list?

**Itsbrittanybitch** : Yes and Clemont and that Raticate are on it

**Imabadbitch** : hlfsildsduljg

**Itsbrittanybitch** : I’m killing them both since your dad can’t

**Imabadbitch** : What the FUCK

**Itsbrittanybitch** : :)

**Lemonchild** : :(

  * ••••••••



**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : What’s the mood in this Chili’s tonight

**Itsbrittanybitch** : Murder :)

**Imabadbitch** : May no

**Itsbrittanybitch** : MAY YES

**lemonchild** : I don’t like the song playing in this Chili’s

**Alain** : I mean…

**Alain** : This could’ve been avoided :/

**Lemonchild** : :(

**Lemonchild** : Ash will protect me, right?

**Imabadbitch** : No I won’t 

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : Rip Clemont

**Whatthefuckkyle** : Ash… are you and your friends okay?

**Imabadbitch:** Physically, Yes 

**Imabadbitch** : Mentally, no

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : All of us have faced death at least once and met some god, so no

**MarshMALLOW** : So you all have faced death… but only Ash ever dies?

**Imabadbitch** : Yes

**Rockhard** : He jumps right into danger so he’s just more likely to die

**Imwashingmeandmyclothes** : I…

**Rockhard** : Ash is a highly questionable person

**Imabadbitch** : Rude

**Imabadbitch** : At least I’m not a thot or E-Boy

**MarshMALLOW** : Ajkshlhdhkdskkgklhll

**Whatthefuckkyle** : Dear lord, where are the adults when you need them?

**Imabadbitch** : Being adults 

**MistywithaB** : Dying inside

**Rockhard** : Being a parent to their siblings since the actual parents won’t

**Imabadbitch** : Your parents can perish :/

**Rockhard** : Pretty much

  * ••••••••



**Imabadbitch** : Do you ever wonder if the legendaries have a human form so they can just walk around Earth normally without having to deal with the bullshit of people trying to catch them?

**Treedad** : First of all

**Treedad** : What the fuck Clemont

**Treedad** : Second of all, wtf did that even come from

**Itsbrittanybitch** : He hasn’t slept in two days 

**Itsbrittanybitch** : The most sleep he’s got was when Torracat temporary smothered him while napping on him

**Treedad** : @ **Imabadbitch** is it the same reason you were up at 2 am the other night?

**Imabadbitch** : …..

**Imabadbitch** : Mayhaps

**Treedad** : Do you want to talk about it?

**Imabadbitch** : Isn’t it late in Kanto right now.

**Treedad** : Yes But like I said before I would stay up past midnight for you

**Imabadbitch** : What if I don't want to tell you? 

**Treedad** : I will respect that but I will fight Arceus because I’m 99% sure he has to do with

**Itsbrittanybitch** : Bdjfkfhsjfj

**Imabadbitch:** Don’t get smited

**Itsbrittanybitch** : Are you going to let him fight Arceus?

**Imabadbitch** : Yes But I’ll help him

**Treedad** : So it does have to do with Arceus

**Imabadbitch:** Arceus keeps throwing shit that’s gonna get me killed towards me

**Imabadbitch** : So no shit

**Thoticus** : Next him you see Arceus

**Thoticus** : You look him in the eye and tell him to fuck off and let you live a relatively normal life with out having to worry about dying every time you go to a new region 

**Internallydying** : Is Gary… actually giving reasonable advice?

**Internallydying** : It’s not good advice but it’s for once is reasonable….

**Thoticus** : Wouldn’t you like to know weather boy

**Internallydying** : You never have anything good to say most of the time:/

**Imabadbitch** : I

**Treedad** : I’ll fight Arceus if you want

**Cursed** : I THOUGHT YOU WERE KIDDING

**Treedad** : That’s a bold assumption

**Treedad** : I would fight a lot of people for my son

**Treedad** : It comes with the territory of being a parent

**Cursed** : Hey Clemont, what the fuck is that monstrosity?

**Lemonchild** : A beautiful meme edit

**Cursed** : It’s really cursed

**Lemonchild** : Says the literal adult who said “What’s crackalackin my duderinos”

**Cursed** : Fair Enough I guess

**Lemonchild** : :)

**Treedad** : I can’t believe you sometimes…

  * ••••••••



**Itsbrittanybitch** uploaded file  **Deararceus**

**Itsbrittanybitch** : Why is Torracat like this 

**MarshMALLOW** : Rip Ash

**MarshMALLOW** : Tell him we’ll miss him

**FuckitupSoph** : Didn’t Torracat try killing him when they first met?

**Imwashingmeandmyclothes** : It’s called character development

**Whatthefuckkyle** : What in the name of-

**Whatthefuckkyle** : Is Torracat really just laying there on him like that?

**Itsbrittanybitch** : It’s hard to breath -Ash

**MarshMALLOW** : I would have trouble breathing too if I had a sixty pound Pokémon laying on me like that

**FuckitupSoph** : It’s the  _ CHONK _

**Purebean** : Aw lord he comin

**Imwashingmeandmyclothes** : Gdkfjskfkfk

**Imwashingmeandmyclothes** : Who taught Lillie

**Imwashingmeandmyclothes** :  **_MEMES_ **

**Itsbrittanybitch** : I’ll give you a hint, he’s right next to me

**MarshMALLOW** : Well now we have to explain that to Gladion

**Itsbrittanybitch** : No, make him perish -Ash

**MarshMALLOW** : Shfljdkgjflsksjgjfksl

**MarshMALLOW** : Are you reading these texts to him

**Itsbrittanybitch** : I’m just summarizing them since he can’t get to his phone

**MarshMALLOW** : shfjfjdlhjfjhldgahfjgjflgjs

  * ••••••••



**Imabadbitch** : I CAN BREATHE AGAIN

**Itsbrittanybitch** : I can tell

**Imabadbitch** : >:\

**Itsbrittanybitch** : :p

**Imabadbitch** : What if we got a tree for Torracat

**Imabadbitch** : Like the ones that people normally get for feline Pokémon

**Cursed** : No

**Cursed** : Torracat would break it immediately 

**Imabadbitch** : That’s fair I guess :/

**Itsbrittanybitch** : Does anyone know taxidermy?

**Cursed** : I swear to Arceus, no one is taxiderming anyone or anything

**Itsbrittanybitch** : Not even the Raticate That tried killing Ash?

**Cursed** : @ **Treedad** control these rowdy children

**Treedad** : May is not my responsibility

**Itsbrittanybitch** : Shfjfjajgfkgnsljdhfh

**Imabadbitch** : Rip May

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : Hey Ash, about Aura Guardians

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : What about Riley? Or did you forget about him?

**Imabadbitch** : I suddenly can’t read

**Itsbrittanybitch** : OwO? Who’s Wiwey? Does Ash have a secwet wovew 

**Imabadbitch** : May I swear to Arceus

**Itsbrittanybitch** : Answew the question pussy

**Treedad** : May has a good point, who’s Riley. I thought all Aura guardians were killed off

**Imabadbitch** : Riley is a trainer I met while back in Sinnoh who is training to be an Aura Guardian

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : Technically speaking…

**Imabadbitch** : No

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : He  _ could _ teach you 

**Imabadbitch** : Still no

**Itsbrittanybitch** : But what if your ability grows and you can’t control it

**Imabadbitch** : May, stop

**Itsbrittanybitch** : Never

**Treedad** added  **ChaoticNeutral** to  **Arceus great god above end me**

**Treedad** : Norman, for the love of Arceus, control your daughter

**ChaoticNeutral** : That’s a Brave assumption I can

**Itsbrittanybitch** :  _ Oh shit _

**Itsbrittanybitch** :  _ Dad’s here _

**ChaoticNeutral** : May, where are you

**Itsbrittanybitch** : Dhfkdgakgjd

**Itsbrittanybitch** : Alola?

**Itsbrittanybitch** : Both mom and Max know this?

**ChaoticNeutral** : They never told me this

**Itsbrittanybitch** : Perish :/

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : Wow

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : Both May and Ash want their parental units to perish

**Imabadbitch** : God, I wish Torracat suffocated me when they were on me

**Itsbrittanybitch** : Arceus would’ve just resurrected you anyways

**ChaoticNeutral** : I feel like I’m missing something 

**Imabadbitch** : Don’t worry about it

**MarshMALLOW** : Ash is the chosen one and every time he dies, he’s resurrected

**MarshMALLOW** : He actually just died a few days ago and got resurrected

**ChaoticNeutral** : And  _ I  _ need to control my child @ **Treedad**

**Treedad** : At least mine doesn’t have a kill list

**ChaoticNeutral** : @ **Itsbrittanybitch** you have a what?

**Itsbrittanybitch** : To be fair, my only victims are Clemont and that Raticate

**ChaoticNeutral** : What Raticate

**Itsbrittanybitch** : The one that murdered Ash

**ChaoticNeutral** : And once again 

**ChaoticNeutral** : And  _ I  _ need to control my child @ **Treedad**

**Treedad** : You know what, I will throw hands with you

**ChaoticNeutral** : Meet me in Petalburg and we can fight

**Treedad** : Fine

**Imabadbitch** : @ **Themomthership** Send help

**Themomthership** : August please don’t

**Themomthership** : There’s no need to fight, so please don’t

**Treedad** : Fine But he says some dumb bullshit, I make no promises

**ChaoticNeutral** : Damn, does your wife have you on a leash or something, Sycamore? I guess I know who the bottom in the relationship is

**Imabadbitch** : AGAIN WITH THIS BULLSHIT

**Imabadbitch** : AT LEAST THEY AREN’T A NORMAL TYPE GYM LEADER NAMED  **_NORMAN_ **

**Itsbrittanybitch** : Hdgfkavdjfkflal

**Itsbrittanybitch** : He has a point

**MarshMALLOW** : Why does everyone bring up your parent’s sex life

**Cursed** : Because Sycamore looks like a twink

**Treedad** : I thought you were on my side

**Cursed** : You thought wrong thot

**Imabadbitch** : shfjdjalfjdlfjdjfh

**Imabadbitch** :  _ STOP _

**Lemonchild** uploaded file  **leeeeeg**

  * ••••••••



**Alain** : Well that’s one way to shut everyone up

  * ••••••••



**ChaoticNeutral** : I promise to shut up as long as I never have to see  **_THAT_ ** EVER AGAIN

**Lemonchild** : Deal

**Imabadbitch** : Well know that that shit is dealt with

**Imabadbitch** : I’m yeeting myself off a cliff so I never have to deal with this shit ever again

**Itsbrittanybitch** : ASH **_NO_**

**Imabadbitch** :  **_ASH YES_ **

**Treedad** : No, or I will send Alain to Alola to keep an eye on you

**Alain** : I didn’t agree to that

**Alain** has been changed to  **Honoraryparent**

**Honoraryparent** : Ash…

**Imabadbitch** : Perish :)

**Honoraryparent** : I don’t see why you can’t just have a legendary on you at all time to keep you out of trouble

**Imabadbitch** : Hfkghdlhjsgskf

**Imabadbitch** : DON’T GIVE THEM IDEAS

**Honoraryparent** : It’s just an idea :/

**Itsbrittanybitch** : KNOCK KNOCK BITCH

**Itsbrittanybitch** : MEW’S BACK

**Imabadbitch** : Thanks Alain, now my torment is permanent

**Honoraryparent** : Perish :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hsgjsjfjdhdhfjsh https://emy-clare.tumblr.com/post/186844731180 is the image Clemont posted


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Imabadbitch - Ash  
> MistywithaB- Misty  
> Rockhard- Brock  
> Maybeitsnotmaybeline - Dawn  
> MarshMALLOW - Mallow  
> Lemonchild - Clemont  
> Illgladlysteponyou > Actuallyaqueen - Serena  
> Maskedroyal > Cursed - Kukui  
> Itsbrittanybitch - May  
> Purebean - Lillie  
> FuckitupSoph - Sophocles  
> Yeetorbeyeeted > Actuallycares™️ > Bitchysnowman - Paul  
> Countryboi > Thoticus - Gary  
> Whowantslasagna - Cilan  
> Themomthership - Delia  
> Satanicgremlin - Max  
> Whatthefuckkyle - Kiawe  
> DragonsmakemegoUwU - Iris  
> Imwashingmeandmyclothes - Lana  
> Internallydying - Tracy  
> Inyourdreams - Burnet  
> ChaoticNeutral - Norman  
> Honoraryparent - Alain

**MistywithaB** : WAIT

**MistywithaB** : FUCK

**MistywithaB** : REMEMBER THAT TIME WITH WHEN FIRST MET HAUNTER THAT WAS YOUR FIRST EXPERIENCE WITH DEATH

**Imabadbitch** : Shfkfhalgjfk

**Imabadbitch** : I remember that!

**MistywithaB** : I still want to murder you for that

**Imabadbitch** : Arceus will yeet you

**MistywithaB** : That is a risk I’m willing to take

**ChaoticNeutral** : WHAT THE FUCK

**ChaoticNeutral** : WHY THE FUCK WAS THERE A BOLT OF LIGHTNING COMING OUT OF NO WHERE RIGHT NEXT TO ME

**Imabadbitch** : Arceus giving you a warning shot :)

**Itsbrittanybitch** : Father

**Itsbrittanybitch** : Are you not aware of  _ THE CONSEQUENCES _

**ChaoticNeutral** : No?

**Itsbrittanybitch** : Fool

**Itsbrittanybitch** : Arceus agreed to smite anyone who mentions Ash’s parents’ sex life

**Imabadbitch** : :)

**ChaoticNeutral** : You two Are disasters

**Imabadbitch** : sjfjakghdj OH FUCK

**Itsbrittanybitch** : Why is Torracat always ready to fight a damn GOD

**Imabadbitch** : Hell if I know!

**Honoraryparent** : So let me get this straight

**Honoraryparent** : You can convince the literal creator of this universe to smite people but you can’t keep a  _ Torracat  _ from fighting a god

**Imabadbitch** : shffjalfjdlglshslg

**Imabadbitch** : Pretty much!

**Honoraryparent** : Dear lord...

**Itsbrittanybitch** : Mew is tormenting Torracat on purpose I think

**Imabadbitch** : Not surprised :/

**Lemonchild** added  **Kodakbitch**

**Imabadbitch** : CLEMONT I WILL FLY TO KALOS ON CHARIZARD AND PUNCH YOU 

**Lemonchild** : :)

**Kodakbitch** : Why is my name “Kodak Bitch” and who the fuck is Clemont?

**Imabadbitch** : Pewish Bitch

**Imabadbitch** : Fuwuck you

**Lemonchild** : I’m Clemont and I’m doing this to torment Ash

**Kodakbitch** : As in the hick from Kanto?

**Imabadbitch** : I’M GOWONNA FUWUCKING YEET YOWOUWU BITCH

**Itsbrittanybitch** : Clemont run

**Whatthefuckkyle** : I sgsgksggjalgjfkshdkfhsk

**Kodakbitch** : And here I thought that the damn hick couldn’t get any worse

**Imabadbitch** : >:/ Shuwut yowowuwuw fuwuck

**Itsbrittanybitch** : Ash nO

**Honoraryparent** : I will be the adult since the others are in meetings or doing something else

**Honoraryparent** : Just have him be smited so you aren’t charged with murder

**Honoraryparent** : Also stop speaking hellspeak, no one can understand you

**Imabadbitch** : >:/ fine

**Kodakbitch** : I’m sorry but what’s this about smiting 

**Itsbrittanybitch** : Ash and Arceus are in agreement with smiting people 

**Kodakbitch** : Sounds like bullshit

**Kodakbitch** : I doubt the damn hick could even meet Arceus

**Kodakbitch** : OH MY GOD WHAT THE FUCK

**Imabadbitch** : FUWUCKING TRY ME

**Treedad** : Can you behave for at least one day

**Imabadbitch** : No

**Imabadbitch** : Not with Trip here

**Treedad** : Who?

**Kodakbitch** : Me and who are you supposed to be?

**Treedad** : I’m Augustine Sycamore but I’m dead inside 

**Treedad** : I am also Ash’s dad and I would very much recommend to stop calling him a hick before he really does fight you with Charizard

**Kodakbitch** : Augustine Sycamore as in the regional Professor for Kalos?

**Treedad** : Sadly 

**Kodakbitch** : How are you two related?!

**[This message has been deleted]**

**Imabadbitch** : FOR THE LOVE OF ARCEUS 

**Imabadbitch** : Don’t join the damn bandwagon of talking about yours and moms sex life

**Treedad** : Then people should have some goddamn common sense

**Treedad** : If people keep asking “How are you and I related” I will start talking about this shit

**Imabadbitch** : You just ignore it at that point

**Treedad** : thank god today’s the fucking last day of meetings

**Cursed** : I never knew Ash could genuinely hate someone 

**Cursed** : And it’s justified too

**Kodakbitch** : I don’t know what to expect from this damn chat

**Kodakbitch** : I still firmly think Ash is a hick

**Kodakbitch** has been muted for an unseen amount of time

  * ••••••••



**Whatthefuckkyle** : I’m so fucking confused now

**Itsbrittanybitch** : We don’t question this shit

**Itsbrittanybitch** : Ash is also dead again 

**Itsbrittanybitch** has sent file  **Chaotic**

**Honoraryparent** : They finally get along just to sleep on Ash

**Treedad** : I

**Cursed** : Is he okay

**Itsbrittanybitch** : Never -Ash

**ChaoticNeutral** : What in the world 

**Itsbrittanybitch** : Oh look, now Pikachu and Rowlet are sleeping on him

**Whatthefuckkyle** : Are you serious? 

**Itsbrittanybitch** : Yeah 

**Itsbrittanybitch** uploaded file  **TRUTH**

**Itsbrittanybitch** : I’m suffocating -Ash

**Whatthefuckkyle** : Tell him to perish

**Itsbrittanybitch** : Thanks Kiawe -Ash

**Treedad** : I don’t know what I expected when Mew started staying with Ash but it wasn’t this

**DragonsmakemegoUwU** : Why was Trip of all people here

**Actuallyaqueen** : Because Clemont was a thot

**Lemonchild** : :(

**Actuallyaqueen** : YOU WERE

**DragonsmakemegoUwU** : Yeet him yeet him yeet him YEET HIM

**Treedad** : No one is getting yeeted no matter how annoying they are

**DragonsmakemegoUwU** : Please

**Treedad** : No

**Whowantslasagna** : I for one

**Whowantslasagna** : Agree with Iris

**Itsbrittanybitch** : Yeet him Iris -Ash

**DragonsmakemegoUwU** : What do I get in return 

**Itsbrittanybitch** : The satisfaction of yeeting him -Ash

**DragonsmakemegoUwU** : Deal

**Treedad** : For fuck sake

**ChaoticNeutral** :  _ Control your rowdy child _

**Treedad** : Shut up, your mother buys you mega blocks instead of legos

**Itsbrittanybitch** : Jokes on you

**Itsbrittanybitch** : He thinks they’re the same thing

  * ••••••••



**Rockhard** : If you think about it

**Rockhard** : Ash was lying when he said he was taller than May and Dawn

**MistywithaB** : Oh?

**Imabadbitch** : Shut the fuck up

**Rockhard** : May and Dawn are both like an inch or so taller

**MistywithaB** : Ash is conformed a smol boi

**Imabadbitch** : I will have Charizard throw you 

**MistywithaB** : Smol boi can’t lift me

**Imabadbitch** : Misty I sWEAR TO ARCEUS 

**Lemonchild** : Smol bab

**Imabadbitch** : :(

**Imabadbitch** : Fuck you too

**Whatthefuckkyle** : OwO

**Imabadbitch** : kiAWE

**Whatthefuckkyle** : Ash is a smow boio?

**Imabadbitch** : @ **Treedad** help me

**Treedad** : You really Are short for your age

**Imabadbitch** : BETRAYED BY MY OWN FATHER 

**Itsbrittanybitch** : Perish

**DragonsmakemegoUwU** has sent  **YEETED**

**DragonsmakemegoUwU** : Trip has been throughly yeeted

**Cursed** : As much of an asshole as he is, you didn’t need to yeet him

**DragonsmakemegoUwU** : Yes I did

**Imabadbitch** : Trip’s a thot, he deserved it

**Imabadbitch** : He thinks everyone from Kanto and especially Pallet, is a hick

**Thoticus** : Definitely deserved it and he’s definitely a thot 

**Whatthefuckkyle** : Muwdew him

**Imabadbitch** : Hdhfgamghdlfbskfbskdjdhfkgkfkdkak 

**Imabadbitch** : We have turned Kiawe to the meme side!

**Imwashingmeandmyclothes** : Noice my dude

**MarshMALLOW** : One of us one of us one of us onE OF US

**Whatthefuckkyle** : Arceus 

**Whatthefuckkyle** : What have I done

**Bitchysnowman** : …

**Bitchysnowman** : Smol boi

**Bitchysnowman** has logged off 

**Imabadbitch** : …

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : Wow

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : Paul just went on only to insult you 

**Imabadbitch** : :(

  * ••••••••



**Treedad** : @ **Honoraryparent** when were you going to tell me Ash’s Greninja is here at the lab

**Honoraryparent** : hdgjsgfkahf

**Honoraryparent** : I forgot 

**Imabadbitch** : Greninja’s at the lab?

**Honoraryparent** : Yes But He’s asleep since it’s one in the morning here

**Imabadbitch** : What are you doing up at 1

**Treedad** : To be fair, I just got back from the airport

**Honoraryparent** : Reasons

**Treedad** : He’s reading conspiracy theories on the kitchen floor

**Honoraryparent** : Look

**Imabadbitch** : …

**Honoraryparent** : I haven’t slept in three days and drank a whole pot of coffee two hours ago

**Treedad** : I have no words…

**Treedad** : I’m going to bed. Alain, if you’re going to be up by five, you have feeding duty in the morning

**Honoraryparent** : I know

**Honoraryparent** : Sophie already yelled at me

**DragonsmakemegoUwU** : Your friend is wild Ash

**Imabadbitch** : He’s a sleep deprived adult who is still a teenager

**DragonsmakemegoUwU** : Wot

**Honoraryparent** : I’m a legal adult but I’m still 18

**Whatthefuckkyle** : Why are all your friends living disasters

**Imabadbitch** : It Just… happens

**Imabadbitch:** Not to mention you were speaking hellspeak not to long ago So you’re on thin ice for the title of a disaster 

**Whatthefuckkyle** : Don’t remind me

**Imabadbitch** : Alain I’m gonna yeet you like Iris yeeted Trip if you’re awake reading conspiracies at midnight again 

**Honoraryparent** : So will Sophie

**Imabadbitch:** shthafhskgjs

**Honoraryparent** : Sophie’s out to get me

  * **••••••••**



**Treedad** : While He did feed the Pokémon into the garden

**Treedad** : He’s out cold on the kitchen floor because he was still reading conspiracy theories

**Imabadbitch** : I’m not surprised

**Treedad** : Sophie just dragged him into the pond and threw him in

**Imabadbitch** : A mad woman

**Treedad** : He didn’t wake up somehow

**Imabadbitch** : I mean… I would probably be asleep still if I was in his place

**Treedad** : :/

**Imwashingmeandmyclothes** : Oof

**Imwashingmeandmyclothes** : The face of disappointment 

**Imabadbitch** : So wait

**Imabadbitch** : Why  _ is  _ Greninja at the lab

**Treedad** : I do not have the ability to communicate with Pokémon

**Treedad** : So hell if I know

**DragonsmakemegoUwU** : So does…. Greninja  _ know  _ you’re Ash’s dad or…

**Treedad** : I’m too tired for this shit

**Imabadbitch** : Go to bed Iris, I know for a fact it’s late over there

**DragonsmakemegoUwU** : Shhhhhh

**DragonsmakemegoUwU** : Don’t expose me like this

**ChaoticNeutral** : I don’t know what I expected when I joined this group chat but it definitely wasn’t Augustine being dead inside most of the time

**Treedad** : You get used to it

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I haven’t uploaded only because I keep forgetting to or I’m asleep. I’ve had the chapter done for the past two days but I am sleep deprived


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Imabadbitch - Ash  
> MistywithaB- Misty  
> Rockhard- Brock  
> Maybeitsnotmaybeline - Dawn  
> MarshMALLOW - Mallow  
> Lemonchild - Clemont  
> Illgladlysteponyou > Actuallyaqueen - Serena  
> Maskedroyal > Cursed - Kukui  
> Itsbrittanybitch - May  
> Purebean - Lillie  
> FuckitupSoph - Sophocles  
> Yeetorbeyeeted > Actuallycares™️ > Bitchysnowman - Paul  
> Countryboi > Thoticus - Gary  
> Whowantslasagna - Cilan  
> Themomthership - Delia  
> Satanicgremlin - Max  
> Whatthefuckkyle - Kiawe  
> DragonsmakemegoUwU - Iris  
> Imwashingmeandmyclothes - Lana  
> Internallydying - Tracy  
> Inyourdreams - Burnet  
> ChaoticNeutral - Norman  
> Honoraryparent - Alain  
> Ghostgirl - Acerola

**Honoraryparent** : Why am I wet

**Imabadbitch** : Hdhahfjshvkd What?

**Treedad** : The beast is finally awake

**Honoraryparent** : I just woke up and the bed and I are very wet

**Honoraryparent** : How am I a beast

**Treedad** : Because you are one

**Honoraryparent** : Why are you like this Professor

**Imabadbitch** : Alain Please never say that again 

**Imabadbitch** : People could’ve taken that the wrong way

**Treedad** : By the way, Sophie threw you into the pond because you were asleep in the middle of the kitchen 

**Honoraryparent** : I was?

  * **••••••••**



**Rockhard** : What’s the mood in this Chili’s tonight 

**Itsbrittanybitch** : Murder 

**Imabadbitch** : I don’t like this song

**Itsbrittanybitch** : Good

**Itsbrittanybitch** : Ash is dead to me 

**Rockhard** : What did he do this time

**Itsbrittanybitch** : He’s a fucking thot

**Imabadbitch** : She’s mad because if my bond with Greninja 

**Rockhard** : I don’t blame her

**Imabadbitch** : Fjskkdkksdhdfsdldddsl

**Imabadbitch** : Perish?

**DragonsmakemegoUwU** : What’s so special about it

**Treedad** : It’s like mega evolution but without a stone

**Treedad** : I have been studying it for months but I still can’t figure it out

**Imabadbitch** : I can yeet myself and go ask Arceus 

**Treedad** : I think the fuck not 

**Cursed** : Don’t worry Mew Just turned into an Arcanine and laid on top of Ash 

**Itsbrittanybitch** : Send proof

**Cursed** has uploaded file  **Floof**

**MarshMALLOW** : What the fuckle 

**FuckitupSoph** : What in the-

**FuckitupSoph** : Is he okay

**Cursed** : He’s essentially has just become a bed for Pokémon 

**Purebean** : Couldn’t Mew Just ask Arceus?

**Rockhard** : I mean….

**Rockhard** : They can But I don’t know Mew can tell us what Arceus said

**MistywithaB** : Twenty bucks says that it’s just because Ash is the Chosen one so he just was gifted with a special Froakie

**Treedad** : …

**Cursed** : I don’t think Pokémon work like that

**MistywithaB** : Maybe not for us mortals 

**Treedad** : 

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : Ash can you give me mod powers for a little bit

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** has been made a mod for the next hour 

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** has added  **Riley**

**Rockhard** : Well Dawn

**Rockhard** : It was nice knowing you, you will be missed

**Riley** : I’m sorry

**Riley** : I feel like I’m missing something 

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : To be fair

**Imabadbitch** : You don’t get a defense 

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : If Paul of all people is here, so should Riley

**Imabadbitch** : Your punishment is coming 

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : I'M NOT MAY

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : I ADDED HIM BECAUSE HE'S OUR FRIEND 

**Riley** : Brock, please explain what’s going on

**Rockhard** : So I don’t remember if we told you or not but Ash has the ability to control Aura but not to the extent of you and he’s Sir Aaron’s descendant

**Riley** : …

**Rockhard** : Anyways a few days ago May had said something about Ash possibly training to use his Aura and become an Aura Guardian and Dawn brought up you and that just helped May’s idea

**Riley** : First of all, I’m not fit to be a teacher

**Riley** : Second of all, who’s May

**Itsbrittanybitch** : Me bitch

**Itsbrittanybitch** : And to be fair

**Itsbrittanybitch** : It’s worth a shot?

**Imabadbitch** : I’m yeeting myself of the nearest cliff

**Treedad** : I think the fuck not

**Imabadbitch** : Blease

**Treedad** : Ash if I have to fly over to Alola just to bring you to Kalos to make sure you don’t die again, I will

**Riley** : I feel like I’m missing something

**Cursed** : Not much. Augustine is Ash’s dad and Ash died earlier this week 

**Riley** : I’m sorry but  _ what _

**Imabadbitch** : Don’t call me out like this 

**Cursed** : Then behave

**Imabadbitch** : You’re not my dad

**Cursed** : But I’m your legal guardian while you’re here in Alola

**Rockhard** : Please Ash, do it at least for Pikachu and your Pokémon 

**Imabadbitch** : Fine

**Cursed** : Oh of course you listen to Brock

**Imabadbitch** : First of all, he’s my best friend and I’ve gone through hell with him

**Imabadbitch** : Second of all, I’m mainly doing it for my Pokémon 

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : shfjahgkdkhlahdj

**Imabadbitch** : Y’all seem to forget that I threw myself off Lumiose Tower for Pikachu and and almost died on multiple occasions saving a Pokémon, Legendary or not

**Riley** : I feel so confused and out of place

**ChaoticNeutral** : How do you think I feel

**ChaoticNeutral** : This shit is all new to me too

  * ••••••••



**Satanicgremlin** : So I know I’ve been ghosting the chat for a few days but that’s just because I’m scared of Ash’s god powers here

**Imabadbitch** : As one should be

**Satanicgremlin** : hdgnshslfhdjahfkdhdkgjdjdlgkd

**Satanicgremlin** : Anyways… why the fuck does Ash now have a Mew

**Imabadbitch** : Because they want me to perish 

**Itsbrittanybitch** : @ **ChaoticNeutral** max said the fuck word

**ChaoticNeutral** : Can both of you behave for once

**Itsbrittanybitch** : That’s a brave assumption

**Imabadbitch** : I would like to kindly remind you that this whole chat is filled with disaster children and a few disaster adults

**ChaoticNeutral** : …

  * ••••••••



**Riley** : Not to be annoying but Ash, are you really a descendant if Sir Aaron

**Imabadbitch** : …

**Riley** : I’m really just curious that’s all

**Ash** : Yes but I have no clue how

**Riley** : That’s fair it's been centuries since he lived

**Itsbrittanybitch** : Isn’t he technically just in stasis because of those crystals?

**Imabadbitch** : May I swear to Arceus I will yeet you

**Itsbrittanybitch** : You have to catch me first

**Imabadbitch** : Perish

**Itsbrittanybitch** : Bitch

**Riley** : Please don’t fight

**Rockhard** : Don’t worry this is normal

**Riley** : I’m concerned for Ash and his younger friends

**Rockhard** : Don’t worry, they’re fine

  * ••••••••



**MarshMALLOW** : WE ARE NOT FINE

**Rockhard** : Oh dear 

**Rockhard** : What know

**FuckitupSoph** : Before you get made, it was Ash’s fault

**Rockhard** : Oh, got it

**Purebean** : But… none of us said anything…

**Rockhard** : I’ve learned not to question it if Ash has to do with

**Imabadbitch** : To be fair, none of us expected this

**Imabadbitch** : Nebby turned out to be the legendary Solgaleo?

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : Oh of course it is!

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : No surprise there! 

**Imabadbitch** : To be fair I only remember making a promise to keep Nebby safe

**Imabadbitch** : Not the fact Solgaleo and Lunala were there

**Ghostgirl** : Should we really be all that surprised? I mean, no one’s ever seen it before 

**MarshMALLOW** : dhfhahgk When did you get here?!

**Ghostgirl** : I’ve been ghosting the chat

**MarshMALLOW** : You really are a ghost girl 

**Ghostgirl** : :)

**Ghostgirl** : Also, Alain, how do you fall asleep  _ in the middle of a kitchen _

**Honoraryparent** : IDK it just happens I guess

**Riley** : What happened earlier for that to happen

**Imabadbitch** : Alain was a dumbass and stayed up all night reading conspiracy theories

**Imabadbitch** : Sophie yeeted him into the pond my dad has in his garden

**Riley** : And he stayed asleep for it?

**Imabadbitch** : Somehow, yes

**Honoraryparent** : To be fair, I blame Ash and this dumpster fire

**Honoraryparent** : It’s kept me up the past few days

**Imabadbitch** : Turn off your phone or yeet it

**Honoraryparent** : I’m not yeeting it

**Imabadbitch** : Then perish 

**Honoraryparent** : No

**Imabadbitch** : Coward

  * ••••••••



**Riley** : To an extent

**Riley** : May has a point 

**Imabadbitch** : Shut up you copycat off brand Sir Aaron 6-piece chicken mcnobody looking ass bitch

**Riley** : I-I… What

**Imabadbitch** : I’m sorry that was mean, I don’t mean it

**Imabadbitch** : But Please stop

**Riley** : I only say this because it might be good to know how to use your Aura in case you need it at some point

**Imabadbitch** : Like when

**Rockhard** : Should I remind you about Team Rocket, Aqua, Magma, Galactic?

**Imabadbitch** : …

**Treedad** : I’m sorry but what’s this about you being involved with them

**Imabadbitch** : To be fair 

**Imabadbitch** : Either I interfered or the whole world died because the police wasn’t doing shit

**Treedad** :  _ Ash _

**Imabadbitch** :  _ Look _

**Lemonchild** : Weren’t you also involved with some of the Team Plasma incidents

**Imabadbitch** : …

**Imabadbitch** :  **_Look_ **

**Treedad** : Looking

**Imabadbitch** : The police weren’t doing shit and I have no impulse control 

**Treedad** : I can tell

**Imabadbitch** : Hdhavfkdbdlgjd

**Imabadbitch** : I don’t like being called out like this

**Rockhard** :  _ Perish _

**Imabadbitch** :  _ Brock please _

**Rockhard** :  **_Perish_ **

**Imabadbitch** : :(

**Imabadbitch** : I thought you loved me

**Rockhard** : I do but I’m sick of you almost dying and getting involved in this shit before your even 18

**Imabadbitch** : That’s fair

**Treedad** : Everytime you say something about being involved with something that could kill you, you knock five years of my life

**Treedad** : I love you son but you’re killing me

**Imabadbitch** : I’m sorry :(

**Imabadbitch** : Please don’t wrap me in bubble wrap again

**Treedad** : Then stop being reckless 

**Imabadbitch** : Then the authorities need to step the fuck up

**Imabadbitch** : They turn a blind eye at people who blatantly say they want to kill everyone 

**Treedad** : Next meeting I have with the League, I’ll bring this up 

**Cursed** : I’m sorry 

**Cursed** :  _ BUT WHAT THE FUCK _

**Imabadbitch** : Oh no

**Rockhard** : You have two dads on your ass about your antics 

**Cursed** : Hdgahfk I’m too young to be his dad

**Imabadbitch** : Kukui is more like the fun but weird uncle or an older brother 

**Treedad** : I don’t want to be his brother/brother-in-law and one child is enough 

**Rockhard** : Gfhagfkhkdjsgflhka

**Rockhard** : You all sound like one happy family 

  * **••••••••**



**Imabadbitch** : Father

**Imabadbitch** : Mew says Greninja Just has a special ability that allows it. It happened by chance that he has it 

**Treedad** : First of all, that’s great to know 

**Treedad** : Second of all, since when can you talk to Pokémon 

**Imabadbitch** : It’s just legendaries and Mew can use telepathy to some degree 

**Treedad** : I’m going to bed, I just had to drag Alain from the kitchen floor

**Imabadbitch** : Hfhdkhjdkhlshdkhjdjgj Did he pass out again 

**Treedad** : Sadly

**Treedad** : He’s a disaster and a half

**Imabadbitch** : Aren’t we all

**Treedad** : This child has passed out in the kitchen twice and didn’t wake up until an hour later after being yeeted into a pond unlike you or any of your other friends that I’m aware of

**Imabadbitch** : That’s fair

**Treedad** : I’m going to bed before Sophie yells at me again for staying up working past midnight 

**Imabadbitch** : Oh?

**Imabadbitch** : Do I need to bring Momther in to yell at you about your work habits 

**Treedad** : No being a little shit

**Imabadbitch** : Where’s the fun in that

**Treedad** : You won’t be chewed out by your mother about antics

**Imabadbitch** : Fair Enough 

**Ghostgirl** : Your father seems to be done with your bs

**Imabadbitch** : At least my parental figure doesn’t have an obsession with meowth 

**Ghostgirl** : Shut

**Imabadbitch** : You can’t silence the truth

**Ghostgirl** : Wanna test that theory?

**Imabadbitch** : Fight me

**Cursed** : Please behave

**Cursed** : We don’t need a repeat of last week 

  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’ve been meaning to post this chapter but I’ve been in the Dells the past three days


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Imabadbitch - Ash  
> MistywithaB- Misty  
> Rockhard- Brock  
> Maybeitsnotmaybeline - Dawn  
> MarshMALLOW - Mallow  
> Lemonchild - Clemont  
> Illgladlysteponyou > Actuallyaqueen - Serena  
> Maskedroyal > Cursed - Kukui  
> Itsbrittanybitch - May  
> Purebean - Lillie  
> FuckitupSoph - Sophocles  
> Yeetorbeyeeted > Actuallycares™️ > Bitchysnowman - Paul  
> Countryboi > Thoticus - Gary  
> Whowantslasagna - Cilan  
> Themomthership - Delia  
> Satanicgremlin - Max  
> Whatthefuckkyle - Kiawe  
> DragonsmakemegoUwU - Iris  
> Imwashingmeandmyclothes - Lana  
> Internallydying - Tracy  
> Inyourdreams - Burnet  
> ChaoticNeutral - Norman  
> Honoraryparent - Alain  
> Ghostgirl - Acerola

**Whatthefuckkyle** uploaded file  **REGRET**

**MarshMALLOW** : It’s confirmed 

**MarshMALLOW** : Rowlet is the only chill Pokémon 

**FuckitupSoph** : Lycanroc trips him, Pikachu electrocutes him, and Torracat constantly is trying to fight god 

**Whatthefuckkyle** : I told you bringing him out was a bad idea with the fact there was a meowth

**Imabadbitch** : I wasn’t expecting this!

**Whatthefuckkyle** : You should of

**Rockhard** : Ash doesn’t think things through

**Rockhard** : We’ve discussed this 

**Imabadbitch** : I thought you loved me

**Rockhard** : I do but you don’t think things through

**Imabadbitch** : :(

**DragonsmakemegoUwU** : You never answered my question thot

**Imabadbitch** : I suddenly can’t read 

**DragonsmakemegoUwU** :  _ Answer my question  _ **_thot_ **

**Imabadbitch** : I don’t know what you’re talking about

**DragonsmakemegoUwU** : You know exactly what I’m talking about 

**Imabadbitch** : Shut

**DragonsmakemegoUwU** : Then answer the question 

**Imabadbitch** : You can’t make me

**DragonsmakemegoUwU** : I will yeet you like I yeeted Trip

**Imabadbitch** : You’d have to catch me first 

**Whowantslasagna** : She will book a ticket to Alola if it means yeeting you

**Imabadbitch** : Solgaleo will yeet her before she gets me

**Whowantslasagna** : You’d be surprised my dear friend 

**Imabadbitch** : Hsjfndjalfhdhsmfhdkf

**Imabadbitch** : Iris, Why does it matter so much?

**DragonsmakemegoUwU** : Because you kept this from us

**DragonsmakemegoUwU** : Did you keep it from your Pokémon too

**Imabadbitch** : You guys never asked! He’s my dad, he’s not some godly being!

**DragonsmakemegoUwU** : You have an actually relevant father and he’s not dead like we thought 

**Imabadbitch** : Why would you think he’s dead?!

**DragonsmakemegoUwU** : He’s never around and you don’t talk about him much!

**Imabadbitch** : Doesn’t mean he’s dead!

**Treedad** : I’m sorry but what the fuck

**Treedad** : I’m not dead and I don’t plan on dying anytime soon but everytime I hear this shit

**Treedad** : I lose five years of my life 

**Imabadbitch** : I can’t believe you guys are slowly killing my dad

**DragonsmakemegoUwU** : Ajsgjalxhjxkhxkflhfg

**DragonsmakemegoUwU** : Then why don’t you call him

**Imabadbitch** : It’s usually really late in Kalos by the time we get to a Pokémon center and he’s usually working it it’s not midnight in Kalos?

**Imabadbitch** : He may not be a godly being but he’s still a main regional professor meaning he has work

**DragonsmakemegoUwU** : Fair enough but do your Pokémon know

**Imabadbitch** : Hdhskgjs

**Imabadbitch** : Why wouldn’t they? He still visits mom and I so he’s bound to meet some of them since Professor Oak’s lab is a few roads down?

**Cursed** : Are you still laying on the ground 

**Imabadbitch** : Mayhap

**Whatthefuckkyle** : Yeah, are you really that surprised?

**Cursed** : Sadly no

**Cursed** : Get up Ash

**Imabadbitch** : Fine

  * •••••••



**Imwashingmeandmyclothes** : How many Champions  _ do _ you know?

**Imabadbitch** : Kanto and Johto’s, both of Hoenn’s, Sinnoh’s, Unova’s, and Kalos’

**Whatthefuckkyle** :  _ How _

**Imabadbitch** : Well when you travel everywhere it just sorta happens

**Imabadbitch** : There was also the Kalos incident but we don’t talk about that

**Actuallyaqueen** : That… That was terrible 

**Honoraryparent** : Professor, add Diantha

**Treedad** : No, I like my job

**Honoraryparent** : Ash, give me mod powers

**Imabadbitch** : Why

**Honoraryparent** : We already have gym leaders, professors, and trial captains here. Why not a champion

**Imabadbitch** : That’s a terrible idea

**Treedad** : Alain please leave her be

**Honoraryparent** : Most of us have befriended her

**Honoraryparent** : Blease Ash

**Imabadbitch** : No perish 

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : That’s a bad idea

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : Let’s do it

**Imabadbitch** : Guys please

**Whatthefuckkyle** : Why would we add anyone else

**Whatthefuckkyle** : Especially a champion

**Honoraryparent** : because why not?

**Honoraryparent** has been changed to  **Chaoticadult**

**Imabadbitch** : What time is it in Kalos 

**Treedad** : 6pm

**Imabadbitch** : Damn

**Imabadbitch** : I was hoping this was just a late night bad decision 

**Chaoticadult** : Is it really that bad of an idea?

**Treedad** : Yes

**Imabadbitch** : Yes

**Whatthefuckkyle** : Yes

**Lemonchild** : Yes

**Actuallyaqueen** : Yes

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : No

**MarshMALLOW** : No

**Imwashingmeandmyclothes** : Yes

**MistywithaB** : Ash, you to, Are a champion

**Imabadbitch** : Oh shit your right ahggskgjdjukhkfhd

**Chaoticadult** : Oh?

**Internallydying** : He won the Orange League and became the champion there

**Whatthefuckkyle** : How do you forget that your a fucking champion 

**Imabadbitch** : Idk

**Imabadbitch** : It’s easy when no one knows what the Orange League is

**Internallydying** : I don’t like the fact that you’re right

**Imabadbitch** : :/

**MarshMALLOW** : Is it really that unknown?

**Imabadbitch** : It’s as unknown as Rota

**Satanicgremlin** : What’s Rota

**Imabadbitch** : I

**Itsbrittanybitch** : MAX

**Rockhard** :  **_MAX_ **

**Satanicgremlin** : Oh wait nvm

**Itsbrittanybitch** : Brother you’re killing me

**Satanicgremlin** : I forgot!

**Imabadbitch** : HOW

**Satanicgremlin** : I don’t remember it much

**Imabadbitch** : We all almost died there!

**Imabadbitch** : I threw myself off a cliff there!

**Treedad** : Anything else I should know from when you were there 

**Imabadbitch** : Shit

**Imabadbitch** : I forgot your still up

**Rockhard** : He almost died twice there and started a fight with a Lucario 

**Imabadbitch** :  _ Brock please _

**Treedad** : How and why

**Imabadbitch** :  _ Brock No _

**Rockhard** : First time the tree tried killing us because it thought we were a virus and the second was because he almost gave up his Aura for the tree

**Rockhard** : He started a fight with a Lucario because he was disrespecting Pikachu so it’s kinda justified. It’s also why he was thrown off a cliff

**Rockhard** : He threw himself At Lucario and ended up yeeting himself and Lucario off the cliff

**Imabadbitch** :  _ Brock _

**Rockhard** : Perish

**Treedad** : Ash…  _ please be more careful I would very much prefer it if you’re alive  _

**Imabadbitch** : It’s not my fault!

**Imabadbitch** : Arceus just throws shit my way and I have to deal with it

**Treedad** : At least be a little more careful when dealing with it

**Imabadbitch** : I’ll try but I make no promises

  * ••••••••



**Imabadbitch** : Random 2am thought

**Treedad** : Please go back to bed

**Imabadbitch** : Should I nickname Mew? I mean, it’s probably not wise to straight up say I have a Mew or straight up refer to Mew

**Itsbrittanybitch** : Nickname them Kyubey

**Imabadbitch** : Kyubey?

**Itsbrittanybitch** : Yes because meguca is suffering and you are pretty much meguca

**Imabadbitch** : Who/what the fuck is meguca

**Itsbrittanybitch** : Meguca is meguca

**Imabadbitch** : May please

**Imabadbitch** : I don’t understand

**Itsbrittanybitch** : It’s probably for the best

**Treedad** : Just go to bed Ash, I know you have school

**Imabadbitch** : Fine

  * **••••••••**



**MarshMALLOW** : Ash for the safety of your minimal sanity don’t even bother looking up Kyubey

**MarshMALLOW** : You really don’t want to know

**Imwashingmeandmyclothes** : I will pay you to not look it up

**Imabadbitch** : Idk you guys are making it really tempting 

**Whatthefuckkyle** : Isn’t it that demented looking thing from that Madoka show?

**Imwashingmeandmyclothes** : Kiawe don’t taint Ash! He doesn’t need to know!

**Imabadbitch** : Kiawe  _ please _

**Whatthefuckkyle** : It’s just some small creature thing that you make a deal with from a show Mallow and Lana watch. If you make a deal with it your life becomes a living hell because you’re almost dying every other week

**Imabadbitch** : Oh shit, they get a choice in death? Why don’t I get one

**MarshMALLOW** : Dhfjagfkghfjahf asH NO

**Imwashingmeandmyclothes** : It only works for teenage girls 

**Imabadbitch** : Well damn

**Imwashingmeandmyclothes** : But still

**Imwashingmeandmyclothes** : Name it Kyubey

**MarshMALLOW** : Dhfjsgfkfjagffjs LANA

**Purebean** : Why is Mallow dying and Lana encouraging it

**Imabadbitch** : Because of something called Kyubey and May wanting me to nickname Mew Kyubey 

**MarshMALLOW** : You act like it means nothing!

**MarshMALLOW** : You know nothing of the emotional trauma brought by Madoka Magica!

**Imabadbitch** : You’re right, I don’t 

**Imabadbitch** : Now Perish

**MarshMALLOW** : jfhshgkshfkahfjd

**MarshMALLOW** : Bitch?

**Imabadbitch** : :/

**Cursed** : Is this arguing really necessary 

**Imabadbitch** : Mayhap

**Cursed** : You’re the reason I have multiple headaches 

**Imabadbitch** : Then perish 

  * ••••••••



**Bitchysnowman** : @ **Imabadbitch** You’re a shit champion 

**Imabadbitch** : At least I could become champion 

**Bitchysnowman** : You’re still shit if no one challenges you and you forget your champion 

**Treedad** : You're point? You’re a pretty shit trainer yourself 

**Treedad** : Don’t think I don’t know about Infernape you little fuck

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : Oh my Arceus

**Rockhard** : A professor is finally calling Paul out on his shit

**Whatthefuckkyle** : What did he do?

**Imabadbitch** : This dumb bitch fucking abused his Chimchar because it wasn’t doing what he wanted

**Imabadbitch** : He’s lucky he shaped up and I didn’t yeet him into a lake

**MarshMALLOW** : Yeet him yeet him yeet him yeet him yEET HIM YEET HIM

**Imabadbitch** : Well, this is a yeet or be yeeted world

**Imabadbitch** : And I will fucking yeet him next time I see him

**Bitchysnowman** : Fuck 

**Imabadbitch** : Be prepared you bitch

**Rockhard** : Are you really not going to step in Mr. Sycamore

**Treedad** : I don’t know what you’re talking about 

**Rockhard** : Your son is literally going to yeet someone 

**Treedad** : I’m just letting the kid get what he deserves 

**Imabadbitch** : Meet me on Akala Island THOT

**Rockhard** : Do it it he’ll go to Sinnoh and throw you into one of those freezing cold lakes

**Bitchysnowman** : I don’t he could even lift me 

**Imabadbitch** : Wanna year that theory

**Bitchysnowman** : I’ll be there in three days

**Imabadbitch** : Deal

**Treedad** : Don’t hurt him too much

**Rockhard** : Hrfkahfkgjsj

**Rockhard** : Such a responsible parent

**Treedad** : You and I both know the little shit deserves it

**Rockhard** : Hfahfl

**Rockhard** : Fair Enough 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://emy-clare.tumblr.com/ My tumblr if y’all ever want to yell at me


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Imabadbitch - Ash  
> MistywithaB- Misty  
> Rockhard- Brock  
> Maybeitsnotmaybeline - Dawn  
> MarshMALLOW - Mallow  
> Lemonchild - Clemont  
> Illgladlysteponyou > Actuallyaqueen - Serena  
> Maskedroyal > Cursed - Kukui  
> Itsbrittanybitch - May  
> Purebean - Lillie  
> FuckitupSoph - Sophocles  
> Yeetorbeyeeted > Actuallycares™️ > Bitchysnowman - Paul  
> Countryboi > Thoticus - Gary  
> Whowantslasagna - Cilan  
> Themomthership - Delia  
> Satanicgremlin - Max  
> Whatthefuckkyle - Kiawe  
> DragonsmakemegoUwU - Iris  
> Imwashingmeandmyclothes - Lana  
> Internallydying - Tracy  
> Inyourdreams - Burnet  
> ChaoticNeutral - Norman  
> Honoraryparent > Chaoticadult- Alain  
> Ghostgirl - Acerola  
> McEndmysuffering - Sophie

**Cursed** : Why do I hear strange yelling?

**MarshMALLOW** : Ash Just yeeted Paul

**Imabadbitch** : He must face his punishment 

**Cursed** : So you threw him

**Imabadbitch** : I yeeted him into the ocean

**Cursed** : I swear to Arceus Ash, please behave for once in your life

**Imabadbitch** : He must pay for his sin Professor 

**Cursed** : That doesn’t mean throwing him into the ocean 

**Imabadbitch** : Yes it does

**Imabadbitch** : And the term is yeeted

**Cursed** : Dear lord Ash

  * ••••••••



**Purebean** : Ash where can I get genuine parental love in this lonely Alolan night 

**Imabadbitch** : @ **Treedad** @ **Themomthership** @ **Rockhard** , when will you be in Alola again 

**Rockhard** : Tomorrow if needed 

**Treedad** : Next week since I have some conference there

**Inyourdreams** : Shit, that’s next week?!

**Treedad** : I emailed you the time and date as a reminder three weeks ago and even reminded you when I was in Alola a few weeks ago

**Inyourdreams** : Shskfhahdkfj I haven’t looked at my email in a month

**Treedad** : FFS BURNET

**Inyourdreams** : I’ve been busy with the Ultra Beast and The Interdream Zone projects I had been working on

**Treedad** : Then pin your email so you can see when you have emails and you actually remember to check them

**Inyourdreams** : I already have A shit load of other things pinned

**Treedad** : And none of them are your email? At least have it bookmarked

**Inyourdreams** : It’s done and apparently Faba’s being replaced by some Colress person 

**Imabadbitch** : I’m sorry but  **_WHOMST_ **

**DragonsmakemegoUwU** : Catch me flying to Alola to stab one(1) blonde haired bitch

**Inyourdreams** : I feel like I’m missing something and I feel like it’s pretty big

**Imabadbitch** : He’s an Asshole and worked for team Plasma 

**Inyourdreams** : I’ll talk to Lusamine about it and it might be a good idea if you two do too

**Inyourdreams** : You two seem to know the most about him

**Whowantslasagna** : Ash, Iris, it’s possible that he might have changed and if he hasn't, I'm sure he’ll be dealt with 

**Imabadbitch** : Cilan, are you playing 

**Imabadbitch** :  **_Devil’s advocate_ **

**Whowantslasagna** : I’m just saying there’s a chance he changed 

**Whowantslasagna** : I mean, Paul of all people changed

**Whowantslasagna** : After everything you told me, I’m surprised he’s the person he is today

**Imabadbitch** : … If he’s like how he was in Unova, I’m yeeting you

**Whowantslasagna** : Fine

**DragonsmakemegoUwU** : I’m coming over there and yeeting you now

**Whowantslasagna** : Please don’t 

**DragonsmakemegoUwU** : How come Ash can do it!

**Whowantslasagna** : Because it’s only if Colress didn’t shape up and it’s consensual 

**Imabadbitch** : I

**Imabadbitch** : Hdhalghglhjdbhkdbg

**Imabadbitch** :  _ CILAN _

**Whowantslasagna** : I’m not wrong!

  * ••••••••



**Imabadbitch** : One(1) Copycat lookin bitch is in Alola right now and I’m about to yeet him

**Riley** : I feel like I’m being threatened by a teddiursa

**Imabadbitch** : I will yeet you 

**Riley** : I dare you to try

**MarshMALLOW** uploaded file  **Hugs**

**MarshMALLOW** : He couldn’t even lift him so it looks like he’s hugging him

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** :  _ Riley left the island for once _

**Riley** : ???

**Riley** : I’m on the island once a month for only a week?

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : Wait really?

**Riley** : Yeah?

**Imabadbitch** : McEnd me

**MarshMALLOW** uploaded file  **Smolboi**

**Imwashingmeandmyclothes** : That’s what he gets for trying to yeet a full grown adult who’s almost a foot taller than him

**Imabadbitch** : Kiawe help me

**Whatthefuckkyle** : I’m with Lana on this one

**Itsbrittanybitch** : I can’t believe Riley actually has Ash over his shoulder like a potato sack

**Imabadbitch** :  _ Help me please _

**MarshMALLOW** : @ **Themomthership** look at him

**Themomthership** : Please stop threatening to throw people 

**Themomthership** : Not all of them are that light

**Imabadbitch** : I can carry a Larvitar!

**Rockhard** : Lavitar was a baby and Riley’s twice the size of a normal one

**Imabadbitch** : Damn you’re right 

**MistywithaB** : Look how Smol he is compared to Riley shfkahgldhgk

**MistywithaB** : I forget how small he actually is sometimes 

**Imabadbitch** : Shut

**MistywithaB** : Smol baby bean 

**Bitchysnowman** : Smol boi

**Itsbrittanybitch** : Smol little boyo 

**Imabadbitch** : This is bullying

**Itsbrittanybitch** : No, were just teasing you 

**Imabadbitch** : I’m not that short

**Itsbrittanybitch** : Your like… 5’02”

**Imabadbitch** : I’m 5’05” Shut 

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : Isn’t Your dad over 6’?

**Imabadbitch** : Yeah But He’s Also almost forty

**Treedad** : Don’t remind me I’m old

**Itsbrittanybitch** : Jdgslghalfbd

  * ••••••••



**Imabadbitch** : Father please yeet my soul from my ungodly meat sack

**Treedad** : What is that even supposed to mean

**Imabadbitch** : End me

**Treedad** : No

**Treedad** : What did you do now

**Imabadbitch** : Hdlabflgkfhs

**Imabadbitch** : Who said I did anything wrong 

**Treedad** : Because usually you do

**Imabadbitch** : True But Not this time 

**Imabadbitch** : I just in general want my suffering to end

**Imabadbitch** : @ **Itsbrittanybitch** keeps dming me about Aura training 

**Itsbrittanybitch** : I can’t believe you’re calling me out like this

**Riley** : If you learn how to use aura you won’t die as often

**Imabadbitch** : … 

**Imabadbitch** : Fine I guess 

**Rockhard** : I can’t believe it was that that convinced you 

**Imabadbitch** : I’m sick of dying and then being yeeted back into my ungodly meat sack

**Rockhard** : That’s fair 

  * ••••••••



**Itsbrittanybitch** : Hey, once you become proficient in it, you could technically revive Sir Aaron and Lucario

**Imabadbitch** : May  _ please _

**Riley** : She’s not wrong

**Imabadbitch** : …

**Imabadbitch** : Who’s side are you one

**Riley** : Neither But mainly May’s

**Imabadbitch** : Ffs

  * ••••••••



**Cursed** : So they trained long enough for Ash to activate his aura without needing anything like the gloves May mentioned and this

**Cursed** uploaded video file  **Tired**

**Cursed** uploaded file  **Chaotic**

**Riley** : Please help me up 

**Riley** : Having Ash, a Lycanroc, and a Torracat on me is not a pleasant experience 

**Cursed** : Perish 

**Treedad** : Just help him

**Cursed** : You’re not even concerned that he worked your son to exhaustion in an hour 

  * •••••••••



Private conversation between  **Treedad** and  **Cursed**

**Treedad** : I’ll deal with him when I’m in Alola

  * ••••••••



**Cursed** : Well okay then…

**Riley** : What?

**Cursed** : Nothing you need to worry about

**Riley** : Dear Arceus what was that for?!

**Cursed** : You wanted them off

**Riley** : That Torracat isn’t light! It felt like a brick landed on my face!

**Cursed** :  _ Perish _

**Riley** : I hope Lycanroc pounces on your bladder 

  * ••••••••



**Actuallyaqueen** : Ever since this chat started, all I can think about is that one Krabby meme but instead of a Krabby holding a knife, it’s Professor Sycamore holding a knife

**Lemonchild** : I mean, that’s pretty much him when he’s threatening to fight Arceus

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : Isn’t it like… midnight for you guys?

**Actuallyaqueen** : Yeah But this is normal :/

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : Fair Enough 

**Imabadbitch** : I

**Imabadbitch** : I have no words 

**Actuallyaqueen** : Akajjaklfj

**Actuallyaqueen** : Please don’t yeet me

**Imabadbitch** : First Clemont and now you with this weird ass imagery 

**Chaoticadult** : What if 

**Chaoticadult** : There was a universe like ours but with creatures like Pokémon but they’re not

**Imabadbitch** : Shut your fuck and go to bed

**Chaoticadult** : Your not my dad

**Imabadbitch** : Thank god

**Imabadbitch** : I don’t need the stress

**Actuallyaqueen** : shgkavglgjhlshd  **_ASH_ **

**Chaoticadult** : You already sound like him

**Imabadbitch** :  _ Alain _

**McEndmysuffering** has been added to  **Arceus great god above end me**

**Imabadbitch** :  _ Please make him go to bed  _ **@McEndmysuffering**

**McEndmysuffering** : What the fuck Alain

**Chaoticadult** : Hi Sophie 

**McEndmysuffering** : Go to bed before I yeet you into the pond again, I swear to Arceus kid

**Chaoticadult** : Fine

**McEndmysuffering** : He’s going to bed finally now leave me be

**Imabadbitch** : Thanks Sophie

  * ••••••••



**McEndmysuffering** : OH FOR FUCK SAKE

**Treedad** : It’s too early for this shit again 

**Rockhard** : What’s wrong

**Treedad** : He passed out in the kitchen reading conspiracy theories again 

**Cursed** : @ **Riley** I hope you perish 

**Riley** : I assume Lycanroc rock pounced on your bladder

**Cursed** : >:/

**Riley** : :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://emy-clare.tumblr.com/  
> Come yell at me on my Tumblr and tell me if there’s anything you would like to see but 🅱️lease don’t bring up the Meat Blanket


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Imabadbitch - Ash  
> MistywithaB- Misty  
> Rockhard- Brock  
> Maybeitsnotmaybeline - Dawn  
> MarshMALLOW - Mallow  
> Lemonchild - Clemont  
> Illgladlysteponyou > Actuallyaqueen - Serena  
> Maskedroyal > Cursed - Kukui  
> Itsbrittanybitch - May  
> Purebean - Lillie  
> FuckitupSoph - Sophocles  
> Yeetorbeyeeted > Actuallycares™️ > Bitchysnowman - Paul  
> Countryboi > Thoticus - Gary  
> Whowantslasagna - Cilan  
> Themomthership - Delia  
> Satanicgremlin - Max  
> Whatthefuckkyle - Kiawe  
> DragonsmakemegoUwU - Iris  
> Imwashingmeandmyclothes - Lana  
> Internallydying - Tracy  
> Inyourdreams - Burnet  
> ChaoticNeutral - Norman  
> Honoraryparent > Chaoticadult- Alain  
> Ghostgirl - Acerola  
> McEndmysuffering - Sophie

**Imabadbitch** : Is this what death feels like

**Cursed** : Haven’t you died before?

**Imabadbitch** : Usually when I die I’m just chilling with the legendaries in the Hall of Origin or get yeeted back into my ungodly meat sack immediately 

**Imabadbitch** : I have no clue what actual death feels like

**Cursed** : Fair but I’m pretty sure you don’t feel pain when you’re dead

**MarshMALLOW** : What happened

**Imabadbitch** : I ache everywhere and it hurts to move from Aura training shfjahg

**MarshMALLOW** : You were training???

**MarshMALLOW** : For less than an hour???

**Riley** : Aura can put quite a strain on the body for people who aren’t used to it

**Riley** : And considering Ash’s, this is actually not as bad as it could be

**Imabadbitch** : I can feel my dad typing now 

**Treedad** :  _ Say goodbye to your kneecaps _

**Imabadbitch** : Sksglfjlrhlf

**Riley** : First of all

**Riley** : Fair enough 

**Riley** : Second of all

**Riley** : He’s not going to die from this. He’ll be fine in a day or two at most. It only hurts because his body is not used to Aura

**Treedad** : I don’t know if I can trust you and I won’t until there’s proof

**Riley** : The only what he would die from Aura was if his was ripped out of his body

**Riley** :  _ Which no one can do _

**Treedad** : Sounds like bullshit but okay 

**Actuallyaqueen** : From the time we first met your dad to now

**Actuallyaqueen** : I feel your dad is 100x more protective of you 

**Imabadbitch** : He is because of how many times I’ve gotten hurt/almost died and Stinky Furry Man

**Riley** : ?

**Imabadbitch** : There was an incident in Kalos where I almost died and it destroyed half the region

**Imabadbitch** : We don’t like talking about it much

**Inyourdreams** : When will you be here Ash? Colress will be here this afternoon

**Imabadbitch** : Shit that’s today?

**Inyourdreams** : Yeah?

**Imabadbitch** : Fuck

**Imabadbitch** : I’m too sore to get up

**Itsbrittanybitch** : Rip you I guess

**Imabadbitch** : Thanks May

**Imabadbitch** : I don’t want to deal with him but I have to

**Inyourdreams** : I’ll take you to get malasadas or if you want, I'll make some if you come

**Imabadbitch** : I’d rather just lay down and sleep off this pain

**Rockhard** : Oh my Arceus, Ash is actually turning down food

**Rockhard** : @ **Riley** what did you put him through?!

**Riley** : All I Did was help him activate his aura without gloves!

**Imabadbitch** : Don’t yell at Riley for my dumb mistake 

**Treedad** uploaded file  **Saygoodbye**

**Riley** : What the fuck

**Imabadbitch** : Dad  _ stop _

**Treedad** : I can and will yeet him

**Imabadbitch** : @ **Themomthership** please help

**Themomthership** : August please, This isn’t necessary 

**Themomthership** : If Ash ends up actually hurt from this, then you can and I’ll help

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : Run Riley, they’re both out for blood

**Riley** : Did neither of them listen?!

**Themomthership** : Don’t worry, I trust you but I’m not scared to hurt you if my son gets hurt because of you 

**Riley** : That’s kind of comforting?

**Chaoticadult** : Catch me cryin in the club because both the Professor and his wife are actually terrifying 

**Themomthership** : Be scared bitch :)

**Chaoticadult** : Ahfjakgljsbd

**Chaoticadult** :  **_I am_ **

**Imabadbitch** : Hey Riley, it was nice knowing you 

**Riley** : What’s That supposed to mean?

**Imabadbitch** : Exactly what I said

**Chaoticadult** : Two(2) Fears

**Chaoticadult** : I’m scared of Ash’s parents 

**Imabadbitch** : Don’t you work with my dad 

**Chaoticadult** : Yeah but he still scares me 

**Imabadbitch** : Then perish 

  * ••••••••



**Imabadbitch** : Well Colress is fine now and I sadly can’t yeet Cilan now 

**Whowantslasagna** :  _ WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY SADLY _

**Imabadbitch** : I was looking forward to yeeting you

**Whowantslasagna** : :(

**Imabadbitch** : Perish 

**Imabadbitch** : In other news I’m getting a dozen and a half Malasadas for my Pokémon and I 

**Riley** : Does Torracat normally growl when you try moving them?

**Imabadbitch** : They only growled? Usually Torracat will bite you 

**Riley** : What 

**Imabadbitch** : Torracat really just doesn’t like being moved 

**Imabadbitch** : It was kinda funny seeing them use fire fang on Kukui when he moved them off his lap onto the floor

**Cursed** : That hurt like a bitch for two weeks!

**Imabadbitch** : Perish :/

**DragonsmakemegoUwU** : I’m flying over to Alola to threaten Colress tomorrow 

**Inyourdreams** :  **_Please_ ** don’t cause any bodily harm to my coworker 

**DragonsmakemegoUwU** : Don’t worry I won’t 

**DragonsmakemegoUwU** : I’m just going to make sure he doesn’t cause any bodily harm to anyone 

**Imabadbitch** : Funky

**Imabadbitch** : Bring me with when you do if I’m not sore af

**DragonsmakemegoUwU** : Okay

**Imabadbitch** : Noice 

**Inyourdreams** : Guys please

**Inyourdreams** : I like the job I have there

  * ••••••••



**Cursed** : @ **Treedad** @ **Themomthership** @ **Rockhard** help

**Cursed** : Ash woke up crying and neither Burnet or I know what to do or what’s wrong 

**Rockhard** : Was he having a nightmare 

**Treedad** : Is there something that you did that could of caused a nightmare 

**Cursed** : I don’t know 

**Cursed** : I know he fell asleep early but there was no shifting and he just shot up and was crying. Mew and Pikachu are currently trying to comfort him but the other three seem just as confused as Burnet and I

**Rockhard** : My best guess is that it’s something that has to do with Mewtwo or Lucario

**Themomthership** : I think it maybe about Rota. I remember that when he talks about it sometimes he becomes sad. When he first told me about it he did start crying 

**Rockhard** : Can you ask him what’s wrong?

**Cursed** : We tried but when he does he just starts crying more and gets choked up on tears. Both of us tried to calm him down but it’s not doing much

**Treedad** : The only time I’ve heard or seen him upset that much was when I was told about the Rota incident or after the Kalos incident 

**Themomthership** : Ash honey, is everything okay

**Imabadbitch** : I’m fine just some memories resurfaced

**Treedad** : Do you want to talk about it?

**Imabadbitch** : I’m sorry, with everything it just reminded me of when we were in Rota and I feel bad about what happened with Lucario. I feel like I could’ve helped more and I should’ve been better towards Lucario

**Rockhard** : Don’t beat yourself up over it. You did what you could at the time and you really weren’t yourself. Lucario was that nice to you either and I’m sure he forgave you for what happened

**Treedad** : Ash, you don’t need to be sorry. I’m going to be honest, shit like this happens and sometimes it can’t be helped. None of this is to beat yourself up over

**Rockhard** : You heard what Kidd said, you would’ve destroyed yourself if you helped like you wanted to. 

**Imabadbitch** : Yeah But I still could have acted better towards Lucario 

**Rockhard** : Sure you said a few nasty things but he did to and wasn’t the nicest to you when we first met you. You were thirteen at the time, no one is absolutely perfect at that age and even then you’re still rather young then

**Themomthership** : Ash, I’m sure he forgave you. You helped him find out the truth about his friend and helped with his anger towards Sir Aaron 

**Imabadbitch** : I know but I still feel bad

**Rockhard** : Ash, don’t blame yourself for anything and there’s no need to feel bad. You did what you could and that’s what matters

**Imabadbitch** : Okay. I’m going back to bed, I’m still tired and sore

**Themomthership** : That’s fine, goodnight sweetie

  * ••••••••



**DragonsmakemegoUwU** : Wow, Ash has three dad’s and two moms ahfjahflgks

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : Catch me in the club crying over how sweet they are two each other

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : Also, I’m going to hug you next time I see you Ash

**Rockhard** : I know for a fact that half of the chat will

**Actuallyaqueen** : Riley has to catch these hands

**Rockhard** :  **_That’s if you can get within five feet of him_ **

**Actuallyaqueen** : What’s that supposed to mean 

**Rockhard** : Riley, while he’s not a full on Aura guardian, he’s well skilled in aura to block attacks and defend himself from a distance 

**Actuallyaqueen** : Fuck

**Riley** : Why does everyone want to hurt me 

**Actuallyaqueen** : Because you hurt him and brought back sad memories 

**Imabadbitch** : Shut your fuck Serena

**Actuallyaqueen** : Hdhskgjsgslgksgsk

**DragonsmakemegoUwU** : Ash has spoken

**DragonsmakemegoUwU** : Silence, Serena 

**Actuallyaqueen** : Hdjakgkfhslgj

**Actuallyaqueen** : I can’t believe I’ve been betrayed like this

**DragonsmakemegoUwU** : Perish 

**Rockhard** : I have a ditto and with the fact of what Jessie said a few weeks ago and that I’m heading to Alola later…. should I prank her

**DragonsmakemegoUwU** : Do it! Do it! DO IT! DO IT!

**Treedad** : As long as it doesn’t kill or seriously hurt anyone 

**Rockhard** : I’m doing what I did to Gary

**Treedad** : Then go for it

  * ••••••••



**Imabadbitch** : I wake up and the first thing I’m greeted by on this cursed chat is my own dad encouraging Brock to prank Jessie 

**Rockhard** : She must attest to her sins

**Imabadbitch** : I 

**Imabadbitch** : What

**Rockhard** : Her sins, Ash

**Rockhard** :  **HER SINS**

**Riley** : I have 

**Riley** : Many questions 

**Imabadbitch** : Oh same

**Riley** : If you need a break today that’s fine by the way

**Riley** : I wouldn’t be surprised if you’re still sore or drained from yesterday 

**Imabadbitch** : Nope, I’m fine! We can continue today

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : I’ve been wondering, how old  _ are  _ you

**Riley** : 18? Why?

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : Hdkfkghalgjdhs 

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : You better catch up Ash

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : Or else everyone is going to shoot past you

**Imabadbitch** : :(

**Imabadbitch** : I don’t do this to you

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : Because you’re short

**Imabadbitch** : :(

**MistywithaB** : To be fair, your mom’s 5’09” and as said earlier, your dad’s over six feet

**MistywithaB** : You’re a smol boi

**Imabadbitch** : At least I’m not a thot!

**MistywithaB** : Smol baby bean child

**Imabadbitch** : You’re like… only two years older

**MistywithaB** : I’m still taller and older

**Imabadbitch** : This is bullying :(

  * ••••••••



Jessie wasn’t expecting to have something damp and heavy dropped on her and when it did she screeched louder than an upset Exploud. The noise made James and Meowth jump out of their skin, Wobuffet hid in his pokeball, and all the surrounding Pokémon to run off and hide. 

“Oh my Arceus! What is this thing?!” Jessie cried as she shook off the thing that was draped over her. 

“It looks like a blanket but it’s meat,” James said giving the thing a curious look. That’s when the blanket started moving and started moving back towards Jessie and slowly wrapping itself around her.

“Get it off James! Meowth!” Jessie cried as the meat blanket wrapped around her.

“What do you want us to do?!” Meowth yelps, “I don’t want to be eaten by that thing!”

“How do you thing I feel!” Jessie yelled at the feline like Pokémon. 

She was in hysterics as the thing refused to get off her. Meanwhile in the background Brock was laughing so hard he started crying as he recorded the whole ordeal. This will be quite the video for the others to watch.

  * ••••••••



**Rockhard** uploaded video file  **Meatblanket**

**Rockhard** : The deed has been done!

**Imabadbitch** : I can’t believe you did that and what’s worse is that the whole school heard

**Rockhard** : Rip your classmates then

**Imabadbitch** : Brock what the  _ fuck _

**Rockhard** : She has it coming

**Imabadbitch** :  _ Brock _

**Rockhard** : She has to face her sins, Ash

**Imabadbitch** : Brock please 

**Imabadbitch** : I’m too tired for this 

**Rockhard** : Then perish 

**Imabadbitch** :  **_BROCK PLEASE_ **

**DragonsmakemegoUwU** : That was great

**DragonsmakemegoUwU** : I can’t believe you actually did it

**Rockhard** : At least someone appreciates me

**Imabadbitch** :  _ I do but my ears are still ringing  _

**Riley** : I’m literally a mile away and I even heard that scream and it freaked out Lucario 

**Rockhard** : Whoops 

**MistywithaB** : I never thought I’d seen the day 

**Imabadbitch** : Iris, are you in Alola 

**DragonsmakemegoUwU** : Yeah! Where are you?

**Imabadbitch** : Hau’oli city, school just let out

**DragonsmakemegoUwU** : Take me to Colress

**Imabadbitch** : Kukui has to take us since we’re children and they won’t trust you without an adult 

**Cursed** : I swear to Arceus, if you cause any trouble for Burnet or Lusamine I won’t hesitate to carry you like Riley carried Ash the other day

**DragonsmakemegoUwU** : Skshlfjxhhzfhkgkkcsg

**DragonsmakemegoUwU** : Yes sir!

**Cursed** : Good I don’t need to deal with anymore bullshit today

  * ••••••••



**Cursed** : I need a stiff drink and a nap

**Treedad** : What made you think she wouldn’t do something dumb. Do I even want to know what she did?

**Cursed** : I didn’t think she’d shove Colress into a pond and yell at him

**Imabadbitch** : She said she was going to threaten him!

**Cursed** : Yeah But I wasn’t expecting that!

**Imabadbitch** : Then perish 

**Cursed** : Shut up

**Imabadbitch** : Never 

**Cursed** : At least I don’t need a step stool to reach a cupboard or the bottom of the washing machine 

**Imabadbitch** : Don’t call me out like this 

**MistywithaB** : OwO 

**Imabadbitch** : Oh Arceus 

**MistywithaB** : Ash needs a step stoow?

**Imabadbitch** : Misty  _ please  _


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Imabadbitch - Ash  
> MistywithaB- Misty  
> Rockhard- Brock  
> Maybeitsnotmaybeline - Dawn  
> MarshMALLOW - Mallow  
> Lemonchild - Clemont  
> Illgladlysteponyou > Actuallyaqueen - Serena  
> Maskedroyal > Cursed - Kukui  
> Itsbrittanybitch - May  
> Purebean - Lillie  
> FuckitupSoph - Sophocles  
> Yeetorbeyeeted > Actuallycares™️ > Bitchysnowman - Paul  
> Countryboi > Thoticus - Gary  
> Whowantslasagna - Cilan  
> Themomthership - Delia  
> Satanicgremlin - Max  
> Whatthefuckkyle - Kiawe  
> DragonsmakemegoUwU - Iris  
> Imwashingmeandmyclothes - Lana  
> Internallydying - Tracy  
> Inyourdreams - Burnet  
> ChaoticNeutral - Norman  
> Honoraryparent > Chaoticadult- Alain  
> Ghostgirl - Acerola  
> McEndmysuffering - Sophie  
> AureaJ - Professor Juniper

**Imabadbitch** : I don’t know what I expected but it wasn’t having a Riolu throwing itself at me

**Itsbrittanybitch** : Hdkfkagflgj

**Itsbrittanybitch** : Context please?

**Imabadbitch** : Riley and I were training and a Riolu came out of nowhere and threw itself at me 

**Cursed** : Strange

**Cursed** : Riolu only live on Poni Island

**MarshMALLOW** : Why did it yeet itself at you though 

**Imabadbitch** : Your guess is as good as mine and Riley’s not helping 

**Imabadbitch** : The minute I’m pushed to the ground Riley just starts laughing 

**Riley** : Okay, you are aware all Riolu and Lucario can sense aura right 

**Imabadbitch** : Yes?

**Riley** : It probably sensed yours and thought you were another Riolu or a Lucario before seeing you 

**Riley** : If it makes you feel better, Lucario literally attacked me when we first met

**Imabadbitch** : shfkagdlghskfkdh

**Imabadbitch** : What?!

**Riley** : I’m not lying. I got an aura sphere to the stomach and then he just ran up to me looking for a fight

**Riley** : At the time I was twelve and extremely confused on what was going on 

**Itsbrittanybitch** : I’m sorry but what the  _ fuck _

**Riley** : Should I remind you how few people are aura users

**Riley** : A human that can use aura hasn’t been seen by Riolu and Lucarios in decades or even centuries 

**Itsbrittanybitch** : But still, what the  _ fuck _

**Imabadbitch** : Jdgjsgflgjdjg

**Imabadbitch** : I’m telling Lucario that you called him out

**Riley** : Do it, I can defend myself from him if tries anything 

**Imabadbitch** : Fhakgvlcfkkglfshds

**Imabadbitch** : That’s not what I was expecting 

**Riley** : It’s been six years, we’re both over it

**Riley** : It’s just a funny story of our first meeting 

**Imabadbitch** : I still can't believe Lucario literally wanted to fight you when you first met

**Itsbrittanybitch** : You two are chaotic

**Imabadbitch** : Says the person who has a kill list and ready to fight a lot of the people here

**Itsbrittanybitch** : Hdfjfhakg don’t call me out like this

**Imabadbitch** : Perish

**Cursed** : You should start heading home, dinner’s almost done

**Cursed** : Riley, you and Lucario can join us too 

**Imabadbitch** : Okay! We’ll be there in ten minutes 

  * ••••••••



**Imwashingmeandmyclothes** : Hey Ash, where does your dad get his protectiveness from? Well, aside from being your dad

**Imabadbitch** : Uh

**Imabadbitch** : I think from just being a dad?

**Inyourdreams** : Oh Professor Juniper knows where and when it started

**Imabadbitch** : Shfjshfkg

**Imabadbitch** : Professor Juniper?!

**Inyourdreams** : Yeah, according to her, they’ve been friends for years and traveled Unova together 

**Imabadbitch** : Oh?

**Treedad** : Please don’t add her. I don’t even know how you know this

**Inyourdreams** : We were friends in college, so she sometimes mentioned her time as a trainer 

**Inyourdreams** added  **AureaJ** to  **Arceus great god above end me**

**AureaJ** : I’m not going to question this but I would like to know  _ why _ I’m here 

**Inyourdreams** : Tell them about the little shit know as Augustine Sycamore 

**Treedad** : I didn’t agree to this and I thought we agreed to never talk about it

**AureaJ** : I didn’t agree to letting you live down anything

**AureaJ** : Anyways, Which story needs to be told

**Inyourdreams** : Tell them about Auggie’s Sawsbuck

**AureaJ** : Oh yeah, you’re not living that down anytime soon

**AureaJ** : Anyways, so fun fact to those who don’t know about Auggie’s team from when he was a trainer, he has a Sawsbuck. He got it as a Deerling and It’s also shiny but he didn’t realize till my dad mentioned it a month after getting it

**Imabadbitch** : Aufkfhslgjdv Dad?

**Treedad** : To be fair, I didn’t know what a normal Deerling looked like at the time 

**AureaJ** : Still doesn’t mean you weren’t a dumbass 

**AureaJ** : Anyways, we first came across it on our way from Driftveil City and he spots a confused and scared Deerling. Now this  _ dumbass _ decided to try and help it because it was clearly young and there was no Sawsbuck in sight. The problem? We were on a cliff, it was small but it was still a cliff. So he decided to go down and because it was steep he ended up falling and spraining his ankle. He doesn’t give a singular fuck and offers the Deerling a berry to try and gain it’s trust. 

**AureaJ** : Now you’d think he’d have enough common sense to catch it and get his ankle checked out before looking for the Deerling’s mother? Well he doesn’t 

**Imabadbitch** : Hdkfjakfjgldjd

**Treedad** : I can’t believe I’m being betrayed like this by my own friend 

**AureaJ** : I mean, shit happens?

**AureaJ** : He gains the Deerling’s trust and he picks up the Deerling seeing how it was rather small to help it find their mother. I’m trying to convince him to just catch for now so he can get his ankle fix but he’s ignoring me and already heading farther into the forest. We look for two hours and can’t find it so he does finally catch it just so we can get back to Driftveil. When we get to the hospital even the nurse says that it was dumb of him to ignore his sprained ankle but he still doesn’t give a singular fuck

**Imabadbitch** : Sjfksgdkgkwhx

**Imabadbitch** : What changed for him to be the one to ignore injury 

**McEndmysuffering** : He still does

**Imabadbitch** : To How He is now

**Imabadbitch** : Dad!

**Treedad** : I didn’t realize I had a cut on my arm okay? 

**AureaJ** : Practically nothing has changed I see

**AureaJ** : Anyways, So it’s not until a week later that we find the Deerling’s mother. Now what brought out Auggie’s Mother Kangaskhan instincts was that the Sawsbuck didn’t give a shit and actually kicked the Deerling away from her when the Deerling ran up to her. Auggie was about to cry and fight the Sawsbuck. He decided against it, called the Sawsbuck a fucking bitch, picked up the Deerling, and from that day forward he treated the Deerling like his own child

**Imabadbitch** : I 

**Imabadbitch** : Hsflhrjslfghwflfbs

**MarshMALLOW** : So Your dad is not only an apparent cryptid 

**MarshMALLOW** : But He’s a little shit and fits the Chaotic Good alinement perfectly

**AureaJ** : Didn’t you also name them?

**Treedad** : You were there when I named her

**Treedad** : You were even there when she found a mate and had a kid

**AureaJ** : I know but I wasn’t sure what you named her

**Treedad** : Her names Camellia and I’ve said this multiple times before 

**AureaJ** : And that, kids 

**AureaJ** : Is why everyone who’s ever met dear Augustine, calls him a mother Kangaskhan and why he’s so protective

**AureaJ** : There’s a few others but those are better to hear from Delia

**Imabadbitch** : I can’t believe you never told me this

**Treedad** : Aurea not letting me live it down is bad enough 

**Treedad** : Also, I was 14 or 15, leave me be

**AureaJ** : You were 15 and no. Most guys your age were more worried about the strength and how cool their Pokémon 

**AureaJ** : You? You didn’t care if your Pokémon were cool or not and your powerhouses turned out to be Camellia and your Cinncino

**Treedad** : And they still are powerhouses

**AureaJ** : Let’s test that next week, 2v2

**Treedad** : Sounds great to me

**Imabadbitch** : Kasgkhlsjld

**Imabadbitch** : I never realized how chaotic you can be

  * ••••••••



**Cursed** : Juniper, I think the idiocy is hereditary

**AureaJ** : Oh?

**Imabadbitch** : Kukui!

**Imabadbitch** : I know the Riolu is shiny!

**Imabadbitch** : I just didn’t think it was important to say because you guys would notice anyways!

**AureaJ** : What are you talking about 

**Cursed** : ajdgalgkdhflgjs

**AureaJ** : So I read up and I’m pretty sure the topic of conversation is more important than the Riolu being shiny

**Cursed** : Fair but still

**AureaJ** : I also feel like I’m missing a lot of context for the situation of the whole aura thing

**Imabadbitch** : It’s a long story I don’t want to talk about 

**AureaJ** : Fair enough have a nice day

  * **••••••••**



**AureaJ** : What was that one asshole’s name from the league?

**Treedad** : Which one?

**AureaJ** : The one that you battled in the Kalos league when you got to the semi-finals 

**Treedad** : I don’t remember but I do remember that his nickname was Giology which he absolutely hated

**AureaJ** : How do you remember his nickname but not his actual name?

**Treedad** : He was the living embodiment of the word Asshole?

**AureaJ** : Auggie you kill me

**Treedad** : Then Perish 

**Imabadbitch** : I don’t know what’s going on but I want to know more 

**Treedad** : Aurea, stop. I know what you’re going to say but we don’t talk about that league battle 

**AureaJ** : I can private message him the story and you wouldn’t be able to stop me

**Treedad** :  _ Aurea don’t  _

**[This message has been deleted]**

**Treedad** : I have mod powers 

**Treedad** : I can and will use them against you 

**AureaJ** : Fine, you’re boring 

**AureaJ** : Everything you did Then was justified 

**Treedad** :  _ I still don’t like talking about it _

**Imabadbitch** : Father why must you hide things from me :(

**Treedad** : I just don’t like thinking or talking about it

**Treedad** : But long story short, it’s part of the reason I don’t do as much battling any more

**AureaJ** : It’s your father’s sad emo backstory behind why he decided to become a professor 

  
  



	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Imabadbitch - Ash  
> MistywithaB- Misty  
> Rockhard- Brock  
> Maybeitsnotmaybeline - Dawn  
> MarshMALLOW - Mallow  
> Lemonchild - Clemont  
> Illgladlysteponyou > Actuallyaqueen - Serena  
> Maskedroyal > Cursed - Kukui  
> Itsbrittanybitch - May  
> Purebean - Lillie  
> FuckitupSoph - Sophocles  
> Yeetorbeyeeted > Actuallycares™️ > Bitchysnowman - Paul  
> Countryboi > Thoticus - Gary  
> Whowantslasagna - Cilan  
> Themomthership - Delia  
> Satanicgremlin - Max  
> Whatthefuckkyle - Kiawe  
> DragonsmakemegoUwU - Iris  
> Imwashingmeandmyclothes - Lana  
> Internallydying - Tracy  
> Inyourdreams - Burnet  
> ChaoticNeutral - Norman  
> Honoraryparent > Chaoticadult- Alain  
> Ghostgirl - Acerola  
> McEndmysuffering - Sophie  
> AureaJ - Professor Juniper  
> Onediggyboi- Roark

**Imabadbitch Treedad** : Call Out towards one(1) Aurea Juniper

**AureaJ** : I swear to god Auggie

**Treedad** : Perish

**Treedad** : She had no clue that Mew and Shaymin were mythical Pokémon until she was 17 

**AureaJ** : Bitch

**Treedad** : She only found out after I freaked out and asked her what the fuck she did to attract two mythical Pokémon 

**AureaJ** :  _ How was I supposed to know  _

**Treedad** : It’s common Knowledge!

**Treedad** : HIS NAME WAS GIOVANNI

**AureaJ** : It was wasn’t it

**Imabadbitch** : Wot

**Cursed** : I’ve never seen him switch topics faster since he overheard someone say Fairy types don’t exist while talking to Rowan

**AureaJ** : They said  _ what _

**Cursed** : What made the situation worse is that the person had a Dragonite while he had his Slurpuff

**Actuallyaqueen** : Wait, you have a Slurpuff?

**Treedad** : Yes 

**Treedad** : Half the Pokémon in the garden area are mine from my time traveling Kanto, Kalos, and Unova

**Imabadbitch** : How is this so surprising?

**Chaoticadult** : Probably because not everyone knows him like you?

**Imabadbitch** : Shut your fuck, you work with him so you know this

**Actuallyaqueen** : Wait

**Actuallyaqueen** : Why was Giovanni’s nickname Giology

**Treedad** : His team consisted of either rock or ground types

**AureaJ** : At the time he preferred Giology while I preferred Asshat

**Itsbrittanybitch** : The adults are chaotic here

  * ••••••••



**Imabadbitch** : Riley  _ H E L P _

**Riley** : What happened now?

**Imabadbitch** : Riolu is trying to fight Lucario again and they won’t listen to me

**Riley** : Why

**Imabadbitch** : I don’t know! I can’t understand them!

**Riley** : And I can?

**Imabadbitch** : I know you and Lucario have actually conversations you hoe

**Riley** : Fair enough I’ll be there in five

**Itsbrittanybitch** : Did I just witness one(1) smol boi call one(1) tall boi a hoe

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : Yeet him

**Imabadbitch** : Please don’t 

**Riley** : I’m not yeeting anyone ffs

**Riley** : But I make no promises that Lucario won’t yeet Riolu

**Imabadbitch** : Akshjsklfklf

**Imabadbitch** : Please make sure they don’t hurt each other

**Riley** : like I said earlier, I make no promises 

**AureaJ** : All due respect but what the **_fuck_** is a meat blanket

**Imabadbitch** : I’m yeeting myself now, thanks

**MarshMALLOW** :  _ Ash no _

**Imabadbitch** : I just want to end myself 

**Imabadbitch** : I can’t live with my mistakes 

**Treedad** : I will wrap you in bubble wrap 

**Imabadbitch** :  _ Please don’t  _

**Treedad** : Then stop trying to die

**Imabadbitch** : Let me end my suffering 

**Treedad** : No 

**Imabadbitch** : Dad please

**Treedad** : No

**Cursed** : Hey, I still have bubble wrap from last time

**Imabadbitch** : Please don’t

**Imabadbitch** : Oh deaR ARCEUS

**Cursed** uploaded file  **Again**

**Cursed** : Mew’s at their bullshit again 

**Imwashingmeandmyclothes** : They look so proud of themselves while Ash is just struggling under they

**Imabadbitch** :  _ H E L P _

**Treedad** : That’s what you get for wanting to yeet yourself 

**Imabadbitch** :  _ Y o u r n o t h e l p i n g _

**Imwashingmeandmyclothes** : Perish Ash 

**Imabadbitch** : Lana please

**Imwashingmeandmyclothes** :  _ P E R I S H _

**Imabadbitch** : Mew’s not light as a Ninetales!

**Imwashingmeandmyclothes** : This wouldn’t be a problem if you didn’t want to yeet yourself constantly

**Imabadbitch** : Fair But Someone please help

  * ••••••••



**Riley** : Since apparently it’s not obvious 

**Riley** : Please for the love of Arceus,  _ do not  _ sneak up on people 

**Riley** : That aura sphere to the stomach not pleasant,  _ Mallow  _

**MarshMALLOW** :  _ I’m sorry _

**MarshMALLOW** : I didn’t think that that would happen 

**Riley** : You still shouldn’t have snuck up on Ash like that

**Riley** : You’re lucky he didn’t knock over a tree or hit a building 

**Whatthefuckkyle** : Context  _ please _ for once in your life

**MarshMALLOW** : No

**Riley** : I’m helping Ash at least form a basic shield and aura sphere but while I’m doing this Mallow comes up from behind him and scares him causing him to release the aura sphere he was forming

**Riley** : I’d like to point out that aura spheres and shields will be put out on impulse if the user is scared and has limited control of their abilities

**Whatthefuckkyle** : Where’s Ash in all of this?

**Riley** : Chasing Mallow

**Whatthefuckkyle** : Oh of course he it

**Whatthefuckkyle** : Shouldn’t you be used to getting used to getting hit in the stomach by an aura sphere 

**Riley** : …

**Riley** : This is only the  _ third _ time it’s happened

**Whatthefuckkyle** : But in all honesty, that was a shitting idea Mallow 

**Whatthefuckkyle** : You’re not supposed to scare small children 

**Imabadbitch** : Is this betrayal 

**Whatthefuckkyle** : Just admit your short already 

**Whatthefuckkyle** : Riley’s taller than you and only a few years older than you 

**Imabadbitch** : Shut

**Whatthefuckkyle** : No

**MistywithaB** : Ash, you’re mom’s tall and your dad’s a fucking titan but you are somehow this tiny child 

**MistywithaB** : How is that possible?!

**Imabadbitch** : You act like I know!

**MistywithaB** : You  _ should  _

**Imabadbitch** : Perish 

  * ••••••••



**Imabadbitch** : Dad’s in Alola and Kukui has bubble wrap

**Imabadbitch** :  _ S E N D H E L P _

**Whatthefuckkyle** : Perish 

**FuckitupSoph** : Stop challenging death and this wouldn’t be a problem 

**Imabadbitch** : Gahsjjkffllddkdj

**Imabadbitch** :  _ Guys please _

**Riley** : He’s not wrong

**Imabadbitch** :  _ Please be on my side for once _

**Riley** : I’m just saying the truth 

**Imabadbitch** : It’s not appreciated 

**Cursed** : You act like your safe from the man who is Augustine Sycamore, Riley 

**Riley** : If he kills me then no one can teach Ash aura and the incident from earlier will be consistent if people don’t stop messing with 

**MarshMALLOW** : Riley, go yeet yourself off a cliff 

**Riley** : Why 

**Whatthefuckkyle** : She did it again 

**Imabadbitch** : Please don’t hurt me

**Imabadbitch** :  _ I didn’t mean for it to happen  _

**MarshMALLOW** : Suffer

**Imabadbitch** : Mallow  _ please _

**Imabadbitch** : I didn’t do this just for you assholes to mess with me 

**Riley** : I’m too tired for this shit

**Imabadbitch** : You’re not the one getting jumped!

**Riley** : Thank Arceus 

**Imabadbitch** : :(

  * **••••••••**



**Treedad** : I

**Treedad** : I have no words for you children 

**Imabadbitch** : The only thing that’s my fault is hitting Riley with an aura sphere and Mallow with a shield

**Imabadbitch** : Both of which were by accident

**Treedad** : I know and this isn’t directed at you 

**Treedad** : Much

**Riley** : I have nothing to do with this 

**Treedad** : I still don’t like you 

**Imabadbitch** : There’s a total of three people here my dad actually doesn’t like and I don’t know what to do with this information 

**Riley** : Who are the other two?

**Imabadbitch** : Paul and Trip

**AureaJ** : So you now know about Trip

**AureaJ** : I still don’t see  _ what  _ you have against Riley, Auggie

**AureaJ** : He’s a kind trainer and he’s helping your son

**Riley** : Finally

**Riley** : Someone’s actually standing up for me

**Treedad** : I don’t trust him

**AureaJ** : He knows a hell of a lot more about aura than you 

**AureaJ** : Not to mention, your son has never been hurt by him

**Treedad** : …

**Imabadbitch** : Dad please don’t yeet him

**Treedad** : Fine but I make no promises that I will change my opinion on him

**Riley** : I mean… it’s a start?

**Imabadbitch** : Dad has trust issues because of furry bitch man

**Riley** : Please don’t make me read that again 

  * ••••••••



**Itsbrittanybitch** : Riley has been here for three weeks and he still hasn’t succumbed to the chaos

**Riley** : Thank Arceus

**Imabadbitch** : You still aren’t safe for every :)

**Riley** : I don’t know what that means but at this point I’m too afraid to ask

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : Call Out post to one(1) blue boi

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : He speaks in hell speak to fuck with Roark and I but no one ever believes us

**Imabadbitch** : ….

**Imabadbitch** : It sounds like something he might do but it also sounds like something he wouldn’t 

**AureaJ** : I’ve known Riley for a short time but I’m pretty sure he would 

**Riley** : I have absolutely no clue what you’re talking about 

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : Ash, give me mod powers so I can add Roark

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** has been given mod powers for the next twenty four hours

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** has added  **Onediggyboi** to  **Arceus great god above end me**

**Onediggyboi** : Before any of you little shits say anything about the name

**Onediggyboi** : I lost a bet to Dawn and this is what happened 

**Imabadbitch** : Poor choice making a bet against Dawn

**Onediggyboi** : Anyways, Riley has absolutely spoken hellspeak and it’s terrible 

**Onediggyboi** : No one fucking believes me and I hate it. What I hate most is that he can say it properly with all the Ws

**Riley** : Is the lack of oxygen finally getting to you? You sound Delirious

**Onediggyboi** : I’m not delirious! You asshole

**Riley** : I’ve been called worse

**Onediggyboi** : I hate you 

**Riley** : So does Professor Sycamore, your not special 

**Onediggyboi** : I’m going to yeet you next time I see you and you know I can and will

**Riley** : So will Ash if he actually puts his mind to it

**Onediggyboi** : …

**Onediggyboi** : Wait, Why does Professor Sycamore of all people hate you

**Riley** : I’m helping Ash learn to use his aura and when I taught him how to activate it which made him sore so now Sycamore hates me for it

**Onediggyboi** : Why does Sycamore care?

**Riley** : His name isn’t Treedad for nothing on this cursed chat

**Onediggyboi** : Shflfjagflsg

**Onediggyboi** : Really?

**Onediggyboi** : Why isn’t he on then

**Imabadbitch** : Busy with a 2v2 with Professor Juniper 

**Onediggyboi** :  _ Is that good or bad? _

**Imabadbitch** : Why would it be bad

**Onediggyboi** : Idk

**Onediggyboi** : I’ve met him once or twice and I know about the time with the person who didn’t believe Fairy types existed

**Imabadbitch** : How many people know about that and why did I only find out recently

**Onediggyboi** : No really talks about. It was just a thing that happened 

**Imabadbitch** : Fair enough 

  * ••••••••



**FuckitupSoph** : @ **Treedad** @ **Riley** Why are you so abnormally tall 

**Treedad** : Some genetic thing that happened because of the great weapon being launched 3,000ish years ago

**Riley** : My mother was Kalosian

**MistywithaB** : Ash 👀

**Imabadbitch** : Stop

**MistywithaB** : Smol boi

**AureaJ** : Uh

**AureaJ** : Fun fact, Auggie used to be shorter than me prior to college 

**Treedad** : You kicked me in the shins because I was a foot taller than you when we met up in college 

**AureaJ** : You’re right and I don’t regret it at all 

**Imabadbitch** : How much shorter?

**AureaJ** : Two or three inches 

**Treedad** : I don’t remember at all

**Imabadbitch** :  _ How tall were you _ @ **AureaJ**

**AureaJ** : 5’6” and I constantly teased Auggie for being short

**Treedad** : I wasn’t that short 

**AureaJ** : Yeah But I still liked being taller than you 

**Treedad** : I guess that’s fair?

**Onediggyboi** : Ash I will literally pay you to hit Riley in the stomach with an aura sphere right now

**Imabadbitch** : Jdjakghdkl 

**Imabadbitch** : Why?

**Onediggyboi** : He’s doing the thing over dms

**Onediggyboi** uploaded file  **HELP**

**Imabadbitch** : Oh my Arce-

**Imabadbitch** : RILEY

**Riley** : How do you know that is wasn’t made using one of those fake messages apps that people use to make fake text conversations for characters in shows

**Onediggyboi** : I SWEAR TO GOD THAT HE ACTUALLY MESSAGED ME THIS

**Riley** : That’s what you keep saying yet no one ever believes you 

**Riley** : Are you trying to frame me for something I never did because you’re still mad that your dad offered me a job as a gym leader before you?

**Onediggyboi** : Riley I swear to Arceus you’re going to make me cry

**Riley** : Then perish bitch

**Treedad** : What the fuck?

**Imabadbitch** : Dawn and Roark have to deal with Riley speaking hellspeak to them

**Imabadbitch** : The problem? We don’t know if they’re lying or not but the whole Sinnoh league and our friends from Sinnoh think they’re lying 

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : Riley has been exposed for his sins

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : Now he must  **_PERISH_ **

**Riley** : I don’t know what you’re talking about Dawn

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : You can’t lie forever 

**Riley** : But I’m not?

**Riley** : I’m still certain that Roark made a fake text conversation between us

**Imabadbitch** : I literally saw you texting someone in a private message right before Roark came on 

**Riley** : Shit

**Imabadbitch** : How much are you offering Roark

**Onediggyboi** : Ten bucks or more depending on what happens

**Imabadbitch** : Deal

**Riley** : Oh shit

  * ••••••••



**Riley** : I didn’t help you for this

**Imabadbitch** : I didn’t think it’d hurt that much at close range!

**Riley** : Any stronger you would've broken a rib!

**Imabadbitch** :  **_I’m sorry_ **

**Onediggyboi** : Shut up you six piece Chicken McNobody

**Onediggyboi** : I know for a fact you can heal yourself and a cracked rib wouldn’t even take a minute to fix

**Onediggyboi** :  **_I’d also like to point out you got thrown off a very tall cliff and just got up and walked it off as if you tripped_ **

**Riley** : The damn thing still hurt

**Onediggyboi** : My shovel will hurt more than his aura sphere 

**Riley** : Don't you mean “My shovew wiww huwt mowe than his auwa sphewe”

**Onediggyboi** : I sweAR TO ARCEUS RILEY 

**Riley** : >:3

**Treedad** : It’s not even four yet, why are you all like this

**Imabadbitch** :  _ I didn’t mean to hurt him that much _

**Treedad** : I don’t know what made you think that was a good idea 

**Imabadbitch** : I didn’t plan on it to hurt him

**Onediggyboi** : Professor Sycamore, Ash, Riley is well accomplished aura user. He can heal himself easily but he’s just being a little shit because he has been outed for his bullshit. Ash you don’t need to be sorry. Professor, you can yeet Riley and don’t be mad at Ash

  * ••••••••



**Imabadbitch** : Well I think my dad is literally going to try and adopt Lillie which is fine 

**Imabadbitch** : But I’m worried he’s gonna yeet Lusamine

**MarshMALLOW** : Ksfjjakgldhflbf Proof?

**Imabadbitch** : Lillie came over just because she wanted the fatherly love she hasn’t had since she was five and because she need parental love in general and my dad is already an honorary dad to most of the people here

**AureaJ** : You’re too soft, Auggie

**Treedad** : Shut it, you’re not a parent 

**AureaJ** :  _ You always cry over baby Pokémon  _

**Treedad** : Don’t act like you don’t either 

**AureaJ** :  _ You’re literally the Group Chat Dad and have always been the dad friend since we were twelve _

**Treedad** : It’s not my fault you were a little shit

**AureaJ** :  _ The Deerling and Eevee incident  _

**Treedad** : …

**Cursed** : I’m pretty sure Aurea is going to be thrown into the ocean 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorry y’all for my bullshit


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Imabadbitch - Ash  
> MistywithaB- Misty  
> Rockhard- Brock  
> Maybeitsnotmaybeline - Dawn  
> MarshMALLOW - Mallow  
> Lemonchild - Clemont  
> Illgladlysteponyou > Actuallyaqueen - Serena  
> Maskedroyal > Cursed - Kukui  
> Itsbrittanybitch - May  
> Purebean - Lillie  
> FuckitupSoph - Sophocles  
> Yeetorbeyeeted > Actuallycares™️ > Bitchysnowman - Paul  
> Countryboi > Thoticus - Gary  
> Whowantslasagna - Cilan  
> Themomthership - Delia  
> Satanicgremlin - Max  
> Whatthefuckkyle - Kiawe  
> DragonsmakemegoUwU - Iris  
> Imwashingmeandmyclothes - Lana  
> Internallydying - Tracy  
> Inyourdreams - Burnet  
> ChaoticNeutral - Norman  
> Honoraryparent > Chaoticadult- Alain  
> Ghostgirl - Acerola  
> McEndmysuffering - Sophie  
> AureaJ - Professor Juniper  
> Onediggyboi- Roark

**AureaJ** : Auggie I don’t appreciate being thrown into the ocean!

**Treedad** : Perish

**AureaJ** : Shut up

**Treedad** : You can’t silence me thot

**Treedad** : It’s a yeet or be yeeted type of world

**Imabadbitch** : _Dad_ _please_

**Riley** : I’ve never knew your dad could actually use thot and I hate it

**MarshMALLOW** : Sjkfhahfkgjs

**MarshMALLOW** : He actually did it?

**Imabadbitch** : Yes

**Onediggyboi** : I don’t like this

**Onediggyboi** : This is worse than when Maylene taught my dad millennial slang and vines

**Imabadbitch** : Does he use them correctly 

**Onediggyboi** : Not once 

**Onediggyboi** : Volkner, Candice, Gardenia, and I were all having a mental breakdown when he use yeet and yote of all things incorrectly 

**Imabadbitch** : How do you use yeet and yote of all things incorrectly?!

**Onediggyboi** : I don’t know and I’m too afraid to ask

**Onediggyboi** : The real question is

**Onediggyboi** : How does your dad, a regional professor of all people, know slang and vines

**Imabadbitch** : He’s stuck here with my friends and I

**AureaJ** : I can’t believe you’ve corrupted him

**Imabadbitch** : You’re next

**AureaJ** : I don’t appreciate being threatened by a sixteen year old 

**MistywithaB** : He’s just being honest

**MistywithaB** : The only other adult who’s still sane is Norman since he ghosts the chat if he even looks at it 

  * ••••••••



**Imabadbitch** : So wait a fucking second 

**Imabadbitch** : I can do more then attack and defend people or myself with aura?

**Riley** : Yes, there’s a lot you can do with aura I just don’t know everything 

**Onediggyboi** : This was brought up yesterday and you’re only bring this up now?

**Imabadbitch** : I never thought about it much to be fair

**Rockhard** : Weren’t you against learning to use aura last week

**Imabadbitch** : Yes because May was being a little shit

**Onediggyboi** : hajfjagflfjs

**Onediggyboi** : I mean, that’s  _ a _ reason 

**Onediggyboi** : But not a good one

**Riley** : May did put up some very unrealistic hypothetical situations 

**Riley** : None if those would happen unless his Aura was like Sir Aaron’s it someone similar 

**Imabadbitch** : …

**Imabadbitch** : About that, Riley

**Riley** : You make me crave death more and more everyday 

**Imabadbitch** :  _ I’m sorry  _

**Riley** : Perish

**Imabadbitch** :  _ Riley I’m sorry _

**Riley** : Out of all the things you don’t tell me 

**Riley** :  _ It’s that your aura’s the same as Sir Aaron’s _

**Imabadbitch** :  _ I didn’t think it mattered much _

**Riley** : I swear to Arceus Ash

**Imabadbitch** : Riley 

**Imabadbitch** :  _ How was I supposed to know it was important  _

**Riley** : Oh I don’t know 

**Riley** :  _ MAYBE THE FACT SIR AARON IS ONE THE STRONGEST AND MOST WELL KNOWN AURA GUARDIANS _

**Imabadbitch** :  _ Riley please _

**Onediggyboi** : Whomst the fuck is Sir Aaron

**Riley** : I can’t believe you sometimes 

**Onediggyboi** : How do you think I feel

  * **••••••••**



**Cursed** : I swear Ash and Sycamore are gonna make me cry 

**Cursed** : I may be a millennial but I never understood  **_this_ **

**Cursed** uploaded video file  **McCrying**

**Rockhard** : Jshfjakfhsgdkg

**Rockhard** : That’s normal and he’s done it to me too

**Cursed** : I still don’t understand why or what it is

**Rockhard** : Ash is a gen z kid well versed in memes and Sycamore’s…. Sycamore?

**AureaJ** : He doesn’t sleep for shit and is constantly too dead inside to care

**AureaJ** : While I am partly to blame for last night because I needed help finishing a paper for later 

**AureaJ** : I can confirm he doesn’t sleep for shit. He may if he’s not working but even then I remember him being up before the ass crack of dawn and asleep after midnight 

**Treedad** : This could have waited because you know I get called out about my shit sleeping habits at every meeting

**AureaJ** : As your best friend it is my job to call you out on anything and everything

**Treedad** : Please don’t 

**AureaJ** : You can’t stop me bitch

**Treedad** : This is why I use my height against you 

**AureaJ** : Shut up you Titan

**Treedad** : You want to know who was a fucking titan?

**Treedad** : Lysandre. He makes everyone look short 

**AureaJ** : Oh Arceus, don’t remind me of that satan creature

**AureaJ** : He was five feet from 3rd to 4th grade but by the end of 6th he’s six feet and I had one fear

**AureaJ** : Then came sophomore year of college where I switched to a Kalos University and my fear was of Auggie

**Treedad** : I’m not that tall

**Themomthership** : Honey, Ash looks like a nine year old when he’s standing next to you 

**MistywithaB** : ….

**MistywithaB** : Smol beany boi

**Imabadbitch** : … 

**Imabadbitch** : :(

**MistywithaB** : Perish

**Imabadbitch** : This is why Brock’s my favorite 

  * ••••••••



**MarshMALLOW** : I thought she was kidding but Ash really does look like a nine year old next to his dad

**MarshMALLOW** : Why are Kalosians to tall?!

**Whatthefuckkyle** : His Dad would make us look like toddlers

**FuckitupSoph** : I don’t like that it’s true 

**Chaoticadult** : We really aren’t  _ that _ tall, Lysandre and Sycamore are just outliers

**Whatthefuckkyle** : Sounds like an ass ton of lies my dude

**Chaoticadult** : Have you guys not met Serena and Clemont yet?

**Chaoticadult** : Serena’s the same height as Ash and Clemont’s only an inch or two taller

**Whatthefuckkyle** : Then why the fuck are the rest of them so tall 

**Chaoticadult** : Genetics my dude

**AureaJ** : HA!

**AureaJ** : Kalosians Just have inhuman growth spurts at 16-20

**FuckitupSoph** : One(1) fear

**Whatthefuckkyle** : @ **Chaoticadult** never lie to my face again 

**Treedad** : Get off your phone, the everyone’s almost here

**AureaJ** : Shit already?

**MistywithaB** : Hey Mallow, can you send me photo evidence of this

**MarshMALLOW** uploaded file  **Beanboi**

**MistywithaB** : That’s So pure, I’m gonna cry

**MarshMALLOW** : You do you my duderino But I’m gonna cry out of fear 

**Imabadbitch** : I thought you were my friend Mallow

**MarshMALLOW** : Oh I am but the others need to see how small you are compared to your dad

**Whowantslasagna** : I’ve never actually seen his dad and now I fear him

**DragonsmakemegoUwU** : What happened for Ash to be so small compared to his dad

**Imabadbitch** : I don’t like this

**Onediggyboi** : He’s not as scary as he looks. He manages to hit his head on everything 

**MarshMALLOW** : Kdjahgldh You know this how?

**Onediggyboi** : Some League meeting bs. You would hear the thud and you never had to question it because he’s the only one tall enough to hit his head

**FuckitupSoph** : Uh? One(1) fear

**FuckitupSoph** : Why is this physically possible?

**Imabadbitch** : Guys 

**Imabadbitch** : Why are you so focused on this 

**Whowantslasagna** : To be fair, I’ve never seen someone so tall

**DragonsmakemegoUwU** : Your dad’s a McFucking Titan 

  * ••••••••



**Imabadbitch** : So riddle me this dad

**Imabadbitch** : If Mega Stones were created 3,000 years ago 

**Imabadbitch** : Why the fuck does Mewtwo have two Megas

**MarshMALLOW** : What the fuck is a Mewtwo 

**Lemonchild** : What Aren’t you telling us

**Imabadbitch** : Ask Brock 

**Rockhard** : Don’t push this on me!

**Imabadbitch** : Please 

**Lemon** :  _ Just say it _

**Imabadbitch** : Mewtwo is a clone of Mew and will utterly fuck you up

**Imabadbitch** : I was accidentally killed by them but we’re friends now 

**Riley** : I don’t like what I just read

**Riley** : Why would you become friends with the person who murdered you 

**Imabadbitch** : Murdered’s a harsh word

**Whatthefuckkyle** : ASH

**Whatthefuckkyle** : You literally got killed by them!  **_RILEY’S BEING A VOICE OF REASON_ **

**Imabadbitch** : I promise Mewtwo’s nice now

**Riley** : Doubt

**Imabadbitch** : Then doubt

  * ••••••••



**Treedad** : First things first

**Treedad** :  _ Riley is absolutely right and I am very worried about your mental wellbeing _

**Treedad** : Second of all, I have no clue. This is my first time hearing about it

**AureaJ** : Why… and how would someone clone Mew

**Inyourdreams** : What’s the point of it

**Rockhard** : World domination 

**Rockhard** : Team Rocket did it

**Treedad** : I’m not surprised anymore at this point

**AureaJ** : Hey Auggie, I still have all those baby photos you sent me

**Treedad** : I’m not????? Surprised?????

**Treedad** : You took up the title of his aunt when he was two and you’re also his godmother?

**AureaJ** : I know and I still can’t believe it

**MistywithaB** : How small was he as a child

**AureaJ** : Very

**AureaJ** : I sent them a plush for Ash when he was younger and I didn’t think it’d be around his height

**AureaJ** : I’m pretty sure it was a Cubchoo

**Cursed** uploaded file  **Tiredbean**

**Cursed** : Take notes Augustine

**MistywithaB** : I’m gonna cry

**AureaJ** : Kshakfjdkdlsh

**AureaJ** : Why does he have a Mew?!

**Cursed** : That’s not the point

**Cursed** : He’s actually sleeping instead of being on this cursed chat or having nightmares

**MistywithaB** : I’m McCryin y’all 

**MistywithaB** : He’s so smol 

**Rockhard** : I have never thought that it could happen

**Rockhard** : Misty is literally crying over Ash, is the world ending 

**MistywithaB** : Fuck you Brock

**Rockhard** : No thanks, I’m good

**MistywithaB** : You’re dead to me

**Rockhard** : That’s what my parents told my siblings and I

**AureaJ** : Careful what you say, you’ll activate Auggie’s mother instincts

**Rockhard** : He’s a better dad than my own

**MistywithaB** : That’s not hard

**AureaJ** : You’re making him cry

**Rockhard** : Jdhskgksgdk I’m sorry 

**AureaJ** : You made him cry now perish

**Cursed** : If there’s one thing I’ve learned about Augustine, it’s that he’ll cry over anything if warranted 

**MistywithaB** : Professor Sycamore is now the group chat dad officially, no one can change this. He’s adopted half the chat already as it is

**AureaJ** : Meet us at the shack, Brock

  * ••••••••



**Treedad** : @ **Riley**

**Treedad** uploaded file  **Saygoodbye**

**Treedad** : You’ve got ten seconds to explain why my son’s sick before I yeet you

**Riley** :  _ Fuck _

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : Today is the day we make the day that we lost a shit friend and and an even worse teacher

**AureaJ** : Auggie I swear to Arceus 

**AureaJ** : Calm down before I smother you 

**MistywithaB** : Shouldn’t we… get Delia

**AureaJ** : No because she’ll be after blood too

**Riley** : Before anyone murders me, please know I didn’t know this would at all happen

**Riley** : With the fact Ash has such a strong Aura and I didn’t find out till after training just know that, it most likely weakened him enough for him to get sick. This can sometimes happen but it’s only if they have a strong aura that’s been dormant for awhile. It could also be from lack of sleep in general or he’s over worked

**AureaJ** : Yain’t safe for shit Riley

**Riley** :  _ I know and I’m scared _

**AureaJ** : Tough luck kid

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So school started Tuesday so I haven’t been asleep to get a chapter out and also I’ve started working on another story because I’m That Person™️


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Imabadbitch - Ash  
> MistywithaB- Misty  
> Rockhard- Brock  
> Maybeitsnotmaybeline - Dawn  
> MarshMALLOW - Mallow  
> Lemonchild - Clemont  
> Illgladlysteponyou > Actuallyaqueen - Serena  
> Maskedroyal > Cursed - Kukui  
> Itsbrittanybitch - May  
> Purebean - Lillie  
> FuckitupSoph - Sophocles  
> Yeetorbeyeeted > Actuallycares™️ > Bitchysnowman - Paul  
> Countryboi > Thoticus - Gary  
> Whowantslasagna - Cilan  
> Themomthership - Delia  
> Satanicgremlin - Max  
> Whatthefuckkyle - Kiawe  
> DragonsmakemegoUwU - Iris  
> Imwashingmeandmyclothes - Lana  
> Internallydying - Tracy  
> Inyourdreams - Burnet  
> ChaoticNeutral - Norman  
> Honoraryparent > Chaoticadult- Alain  
> Ghostgirl - Acerola  
> McEndmysuffering - Sophie  
> AureaJ - Professor Juniper  
> Onediggyboi- Roark

**AureaJ** : So will  _ anyone  _ tell me why Ash has Mew?

**Cursed** : It doesn’t matter really. Mew’s with him by choice 

**AureaJ** : It would still be really nice to know

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : All due respect Riley but you brought this upon yourself 

**Riley** : _ I know but please  _ **_stop_ ** __

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** :  _ You should’ve asked _

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : Now you’re going to die

**Cursed** : Leave Riley be

**Cursed** : He’s got three different books all out that none of us, not even Augustine, can read. He’s got his work cut out

**Treedad** : I know only three languages so just shut your fuck

**Cursed** : Yeah but you can translate a lot

**Treedad** : Not really. I’ve translated one thing 

**Riley** :  _ I’m sorry all these books are in old kantonian but I don’t know what to fucking tell you Dawn  _

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : Bye bitch

**Riley** : Shut it 

**Riley** : Learning old Kantonian is like learning Kalosian, Kantonian, and Unovan but all the words and meanings have been flopped to the point that context determines the meaning and the worlds aren’t even correlated to Unovan or Kalosian 

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : What the fuck does it mean

**Riley** : It means you have to unlearn everything to learn this

**Riley** : I’ve been learning it since I was ten and I still don’t get a lot of it

**Cursed** : Are you crying?

**Riley** :  **_BRAVE ASSUMPTION I'M NOT_ **

**Riley** : Nothing in these books are making sense right now. I can’t find much of anything on if illness can be caused by certain uses of aura

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : Wait

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : Riley’s actually crying?

**Treedad** : Yeah

**Cursed** : Yeah

**Riley** uploaded file  **Fuckyou**

**Riley** : THIS IS WHAT I'M DEALING WITH

**Riley** : I have these Arceus forsaken books memorized, I have no clue if illness is even mentioned in any of these

**Rockhard** : Maybe he’s just naturally sick and it doesn’t have anything to do with aura?

**Rockhard** : While there’s a chance it could be, it only happened a little bit earlier

**Riley** : There’s a lot of unknown bullshit about aura, anything is possible 

**Riley** : This wouldn’t be such a problem if  **ROTA WOULD ALLOW ACCESS TO THEIR BOOKS ON AURA**

**Riley** : Rota wonders why Aura is dead practically when all their books were locked into the royal library when Sir Aaron died

**MarshMALLOW** : What the actual fuck even is in those books

**Riley** : Old Kantonian! 

**Riley** : All of it is fucking confusing and it took me seven years to memorize all these books!

**FuckitupSoph** : Why… would you memorize them?

**Riley** : I was sick of people of people doubting me about what I was talking about so I decided to memorize it to make them shut up 

**MarshMALLOW** : …

**Riley** : I will yeet you

**Imwashingmeandmyclothes** : That sounds like a waste of time

**Riley** : It was But I get to flex of Roark and the others because they don’t have the patience 

**Onediggyboi** : Weird flex but okay 

**Riley** : Remember when you decided to actually try hitting me with a shovel

**Onediggyboi** : Yes and I’m still scared of you 

**Riley** : Do it again and I’ll actually break it

**Onediggyboi** : I know and it scares me

**Cursed** : Context for Arceus’s sake!

**Onediggyboi** : I made the poor choice to hit him because he was fucking with me and he bent the metal of the shovel with his hand because aura bullshit™️ 

**Riley** : I will break the damn thing next time :)

**Onediggyboi** :  _ I know and it scares me _

**Riley** :  _ GOOD _

**Riley** : I don’t appreciate being hit in the head with a shovel

**Imwashingmeandmyclothes** : Are you two okay?

**Onediggyboi** : We Just have a bit of a rivalry 

**Riley** : This is what happens when you have a dumbass meet an even bigger dumbass 

**Onediggyboi** : That is also true!

**Imwashingmeandmyclothes** : …

**Imwashingmeandmyclothes** : I don’t know what to say

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : We don’t question it

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : I think Roark is just bitter still over Riley being offered to become a Gym Leader instead of him

**Riley** : If that’s actually the case, Roark, then meet me on Melemele so I can yeet your dumb ass 

**Onediggyboi** : No I’m fine

**Riley** : Coward

  * ••••••••



**Riley** : So There’s literally  **_nothing_ ** that says illness can be caused by any use of aura

**Riley** : So I’m pretty sure this is just his bullshit catching up to him that’s making him sick 

**Riley** : if the illness advances then take him to Arceus foresaken hospital and I’ll see what I can do about breaking into the Rota Royal Castle 

**Rockhard** : That started normal but then Riley offered to do some pretty illegal shit

**Riley** : If their Queen’s gonna be a bitch, I’m fighting back

**Rockhard** : That’s illegal still

**Riley** : I’ve had to deal with these three books for eight years

**Riley** : There’s only so much information I can get from them before it’s repetitive!

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : Adults?

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : Help?

**Treedad** : I mean???? Don’t break into castles???

**Riley** : I don’t give a singular fuck

**Cursed** : Please for the love of Arceus don’t 

**Cursed** : I don’t care what you’re defense is but I don’t give a single fuck, just don’t do it

**MistywithaB** : What the fuck Riley 

**Riley** : I have a low tolerance for Rota’s bullshit

**Lemonchild** : That doesn’t mean you fucking break into Rota

**Itsbrittanybitch** : I don’t go on here for two days and this shit happens?

**Itsbrittanybitch** : Also, hell yeah, do it

**ChaoticNeutral** : May, for the love of Arceus, don’t encourage this

**Itsbrittanybitch** : You can’t stop me

**ChaoticNeutral** : Yes but I can ground you if you don’t be reasonable 

**Itsbrittanybitch** : This is a trap, I don’t like it

**ChaoticNeutral** : May, I’m not kidding 

**Itsbrittanybitch** : Fine…

**Riley** : I can’t believe this 

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : Don’t do illegal shit

  * ••••••••



**Imabadbitch** : I get sick and this happens 

**Imabadbitch** : Dad threatens Riley, Riley has a mental breakdown, Norman’s active, and no one tells Juniper why I have a Mew because I can’t

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : The small boi’s awake

**Imabadbitch** : I’m straight up not having a good time 

**Itsbrittanybitch** : Perish, you’ve been outed by both your dad and Prof. Juniper for being a smol boi

**Imabadbitch** : I didn’t agree to that

**Itsbrittanybitch** : Then Perish 

**Imabadbitch** : I’m going back to bed, only my Pokémon love me at this point 

**Imabadbitch** : Mew does treat me like this

**MistywithaB** : Yeah but they killed you when you first met

**Imabadbitch** : That only happened because I was a dumbass 

**Imabadbitch** : Mewtwo actually tried killing me

**MistywithaB** : Ash

**MistywithaB** : Mew still killed you and you almost stayed dead

**Imabadbitch** : Right now I wish I was still dead

**DragonsmakemegoUwU** : Hhhhhhhng

**DragonsmakemegoUwU** : Ash I swear to Arceus 

**Imabadbitch** : I don’t want to deal with this

**DragonsmakemegoUwU** : Where are all the responsible adults

**Imabadbitch** : Asleep

**Itsbrittanybitch** : What time is it there

**Imabadbitch** : Five am

**Chaoticadult** : Go???? to???? bed????

**Imabadbitch** : I’ve been asleep since three thirtyish 

**Imabadbitch** : Also, shut up. You stay up all night then pass out in the kitchen 

**Chaoticadult** : Yes But I’m an adult, you’re a little baby boio 

**Imabadbitch** : I’m yeeting myself

**Cursed** : No

**Imabadbitch** : Oh hewwo 

**Cursed** : Where’d the giant Arcanine come from?

**Imabadbitch** : It’s Mew

**Imabadbitch** : I see that eyebrow raise, I don’t trust it

**Cursed** : Suffer

**Cursed** : How are you not suffocating 

**Imabadbitch** : I’m not a dumb bitch

**Cursed** : Go back to bed

**Imabadbitch** : But I’ve been asleep for hours 

**Cursed** : Yeah but you’re sick

**Imabadbitch** : Then I’ll perish 

**Cursed** : Don’t make me get your dad involved 

**Imabadbitch** : You can’t make me sleep

**MistywithaB** : Sleep or else

**Imabadbitch** : I’m not scared of you 

**MistywithaB** : When I go to Alola you will be

**Imabadbitch** : Hhhhhhhhhhh

**Imabadbitch** : Fine

**Cursed** : I 

**Cursed** : What

**Imabadbitch** : If There’s one person I fear almost as much as my dad, it’s Misty

**Cursed** : Oh?

**Imabadbitch** : Don’t give me the eyebrow raise 

**Cursed** : You’re scared of Misty of all people

**Cursed** : Yeet a bug type At her and she’ll leave you be

**Imabadbitch** : Goodnight

**Cursed** : It’s morning 

**Imabadbitch** : I’m going back to bed

  * ••••••••



**Treedad** : I’m sorry but Mew did what

**Imabadbitch** : Hhhhhhh

**Imabadbitch** : Dad no

**Imabadbitch** : I almost died because of my own dumbassery, they were just trying to kill each other but I got in the way when I tried to make them stop

**Treedad** : You’re a danger to yourself 

**Treedad** : Please don’t do that again 

**Rockhard** :  _ Boy do I have news for you  _

**Treedad** : Ash,  _ please _ , why do you do this to yourself 

**Imabadbitch** : Champions are shit and don’t do their jobs

**Imabadbitch** : Not to mention, I’m the chosen one which means I have to suffer

**Treedad** : Ash you’re killing me

**Imabadbitch** : Blame Arceus 

**Treedad** : Everytime I hear this I lose ten years off my life 

**Imabadbitch** : I’m pretty sure I actually lose ten years off my life everytime it happens 

**DragonsmakemegoUwU** : akdgldwkfhl

**DragonsmakemegoUwU** : asH NO

**Treedad** : You’re killing me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because I’m That Person™️ I’m working on a Single Dad AU and it should be up later this afternoon. Also tip, don’t go on a Discord call at two am. I’m now going to make a one shot based of the “And they were roommates” vine


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Imabadbitch - Ash  
> MistywithaB- Misty  
> Rockhard- Brock  
> Maybeitsnotmaybeline - Dawn  
> MarshMALLOW - Mallow  
> Lemonchild - Clemont  
> Illgladlysteponyou > Actuallyaqueen - Serena  
> Maskedroyal > Cursed - Kukui  
> Itsbrittanybitch - May  
> Purebean - Lillie  
> FuckitupSoph - Sophocles  
> Yeetorbeyeeted > Actuallycares™️ > Bitchysnowman - Paul  
> Countryboi > Thoticus - Gary  
> Whowantslasagna - Cilan  
> Themomthership - Delia  
> Satanicgremlin - Max  
> Whatthefuckkyle - Kiawe  
> DragonsmakemegoUwU - Iris  
> Imwashingmeandmyclothes - Lana  
> Internallydying - Tracy  
> Inyourdreams - Burnet  
> ChaoticNeutral - Norman  
> Honoraryparent > Chaoticadult- Alain  
> Ghostgirl - Acerola  
> McEndmysuffering - Sophie  
> AureaJ - Professor Juniper  
> Onediggyboi- Roark

**Imabadbitch** : Where’s Riley

**Treedad** :  **_Where do you think_ **

**Imabadbitch** :  _ Fuck _

**Cursed** : We tried to stop him

**Inyourdreams** : No, Augustine and I did

**Inyourdreams** : You screeched like a baby eevee when he activated his Aura

**Imwashingmeandmyclothes** : What in the name of Arceus?

**Imabadbitch** : I’m scared

**MarshMALLOW** : Ash Why is he like this

**Imabadbitch** : _ I don’t know _

**Rockhard** : Why aren’t the adults doing anything?

**Treedad** : You really think we can stop him? He has Aura and could easily take us down. 

**Imabadbitch** : I’m taking Mew and we’re heading to Rota

**Whatthefuckkyle** : How? Mew’s a foot tall and all due respect for them, but I doubt you’ll get there in time. 

**Imabadbitch** : Mew can learn  **any** move and can turn into any Pokémon 

**Imabadbitch** : I think I know what I’m doing 

**Whatthefuckkyle** :  _ Do _ you know what you’re doing 

**Imabadbitch** : Not really but I’ll figure it out

**Whatthefuckkyle** : You absolute disaster

**Imabadbitch** : At least I’m not breaking into Rota’s Royal Castle!

**Treedad** : Don’t get in trouble and if someone hurts you, let me know

**Imabadbitch** : And if I hurt myself?

**Treedad** : You get wrapped in bubble wrap when you get back 

**Imwashingmeandmyclothes** : Ash is a delicate boi confirmed

**Imabadbitch** : Bye!

*********

**Imabadbitch** : Riley’s livid

**Riley** :  _ I don’t like you _

**Imabadbitch** : You’re not special 

**Riley** :  _ You know the Queen of Rota _

**Imabadbitch** : Yes But I haven’t been to Rota since I was thirteen and going back has not been on the top of my bucket list

**Riley** : Anything  _ else _ I should know?

**Imabadbitch** : I almost died for Mew and the Tree of life?

**Riley** : I didn’t agree to becoming your teacher for this

**Imabadbitch** : I can get you those books now though

**Riley** : I’m still mad at you 

**Treedad** :  **_YOU HAVE BEEN OFFLINE FOR THREE HOURS_ **

**Treedad** :  **_WHAT HAPPENED_ **

**Riley** : Mew teleported but accidentally dropped him for some reason. Ash hit his head and was passed out for awhile 

**Imabadbitch** : To be fair, I should've thought things through because Mew is still a child practically and when we teleported I forgot Mew’s used to teleporting high enough so people can’t see them

**Treedad** : Ash, you are no longer safe from the bubble wrap at this point 

**Imabadbitch** : Please don’t do it

**Treedad** : Perish

**Imabadbitch** : I am. My head feels like I have a Fearow screeching in my ear

**Treedad** : I’m scared for you. 

**Imabadbitch** : So was Riley. I when I woke up he was crying

**Riley** : You fell from the fucking sky and I had no clue if you were going to live

**Imabadbitch** : I have fallen from a cliff and lived!!

**Imabadbitch** :  **I’VE BEEN KILLED BY MEWTWO AND MEW AND LIVED**

**Riley** : This is not the same situation!

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : The fact Riley has had multiple mental breakdowns over Ash which raises many questions

**Imabadbitch** : No 

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : I haven’t even asked anything 

**Imabadbitch** : Still

**Imabadbitch** : No

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : Shut it, you Smol bean 

**Imabadbitch** :  _ Stop _

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : Smol beany boi

**Imabadbitch** : Leave me be before I yeet you 

**Lemonchild** : Why do you threaten everyone?

**FuckitupSoph** : Yeah, I don’t even get that mad when I get called small

**Imabadbitch** : I have been the same damn height since I was twelve 

**Imabadbitch** :  _ Leave me be _

**Riley** : My whole life has been just one huge mental breakdown

**Riley** : I mean, it’s not everyday you run away from home because your asshole father forces too many expectations on you at the ripe age of ten

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : W-what

**Onediggyboi** : Yes! Our good friend Asshole has an edgy emo backstory!

**Imabadbitch** : Riley are you okay?

**Riley** : I have not been okay in eight years

**Imabadbitch** : You’re getting a hug and I will make dad give you fatherly love 

**Cursed** : He’s gonna do it anyways

**Cursed** : He’s about to cry

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : Why now?!

**AureaJ** : His parents were assholes too. He had a lot of pressure as the oldest

**AureaJ** : Though he didn’t run away but I think that was that he wanted to be a role model for his brother so he didn’t turn out like their parents 

**Cursed** : Well if he wasn’t crying earlier he’s crying now

*********

**Imabadbitch** : My life’s a lie

**Riley** : Oh same?

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : Why now 

**Imabadbitch** : @ **DragonsmakemegoUwU** @ **Whowantslasagna** You two will want to hear this 

**Imabadbitch** : Turns out Colress is my uncle?

**DragonsmakemegoUwU** : Please tell me your kidding

**Imabadbitch** : I didn’t sign up for this shit

**Whowantslasagna** : Did he not recognize you at all in Unova or when you met up the other day?

**Imabadbitch** : Hell if I know!

**AureaJ** : So while, Yes, some of this has been hidden from you

**AureaJ** : Cole and Auggie have a six year age difference and Cole did go missing shortly after graduating. With him living in Unova and needing to focus on school, he didn’t call much

**Cursed** : Why do you rarely call people by their full name 

**AureaJ** : it’s just a thing I do 

**Whowantslasagna** : Hey Iris, you know this means you shoved Professor Sycamore’s younger brother into a pond 

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : Add him

**Imabadbitch** : Like hell I will!

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : Do it and I’ll stop calling you short

**Imabadbitch** : No, I’d rather be called short!

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : If you add him, you can drag his ass

**Imabadbitch** : I’m leaving, bye

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : No!

**Imabadbitch** : Bye!

*********

**Cursed** : Ash has now been thoroughly wrapped in bubble wrap, Augustine is questioning his life choices while comforting Riley, and Colress and Burnet are the only sane ones

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : What about you

**Cursed** : I’m dead tired 

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : Add Colress 

**Cursed** : Ask Burnet, I don’t have his contact

**Inyourdreams** has added  **Thatisincorrect**

**Inyourdreams** : Ash can’t get me if he’s wrapped in bubble wrap and doesn’t know 

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : Wh

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : Why is his name that

**Inyourdreams** : First thing he said to me was that and because of the vine it stuck

**Cursed** : What the fuck is Riolu trying to get

**Inyourdreams** uploaded video file  **Secondarydad**

**Inyourdreams** : I think the bubble wrap was a mistake

**Cursed** : It worked last time

**Inyourdreams** : Well Ash has a Pokémon who can you knives and scissors so it wouldn’t work

**Cursed** uploaded file  **Hefuckindead**

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : Oh my god he fuckin dead

**Thatisincorrect** : I look at my phone and I see this

**Inyourdreams** : Welcome to hell Colress

**Thatisincorrect** : I have so many questions 

**DragonsmakemegoUwU** : I will murder you 

**Thatisincorrect** : August, Delia, come get your small angry child

**Imabadbitch** : I feel betrayed, I wish I died when Mew dropped me

**Thatisincorrect** : I’m sorry what?

**Thatisincorrect** : I feel like I’m missing something 

**AureaJ** : You and I both are but they refuse to tell me why the fuck Ash has a Mew

**Thatisincorrect** : What?!

**Imabadbitch** : I won’t hesitate bitch

**Thatisincorrect** : I know I fucked up but please tell me what the fuck is going on

**Rockhard** : Ash has a habit of dying and so the legendaries just collectively agreed to have Mew keep Ash safe? 

**Rockhard** : He also is bitter about what happened in Unova

**Inyourdreams** : Thanks Brock, Colress is going to go to jail for attempted murder now 

**Rockhard** : What?

**Inyourdreams** uploaded file  **Youheardme**

**Rockhard** :  _ What _

**Cursed** uploaded video file  **Heyeetithandheyoinkith**

**Riley** : I guess both him and Ash are

**Imabadbitch** : Shut 

**Riley** : Is everyone in your family a little shit?

**AureaJ** : No, just those three 

*********

**Itsbrittanybitch** : Everyone in Ash’s family is a cryptid including Ash

**Itsbrittanybitch** : His dad’s a general cryptid, his uncle is schrödinger's cryptid, his mom’s the chat cryptid, and Ash is the league cryptid 

**Satanicgremlin** : Explain

**Itsbrittanybitch** : We know his dad exists but we also don’t, he is and isn’t a cryptid, she’s never on and when she is we can’t prove it, and he is a champion but no one can prove it

**Satanicgremlin** : Half the people can prove half of that, go to bed

**Itsbrittanybitch** : Silence child

**Satanicgremlin** : I’ll get dad on here

**Imabadbitch** : I just want to sleep so please shut up

**Satanicgremlin** : What time is it there? 

**Imabadbitch** :  **_2am_ **

**Imabadbitch** : I’ve had a stressful day, please let me sleep

*********

**Thatisincorrect** : He has you sleep habits, Augustine 

**Treedad** : I don’t know what sleep is anymore 

**McEndmysuffering** : Okay you little shit

**McEndmysuffering** : You are literally a role model to people here and a father

**McEndmysuffering** : Get your shit together before I yeet you 

**Treedad** : I will sleep better when I don’t have two months of work due in one month constantly 

**McEndmysuffering** : She still thinks you’re that incompetent?

**Treedad** :  _ Yes and I hate it _

  
  
  



	20. I’ve had it done for a week I’m sorry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Imabadbitch - Ash  
> MistywithaB- Misty  
> Rockhard- Brock  
> Maybeitsnotmaybeline - Dawn  
> MarshMALLOW - Mallow  
> Lemonchild - Clemont  
> Illgladlysteponyou > Actuallyaqueen - Serena  
> Maskedroyal > Cursed - Kukui  
> Itsbrittanybitch - May  
> Purebean - Lillie  
> FuckitupSoph - Sophocles  
> Yeetorbeyeeted > Actuallycares™️ > Bitchysnowman - Paul  
> Countryboi > Thoticus - Gary  
> Whowantslasagna - Cilan  
> Themomthership - Delia  
> Satanicgremlin - Max  
> Whatthefuckkyle - Kiawe  
> DragonsmakemegoUwU - Iris  
> Imwashingmeandmyclothes - Lana  
> Internallydying - Tracy  
> Inyourdreams - Burnet  
> ChaoticNeutral - Norman  
> Honoraryparent > Chaoticadult- Alain  
> Ghostgirl - Acerola  
> McEndmysuffering - Sophie  
> AureaJ - Professor Juniper  
> Onediggyboi- Roark  
> Itscalledfashionbaby-Diantha

> **IMaybeitsnotmaybeline** : What the fuck did Augustine say for Colress to try smothering him with a pillow?

**Treedad** : I brought up something he still isn’t over

**Treedad** : I will forever give him shit for that

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : Which was?

**Treedad** : I can’t say, I don’t feel like his bullshit

**Thatisincorrect** : I don’t want to deal with yours either but here I am

**Treedad** : You could’ve left at any point in time but here you are

**Thatisincorrect** : Are you really spinning in the chair

**Treedad** : I got a coffee with twenty shots of espresso

**Thatisincorrect** : What

**Thatisincorrect** : Why?

**Treedad** : Because for my job it’s required and I haven’t slept in three days

**Thatisincorrect** : You were never that bad  _ were you _

**Treedad** : I was way worse in College 

**Treedad** : I didn’t sleep for a month and passed out the day before finals

**Themomthership** : I remember that

**Thatisincorrect** : Augustine, you are a full grown adult and a father, what are you doing with your life

**Treedad** : I could say the same thing about you 

**Imabadbitch** : I don’t like asking you for help, but  _ please _ make him sleep

**Imabadbitch** : He’s asking if plants have feelings and can feel pain

**Thatisincorrect** : Perish

**********

**Imabadbitch** : I’m too tired for this shit

**Riley** : I don’t understand anything he said, it just sounded very violent?

**Imabadbitch** : I could loosely understand it

**Thatisincorrect** : He was talking about the stolen Mega Stones. Apparently he had two mega stones that were stolen the night after he got them. They have a large chance of being Mewtwo’s Mega Stones

**Imabadbitch** :  **_H U H_ **

**Imabadbitch** :  **_WACC_ **

**Thatisincorrect** : Hella wacc

**Whowantslasagna** : I am I having a stroke? A fever dream? Hallucinations?

**DragonsmakemegoUwU** : Are we  _ really  _ sure this is Colress

**Thatisincorrect** : I can confirm I am Colress 

**Thatisincorrect** : I am also a millennial, I don’t know what to tell you 

**Imabadbitch** : Wack

**Thatisincorrect** : TokTok is Vine two but for young millennials and Gen Z

**Imabadbitch** : What is this feeling?

**Thatisincorrect** : I have the daily feeling of dread that Ghetsis is still alive and plotting my death 

**Thatisincorrect** : For you my dear nephew

**Thatisincorrect** : It is fear

**Rockhard** : What?

**Imabadbitch** uploaded video file  **Help**

**Lemonchild** : Learn Kalosian and only Then will I consider helping you

**Imabadbitch** : Fuck you too Clemont, I live in Kanto and even then the only other language we’re taught is Unovan 

**Actuallyaqueen** : Then perish 

**Imabadbitch** : This is exactly why I don’t love you 

**Actuallyaqueen** : I’ll live

**Imabadbitch** : I can understand it somewhat and the only thing I can say fluently is “All hail our lord and savior Ghiratina”

**Actuallyaqueen** : What the fuck

**Imabadbitch** : I don’t know how or why but I mainly blame the kid who said it to me when I was five

**Thatisincorrect** : See! I told you it wasn’t me who taught him that!

**Treedad** : You taught him how to say fuck and thought it’d be funny

**Thatisincorrect** : It was until you tried smothering me

**MistywithaB** : What’s up with you and smothering people?

**Thatisincorrect** : Doesn’t leave blood or fingerprints 

**Imabadbitch** : I

**Cursed** :  **_WHAT PART OF YOUR DAMN JOB REQUIRES 20 SHOTS OF ESPRESSO_ **

**Treedad** : I have to catch up on some work that has to be sent to Diantha by tonight 

**Thatisincorrect** : WACCCc

**Imabadbitch** :  _ Wacc  _

**DragonsmakemegoUwU** : I am scared of Colress

**Treedad** : He hit his head while spinning in an office chair because he decided to lay down in it

**Treedad** : He’s really not that scary

**DragonsmakemegoUwU** : Hdlahfkshs

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : How old was he?!

**Treedad** : 16 almost 17

**Treedad** : It was an experience explaining it to Delia why he did it to begin with and why I didn’t stop him

**Thatisincorrect** : I thought we agreed not to talk about it 

**Treedad** : We agreed to not talk about how you slammed the door on your own hand

**Imabadbitch** : I can’t believe what I’m hearing 

**Whowantslasagna** : This is a religious experience 

**Thatisincorrect** : Uh, small question 

**Thatisincorrect** : Where the fuck did the Arcanine come from? 

**Imabadbitch** : It’s Mew

**Thatisincorrect** : I don’t want to know 

**Cursed** : Where are you disappearing to at six am

**Imabadbitch** : Training with Riley

**Cursed** : At six am?

**Imabadbitch** : School and it’s hot in the middle of the day

**Cursed** : There’s not enough coffee in the world to help me deal with this

**Thatisincorrect** : Context please

**Imabadbitch** : Perish

**Treedad** : Ash can use Aura and Riley is training him to use it

**Thatisincorrect** :  _ Oh? _

**Treedad** : You tell dad and I will end you

**Thatisincorrect** : That would honestly be better than getting constant emails from some Fada asshat

**Inyourdreams** : I’m telling him and Lusamine you said that

**Thatisincorrect** : That’s fine with me

**Inyourdreams** : You’re not scared of losing your job

**Thatisincorrect** : He is threatening me daily, I’m sure he’ll be the one to get in trouble 

**Imabadbitch** : I’ll yeet him if you want 

**Inyourdreams** : No, I will be the one to get in trouble if you do that

**Imabadbitch** : Fine…

*********

**Thatisincorrect** : WHY THE FUCK DOES THE RIOLU HAVE A KNIFE

**Imabadbitch** : What?

**Thatisincorrect** : I meant what I said

**Imabadbitch** : Get the knife away then

**Cursed** : I’m coming up stairs

**Cursed** : I swear to the Tapus, if I have to move the knife block to the far back, I’m yeeting myself

**Imabadbitch** : Why

**Cursed** : Because I shouldn’t have to move the knife block

**Imabadbitch** : Don’t wrap me in bubble wrap and it won’t be a problem 

**Riley** : Riolu has it to threaten Colress 

**DragonsmakemegoUwU** : Wot

**Riley** : I swear to Arceus, I’m not kidding 

**Whowantslasagna** : A sweet and protective Pokémon with a spicy personality 

**Thatisincorrect** : I can’t believe I’m being threatened by a small Pokémon 

**Riley** : Personally it’s kinda hilarious 

**Riley** : Especially considering they’re barely a third of your height 

**Treedad** : I don’t even want to know why Riolu is threatening my brother but I would like photos for blackmail 

**Thatisincorrect** : What the fuck did I do know?!

**Treedad** : I have  _ many  _ answers 

**Treedad** : I’m not a dumbass like you are

**Thatisincorrect** : I don’t like what that implies but I’m scared

**Inyourdreams** : He probably found out about last week somehow 

**Thatisincorrect** : I swear to Arceus, if you told him I’m yeeting you

**Inyourdreams** : The only person I told was my husband and even then he barely remembers it!

**Thatisincorrect** : I don’t believe you 

**Cursed** : I swear I haven’t told anyone anything

**Imabadbitch** : And y’all yell at me for lack of context

**[This message has been deleted]**

**[This message has been deleted]**

**[This message has been deleted]**

**[This message has been deleted]**

**Treedad** : You win this time you little shit

**Thatisincorrect** : Perish 

**Imabadbitch** : I will take away your mod powers if you don’t stop

**Thatisincorrect** : I refuse to be outed like this 

**Imabadbitch** : Then suffer 

**Imabadbitch** has turned of  **Thatisincorrect** ’s mod powers

**Imabadbitch** : Now, what did he do?

**Thatisincorrect** : AUGUSTINE SYCAMORE I WILL KILL YOU

**Treedad** : I’m not scared of you 

**Treedad** : Anyways 

**Treedad** : Burnet sent him a link to a jump scare video but she said it was an important document and when he opened the link he flipped out and accidentally broke the computer. They both agreed to blame it on Beheeyam because it’s impossible for Lusamine to get mad at Pokémon

**Inyourdreams** : We’re Both gonna get in trouble now, thanks asshole

**Treedad** : Colress will, he broke his computer and blamed it on his Pokémon

**Treedad** : You’ll probably just get scolded

**Inyourdreams** : Do you even know her?! She’s not as sane as she looks

**Treedad** : I mean, then perish I guess? 

**Inyourdreams** :  _ So supportive _

**Treedad** : I’ve met her once, she doesn’t seem that bad

**Thatisincorrect** : You said that about Lysandre 

**Treedad** : I was friends with him for years before he lost it

**Treedad** : I don’t know what to tell you, but I can’t read minds

**Thatisincorrect** : Your Lucario can!

**Treedad** : I swear to god Colress, you may be my brother but I will still gladly throw you into the ocean

**Thatisincorrect** : I don’t like you

**Treedad** : Neither do I, especially after the dye incident

**Thatisincorrect** : I thought you were over that!

**Treedad** : I am but it still doesn’t change I don’t like you for it

**Treedad** : I CAN'T EVEN DYE MY HAIR WITHOUT BLEACH

**Thatisincorrect** :  _ IM SORRY AUGUST _

**Treedad** : Doesn’t fix that I got blamed for dying the sink blue

**Riley** : Dye it blue again and make it look like it was his fault

**Treedad** : Okay, listen here you little shit

**Themomthership** : I know for a fact that my husband would not dye his hair blue and dye is coming nowhere near this house

**Thatisincorrect** : Wasn’t his hair dyed pink at one point

**AureaJ** : That was because it was punishment for falling asleep during movie night in my dorm 

**Treedad** : You put on that fucking myth documentory, Lysandre almost passed out during it!

**Imabadbitch** : Wack

**Whatthefuckkyle** : Are  _ any  _ of the adults here sane

**Riley** : I just want to sleep but we all know that won’t happen any time soon

**Onediggyboi** : Just the ones above 30 and Alain

**Chaoticadult** : Shut your fuck Geophile

**Onediggyboi** : You read conspiracy theories at two in the morning, I think the fuck not 

**Riley** : The true Geophile is Steven Stone, Idk why you think it’s him

**Imwashingmeandmyclothes** : I don’t like that sentence 

**FuckitupSoph** : Forgive me for my language but what the fuck

**Treedad** : He’s not wrong

**Imabadbitch** : Do I ever want to know how you know 

**Treedad** : He licked a rock once

**Riley** : See my point

*************

**Cursed** : Did you really snort Smarties when you were twelve?

**Imabadbitch** : Who?

**Cursed** : Colress 

**Treedad** : I can confirm he actually did and I still look down at him for it

**Thatisincorrect** : You have no proof 

**Treedad** : Your hospital records do

**Whatthefuckkyle** : Why and how 

**Treedad** : I gave him a pack but I didn’t think that he’d snort it

**Imabadbitch** : How is he where he is right now 

**Thatisincorrect** : I was twelve!

**Imabadbitch** : Your point?

**Treedad** : The worst I did was fall off the top of a tree and sprain my ankle!

**Treedad** : YOU, YOU LITTLE SHIT, HAD TO GO TO THE HOSPITAL BECAUSE OF THE SMARTIES

**DragonsmakemegoUwU** : I can’t believe the person you’re talking about is the same Colress we met in Unova

**Cursed** : Sorry to interrupt but is Riley okay

**Riley** : The only thing that has kept me awake these past two weeks has been tea and aura

**MarshMALLOW** : Tea?

**Riley** : Coffee is disgusting and it’s smell is almost as bad

**Treedad** : Just wait, soon you’ll be living off of it

**Riley** : That’s what you think

**Treedad** : I know this for a fact

**Imabadbitch** : Male parental unit, didn’t you only start drinking an ungodly amount of coffee after you moved back to Kalos

**Treedad** : Yes because Diantha’s work expectations kept me up til 2 and I got three hours of sleep if I was lucky

**Chaoticadult** : I’m telling her you’re talking shit about her

**Treedad** : She can’t fire me and she knows I’m bitter about my first four years as a professor 

**Lemonchild** : I’ll add her if she asks

**Chaoticadult** :  _ Good _

**Treedad** : No, she doesn’t need the stress 

**Chaoticadult** : Coward

**Treedad** : Your point?

**Treedad** : She’s going to ghost the damn thing just like she ghosts her job as champion 

*********

**Itscalledfashionbaby** has joined  **Arceus great god above end me**

**Itscalledfashionbaby** : Oh hello dear Augustine, I see you were talking smack about me 

**Itscalledfashionbaby** : FUCKER

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for being a dumbass bitch and I’m just going to post x:10 because it’s 3:10 somewhere in the world


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Imabadbitch - Ash  
> MistywithaB- Misty  
> Rockhard- Brock  
> Maybeitsnotmaybeline - Dawn  
> MarshMALLOW - Mallow  
> Lemonchild - Clemont  
> Illgladlysteponyou > Actuallyaqueen - Serena  
> Maskedroyal > Cursed - Kukui  
> Itsbrittanybitch - May  
> Purebean - Lillie  
> FuckitupSoph - Sophocles  
> Yeetorbeyeeted > Actuallycares™️ > Bitchysnowman - Paul  
> Countryboi > Thoticus - Gary  
> Whowantslasagna - Cilan  
> Themomthership - Delia  
> Satanicgremlin - Max  
> Whatthefuckkyle - Kiawe  
> DragonsmakemegoUwU - Iris  
> Imwashingmeandmyclothes - Lana  
> Internallydying - Tracy  
> Inyourdreams - Burnet  
> ChaoticNeutral - Norman  
> Honoraryparent > Chaoticadult- Alain  
> Ghostgirl - Acerola  
> McEndmysuffering - Sophie  
> AureaJ - Professor Juniper  
> Onediggyboi- Roark  
> Itscalledfashionbaby-Diantha  
> OlympiaG - Olympia

**Itscalledfashionbaby** : WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT FOR AUGUSTINE 

**AureaJ** : What did he do

**[This message has been deleted]**

**Imabadbitch** : There are small children here, watch your language

**Treedad** : You act like you aren’t one of them

**Imabadbitch** : I don’t like being called out like this 

**Treedad** : I don’t know what to tell you 

**AureaJ** : Oh my god Auggie

**AureaJ** : I hope you don’t lose your job

**Treedad** : She can’t fire me and she’s in trouble for pulling the shit she put me through 

**Riley** : I’ve never met the woman but she seems bitchy and what the fuck is she wearing 

**Itscalledfashionbaby** : …

**Riley** : The wings are truly a poor choice tbh

**Itscalledfashionbaby** : Whomst thy fuck do you think you are

**Treedad** : Leave the kid be

**Riley** : I am an adult

**Treedad** : According To Sinnoh, you’re an adult at 20

**Riley** : Jokes on you, I’m from Kalos 

**Treedad** : There’s no one from Kalos with the last name of Gen or at least no one who has a kid

**Riley** : Who said my last name was Gen

**Treedad** : Your trainer ID?

**Riley** : Well I have to go

**Treedad** : … 

**Treedad** : Wait a second you little shit

**Imabadbitch** : I don’t know what’s going on but I’m too afraid to ask

**Onediggyboi** : Don’t, I swear it’s for your safety 

**Imabadbitch** : Okay…

**Whatthefuckkyle** : I want to kindly point out that people swear here daily. What could she have said that was so bad, it got deleted

**Imabadbitch** : It’s much worse than what we’ve said here

*********

**Imabadbitch** : I have no parental units 

**Cursed** : Not this again 

**Imabadbitch** : I don’t see my dad often, leave me be

**Cursed** : Fair

**Cursed** : Also come get Riolu, he’s trying to grab a knife again

**Imabadbitch** : Be right there

**MarshMALLOW** : What the fuck is with Riolu and trying to get a hold of knives?

**Imabadbitch** : Idk

**Rockhard** : He knows the Smol Bean™️ needs protection 

**Imabadbitch** : I will let Riolu stab you

**Rockhard** : You love me too much to allow that

**Imabadbitch** : You’re challenging that love atm

**Rockhard** : Are you sure

**Imabadbitch** : I don’t like this

**MistywithaB** : Ash, just accept it, you love him too much and would kill for him

**Imabadbitch** : I don’t want to be called out like this

**Lemonchild** uploaded video file  **YEET**

**FuckitupSoph** : What the fuck

**FuckitupSoph** : Was That an accident or on purpose?

**Lemonchild** : We don’t know but Olympia says it’s an accident 

**Itscalledfashionbaby** : She covers anything and everything for him

**Lemonchild** : Are you sure? I mean, you do like blaming things on him

**Itscalledfashionbaby** : He threw his damn water bottle at me!

**Treedad** : You have no proof that I did that on purpose 

**Itscalledfashionbaby** : I know for a fact you hate me

**Treedad** : I don’t hate you, I just don’t respect you as much as everyone else

**Itscalledfashionbaby** : Bitch!

**Treedad** : Get of your phone and sit up right, the head of the league’s here

*********

**Thatisincorrect** : I can 100% wholeheartedly confirm he did it purpose but hid it to look like an accident 

**Itscalledfashionbaby** : Finally! Someone’s on my side

**Thatisincorrect** : But I 100% don’t blame him and she totally deserved it

**Thoticus** : Just admit you were an asshole already!

**MistywithaB** : Admit to your faults,  **_fool_ **

**Riley** : I mean, just apologize and be a little nicer I guess?

**Rockhard** : Hey, Gary’s not dead

**Thoticus** : I accidentally deleted the app from my phone and I forgot to re-add it

**Imabadbitch** : Fool

**Thoticus** : I know thanks for pointing that out

**MistywithaB** : Gary has Big Dumbass Thot energy confirmed

**Thoticus** : At least I don’t have Big Dumbass Energy like Ash does

**Thoticus** : He has an infinite amount of the purest form of Dumbass Energy 

**Imabadbitch** : I didn’t die for you for this 

**Thoticus** : IDK man, you died for me for some reason 

**Ghostgirl** : Whomst the fuck is Olympia

**Ghostgirl** : I mean, I know she’s your dad’s friend(coworker? Partner in chaos?)

**Imabadbitch** : Yes to all of the above

**Imabadbitch** : She one of the few people there who’s even relatively close to his age

**Ghostgirl** : wacc

**Imabadbitch** : Definitely 

**Actuallyaqueen** : Really dumb question but who’s all close in age to him?

**Imabadbitch** : Olympia and Diantha

**Actuallyaqueen** : Ahkfhahflshnfnakf oof

**Thatisincorrect** : Isn’t Diantha like… 29?

**Lemonchild** : I don’t know if you’re being serious but I hope you’re not. She in her mid to late thirties 

**Lemonchild** : Anyways, back to Acerola’s question, Olympia is also like our mom friend or older sister of the Kalos League 

**Lemonchild** : I have lost track of how many times she’s scolded us and yelled at us for doing something dumb. We’ve all accidentally referred to her as mom at least once

**Actuallyaqueen** : She’s the mom you guys don’t have

**Lemonchild** : You don’t get it

**Lemonchild** : The lemon child thing was started by her and someone called Viola a shit trainer to which Olympia replied with a middle finger and yelling “If you’re tough shit, then you try becoming a gym leader”

**Imabadbitch** : I sometimes forget becoming a gym leader in some places is much harder 

**Lemonchild** : It’s terrible here. You either have to be appointed by the professor or you take an exam and battle an elite 

**Lemonchild** : How well you do will decide on whether or not you’ll be a gym leader

**MistywithaB** : I want to kindly back up the conversation to the topic of the nickname Lemon child

**Lemonchild** : It was a thing started by here because my middle name is Citron and she says I can be a sour person when upset

**Actuallyaqueen** : Wacc dude

**Actuallyaqueen** : Waccc

**Lemonchild** : That’s all Korrina, Viola, and Grant call me during meetings and I hate it

**Lemonchild** : But I can at least get back at Grant because her nickname for him is Pomegranate for some strange reason 

**Actuallyaqueen** : I know what I’m doing when I see them next

**Whowantslasagna** : On the topic of names from coworkers 

**Whowantslasagna** : Cress was called Corn by Alder

**DragonsmakemegoUwU** : Are you serious?!

**Whowantslasagna** : Yes But he's called us three by the wrong name multiple times

**Imabadbitch** : And  _ I  _ have big dumbass energy?

**Whowantslasagna** : Oh definitely

**Imabadbitch** : Rude

*********

**Imabadbitch** : @ **Thatisincorrect**

**Imabadbitch** : I personally recommend you hid right now but if you don’t, just know I won’t miss you 

**Thatisincorrect** : I am  _ very  _ confused 

**Imabadbitch** : Kukui and I can’t find Riolu and there’s a knife missing from the knife block

**Thatisincorrect** : Please  _ never  _ become a parent

**Imabadbitch** : Brave assumption I’m even thinking about that or even dating 

**Thatisincorrect** : You don’t need a significant other to be a parent

**Imabadbitch** : Fair But I still have never thought about being a parent

**DragonsmakemegoUwU** : I hope he stabs you, Colress

**Treedad** : Please do not wish harm or bring harm to my younger brother no matter how much of an asshole he was to you 

**Treedad** : It is my job to do so

**Thatisincorrect** : Sleep with your eyes open if you value your life

**Treedad** : I can and will dislocate your shoulder if you try to hit me

**Thatisincorrect** : You can’t and you won’t. Mom and dad if hunt you down

**Treedad** : You are only their favorite because you’re the youngest and you talk to them

**Treedad** : I have been injured once and you’ve had three hospital trips in one year and also did a bunch of dumb shit as a child

**Whowantslasagna** : I can’t believe I get to witness this

**Lemonchild** : Professor, can you add Olympia?

**Treedad** : Ask her and if she says yes I will

**Chaoticadult** : Oh so you’ll add Olympia if she wants but you won’t add Diantha 

**Treedad** : I am still not happy about the bullshit she pulled when I first became champion 

**Chaoticadult** : What did she do?

**Treedad** : I have to do the same amount of work I’d normally do in two months in one month

**Treedad** : She also did not trust me with my job because my family’s in Kanto and she thought that it would distract me from my work

**Lemonchild** :  **_She said yes_ **

**OlympiaG** has been added to  **Arceus great god above end me**

**OlympiaG** : I see we’re talking shit about Diantha 

**Treedad** : Only I am really and even then, I’m just telling them why we don’t like each other

**OlympiaG** : That’s fair

**OlympiaG** : I also have many questions, most of them are about the well-being of your son and his friends 

**Rockhard** : None of us are okay to say the least

*********

**Purebean** : Ash, my mom found Riolu

**Purebean** : He was looking for Colress and had a knife

**Imabadbitch** : I am  _ so  _ sorry 

**Purebean** : It’s fine, mom just wants to know why Riolu wants to threaten Colress

**Imabadbitch** : I don’t know and I’m too scared to ask

**Riley** : Riolu probably senses your distrust towards him and wants to protect you

**Riley** : He’s probably using the knife because it can’t use aura like Lucario can

**Imabadbitch** : How do you know

**Riley** : Aura sight, I can use Aura to communicate with some Pokémon, and everyone has an aura signature that show their emotions

**Imabadbitch** : Wacc

**Riley** : I refuse to question it anymore, I know I won’t get many answers for it

**OlympiaG** : Your Riolu’s trying to stab your uncle

**OlympiaG** : I haven’t heard anyone try to bring harm to him since Augustine threatened to dislocate his shoulder after Colress got a virus on his computer 

**Thatisincorrect** : That was years ago and I got rid of the virus 

**OlympiaG** : Augustine, why do you threaten to dislocate his shoulder?

**Treedad** : He can’t cause any sort of harm if he has to get his shoulder put back in place

**OlympiaG** : My Xerneas and Yvaltal have mercy on your soul dear Augustine because Colress surely won’t 

**Treedad** : He can try but he will fail in killing me

**OlympiaG** : Don’t sound too confident 

**Treedad** : I have a Lucario and Garchomp that could beat his ass in a heartbeat and I can also easily dislocate his shoulder if necessary 

**Thatisincorrect** : I hate that you can do that

**Treedad** : Try me thot

**OlympiaG** : What’s the age difference between you two again? 

**Thatisincorrect** : Six years

**OlympiaG** : Oh dear Arceus

*********

**Ghostgirl** : I am in fear

**Ghostgirl** : Why the  _ fuck _ does Ash have a Mew

**Imabadbitch** : Have you not been on in the past few weeks?

**Ghostgirl** : I do not remember reading about Mew at all

**Imabadbitch** : Professor Juniper and Colress flipped out when they found out about Mew!

**Purebean** : Isn’t Mew supposed to be extinct?

**Imabadbitch** : Yes but actually no

**Purebean** : ?

**Imabadbitch** : We don’t question Arceus at all, okay?

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : Disaster child

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : Smol babey disaster child

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : Smol little babey bean disaster child

**Imabadbitch** : :/

**Imabadbitch** : Why are you like this?

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : Sleep deprivation, my friend

**AureaJ** : Your shit sleep habits are catching onto the children, Auggie 

**Treedad** : ...

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y’all, I’m dead inside... on another note I’m making another vine oneshot. This time it’s the “Wake up Sleepyhead” one with Aurashipping


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Imabadbitch - Ash  
> MistywithaB- Misty  
> Rockhard- Brock  
> Maybeitsnotmaybeline - Dawn  
> MarshMALLOW - Mallow  
> Lemonchild - Clemont  
> Illgladlysteponyou > Actuallyaqueen - Serena  
> Maskedroyal > Cursed - Kukui  
> Itsbrittanybitch - May  
> Purebean - Lillie  
> FuckitupSoph - Sophocles  
> Yeetorbeyeeted > Actuallycares™️ > Bitchysnowman - Paul  
> Countryboi > Thoticus - Gary  
> Whowantslasagna - Cilan  
> Themomthership - Delia  
> Satanicgremlin - Max  
> Whatthefuckkyle - Kiawe  
> DragonsmakemegoUwU - Iris  
> Imwashingmeandmyclothes - Lana  
> Internallydying - Tracy  
> Inyourdreams - Burnet  
> ChaoticNeutral - Norman  
> Honoraryparent > Chaoticadult- Alain  
> Ghostgirl - Acerola  
> McEndmysuffering - Sophie  
> AureaJ - Professor Juniper  
> Onediggyboi- Roark  
> Itscalledfashionbaby-Diantha  
> OlympiaG - Olympia

**Imabadbitch** : It is now illegal to yell at me for having a Mew unless you yell at Mallow for having a Shaymin

**Rockhard** : Ista

**Rockhard** : Please tell me you’re kidding 

**Imabadbitch** uploaded file  **Iwish**

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : I can’t believe this

**MarshMALLOW** : Am I missing something?

**Imabadbitch** : We’ve met multiple Shaymin when we were traveling through Sinnoh 

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : This is the truest of bullshit

**Imabadbitch** : No, the truest of bullshit was Tobias

**Imabadbitch** : He had a Latios and a Darkrai which he used in the league

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : Fair enough 

**Rockhard** : I still want to know how he has a damn Latios

**Imabadbitch** : With his bullshit powers

**Rockhard** : Do you not remember Altomare 

**Imabadbitch** : I don’t think about Altomare because it still makes me cry sometimes 

**MistywithaB** : Brock, you know it’s illegal to make Ash cry

**MistywithaB** : If his dad finds out you made him cry, he’ll kill you and make it look like an accident

**Rockhard** : I know and now I’m scared

**Thoticus** : You incompetent fool

**Thoticus** : Face your punishment or else

**Imabadbitch** : Guys,  _ I’m fine _

**Thoticus** : Sounds fake my dude

**Imabadbitch** :  _ You are fake _

**Thoticus** : Nope, everything is 100% real here

**Itsbrittanybitch** : Idk dude, that ass seems pretty fake

**Thoticus** : You’re just jealous

**Itsbrittanybitch** : Why would I be jealous of someone as fake as you

**Satanicgremlin** : May, what the hell

**Satanicgremlin** : What do you mean he’s fake

**Imabadbitch** : We don’t question anything anymore Max

**Satanicgremlin** : Is that why you keep dying and getting hurt

**Imabadbitch** : I came here to have a good time but I honestly feel so attacked right now

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : What has this conversation turned into

**MarshMALLOW** : That’s what I want to know!

*********

**Imabadbitch** : Send help 

**Cursed** : What happened now

**MarshMALLOW** : He just fucking passed out! 

**Cursed** : Who? Ash?

**FuckitupSoph** : Riley. Ash has no idea what to do 

**Onediggyboi** : He passed out? Usually it takes a month or so for that to happen 

**Imabadbitch** :  _ What the H-E-Double Fuck do you mean, Roark _

**Onediggyboi** : Exactly what I said. He does this a lot

**Cursed** : First of all, why and when did he pass out

**Whatthefuckkyle** : He just… passed out

**Purebean** : He was trying to explain aura to Ash and I and he just falls but he won’t wake up and is unresponsive 

**Cursed** : I’ll be right there

**Onediggyboi** : Y’all, it’s the sleep deprivation 

**Onediggyboi** : He passed out because y’all won’t force him to sleep

**Imabadbitch** : He doesn’t listen 

**Onediggyboi** : If making him go to bed means hitting him in the back of the head with a frying pan, then do it

**Purebean** : He’ll get a concussion if they do that!

**Onediggyboi** : I’ve done it to him multiple times and he’s never once has gotten a concussion 

**Purebean** : But what if he does this time!

**Onediggyboi** : He’s fallen off cliffs and walked it off, he’ll be fine 

**Imabadbitch** : Roark, what the fuck

**Onediggyboi** : I’ve had to put up with his bullshit for seven years, I learned not to question 

**Cursed** : Why is he so light?!

**Cursed** : I’m pretty sure he’s underweight 

**Onediggyboi** : …

**Onediggyboi** : Remind me to visit his father when I go to Kalos next

**Imabadbitch** : I have a strange feeling of fear right now and I don’t like it

**Onediggyboi** : Don’t be scared, I’m only going to murder his father a little bit

**Imabadbitch** :  _ What _

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : He’s screeching about it in the Sinnoh chat too 

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : According to Maylene and Gardenia, Roark and Byron practically adopted him and they know quite a bit about him

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : Apparently he has a shit father 

**Imabadbitch** :  _ I never would’ve guessed based off the fact Roark wants him dead _

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : lshdkgjskghs

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : let me rephrase that

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : Bryon and Roark know a lot about his past family life before Riley came to Sinnoh

**Treedad** : No one is murdering anyone

**Onediggyboi** : Read up

**Treedad** : …

**Treedad** : I still say no murder, but you can sue him

**Onediggyboi** : …

**Itscalledfashionbaby** : You’re a stick in the mud, murder seems quite appropriate right now for that man

**Treedad** : I will lose my job if I encourage murder 

**Imabadbitch** : You were… threatening to murder your own brother????

**Treedad** : That’s the thing about having a sibling, you threaten each other with murder but never truly mean it

**Itsbrittanybitch** : I can confirm this

**Imabadbitch** : I refuse to believe you are sane, dad

**Treedad** : I lost my sanity the moment Colress was six

**Imabadbitch** : What the fuck

**Treedad** : :/

**OlympiaG** : I don’t know what I expected when I joined but it was not this

**OlympiaG** : Also, Diantha, it’s not very wise of you to encourage murder

**Onediggyboi** : No one can stop me

**Rockhard** : Your dad can easily stop you 

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : He’s with Roark on murder, Brock

**Rockhard** : Shit

**Whatthefuckkyle** : I mean, down with the man if he’s causing Riley harm

**Imabadbitch** : I am  _ scared _

*********

**Imwashingmeandmyclothes** : He has risen and I’ve never seen him look so disoriented

**Imabadbitch** : I feel really bad because this situation could’ve been avoided

**Cursed** : Don’t feel bad or else I’ll yeet you

**Imabadbitch** : :(

**Cursed** : Ash, you didn’t know this would happen 

**Imabadbitch** : It should’ve been assumed with him not sleeping well!

**Cursed** : Ash, I know you’re upset but we didn’t know

**Imwashingmeandmyclothes** : Ash Riley’s fine, and you heard Roark. He’s gone through much worse

**Treedad** : Ash, I know you blame yourself but it won’t fix what happened. At least we know what to do to make sure it doesn’t happen again 

**Treedad** : I know you’re going to be smothered by all your Pokémon if you don’t stop blaming yourself 

**Imabadbitch** : Yeah But it still could’ve been prevented!

**Imwashingmeandmyclothes** : Stop being negative before I hit you with a chair

**Cursed** : Lana,  _ please  _ don’t threaten your classmates 

*********

**Riley** : First things first, no one’s murdering anyone 

**Riley** : Second of all,  _ I’m fine and I promise I’m not underweight  _

**Cursed** : I highly doubt that last statement 

**Cursed** : Also considering how Ash just tackled you to the ground with a hug, makes me doubt the statement even more

**Onediggyboi** : I’m worried about you, Riley

**Riley** : You little shit

**Riley** : I’m fine and you know this

**Riley** : You’ve known me since I was 12 and your father has practically adopted me

**Onediggyboi** : I’m pretty sure he legally adopted you

**Riley** : If That is true, having you as a brother is worse than death

**Onediggyboi** : You can try but you will fail small child

**Riley** : I will yeet you 

**Onediggyboi** : You can try

**Onediggyboi** : COME SAY THAT TO MY FACE YOU LITTLE SHIT INSTEAD OF OVER DM

**Riley** : No, pewish 

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : Riley, I swear to Arceus, stop talking in hellspeak

**Riley** : Or ewse what?

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : … I will help you torment Roark

**Riley** : Deal

**Riley** : I’d also like to mention, both you and Kukui lift a lot of objects heavier than me so I will naturally feel light to you, Roark

*********

**Inyourdreams** uploaded file  **Cryingintheclub**

**Inyourdreams** : Yeah don’t mind me, I’m just going to cry over how pure this is

**MarshMALLOW** : Oh my gods

**MarshMALLOW** : Riolu is not trying to murder someone for once

**Cursed** : My only concern is if that is Mew or actually Entei

**Inyourdreams** : It’s actually Entei, Mew is curled up by Ash’s chest

**Cursed** : How and when did this happen?

**Inyourdreams** : You’ve been home longer than me! I just got home!

**Cursed** : I’ve been downstairs in the lab since I got home!

**MistywithaB** : It’s Ash, we don’t question it

**MistywithaB** : He just… attracts legendaries 

**Inyourdreams** : With the fact we don’t know how Entei got in aside, I’m still crying over this

**OlympiaG** : @ **Treedad** @ **Themomthership**

**OlympiaG** : I’m not sure if you have checked this yet but I feel you should

**Chaoticadult** : You made him cry

**OlympiaG** : Good

**Inyourdreams** : Not surprised

**Themomthership** : I’m printing this off and putting it in the family album

**Itsbrittanybitch** : Theoretically speaking,  _ I can use this as black mail right? _

**Inyourdreams** : I guess?

**AureaJ** : I am worried 

**AureaJ** : I am concerned 

**AureaJ** :  **_What the fuck_ **

**DragonsmakemegoUwU** : What in the great name of Arceus?

**Rockhard** : Are you not aware of his bull shit powers

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : Tobias has bullshit powers

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : Ash is just Ash

**Rockhard** : Fair

**Rockhard** : Anyways, Ash is the Chosen One. He can and he will attract every and any legendary Pokémon 

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : Probably a stupid question but why is Ash and Riley cuddling?

**Rockhard** : Were you just… gone from existence for the past four hours?

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : Essentially?

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : Yes

**Rockhard** : You fool

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : ANYWAYS

**Rockhard** : Ash was upset because Riley passed out and blamed himself 

**Rockhard** : And you know how he gets when he’s upset like that

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : I loosely know what you’re referring to

**Rockhard** : Remember when he fucking just decked Paul because of Chimchar

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : Shit my dude

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : I did not realize that is correlated to this

**Rockhard** : Ash is a very protective person of friends, family, and Pokémon 

**MistywithaB** : Funny story from when he visited me after the Battle frontier

**MistywithaB** : My sisters were being extremely rude to me and Ash flipped them off and he went off on them

**Rockhard** : Kahflahfl

**Rockhard** : He went off on my parents because they left my siblings and I alone for dream chasing 

**DragonsmakemegoUwU** : Uh… after the Opelucid situation he just kinda hugged me and stayed with me until he knew I was 100% okay?

**Lemonchild** : He once threatened to throw hands with my father 

**Thoticus** : People with in shitty situations or are hurt activates his fight response 

**Purebean** : Don’t you mean fight or flight?

**Thoticus** : Not 100% Fight

**Inyourdreams** : I don’t know why or how but Victini, Shaymin, and some yellow and grey Pokémon just sorta showed up and joined the pile

**Cursed** : All right, let me see this

**MistywithaB** : Pics or you’re lying

**Inyourdreams** uploaded file  **Imnoliar**

**AureaJ** : Kdgalfjahfld

**AureaJ** : Fucking  **_ZERAORA_ **

**Cursed** : I can’t believe this kid sometimes 

**Treedad** : He’s met our god, the literal creator of this universe, multiple times and this causes you to flip out?

**Cursed** : Jakfjsgdlfjdj  **_WHAT_ **

**Treedad** : Did I stutter?

**Cursed** : Are you just… immune to this?

**Treedad** : 100% after hearing about Lugia and the Legendary Birds

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I shouldn’t be up right now but I am so I might as well post the new chapter. I have been sick as of late but I’m better now!


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Imabadbitch > Babey - Ash  
> MistywithaB- Misty  
> Rockhard- Brock  
> Maybeitsnotmaybeline - Dawn  
> MarshMALLOW - Mallow  
> Lemonchild - Clemont  
> Illgladlysteponyou > Actuallyaqueen - Serena  
> Maskedroyal > Cursed - Kukui  
> Itsbrittanybitch - May  
> Purebean - Lillie  
> FuckitupSoph - Sophocles  
> Yeetorbeyeeted > Actuallycares™️ > Bitchysnowman - Paul  
> Countryboi > Thoticus - Gary  
> Whowantslasagna - Cilan  
> Themomthership - Delia  
> Satanicgremlin - Max  
> Whatthefuckkyle - Kiawe  
> DragonsmakemegoUwU - Iris  
> Imwashingmeandmyclothes - Lana  
> Internallydying - Tracy  
> Inyourdreams - Burnet  
> ChaoticNeutral - Norman  
> Honoraryparent > Chaoticadult- Alain  
> Ghostgirl - Acerola  
> McEndmysuffering - Sophie  
> AureaJ - Professor Juniper  
> Onediggyboi- Roark  
> Itscalledfashionbaby-Diantha  
> OlympiaG - Olympia  
> Babybrother > Dratiniisbabey - Lance

**Cursed** : Okay, so first of all, all the legendaries from last night are still dead asleep on the two

**Cursed** : And second of all, Riolu just tried weakly swatting my arm away when I tried to wake up Ash 

**MarshMALLOW** : Where’s Professor Burnet in all of this

**Cursed** : Crying over it

**Cursed** : She also sent the photos to her coworkers and the Kahunas?

**Thatisincorrect** : I don’t know what I expected when I first opened my phone this morning but it sure as hell wasn't this

**Treedad** : Are you surprised or disappointed 

**Treedad** : If you’re disappointed, I’ll yeet you

**Thatisincorrect** : I never thought I’d be threatened over something like this

**Thatisincorrect** : And to be honest, both considering Ash will literally fight anyone if tempted but will gladly fall asleep like that

**Itsbrittanybitch** : He can be your angel or yuor devil 

**Thatisincorrect** : I never want to read that sentence again

**Onediggyboi** : Dawn sent them to the Sinnoh chat and it effectively killed at least half of the people there

**Onediggyboi** : Riley is finally accepting physical attention, what is the world coming to

**Chaoticadult** : If there is one thing I’ve learned, if Ash hugs you, you can’t say no

**Onediggyboi** : Does he threaten you or something?

**Chaoticadult** : No, you’re just… immobilized and you just lose the ability to say no

**Itsbrittanybitch** : Have you not been hugged by Ash at any point?

**Onediggyboi** : No?

**Itsbrittanybitch** : Dawn, I trust that you’ll bring Roark to Alola so so can experience Ash’s hugs

**Rockhard** : Out of all the years I’ve known him, no one has been able to tell Ash no to hugs 

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : So Uh…

**Onediggyboi** : Dawn I swear to Arceus, don’t 

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : Roark tried hugging Riley and he just kinda… judo flipped him?

**Onediggyboi** : I’m not the only one he’s done it to and that was like two(?) years ago

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : Yes But you were the first

**Onediggyboi** : Don’t call me out like this 

**Cursed** : Riley woke up and gave me the look of confused fear

**Thatisincorrect** : I would too, if I woke up covered in Legendary Pokémon 

**Treedad** : That’s because you’re weak

**Thatisincorrect** : I’m sorry? At least I’m not a twink like you

**Treedad** : …

**Treedad** :  **_Are you sure about that_ **

**Thatisincorrect** : Yes

**Treedad** : Do you not remember your 20 birthday?

**Thatisincorrect** : Stop

**Treedad** : Then admit you’re a twink

**Thatisincorrect** : No, I’m not a twink and that was a one time thing

**Treedad** :  _ Are you sure _

**Thatisincorrect** : Very

**Thatisincorrect** : And at least I’m mom and dad’s favorite 

**Treedad** : That is useless against me and you’ve already used that as a reason 

**Thatisincorrect** : But it’s tru

**Treedad** : You’re a disappointment 

**Thatisincorrect** : Not as much as you

**Treedad** :  _ Should I bring up the smarties _

**Themomthership** : Can you two  _ please _ not fight? It’s really unnecessary 

**Thatisincorrect** : Then make him admit he’s a twink 

**Themomthership** : No, that is not important and the younger children don’t need to see this

**Cursed** : Most of us don’t want to see this 

**Thatisincorrect** : Fine

*********

**MistywithaB** : Okay, I know y’all will fight me for saying this but

**MistywithaB** : Ash is babey

**Imwashingmeandmyclothes** :  _ Where’s the lie _

**MarshMALLOW** : Truth

**Bitchysnowman** : What are you talking about?

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : Nothing you’d appreciate 

**Imabadbitch** : Hi, yeah,  _ I’m scared _

**Riley** : Is this about earlier?

**MistywithaB** : Depends, do you know what it means 

**Riley** : I only know what it means because that’s all Cynthia called me until I was 15

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : You’re lying

**Riley** : I wish I was

**Riley** : @ her on the Sinnoh chat and ask

**Inyourdreams** uploaded file 

**Riley** : Skdjahfldh

**Riley** : You said you wouldn’t!

**Inyourdreams** : Maybe but the others need to see it

**AureaJ** : Uh… well…

**AureaJ** : First of all, nice

**AureaJ** : Second of all, choke

**AureaJ** : I didn’t sign up for this stress when I joined

**Riley** : To be fair, I didn’t think this would happen and second of all, Ash has had Victini, Shaymin, and Entei with him all day

**AureaJ** :  **_You have fucking Zeraora and they’re letting you treat them like a fucking Glameow_ **

**Riley** : I mean… spoiling Pokémon just makes them soften up a lot?

**AureaJ** :  _ Hhhhhhhhhh _

**Imabadbitch** : You broke Professor Juniper I think

**Itsbrittanybitch** : I just got up but Ash is totally Babey

**Riley** : …

**Imabadbitch** : Not a word, Riley 

**Riley** : They really aren’t that wrong?

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : Even Riley agrees with us!

**Riley** : Oh, btw for those who don’t know

**Riley** : Ash is barely taller than Zeraora 

**MistywithaB** : Smol babey beany boi 

**Imabadbitch** : I can’t believe you’ve done this

**Lemonchild** : Babey 

**Imabadbitch** : If you change my name, I will kick you from this chat, Clemont

**Lemonchild** : Okay, fair 

**Riley** : Do it, Clemont

**Lemonchild** : I actually like the chaos here, it brings me enjoyment my job does not

**Riley** : Fair I guess :/

**Lemonchild** : Ask Professor Sycamore, I know he can change nicknames

**Lemonchild** : Ash, how did you meet Zeraora anyways?

**Imabadbitch** : A situation that felt like a fever dream called Fula Island

**Imabadbitch** : It felt like a fever dream and I remember only like… 25% of the time I was there

**Riley** : What

**Imabadbitch** : We don’t question it, meeting a lot of Pokémon felt like a fever dream 

*********

**Inyourdreams** : It’s happened again

**Imwashingmeandmyclothes** : What did?

**Inyourdreams** uploaded file  **This**

**Imwashingmeandmyclothes** : Jajdhsgfkfkshf

**Imwashingmeandmyclothes** : I can’t believe this my dude

**Onediggyboi** :  _ WEAK _

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : I fucking dare you to say no to Ash’s hugs

**AureaJ** : …

**AureaJ** : I’m going to take a wild guess and assume that the two new Pokémon are Marshadow and Manaphy

**Inyourdreams** : Ash says that that is true

**Treedad** : What’s this about me needing to change someone’s nickname?

**Lemonchild** : Can you change Ash’s name to Babey?

**Treedad** : Why? 

**MistywithaB** : Because Ash is Babey 

**Treedad** : Is this about his height?

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : Jakdhsgfkgd Not at all

**Itsbrittanybitch** : I’d like to kindly point out that your son literally makes people unable to say no to him with hugs and he even caused a huge cuddle pile with multiple Pokémon 

**Treedad** : I have this strange feeling I’m going to get yelled at either way

**Lemonchild** : Yes but Ash is Babey

**Treedad** : …

**Treedad** : Take a vote then, if more people want it to be babey then I’ll do it I guess

**MistywithaB** : Who wants it to change to babey? Yes or no?

**MarshMALLOW** : YES

**Imwashingmeandmyclothes** : Do it coward

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** :  _ Yes Please  _

**Itsbrittanybitch** : Hell yeah 

**Rockhard** : Ash might yeet you all later but you do you

**Ghostgirl** : I just want to see it for his reaction 

**Thoticus** : Do it do it do it

**Treedad** : Okay, fine

**Treedad** : But why do you want it to change so badly?

**MistywithaB** : Ash is Babey, that’s why

**Imabadbitch** was changed to  **Babey**

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : THE DEED HAS BEEN DONE

**Treedad** : If Ash wants you dead, it’s your fault 

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : That’s fine

*********

**Babey** : Square the fuck up thots

**Babey** : I can’t believe I’ve been betrayed by my own father like this!

**MarshMALLOW** : Accept that you are babey, Ash

**Treedad** : I apologize but your friends have a point 

**Babey** : Which is?

**Treedad** : The cuddle pile? The fact you can literally immobilize people with a hug? The fact legendaries will just come up to you to be pet and spoiled?

**Babey** : I don’t know what you’re talking about 

**Treedad** : You literally turned Mew into a purring mess while brushing their fur and literally tonight and last night

**Babey** : Fair enough

**MistywithaB** : Is Ash admitting to being Babey?

**Babey** : I’m too tired to change it back and I know it’ll probably be changed back

**Ghostgirl** : ?????

**Babey** : Have you ever had to chase a Zeraora?

**Ghostgirl** : No?

**Babey** : Would you like to!

**Riley** : Ash, I swear to Arceus, don’t 

**Riley** : I’m pretty sure Zeraora just teleports 

**Babey** : Kind of but not really 

**Babey** : Zeraora is just really fast

*********

**Babey** : I have been betrayed 

**Babey** : I can’t believe this bullshit

**Thatisincorrect** : You didn’t think that it would change in the family chat too?

**Thatisincorrect** : Also, you are an absolute  _ fool _

**Imabadbitch** : How am I supposed to know that I texted the family chat when my name was changed to the same thing that’s here?!

**Thatisincorrect** : The fact Lance is in the other one!

**Imabadbitch** : This is why he’s my favorite, he doesn’t bully me like this

**Treedad** : Please stop fighting. Colress, I swear to Yveltal, change it back

**Thatisincorrect** : I didn’t change it though

**Treedad** : That’s a lie and you know it

**Treedad** : This is exactly why Lance doesn’t like you and I for one don’t blame him!

**DragonsmakemegoUwU** : What happened…

**Babey** : Colress was a trick ass bitch and changed my name to Babey on the family chat 

**Babey** : And because of this, I texted the family chat thinking it was this one so now my Uncle Lance knows about this cursed thin

**DragonsmakemegoUwU** : I don’t see why you don’t just add him? I mean, your parents and other uncle are here

**Thatisincorrect** : This is the only place where he doesn’t give me shit

**Treedad** : That man has enough on his plate dealing with a bunch of adult children

**Whowantslasagna** : If you don’t mind me asking, what does he work as?

**Treedad** : The Kanto and Johto League champion

**Whowantslasagna** : He’s  _ that  _ Lance!?

**Treedad** : Yeah

**DragonsmakemegoUwU** : Your brother or Delia’s 

**Thatisincorrect** : THANKFULLY DELIA’S

**Thatisincorrect** :  _ I would not survive with him as my brother  _

**Treedad** : Don’t piss him off and he won’t be a problem 

**Thatisincorrect** :  **_He always pinches the back of my neck and you won’t stop him_ **

**Treedad** : You shoved him into a river the first time you met and you literally have him as “Short Stack” in your contacts 

**Babey** :  _ What _

**Themomthership** : Don’t bully my baby brother, Colress

**Themomthership** : He’s not that bad :(

**Thatisincorrect** : He’s the one who physically hurts me!

**Treedad** : You’ve gotten hurt by much worse than getting a pressure point pinched

**Thatisincorrect** : This is unfair favoritism 

**Treedad** : Colress, That is literally the only thing he does to you

**Treedad** : Not to mention,  _ he hasn’t done it in 11 almost 12 years _

**Thatisincorrect** : He still gives me shit on the family chat

**Babey** : We all give each other shit!

**Babey** : Should I remind you how often I get called out for something dumb by literally everyone there?

**DragonsmakemegoUwU** : Will he ever be added?

**Babey** : Ask the parental units

**Themomthership** : I don’t see why not, I wouldn’t mind adding him

**Babybrother** has joined  **Arceus great god above end me**

**Babybrother** was changed to  **Dratiniisbabey**

**Dratiniisbabey** : Y’all won’t fuckimg believe it

**Dratiniisbabey** uploaded file  **Myheart**

**Babey** : Baby dratini!!!

**DragonsmakemegoUwU** : That’s so fuckin cute oh my acreus my heart

**Dratiniisbabey** : Y’all, Altaria is gonna be a great aunt

**Themomthership** : The egg hatched!!!

**Dratiniisbabey** : I’m sad though because I wasn’t home to see it

**Babey** : Oof

**Dratiniisbabey** : Random change of topic, but why is Ash’s name Babey?

**Treedad** : Read the messages from earlier and last night

**Dratiniisbabey** : ?

**Dratiniisbabey** : oh

**Dratiniisbabey** : OH

**Dratiniisbabey** : Ash, How and why

**Babey** : According to Misty it’s because I’m baby but if you ask a sensible person, it’s because I’m the chosen one 

**Dratiniisbabey** : Please don’t cause your parents too much grief because of this 

**Treedad** : Too late

**Dratiniisbabey** : Ash…

**Babey** : Blame Arceus!

**Dratiniisbabey** : Oh, I do blame him. You’re not even 17 yet and you have to deal with this

*********

**Itscalledfashionbaby** : Lance, my respect for you is completely gone

**Dratiniisbabey** : That’s nice, I have none for myself either

**Themomthership** : Lance! >:(


	24. Chapter 24

**Dratiniisbabey** : Honest question

**Dratiniisbabey** :  _ Why the  _ **_fuck_ ** _ did you ever  _ think it was a good idea to get involved with Legendary Pokémon and regional disasters?

**Babey** : I’m the chosen one and half the time the people who’re supposed to deal with it don’t 

**Dratiniisbabey** : Ash

**Dratiniisbabey** : My dearest and only nephew 

**Dratiniisbabey** : You are 16, for the love of Arceus, stop yeeting yourself into trouble 

**Babey** : I don’t have much of a choice?

**Dratiniisbabey** : Oh dear Arceus, what the fuck

**Dratiniisbabey** : I’m too tired for this 

**Babey** : Then sleep 

**Dratiniisbabey** : Can’t 

**Dratiniisbabey** : I’m waiting for an email from Lorelei 

**Dratiniisbabey** : I also have a conference later which, Brock and Misty, please come to this one. The last one was a disaster with your siblings 

**Rockhard** : Skafjdhlfklg Sorry

**MistywithaB** : I make no promises 

**Dratiniisbabey** : I can’t deal with the constant stress your sisters give me, @ **MistywithaB**

**MistywithaB** : Perish

**Dratiniisbabey** : What do you think I’ve been doing since I started running this hellhole of a league 

**MistywithaB** : Rip I guess

**Dratiniisbabey** : If you’re going to send someone, please just don’t send Daisy

**MistywithaB** : I’m sending Daisy to spite you 

*********

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : Lance, quick question

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : Do you think Ghiratina speaks hellspeak?

**Thatisincorrect** : What type of question is that?

**Dratiniisbabey** : Refresh me on what that is

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : H… Hewwo? Mistew Wance?

**Dratiniisbabey** : Ah yes,  _ that _ shit

**Dratiniisbabey** : I mean, he must’ve been banished for some reason 

**Riley** : YOU YELL AT ME FOR TALKING LIKE THAT BUT YOU'RE DOING IT RIGHT NOW

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : You little shit, you literally do it to only me and Roark and no one believes us when we call you out for it

**Riley** : That’s the point, Dawn

**Onediggyboi** : Shut up, Riley. You and Giratina should switch places

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : Yeah!

**Babey** : Stop bullying Riley before I kick you from here

**Onediggyboi** : He bullies us!

**Babey** : You two are the only ones who do it here and don’t be mean to Giratina either

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : another random 5pm thought, what if Darkrai wore kinky boots?

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : I mean, have you seen his leggies 

**Riley** : I never want to read that sentence again 

**Onediggyboi** : Dawn, why would you even say that?

**Riley** : I sent that to the Sinnoh chat

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : I noticed and I hate you 

**Riley** : No, if we have to see it, they do too

**Babey** : I don’t want to know why you even thought of it

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : It’s just a random 5pm thought, thot

**Babey** : I’m too tired for this shit

**Dratiniisbabey** : Go to bed, I know it’s passed 10 there

**Babey** : I’m trying but Dawn was blowing up my phone

**Dratiniisbabey** : Mute your phone 

**Dratiniisbabey** : That’s what I do when Karen’s blowing up mine at two am

**Babey** : Don’t you get in trouble for that?????

**Dratiniisbabey** : No, it’s never something important at 2am. She just texts me random ass questions

**Babey** : Rip you

**Dratiniisbabey** : I have to deal with league bullshit now, later kid

*********

**Thatisincorrect** : The amount for fucks I give, have dropped to absolute Zero 

**Treedad** : What now?

**Thatisincorrect** : Faba’s trying to get Lusamine to give him his job back and  _ she’s actually considering it _

**Inyourdreams** : Does she not know about the emails

**Thatisincorrect** : You act like she cares about the emails! This is Lusamine, she’ll do anything to make sure work is done efficiently!

**Thatisincorrect** : But the problem is that Faba can’t do anything efficiently!

**Inyourdreams** : Is she going to drop you as a whole or will only your rank drop?

**Thatisincorrect** : Hell if I know as of right now

**Treedad** : Maybe try talking it over with her and if possible, Burnet could even talk to her

**Inyourdreams** : I  _ really  _ don’t want to work with him again. He wasn’t the worst but he wasn’t that good

**Cursed** : I don’t think that can happen anyways because isn’t he in trouble with the league right now as it is?

**Thatisincorrect** : Maybe? I don’t know at the moment 

**Inyourdreams** : He got caught sending emails to people from Team Magma or some shit like that

**Thatisincorrect** : What?!

**Inyourdreams** : Exactly 

**Babey** : Hypothetical situation

**Babey** : If I were to be around Faba and a body of water, could I body slam him into said body of water?

**Treedad** : Ash, no

**Thatisincorrect** : Please do

**Treedad** :  _ Both of you,  _ **_no_ **

**Inyourdreams** : I don’t see why not

**Cursed** : I’m with Sycamore on this one, please don’t. I’m pretty sure you’ll get some of us in trouble if you do

**Babey** :  _ But it’s Faba _

**Treedad** : Ash, don’t body slam anyone into water

**Babey** : Not even shove him in with an aura sphere 

**Treedad** : Especially not with an aura sphere

**Babey** : :(

**Treedad** : No

**Thatisincorrect** : Considering the fact Lusamine is Delia’s cousin and Faba is being an asshole, I really doubt Ash would get in that much trouble

**Babey** : …

**Babey** : First I find out Colress is my shit uncle and now I find out I’m not only related to Lusamine but also Gladion and Lillie?

**Dratiniisbabey** : Ash, you have the shittiest memory, you’ve been told this and have met Lusamine and Colress before

**Babey** : Apparently!

**Treedad** : I have no words at this point, I’m pretty sure this is a result of all the times you’ve met legendaries or got involved with regional disasters

**Babey** : Rude

**Treedad** : … You’ve died, fallen off cliffs, drowned, suffocated, so on so forth

**Treedad** : It must have done  _ something  _

**Babey** : First Uncle Lance, now you? Bullshit

**Treedad** : You’re not denying it

*********

**Purebean** : I’m not sure if I should expect that or not from Ash…

**Treedad** : You really shouldn’t but most do after meeting him

**Babey** : This is  _ bullshit _

**Babey** : Stabbed in the back by my own friends and even Arceus!

**Babey** :  _ This is the truest bullshit _

**Treedad** : Is everything okay, Ash?

**Riley** : Good news or bad news?

**Treedad** : … Bad news first

**Riley** : Well the bad news is that his first encounter with Mew and Mewtwo caused him to lose his memories because they had erased some of them which included some from his early life by accident 

**Riley** : Good news, it wasn’t because he did some risky stunt?

**Treedad** : Oh for fuck sake

**Riley** : Please don’t kill me

**MistywithaB** : That’s why it feels like such a damn fever dream!

**Rockhard** : That actually makes sense now

**Riley** : I am worried about you all

**Rockhard** : Don’t be, we’re fine

**Riley** : I mean,  _ Ash isn’t after finding out _

**Purebean** : Yeah… But Ash has a reason. It did make him forget about some of his family 

**Treedad** : Him forgetting Colress I 100% blame on Mew and Mewtwo but he’s met Lusamine maybe once or twice when he was five

**Treedad** : He’s never even met your father and then didn’t meet you and your brother until now

**Babey** : Hey, if she has met me, then why didn’t she recognize me?

**Treedad** : …. I honestly don’t know 

**Thatisincorrect** : According to the rules of the family chat, any family that we are well acquainted with/have a good relationship with must be added

**Treedad** : Didn’t you and Lance agree on the rule “No one talks about the family chat”?

**Thatisincorrect** :  _ Well that rule got broken a little while ago  _ @ **Babey**

**Babey** : Shut

**Treedad** : If we invite Lusamine and her kids, we’ll have to invite her husband too probably 

**Thatisincorrect** : No we don’t, no one likes him

**Purebean** : I don’t think Gladion would want to join… he already declined joining this chat

**Babey** : He doesn’t get a choice in joining the family chat or not

**Purebean** : Why?

**Babey** : Because it’s the family chat, family must join if they get along with at least two people there

**Purebean** : Can you force him to join this one?

**Babey** : If I ever need to call him out or he does something on Paul’s level, I will 

**Bitchysnowman** : What the hell is that supposed to mean?!

**Babey** : Wouldn’t you like to know, Weather boy

*************

**Satanicgremlin** : I’m not on for a day and the CHAMPION LANCE JOINS THIS CURSED CHAT

**Babey** : Yeah, because he’s my uncle

**Satanicgremlin** : HHHHHHHH

**Babey** : May, come get your brother 

**Itsbrittanybitch** : I’m sorry but I’m with Max on this one

**Thatisincorrect** : Lusamine has been added to the family chat

**Dratiniisbabey** : Colress you blithering fool

**Dratiniisbabey** : YOU COMPLETE IDIOT

**Thatisincorrect** : Yeah,  _ I KNOW  _

**Satanicgremlin** : What ... happened?

**Dratiniisbabey** : Lusamine is getting scolded by Augustine and it’s an unholy experience 

**Babey** : I am  _ scared _

**Thatisincorrect** : I forgot he’d actually pull something like that

**Dratiniisbabey** : You’re his brother! I rarely talk to him and even I knew he’d do it!

**Thatisincorrect** : Well hopefully her husbands gone-gone because if not, he’ll have to deal with a rage stronger than a thousand suns

**Purebean** : What’s going on in the family chat?

**Babey** : The parents are talking and it’s not good. I have been temporarily kicked out now so I probably won’t be back until tomorrow 

**Dratiniisbabey** : Colress, I’m coming for you 

**Thatisincorrect** :  _ Oh shit _

**Dratiniisbabey** : I won’t hesitate bitch

**Themomthership** : You two behave or else you’re next

**Dratiniisbabey** : Hhhhh 

**Dratiniisbabey** : Okay

**Babey** : ?

**Thatisincorrect** : You don’t want to know 


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Imabadbitch > Babey - Ash  
> MistywithaB- Misty  
> Rockhard- Brock  
> Maybeitsnotmaybeline - Dawn  
> MarshMALLOW - Mallow  
> Lemonchild - Clemont  
> Illgladlysteponyou > Actuallyaqueen - Serena  
> Maskedroyal > Cursed - Kukui  
> Itsbrittanybitch - May  
> Purebean - Lillie  
> FuckitupSoph - Sophocles  
> Yeetorbeyeeted > Actuallycares™️ > Bitchysnowman - Paul  
> Countryboi > Thoticus - Gary  
> Whowantslasagna - Cilan  
> Themomthership - Delia  
> Satanicgremlin - Max  
> Whatthefuckkyle - Kiawe  
> DragonsmakemegoUwU - Iris  
> Imwashingmeandmyclothes - Lana  
> Internallydying - Tracy  
> Inyourdreams - Burnet  
> ChaoticNeutral - Norman  
> Honoraryparent > Chaoticadult- Alain  
> Ghostgirl - Acerola  
> McEndmysuffering - Sophie  
> AureaJ - Professor Juniper  
> Onediggyboi- Roark  
> Itscalledfashionbaby-Diantha  
> OlympiaG - Olympia  
> Babybrother > Dratiniisbabey - Lance

**Ash** has been Added to  **Dearest Family**

**Ash** has been changed to  **Babey**

**Babey** : Hhhhhh

**Babey** : I’m being bullied by the shit uncle again 

**Residentlittleshit** : I’ve already accepted you don’t like me, I could care less at this point

**Tinytinyboy** : If I have to suffer, so do you 

**Babey** : Fair

**Lusamine** : Why is Ash only added now?

**Tinytinyboy** : Because he didn’t need to see my sister and her husband fight you

**Babey** : Lusamine doesn’t have a name here yet

**Residentlittleshit** : Why do you think Burnet, Lance, and I have a chat to discuss her name?

**Lusamine** : Should I be concerned?

**Babey** : Very

**Dearest Family** has been changed to  **Dumb Bitch disease is hereditary**

**Residentlittleshit** : I’d say your wrong but you’re not

**Lusamine** : That’s not even an actual thing

**Residentlittleshit** : I refuse to acknowledge that you and I are a year apart in age

**Lusamine** : Why? Because I’m sensible?

**Tinytinyboy** : Hey, at least you aren’t her cousin

**Tinytinyboy** : Also, it’s not supposed to be serious. It’s a joke

**Lusamine** : It doesn’t seem that appropriate for a boy his age, especially to use language like that

**Babey** : I’m 16, turning 17 in a few months

**Lusamine** : It’s still not appropriate

**Tinytinyboy** : Ha

**Tinytinyboy** : If she doesn’t like your swearing here, she’ll hate the other chat

**Lusamine** : What other chat

**Residentlittleshit** : For us to know and you to find out never

**Lusamine** : Colress, I’m not scared to threaten you 

**Tiredandtrying** : I think not, I will fight you if you threaten him 

**Tiredandtrying** : The only person allowed to threaten my brother is me

**Residentlittleshit** : I don’t know if I should feel happy or offended 

**Tinytinyboy** : Both

**Tiredandtrying** : That’s not the point right now. Lusamine, we’ve talked about this

**Lusamine** : …

**Lusamine** : Alright 

**Babey** : I go to feed my Pokémon and make sure my Riolu doesn’t have a knife again and I come back to this

**Lusamine** : Why would your Riolu have knife?

**Babey** : Riley said because he sensed my distrust towards Colress but I’m pasted that now so I don’t know anymore

**Residentlittleshit** : Have Riley talk to Riolu about it then

**Lusamine** : People can’t just talk to Pokémon like that

**Residentlittleshit** : Actually, this kid can

**Chatoverlord** : Is friend Riley actually can talk to Pokémon, but only a few. He’s an aura user and is nice enough to teach Ash how to use it

**Babey** : >:3

**Lusamine** : I’m not even going to bother asking

**Tiredandtrying** : Good. Now I’m going to pass out

**Tiredandtrying** : I haven’t slept in 24 hours and I have been verbally threatened by Sophie and Alain multiple times today

**Lusamine** : Oh?

**Tiredandtrying** : They are two of my lab assistants, if you even relatively think I would cheat on my wife, I will end you

**Babey** : Welp, I’m retreating to the other chat

**Lusamine** : I’m just surprised Augustine, you’re generally very worried about people’s well-being. I’m surprised you’re ignoring your own

**Tiredandtrying** : Doubt™️

**Tinytinyboy** : Why do you think we joke that Dumb Bitch disease is hereditary?! Have you not met this man

**Tiredandtrying** : Lance, stop

**Residentlittleshit** :He’s sprained his wrist and ankle when he was younger and also almost got hit by a Hyper Beam while saving his Riolu

**Chatoverlord** : Leave him be you two. Colress, you’ve gotten hurt in much worse ways

**Lusamine** : Oh?

**Chatoverlord** : He went to the hospital for snorting Smarties

**Residentlittleshit** : To be fair, I was 12

**Tinytinyboy** : You Get no defense 

*********

Chat -  **Arceus great god above end me**

**Babey** : I think my dad is going to commit homicide

**Rockhard** : Not new

**Babey** : Hhhhhhh

**Babey** : He threatened Lusamine in the family chat

**Rockhard** : Why?

**Babey** : A very  _ cursed _ reason

**Thoticus** : that’s not new

**Babey** : He’s still threatening murder 

**Thoticus** : Perish then

**Babey** : I can’t believe this

**Thoticus** : You better start

**Babey** : Off topic but @ **Riley**

**Babey** : Why do you look like you’re going to pass out at any second 

**Riley** : Because I’ve been up since 3am and Arceus hates me

**Babey** : Explain

**Riley** : No

**Babey** : Why Have you been up since 3

**Babey** : Tell me, Riley

**Riley** : I don’t have to tell you anything

**Cursed** : Can you two not fight for two minutes?

**Cursed** : Colress, you’re rubbing off on Ash

**Thatisincorrect** : Why do you say that

**Cursed** : Ash is aggressively T-Posing at Riley

**Thatisincorrect** : Idk what to tell you Kukui

**Cursed** : I can’t believe this shit sometimes

**Dratiniisbabey** : Pics or you’re lying 

**Cursed** uploaded file  **Truth**

**Dratiniisbabey** : Riley’s like… half a foot taller, T-Posing isn’t going to do much

**Thatisincorrect** : Ash in general won’t be able to do much with that height difference 

**Cursed** : I may be six thirty but I’m going to bed, I’m too tired for this

**Thatisincorrect** : Coward, you’re supposed to be his guardian 

**Thatisincorrect** : Also, Lusamine had no clue Ash was 16, she thought he was 13 at the oldest

**Dratiniisbabey** : Good to know Ash and I aren’t the only ones with dumb bitch disease on this side of the family 

**Thatisincorrect** : He’s from August’s and my side too

**Dratiniisbabey** : Yeah But he doesn’t like you and we’ve already claimed him as being on our side of the family

**Babey** : Are you literally fighting over which side of the family I’m on? 

**Dratiniisbabey** : Yes?

**Babey** : Move it to the family chat

**Thatisincorrect** : We’ll be yelled at then

**Babey** : Good

*********

**Riley** : Is it just me or does it feel like you’re just being threatened by a small child when being threatened by Ash?

**Rockhard** : That’s essentially what happens 

**Inyourdreams** : I witnessed something extremely unholy 

**Inyourdreams** : Faba fucked up so Colress and I had to come in, keep in mind it’s almost two here, so Colress in all his millennial glory

**Inyourdreams** : Ran up to Faba  _ yelling “This bitch empty, yeet!”  _ **_BEFORE SHOVING HIM INTO THE OCEAN_ **

**Treedad** : Sounds normal

**Treedad** : Faba deserved it

**Inyourdreams** : I know but it’s still chaotic 

**Treedad** : It’s Colress, what do you expect

**Inyourdreams** : Fair

**Riley** : …

**Riley** : Why?

**Inyourdreams** : It’s Colress at two in the morning with out coffee and Faba is the root of his problem 

**Itscalledfashionbaby** : How are we sure him and Augustine are related

**Treedad** : I wish he wasn’t but I can confirm he is

**Itscalledfashionbaby** : I’m surprised that Lusamine doesn’t do anything 

**Treedad** : She won’t because everyone there just collectively hates Faba

**Treedad** : It’s not even six yet and I’ve already had to break up a fight in the garden

**Treedad** : I’m just ready for Yveltal to take my soul at this point

**Themomthership** : No >:(

**Themomthership** : They’ll have to fight me first 

**Dratiniisbabey** : Don’t or Delia will actually fight both of you

**Treedad** : That’s  _ fine  _

**Treedad** : Did you get the package yet?

**Dratiniisbabey** : Yeah and I don’t know if it’s you being an ass or you genuinely giving this to me

**Treedad** : In all actuality, it’s both but I mean take it however you want to 

**Dratiniisbabey** : Hhhhhhh

**Dratiniisbabey** : Bitch

**Treedad** : You’re Welcome

**Inyourdreams** : What the hell did you send him?

**Treedad** : Altarianite ask Delia for photos of why 

**Themomthership** uploaded file  **Babybabyboy**

**Themomthership** uploaded file  **Cottonball**

**Dratiniisbabey** : This is harassment 

**Dratiniisbabey** : I can’t believe I’m being bullied by my own sister 

**Inyourdreams** : Hhhhhhh

**Inyourdreams** : Floofy borb 

**Dratiniisbabey** : I didn’t join for this

**Themomthership** : I didn’t give you choice

**Dratiniisbabey** : Rude

**Themomthership** : Shut up, I know you do it willingly 

**Dratiniisbabey** : Don’t call me out like this

**Themomthership** : To late my dear baby brother 

*********

**Chaoticadult** : Welp, I’m going to be yeeted by Delia later but

**Chaoticadult** : Professor Sycamore was breaking up a fight against his Samurott and Garchomp but ended getting hit in the head

**Babey** : Meet me in the pit Alain

**Chaoticadult** : I didn’t mean for it to happen and Samurott only listens to him

**Onediggyboi** : What the  _ fuck _

**Onediggyboi** : Why did he try to do it without another person and Pokémon?

**Chaoticadult** : Because This never happens and usually they listen when they’re told to stop

**Onediggyboi** : Fool

**Chaoticadult** :  _ I know _

**McEndmysuffering** : I’m not there for the afternoon and something already goes wrong. Where’s Cosette in all of this?

**Chaoticadult** :  _ I’m sorry _

**McEndmysuffering** : I can’t believe this

**Babey** : Meet me in the pit, ALAIN

**McEndmysuffering** : Please don’t fight

**Babey** : Alain, I will yeet you into the reverse world if you aren’t careful

**Treedad** : For the love of Arceus, I’m fine!

**McEndmysuffering** : Explain now or I’m coming over immediately 

**Treedad** : Are you ever just in so much pain you don’t want to get up? Because that’s me after being hit in the head by Samurott 

**McEndmysuffering** : I don’t know why I work with you

**Treedad** : Your guess is as good as mine

**Chaoticadult** : Because he’d probably be dead if you didn’t after everything

**McEndmysuffering** : That’s true but still 

**Treedad** : Anyways I’m fine, I’m just going to take some aspirin and go back to work

**McEndmysuffering** : No

**McEndmysuffering** : You’re going to go to the hospital and make sure you don’t have a concussion, you bitch

**AureaJ** : As valid as that is, he’s been hit by much worse and has been fine. Have I ever told you about the time he got hit by a Mach Punch and came out completely fine?

**McEndmysuffering** : Augustine Sycamore, you absolute bitch

**Treedad** : I’ve been told that a lot after getting hurt, especially by the Unhuman Pyroar Furry

**AureaJ** : If He turns out to be alive, I’m telling him you said that

**Treedad** : Choke

**AureaJ** : At least I don’t get hurt as often as you 

**Themomthership** : AUGUSTINE ALEXANDER SYCAMORE! YOU WILL GO

**Babey** : You know you have to if mom yells at you

*********

**Chaoticadult** : So it turns out he doesn’t have a concussion but he has a broken wrist 

**AureaJ** : I swear on Reshiram, Zerkrom, Xerneas, and Yveltal that I’ll murder you, Thot

**Treedad** : Shut 

**AureaJ** : It feels like the Tyranitar situation all over again 

**Treedad** : That was your fault and I was the one who had to fix it!

**AureaJ** : It still feels like the Tyranitar situation

**Themomthership** : …

**Themomthership** : Augustine…


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Imabadbitch > Babey - Ash  
> MistywithaB- Misty  
> Rockhard- Brock  
> Maybeitsnotmaybeline - Dawn  
> MarshMALLOW - Mallow  
> Lemonchild - Clemont  
> Illgladlysteponyou > Actuallyaqueen - Serena  
> Maskedroyal > Cursed - Kukui  
> Itsbrittanybitch - May  
> Purebean - Lillie  
> FuckitupSoph - Sophocles  
> Yeetorbeyeeted > Actuallycares™️ > Bitchysnowman - Paul  
> Countryboi > Thoticus - Gary  
> Whowantslasagna - Cilan  
> Themomthership - Delia  
> Satanicgremlin - Max  
> Whatthefuckkyle - Kiawe  
> DragonsmakemegoUwU - Iris  
> Imwashingmeandmyclothes - Lana  
> Internallydying - Tracy  
> Inyourdreams - Burnet  
> ChaoticNeutral - Norman  
> Honoraryparent > Chaoticadult- Alain  
> Ghostgirl - Acerola  
> McEndmysuffering - Sophie  
> AureaJ - Professor Juniper  
> Onediggyboi- Roark  
> Itscalledfashionbaby-Diantha  
> OlympiaG - Olympia  
> Babybrother > Dratiniisbabey - Lance
> 
> In the Family chat  
> Chatoverlord - Delia  
> Tiredandtrying - Augustine  
> Tinytinyboy - Lance  
> Residentlittleshit - Colress  
> Babey - Ash

**OlympiaG** : The Sycamore siblings need an intervention

**Babey** : Colress got yelled at for an hour for throwing Faba into the Ocean by Lusamine 

**AureaJ** : You are absolutely correct,  _ Augustine needs to stop with this shit _

**Treedad** : I have been yelled at by both Delia and Sophie, not to mention this whole incident was an accident 

**AureaJ** : Was the Tyranitar incident an accident? Was the Eevee and Deerling incident an accident?

**Treedad** : You caused the Tyranitar incident and the other two happened by accident and they were abandoned 

**Treedad** : Don’t even consider using the Hyper Beam incident against me because Riolu would’ve died or gotten severely hurt if that hyper beam hit him

**AureaJ** :  _ You’re right but still _

**Treedad** : No, I’d also like to point out the Buffalant incident was also your fault 

**AureaJ** :  _ I’m sorry about that _

**Treedad** : I got a broken rib because of it

**Babey** : You need divine intervention

**Treedad** : To be fair this all happened when I was 14 to 16

**OlympiaG** : This was why Lysandre didn’t like leaving you two alone for longer than a minute

**Thatisincorrect** : So I am aware that what I did was wrong but at 2 am with no coffee and it was confirmed Faba who messed shit up, my impulse control is nonexistent 

**Babey** : I mean, I head butted Faba once?

**Thatisincorrect** : I’ll pay you to do it again 

**Treedad** : Colress no

**Thatisincorrect** : COLRESS YES

**Imwashingmeandmyclothes** : What’s the Tyranitar incident?

**AureaJ** : I accidentally woke up and upset a Tyranitar which Augustine ended calming it down because I had only a Zebstrika with me

*********

**Dratiniisbabey** : This is  _ great _

**Dratiniisbabey** : I have to go to Alola to help set up their league and that means I have to deal with Wallace and possibly Steven

**Itsbrittanybitch** : I feel like I’m missing something 

**Dratiniisbabey** : Cynthia made the wrong joke at the wrong time and now Wallace doesn’t like me much

**Babey** : Lisia 2.0 or that Lisia is Lance 2.0?

**Dratiniisbabey** : Both

**Itscalledfashionbaby** :  _ Perish  _

**Dratiniisbabey** : That’s the plan but I’ll be alive most likely when I have to go to Alola

**Themomthership** : No one is perishing and no one is head butting Faba unless it’s deserved 

**Themomthership** : And if I need to fight Wallace over a joke,  _ I will _

**Babey** : Hhhhhhhhh

**Babey** : The Momther is threatening harm again 

**Itscalledfashionbaby** : Lisia is his niece. I know you would fight someone if they said that about Ash

**Dratiniisbabey** : Fair But Wallace knows that we’re two entirely different people, we just both have an Altaria

**Treedad** : Yeet him

**Dratiniisbabey** : Hhhhhhh

**Dratiniisbabey** : No, I’m not chancing anything 

**Satanicgremlin** : Ash, you’re dad used yeet correctly, is the world ending?

**Babey** : He can use memes and vines correctly believe it or not 

**Satanicgremlin** : Hhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

**Satanicgremlin** : Not Fair 

**Rockhard** : I can see why you don’t want to deal with Wallace, but what’s wrong with Steven?

**Dratiniisbabey** : It’s Steven, he’s like Diantha But ten times worse

**Itscalledfashionbaby** : Steven most likely won’t be there considering how he’s no longer champion 

**Dratiniisbabey** : Yeah But they still might have him come to help set it up

**Dratiniisbabey** : Speaking of which, all regional professors have to be here too to help

**Treedad** : Why? I haven’t gotten any emails about it

**Dratiniisbabey** : I meant to tell you earlier but I forgot?

**Itscalledfashionbaby** : Since Kukui’s still rather new and they’re now setting up a league, it’s easier to do check ins with how the set up is going and how Kukui’s progressing along with some of the meetings since professors and champions have to be there

**Treedad** : Never in my 10+ years of being a professor has that been done

**Itscalledfashionbaby** : Yeah But you’re the second newest and not to mention, you’re not incompetent like a certain scientist here

**Treedad** : I will take the compliment but didn’t you think I was incompetent because I’m a parent and wouldn’t be able to devote enough time to both my family and work?

**Itscalledfashionbaby** : I’m just saying you’re not incompetent like your brother

**Thatisincorrect** : … 

**Itscalledfashionbaby** : To whatever you have to say, my answer is no

**Thatisincorrect** : I won’t hesitate bitch

**Treedad** : … Stop

**Treedad** : I still haven’t fought you for “Wtf is this allowed? Is this allowed?” because Delia and I were talking

**Thatisincorrect** : You two were also holding hands and being extremely sweet to each other while she was talking in Kantonian and you were talking in Kalosian

**Thatisincorrect** : It feels like a stroke when you pull that

**Babey** : Don’t bully my parents

**Thatisincorrect** :  _ You’re like… four feet _

**Thatisincorrect** :  _ I’m not scared of you _

**Babey** : >:/ I’m 5’5”

**Thatisincorrect** : So…  _ four feet _

**Riley** : This whole chat’s a stroke and Ash, you look like you’re four feet to most of us

**Babey** : I will yeet you Riley 

**Riley** : Remember the last time you tried that? It didn’t go so well

**Babey** : This is harassment 

**Riley** : It’s true 

*********

**MarshMALLOW** : Lana and I just witnessed Ash tackle some red haired guy in a cape and I don’t know whether to laugh or yell at him

**Thatisincorrect** : That would be his unholy uncle Lance 

**Treedad** : Literally all of us call  _ you  _ the unholy one

**Thatisincorrect** : Rude

**Treedad** : The Smarties? Quoting a vine as you throw Faba into the ocean?

**Thatisincorrect** : Remember when you had absolutely no clue what a vine was?

**Treedad** : That’s not the matter at hand

**Itscalledfashionbaby** : Control your child Augustine

**Treedad** : … 

**Treedad** : Is this about Lance or something else

**Itscalledfashionbaby** : He called Leon N and Iris’s future love child

**Treedad** : I have no words

**Treedad** : I know he has a shit Fashion sense but still

**Itscalledfashionbaby** : Exactly!

**DragonsmakemegoUwU** : I don’t like what I read

**Babey** : I’m my defense, that’s exactly what he looks like

**Babey** : Well That or if you and N did a fusion dance

**DragonsmakemegoUwU** : Stop before I pull a Colress and shove you into the ocean 

**Babey** : okay, fair

**Whowantslasagna** : And would you look at that! I can’t read anymore!

**Babey** : I’m running on three hours of sleep, leave me be

**Treedad** : Your Mother is going to murder me if you keep doing that

**Dratiniisbabey** : I can confirm she will because you’re slowly turning into your father 

**Babey** : Hhhhhh  _ fear _

**Treedad** : Why don’t you sleep at night?

**Babey** : I had Torracat’s paws digging into my gut and they didn’t move until I made them

**Treedad** : Dear Arceus, Ash!

*********

**Rockhard** : Random thing to point out

**Rockhard** : Remember when you wanted to talk to Pokémon but it ended in you turning into one? That’s literally what’s happening now minus being turned into Pikachu and you can only talk to ten Pokémon 

**Babey** : Wait… that incident with the Pokémon witch wasn’t some weird dream?!

**Rockhard** : Oh my Arceus, Ash. How do you think that it was just a weird dream?!

**Babey** : Because it happened but then no one acknowledged it until now 

**Treedad** : I’m getting the bubble wrap

**Babey** : Please don’t

**Treedad** : Then stop getting in trouble 

**Babey** : afkdflgfkl it happened once! Not to mention I was a dumbass 11 year old then!

**Treedad** : You worry me

**Babey** :  _ I’m sorry _

**Treedad** : You are my only child, I will worry about you until I die, but  _ please  _ be more careful 

**Babey** : I don’t decide if I’m thrown into danger 

**Treedad** : Ash  _ please _

**Dratiniisbabey** : Kind reminder that he cried a lot when you got sick, he worries about you greatly and this isn’t help

**Babey** :  _ I don’t mean to make him cry _

**Treedad** : At least stop almost dying

**Babey** : I will try. Times like with the Raticate, idk if I can prevent that

**Dratiniisbabey** : What time with the Raticate?

**Babey** : … a thing that happened a month or so ago 

**Whatthefuckkyle** : Ash got thrown off a cliff by a Raticate and died

**Dratiniisbabey** : Hhhhhhhhhhhh

**Dratiniisbabey** : You living disaster 

**Babey** : Ahsshffkfg

**Babey** : I know 

**Babey** : Brb, mom and Uncle Lance are sharing photos of someone on the family chat 

**Treedad** : They’re photos of you

**Babey** : nO

*********

Chat:  **Dumb Bitch disease is hereditary**

**Babey** : Why the  **_fuck_ ** is 5 year old me hugging the giant Pyroar furry 

**Lusamine** : Language

**Babey** : Unovan

**Lusamine** : Not what I meant 

**Tiredandtrying** : Because before he went insane, he actually visited sometimes and it was often enough that you thought he was your uncle

**Babey** : I don’t remember this 

**Tiredandtrying** : I have videos and other pictures of things like this 

**Babey** : Oh no

**Babey** : On another note, why am I being betrayed by my Momther and favorite uncle 

**Chatoverlord** : Because Lusamine needs to see some of the things she missed

**Tinytinyboy** : I lost a bet

**Babey** : what kIND OF BET?!

**Tinytinyboy** : … a bet

**Babey** : Meet me in the pit

**Tinytinyboy** : I can easily throw you into the ocean 

**Chatoverlord** : I think not, Lance 

**Tiredandtrying** : I will literally murder you if you hurt Ash

**Babey** : Don’t do it, Lance 

**Babey** : You’ll have two mother Kangaskhans after you then

**Tinytinyboy** : Hhhhhhh

**Tinytinyboy** : Never mind

**Tinytinyboy** uploaded file  **legendmagnet**

**Tinytinyboy** : I feel the need to point this out

**Lusamine** : WHY DOES HE HAVE A MEW AND LATIAS WITH HIM

**Babey** : … Wouldn’t you like to know, weather boy 

**Lusamine** :  _ what _ , this is worse than Colress

**Residentlittleshit** : I heard you were talking shit about me

**Lusamine** : What the fuck!

**Babey** : She has finally swore!

*********

**Riley** : I'M GOING TO THROW ROARK OFF THE NEAREST CLIFF

**Itsbrittanybitch** : Why now?

**Riley** : Here I am, tasked with staying with Ash so he doesn’t do something dumb 

**Riley** : AND OUT OF LITERALLY NOWHERE I'M TACKLED BY ROARK AND THE FORCE AND WEIGHT MAKED ME SPRAIN MY WRIST WHEN I FELL SOMEHOW 

**Rockhard** : My only question is what dumb thing would Ash do?

**Riley** : He still doesn’t have full control over his aura and if someone pulls a Roark, someone’s getting hit with aura in some way and it’s not pleasant

**Onediggyboi** : I can confirm because I just got an aura sphere to the gut

**Riley** : Suffer

**Onediggyboi** : Oh I am!

**Rockhard** : Don’t  _ you _ have full control of your aura 

**Riley** : Oh I do but Roark caused me to sprain my wrist 

**Rockhard** : I refuse to believe you’re the same Riley from Sinnoh

**Riley** : Idk what to tell you then Brock 

**Riley** : Does no one read the damn chat or not pay attention to the last time someone surprised Ash!

**Rockhard** : W-what?

**Riley** : Dawn jumped Ash and Lance ended up getting hit by a stray aura sphere

**Itsbrittanybitch** : Boig  **_OOF_ **

**Purebean** : Boig

**FuckitupSoph** : Boig 

**Satanicgremlin** :  **_BOIG_ **

**Itsbrittanybitch** : Shut it, Max before I have Glaceon freeze you in a block of ice and have Blaziken yeet you

**Satanicgremlin** : Okay…..

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hewwo Hewwo, I’m sorry this is being uploaded at Not 3:10. I accidentally uploaded the chapter to the wrong story. I break the 3:10 rule when I need to ask questions, post an update about the story, or I accidentally upload the chapter to the wrong story. 
> 
> Anyways, yell at me about anything you need to know on my tumblr Emy-Clare or in the comments


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Imabadbitch > Babey - Ash  
> MistywithaB- Misty  
> Rockhard- Brock  
> Maybeitsnotmaybeline - Dawn  
> MarshMALLOW - Mallow  
> Lemonchild - Clemont  
> Illgladlysteponyou > Actuallyaqueen - Serena  
> Maskedroyal > Cursed - Kukui  
> Itsbrittanybitch - May  
> Purebean - Lillie  
> FuckitupSoph - Sophocles  
> Yeetorbeyeeted > Actuallycares™️ > Bitchysnowman - Paul  
> Countryboi > Thoticus - Gary  
> Whowantslasagna - Cilan  
> Themomthership - Delia  
> Satanicgremlin - Max  
> Whatthefuckkyle - Kiawe  
> DragonsmakemegoUwU - Iris  
> Imwashingmeandmyclothes - Lana  
> Internallydying - Tracy  
> Inyourdreams - Burnet  
> ChaoticNeutral - Norman  
> Honoraryparent > Chaoticadult- Alain  
> Ghostgirl - Acerola  
> McEndmysuffering - Sophie  
> AureaJ - Professor Juniper  
> Onediggyboi- Roark  
> Itscalledfashionbaby-Diantha  
> OlympiaG - Olympia  
> Babybrother > Dratiniisbabey - Lance
> 
> In the Family chat  
> Chatoverlord - Delia  
> Tiredandtrying - Augustine  
> Tinytinyboy - Lance  
> Residentlittleshit - Colress  
> Babey - Ash

Chat:  **Dumb Bitch disease is hereditary**

**Lusamine** : Augustine, your brother is dead to me

**Tiredandtrying** : That’s nice, you deserve whatever happened I’m sure

**Tinytinyboy** : What happened now?

**Lusamine** : Faba said something to him to which he replied with “Butcha didn’t” before kicking him in the crotch

**Tiredandtrying** : You manage your workers, I can tell him to stop but nothing else, sorry

**Tinytinyboy** : Lusamine, I’m sorry but what do you expect after the other day. Don’t leave to two alone is my advice

**Chatoverlord** : Can you blame him? Faba’s extremely annoying

**Lusamine** : Doesn’t mean he should initiate violence 

**Tiredandtrying** : He was worse as a child

**Lusamine** : That’s  _ not  _ comforting 

**Tiredandtrying** : I’m not trying to be comforting

**Residentlittleshit** : If you’re disappointed in me now, well… 

**Residentlittleshit** : Honey, you’ve got a big storm coming 

*********

Chat:  **Arceus great god above end me**

**MarshMALLOW** : I feel an immense amount of fear

**Babey** : Why?

**MarshMALLOW** : Did you just see your dad pick up your mom?!

**Babey** : I literally just had to run after Riolu because he had a pair of scissors, so no

**Dratiniisbabey** uploaded file  **Bufftwig**

**Babey** : Please never call my dad that again, that put a terrible image in my mind

**Dratiniisbabey** : Mind sharing?

**Babey** : Trevenant but with a really buff body

**Dratiniisbabey** : I wish I never asked

**Babey** : You brought it up 

**Dratiniisbabey** : Fair but still

**OlympiaG** : Let the man love his wife

**OlympiaG** : They don’t see each other often and it’s hard for them to call each other with the 12 hour time difference 

**Babey** : Hhhhhhh

**Babey** : I can’t find Riolu and Mew’s not with me right now

**Whatthefuckkyle** : How do you lose your Riolu?!

**Babey** : He’s small and fast which makes him hard to get

**FuckitupSoph** : I mean, you should probably talk to Riolu?

**Babey** : I can’t if he’s not with me

**Thatisincorrect** : Found him. He was holding scissors up to Roark

**Babey** : I Have no words, I’m sorry 

**Onediggyboi** : Why is he like this

**Riley** : Riolu and Lucario are just naturally protective 

**Onediggyboi** : But why was he threatening me?!

**Riley** : Idk my friend

**Onediggyboi** : Riley, you can literally talk to him!

**Riley** : Suffer

**Onediggyboi** : Ask him or I’ll break your wrist

**Riley** : I'M NOT EVEN THERE RIGHT NOW

**Onediggyboi** : Then where are you

**Riley** : Originally trying to train with Lucario

**Onediggyboi** : Meet me by the trainer school

**Riley** : No

**Thatisincorrect** : Please just do it, Roark’s annoying

**Riley** : Fine

**MarshMALLOW** : Ash, why are you so  _ short  _ compared to your parents 

**Babey** : I don’t know! Stop asking!

**MarshMALLOW** : Your mom is at least four inches taller

**Babey** :  **_I know I’m short but stop_ **

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** :  **_WHY ARE YOU THREATENING TO BREAK HIS WRIST_ **

**Onediggyboi** : Because he has cracker bones that heal in under five minutes because of aura bullshit

**Riley** : What the hell do you mean that I have “cracker bones”?!

**Onediggyboi** : Exactly what I said, you have cracker bones. I’ve seen you break bones so easily, they just so happen to heal in under five minutes 

**Riley** : I’ve cracked a rib once and I broke my arm because I fell off a cliff. I never have broken anything else

**Onediggyboi** : That’s two more bones than I’ve broken

*********

**Cursed** : How does this man go from dead inside and ready to commit homicide to being extremely soft and ready to commit homicide?

**AureaJ** : it’s one of the many mysteries of Augustine Sycamore 

**AureaJ** : Not to mention, I’m pretty sure you do the same when it comes to Burnet

**Cursed** : Yeah but I’m not ready to commit homicide 

**Inyourdreams** : We also aren’t parents to over five children

**Cursed** : Also true

**Ghostgirl** : That’s a lie, Kukui

**Ghostgirl** : I’ve seen you parent each of your students and I know you’d commit murder for them

**Cursed** : Okay but there’s no need to call me out 

**MarshMALLOW** : Oh my Arceus, Colress is right

**MarshMALLOW** : It does feel like a stroke when Ash’s parents talk

**Babey** :  _ I’ve literally done this with Riley and May!  _

**MarshMALLOW** : Your parents are speaking two wildly different languages and I don’t know anything from either

**Babey** : Perish 

**Imwashingmeandmyclothes** : What in the name of Tapu Lele did Diantha just say to your dad

**Babey** : …

**Babey** : I don’t know but dad’s reply was… interesting 

**Thatisincorrect** : Nothing for children’s ears

**Imwashingmeandmyclothes** : Oh

**Babey** : I don’t want to know anymore

**Thatisincorrect** : Good. Also, why hasn’t Riolu threatened me yet?

**Babey** : Riley and I convinced him not to

**Purebean** : Mother wants to know why you had Mew and Latias with you earlier, should I tell her why?

**Babey** : Sure? I thought she read through the earlier messages for context?

**Purebean** : No she hasn’t. Also, will Gladion and I be added? 

**Babey** : Gladion will be added but parents don’t know if it’s wise to add you right now

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : Being scolded by Riley is an unholy experience because you can’t tell if he’s actually mad when talking to him because he’s just constantly calm

**Rockhard** : No way is the Riley here, the same Riley from Sinnoh

**Riley** : I’ve got some news for you, Brock 

**Riley** : I 100% am the same Riley from Sinnoh 

**Rockhard** : You’re lying, no way it’s you

**Riley** : Come to Alola if you think I’m lying then

**FuckitupSoph** : What was he like when you first met him?

**Rockhard** : Very calm but also selfless and almost died for us?

**Riley** : I mean… to be fair, I don’t get along well with people but when I do, I will die for them?

**Cursed** : Didn’t you say that if anything bad happened to Ash, you would kill everyone involved and then yourself

**Riley** : … I have to go

**Babey** : I don’t remember that?????

**Cursed** : This happened when he first got here

*********

**Purebean** : So I’m confused

**Purebean** : In order from tallest to shortest we have Professor Sycamore at 6’7”, Colress at 6’5”, Lance at 6’, Ms. Ketchum at 5’9” give or take, and then Ash at 5’5”

**Purebean** : How is Ash so short

**Dratiniisbabey** : You killed him, I can’t believe this

**Treedad** : Is this why Ash is on the floor asking for death?

**Dratiniisbabey** : Yes

**Treedad** : Oh, of course it is

**Itscalledfashionbaby** : I’m living 

**Treedad** : I sure hope you are or I’d be concerned right now 

**Itscalledfashionbaby** : That’s not what I mean 

**Itscalledfashionbaby** : Leon took one look at Ash and asked “Is the small tree child okay”

**Actuallyaqueen** : Hhhhhhhhhh

**Actuallyaqueen** : What

**Lemonchild** : Oh yeah. Professor Sycamore is known as the Tree Dad to most of the league for some unexplained reason

**Actuallyaqueen** : IS THAT WHY YOU’RE TREEDAD HERE

**Treedad** : No, Ash just compared me to a Tree once when he was younger so it just became a thing. I think Lance even has me something that has to do with a tree in his contacts 

**Dratiniisbabey** : It was Buff Tree but I changed to just your name

**Treedad** : That’s not like you

**Dratiniisbabey** : Your son said something Cursed™️

**Treedad** : That’s not new

**Actuallyaqueen** : Hey, quick question, what the hell 

**Treedad** : The four of us are collectively immune to Ash’s words, Lance and Colress just have broken down after not hearing it as often

**Actuallyaqueen** :  _ Fear™️ _

**Thatisincorrect** : Lillie, you killed him, he’s as dead inside as his father

**Purebean** :  _ I’ve noticed and I’m sorry _

**Thatisincorrect** : Cynthia doesn’t know whether to be amused or disappointed that people bringing up his height killed him and I don’t blame her

**Itsbrittanybitch** : I want Context so badly but I don’t at the same time 

**Treedad** : Why would you need context?

**Itsbrittanybitch** : Because it’s Ash

**Treedad** : Fair

**Dratiniisbabey** : Leon needs to stop

**Itscalledfashionbaby** : Augustine, control your child, he doesn’t need to flip Leon off

**Treedad** : I don’t know what to tell you but Leon’s being an ass by calling him a small bean tree child. It’s been made very clear on his opinions on being called small

*********

**Babey** : I forgot the champions who aren’t here don’t know about my Legendary Magnet status

**Babey** : Half of them had the Big Concern™️ when they saw me with Mew, Raikou, Keldeo, and Celebi

**Whatthefuckkyle** : I can’t believe you sometimes

**Babey** : I can’t believe myself sometimes

**Rockhard** : Wait, How is Cynthia not aware? She knows about the Meloetta incident

**Babey** : That’s her only experience with it, she’s never seen me with other Legendary Pokémon before 

**Treedad** : Go explain it to them, Ash. I’m pretty sure Leon’s ready to fight you if you don’t 

**Babey** : Fine, brb

*********

Chat:  **Dumb Bitch disease is hereditary**

**Gladion** has been added to  **Dumb Bitch disease is hereditary**

**Lillie** has been added to  **Dumb Bitch disease is hereditary**

**Lusamine** : Can we  _ please  _ change the name 

**Gladion** : What is this cursed thing?

**Babey** : This is the famiwy Chat uwu

**Tinytinyboy** : Ash, we discussed that hellspeak is strictly banned from this chat

**Babey** : No one said that it’s directly against the rules

**Residentlittleshit** : You can’t ban hewwspeak  **WANCE**

**Gladion** : I’ve been here for five minutes and I hate it

**Gladion** : And since when have we been family?

**Lusamine** : His mother is my cousin

**Babey** : Random question, but I’d say one of us(Mom, Dad, and Lusamine excluded) started dating, would our s/o be added to the chat?

**Tiredandtrying** : … Maybe?...

**Tiredandtrying** : Why do you ask?

**Babey** : I’ve been here three months and I have no clue who would all be considered family to be added. Not to mention Uncle Colress and Lance don’t date so there’s no way to ask them

**Tiredandtrying** : I think it’s dependent on the age of the two people and how long they’ve been dating? Honey, your thoughts? This is  _ your  _ chat

**Chatoverlord** : I think whoever’s dating someone they’d have to be with them for a least a year before they can join or if they’ve known the person for some time prior to dating, it’d be six months

**Chatoverlord** : Are you dating or like someone, Ash?

**Babey** : I’m just curious because no one has dated anyone since the creation of this chat and the only couple here is you and dad but even then, you two are married. 

**Gladion** : … Who’s Residentlittleshit?

**Babey** : Uncle Colress, who is my dad’s shit brother 

**Gladion** : The same one who shoved Faba in the water and kicked him in the dick?

**Lusamine** : Gladion, watch your language!

**Tiredandtrying** : Sadly yes 

**Residentlittleshit** : What do you mean by sadly?!

**Tiredandtrying** : You’re a pain

**Lillie** : This is tame compared to the other chat

**Gladion** : THIS ISN'T THE NORMAL ONE

**Lillie** : The normal one is more… chaotic 

**Gladion** :  _ Please _ don’t add me to that one

**Lillie** : That’s Ash’s choice if you can join

**Gladion** : I’m begging you Ash, please don’t add me

**Babey** : Then beg

**Lusamine** : I don’t even want to know 

**Residentlittleshit** : Lusamine is finally falling to the madness 

**Babey** : Big oof

**Residentlittleshit** : Big oil’ off for Lusamine 

**Treedad** : Go bother your friends, Colress. Not us

**Residentlittleshit** : I don’t have friends. They disappoint me

**Treedad** : You and Burnet really aren’t friends?

**Residentlittleshit** : She is the only exception. She is the only tolerable person at that hellhole

*********

Chat:  **Arceus great god above end me**

**Riley** : And  _ that  _ is why I don’t ever want to go to Kalos ever again 

**Itscalledfashionbaby** : You know Augustine, Olympia, Clemont, Serena, and I could say something to the government right now about that

**Riley** :  _ Please don’t. I really don’t want to go back and deal with legal bs _

**OlympiaG** : We’ll deal with the madman, but why didn’t you say  _ anything  _ to the police

**Riley** : I had a fear of adults until I was 17 and even now, I don’t trust people over 30 that I don’t know

**Itscalledfashionbaby** : You barely know us?

**Riley** : I know you well enough from this cursed chat, but please don’t tell anyone outside this chat

**Babey** : Where are you

**Riley** : Why

**Babey** :  _ Where are you _

**Riley** : Hiding???????

**Babey** :  _ You’re getting hugs bitch, you’re getting family love that you’ve been deprived of _

**Riley** : I feel threatened

**Babey** : I’m threatening you with love

**Riley** : Help?

**Cursed** : No

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got a computer for my birthday so now updates for some of my other stories should be out more often because I won’t be working from my phone constantly.


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Imabadbitch > Babey - Ash  
> MistywithaB- Misty  
> Rockhard- Brock  
> Maybeitsnotmaybeline - Dawn  
> MarshMALLOW - Mallow  
> Lemonchild - Clemont  
> Illgladlysteponyou > Actuallyaqueen - Serena  
> Maskedroyal > Cursed - Kukui  
> Itsbrittanybitch - May  
> Purebean - Lillie  
> FuckitupSoph - Sophocles  
> Yeetorbeyeeted > Actuallycares™️ > Bitchysnowman - Paul  
> Countryboi > Thoticus - Gary  
> Whowantslasagna - Cilan  
> Themomthership - Delia  
> Satanicgremlin - Max  
> Whatthefuckkyle - Kiawe  
> DragonsmakemegoUwU - Iris  
> Imwashingmeandmyclothes - Lana  
> Internallydying - Tracy  
> Inyourdreams - Burnet  
> ChaoticNeutral - Norman  
> Honoraryparent > Chaoticadult- Alain  
> Ghostgirl - Acerola  
> McEndmysuffering - Sophie  
> AureaJ - Professor Juniper  
> Onediggyboi- Roark  
> Itscalledfashionbaby-Diantha  
> OlympiaG - Olympia  
> Babybrother > Dratiniisbabey - Lance
> 
> In the Family chat  
> Chatoverlord - Delia  
> Tiredandtrying - Augustine  
> Tinytinyboy - Lance  
> Residentlittleshit - Colress  
> Babey - Ash

**Babey** : @ **Onediggyboi**

**Babey** : Riley needs glasses, I’m not kidding 

**Onediggyboi** : What?

**Riley** : Ash no, I don’t need this stress

**Babey** : He literally can’t see more than a foot in front of him before things look blurry

**Onediggyboi** : Why am I not surprised that he never said anything till now?

**Riley** : I will yeet you Roark

**Onediggyboi** : Only if you can get me, child

**Riley** : Shut it

**Onediggyboi** : I’m telling dad that you need glasses 

**Riley** :  _ Please don’t _

**Riley** : I swear I’m fine 

**Babey** : What a lie, I was trying to point something out to you and you literally couldn’t see it

**Babey** : How do you go 18 almost 19 years without noticing you need glasses

**Onediggyboi** : I didn’t need glasses till I was 13, it’s just a thing that happens 

**Riley** : I don’t have to tell you anything 

**Riley** : Hey Roark? I absolutely hate you right now

**Onediggyboi** : That’s nice. I take dad’s yelling at you for not saying anything earlier?

**Riley** : No shit Sherlock

**Onediggyboi** : Perish and I swear to Arceus, don’t get contacts. They’re the worst thing imaginable and you’ll lose them after a week

**Riley** : I’m going to kick you in the jaw if you try taking me for glasses

**Onediggyboi** : No you won’t or I’ll tell dad

**Riley** : Your dad doesn’t scare me

**Onediggyboi** : Sounds fake but okay

**Riley** : I’m being threatened by Cynthia and your dad to get glasses now, thanks

**Onediggyboi** : You’re Welcome :)

*********

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : I had to go with Riley to make sure he actually gets glasses and oh Arceus it’s an experience 

**Babey** : Why you?

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : I know how to strike fear into people. Anyways, Riley’s not happy and I think he’s settled on a pair but he looks like the stereotypical stotic asshole anime guy?

**Satanicgremlin** : I thought that’s what he is already?

**Itsbrittanybitch** : Send pics Dawn

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** uploaded file  **Rileytogami**

**Itsbrittanybitch** : DawN NO

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : DAWN YES

**Babey** : Is this another one of your anime character things?

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : Mayhap. I’ll show you when we get back

**Itsbrittanybitch** : Dawn, you’re going to traumatize him

**Babey** : I’m already traumatized 

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : asH NO

**Babey** : I’ve met  **_GOD_ **

**Babey** : I am traumatized from it!

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : So Have we!

**Babey** : I'VE ALSO DIED FOR YOU SHITS

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : Okay, that’s fair

**Babey** : Better be

*********

**Treedad** : Who decided to get three of the most irresponsible league members together and make a league?! 

**Itscalledfashionbaby** : To whom are you referring to?

**Treedad** : Alder, Cynthia, and Leon

**Itscalledfashionbaby** : Your guess is as good as mine 

**Babey** : Where are you because mother is doing her maternal worrying thing

**Treedad** : The hospital to make sure nothing is broken

**CynthiaS** has been added to  **Arceus great god above end me**

**Treedad** : BECAUSE SOMEONE COULDN’T CONTROL THEIR DAMN GARCHOMP 

**CynthiaS** : Wow, I’m added and the first thing that happens is that I get put on blast

**Treedad** : I don’t think you understand I already have my wrist broken! I don’t need another broken bone from your Garchomp attacking mine out of nowhere

**CynthiaS** : I’m sorry okay!

**Babey** : Wait, how do  _ not _ know if you have a broken bone?

**Dratiniisbabey** : Because your shit father has a very high pain tolerance and can’t tell if something is broken or sprained

**Treedad** : It’s high but not  _ that _ high. I can’t feel sprains or minor breaks unless it’s moved in some weird way. 

**Themomthership** :  _ That’s not good, honey _ . Face the consequences of getting hurt or else

**Treedad** :  _ I’m sorry _

**MarshMALLOW** : Wait, if he has a broken wrist, how’d he pick up Delia?

**Treedad** : This isn’t my first time with a broken wrist and because I wanted to pick up and hug my wife

**Dratiniisbabey** : Augustine is the god and living embodiment of “Chaotic Good”

**Dratiniisbabey** : We refuse to question it for our safety

**CynthiaS** : Hey Augustine, what the fuck?

**Treedad** : Perish 

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : Professor Sycamore (Mr. Sycamore?), your brother and son are concerning 

**Treedad** : Are they still fighting?

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : Ash and Colress are on better terms but it  _ scares  _ me

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : They t-posed At each other for a solid minute and nodded before going back to whatever they were doing 

**Treedad** : That’s Colress and Ash for you, it’s just a thing they do

**Rockhard** :  _ Dawn _

**Rockhard** : You and Ash literally do the Arceus forsaken Spider-Man meme pose before tackling each other into a hug

**Rockhard** :  _ Even if you saw each other less than ten minutes ago sometimes _

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : That’s not the point or topic at hand. Colress is literally an ex-scientist for Team Plasma and years older that Ash which gives me  _ fear _

**Rockhard** : Okay fair 

**Onediggyboi** : Not to sidetrack the conversation but I need help

**Onediggyboi** : Someone help me convince Riley that he’s not going to break his glasses

**Onediggyboi** : Also, why the  _ fuck _ was Cynthia added?

**Treedad** : I needed to call her out

**CynthiaS** : I didn’t know that they’d fight!

**Treedad** : Yours is always competitive! How did you not?!

**CynthiaS** : I don’t like this

**Babey** : Roark, why the  _ fuck _ is Riley wearing a long sleeved shirt and hoodie in the middle of summer in  **_ALOLA_ **

**Onediggyboi** : I don’t have to tell you anything

**Babey** : Fine but I’m going to hug-attack him

**Onediggyboi** : Convince he won’t break his glasses while you’re at it

**Babey** : Fine

**Treedad** : I have this weird feeling of fear but I don’t know why

**OlympiaG** : It’s your sins catching up with you 

*********

**Treedad** :  _ It’s worse _

**Treedad** : I just got a 2am phone call from the unholy one telling me to square the fuck up

**OlympiaG** :  _ Perish dear Augustine  _

**Treedad** :  _ What the hell do you think I’m doing  _

**Itsbrittanybitch** : The unholy one?

**OlympiaG** : We do not talk about her 

**Rockhard** : Are we referring to the embodiment of chaos herself?

**Treedad** :  _ Yes _

**Dratiniisbabey** : Augustine, you can perish

**MistywithaB** : Who the hell are you talking about?!

**Treedad** : The Lumiose City Gym Leader before Clemont

**OlympiaG** : If she murders you, I will laugh

**Treedad** : I accidentally call her ten  _ once _ and she wants me dead

**Itsbrittanybitch** :  _ Context please _

**OlympiaG** : First things first, she is incredibly chaotic which is why she’s dubbed as “Unholy”

**OlympiaG** : Second of all, she’s  _ really  _ short for her age and Augustine when he first met her nine years ago called her ten when in all reality she was 15

**OlympiaG** : Third of all, she will fight anyone and everyone 

**Lemonchild** : I don’t remember Eris being  _ that  _ bad

**OlympiaG** : Child, you’ve met her once. She has thrown Grant 

**Lemonchild** : Why?

**OlympiaG** : I don’t know and we never asked

**Treedad** : She’s not  _ bad _ per se, but she’s slightly terrifying 

**Treedad** : She’s just… ready to fight people 24/7?

**Lemonchild** : Oh…

*********

**Onediggyboi** : Hi, yeah

**Onediggyboi** : That girl is  _ unholy and chaotic _

**Babey** : Has almost every gym leader here met her?

**Treedad** : Any of the people who have been a gym leader for over four years, yes

**Itscalledfashionbaby** : She’s Chaotic But not as bad as Augustine says. He just upset her when he called her ten

**Treedad** : You called her nine once and she flipped you off

**Itscalledfashionbaby** : That’s not the conversation at hand Augustine

**Treedad** :  _ The only reason she won’t fight you is because you’re the champion  _

**Itscalledfashionbaby** : That is true

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : This has been bothering since I met you, Professor 

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : But no way are you old enough to be Ash’s dad. You’re like a lanky string bean of a man and barely looks 35

**Treedad** : That is… interesting?

**Treedad** : I have to go, I’m being yelled at by Eris telling me to fight her

**Itsbrittanybitch** : So quick question, what did Eris specialize in?

**OlympiaG** : Fairy

**Itscalledfashionbaby** : Fighting

**Itsbrittanybitch** : Hhhhhhh

**OlympiaG** : Everyone thought she was fighting but in all reality she’s Fairy, she just has a Lucario and a Gallade

**Itscalledfashionbaby** : I have this weird feeling of fear and confusion 

**OlympiaG** : Her badge is literally the  **_Mana_ ** badge

**Dratiniisbabey** : Diantha  _ she literally has a Mawile, Whimsicott, and Florges as her main Pokémon  _

**Itscalledfashionbaby** : I forgot 

**Lemonchild** : It has been awhile since she’s been around, so can you blame her

**Thatisincorrect** uploaded file  **Beasthasbeentamed**

**Dratiniisbabey** : Oh  _ finally _

**OlympiaG** : She’s grown but still short enough for that

**Lemonchild** : What happened?

**Thatisincorrect** : She charged at him but he just grabbed her and put her over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes

**Babey** : Oh my god akewhkfkshdlfj

**Babey** : I can’t believe I’m not the only one he does it to

**Treedad** : End my existence please 

**Themomthership** : No! >:(

**Thatisincorrect** : I 

**Thatisincorrect** uploaded file  **Dumbass**

**Thatisincorrect** : She just kneed him in the chest and he just dropped her for it

**Dratiniisbabey** : He looks so dead

**CynthiaS** : What’s going on with Sycamore and the small child 

**CynthiaS** : Oh, nevermind

**OlympiaG** : That small child is Eris the past Lumiose City Gym Leader and she’s actually 24 believe it or not 

**CynthiaS** : Wait that’s  _ her _

**OlympiaG** : Yes

**CynthiaS** : She brings us enough stress,  _ why must she give us more _

**Treedad** :  _ I’d also like to point out that Eris and Korrina were gym leaders at the same time at one point  _

**Itscalledfashionbaby** : I really don’t remember some of this

**Itsbrittanybitch** : Hey Ash, why are you so insistent on hugging Riley?

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : 👀

**Babey** : He’s a sad lonely emo boy who needs love that he has been deprived of 

**Riley** : I don’t like that sentence

**Babey** : Am I wrong?

**Riley** : That’s not…

**Riley** : I regret saying anything yesterday

**Babey** : Appreciate the affection thot, or I’ll yeet you 

**Riley** : I’d like to see you try 

**Babey** : Don’t tempt me emo child

**Riley** : I’m older than you by two years

**Onediggyboi** :  _ one and a half _

**Riley** : Shut, still close enough to two years

*********

**Lemonchild** : While Eris ever be added to the chat?

**Itscalledfashionbaby** :  _ Hell no _

**Treedad** : Depends if she even upgraded her phone

**Lemonchild** : I was not expecting so much intensity and what do you mean

**Treedad** : Last time I saw her and she wasn’t trying to fight me was when she had a Nokai

**Lemonchild** : alfnskdkshdlgmsbs

**Lemonchild** : A NOKAI?!

**Treedad** : Yes, she had a normal smartphone but she broke it and bought a Nokai since that shit doesn’t break

**Lemonchild** : That’s fair but how’d she break her phone 

**Treedad** : She got in a fight with the past Shalour City gym leader and forgot she had it in her pocket

**Lemonchild** : Did she  _ really _ try to fight  _ everyone  _

**Treedad** : Not really? Just myself, the past Shalour City Gym Leader, the past Laverre City Gym Leader, and I  _ think _ Malva. She would also fight who ever tried fighting her

**Itcalledfashionbaby** : She only tried the once when Malva called her an incompetent child

**Treedad** : Makes sense

**DragonsmakemegoUwU** :  _ Why is she like this _

**Treedad** : Everyone said she just held a lot of anger in her body since she’s been the same size since she was 9-10 but Korrina and Viola jokes she was powered by chaos emeralds?????

**Lemonchild** :  _ The Chaos Emeralds _

**Treedad** : I never bothered asking why and I don’t even want to know

**Thoticus** : The chaos emeralds? I get she’s chaotic but don’t those have to do with power and shit?

**Lemonchild** : Possibly? I don’t know anymore 

**Treedad** : Anyways, I really don’t think she’ll be added anytime soon. Only league members know her here

**Babey** : Why would she try fighting you?

**Treedad** : I knew at one point but it hasn’t happened in so long that I forgot

*************

**Babey** uploaded video file  **Elevenoutoftwenty**

**Babey** : He actually fucking did it

**CynthiaS** : explain why I just watched a video of Riley throwing Roark into the ocean with  _ Colress and Lance judging it _

**Riley** : I told Roark I was going to Yeet him and I wasn’t lying 

**CynthiaS** : I can’t believe you’re the most mature one out of the younger people with the league sometimes

**Riley** : I’m not with the league 

**CynthiaS** : You’re father and brother are though

**Riley** : I’m an only child and my father’s a bitch?

**CynthiaS** : I’m referring to Byron and Roark

**Riley** : Ista Cynthia 

**CynthiaS** : Perish child

**CynthiaS** : Or should I say  _ babey _

**Riley** : Ash is babey, therefore I am no longer babey

**CynthiaS** : … Ash is Babey here I’m guessing?

**Riley** : Yes. It was unanimous agreement from the girls and some of the others agreed too

**CynthiaS** : Yeah, I can see that

**CynthiaS** : Speaking of Ash

**CynthiaS** : @ **Treedad** , since when has he been your son?

**Treedad** : I 

**Treedad** :  _ What _

**CynthiaS** : It’s an honest question. I knew you were married but I didn’t realize you had a kid

**Treedad** :  _ Cynthia _

**Treedad** :  **_CYNTHIA_ **

**Treedad** : Listen to yourself

**CynthiaS** : You don’t talk much about your life, I’m sorry I didn’t realize

**Treedad** :  _ I’ve mentioned on the Professor+Champion chat that I have a son before  _

**CynthiaS** : Okay But you never said it was Ash

**Itscalledfashionbaby** : Ash is just a younger and smaller Augustine 

**OlympiaG** : Unless Cynthia knew him as a trainer, she won’t know his habits 

**CynthiaS** : Professor Juniper and Lance have put him on blast multiple times in the chat, I’ve heard the stories 

**OlympiaG** : … 

**OlympiaG** :  _ And you didn’t recognize Ash as his son _

**CynthiaS** : To be fair, I didn’t think about younger Augustine when comparing the two but now that you mention it, I see it completely

**OlympiaG** :  _ I knew his wife and child long before Ash came to Kalos _

**Treedad** : Yeah, But the two lived in Kalos for a few years before moving back to Kanto

**Babey** : I’m having Colress yeet me, I can’t believe what I just read from Cynthia

**Thatisincorrect** : I’m not yeeting you and neither will Lance or Riley 

**Babey** :  _ Please _

**Thatisincorrect** : Nope

**Thatisincorrect** : Okay, someone’s being put on blast in the family chat and it’s unholy 

*********

Chat:  **Dumb Bitch disease is hereditary**

**Chatoverlord** : And That is why I have absolutely no respect for Mohn 

**Lusamine** : When did this happen?

**Chatoverlord** : When Mohn mistook Lysandre for my husband and called August a Bidoof

**Lusamine** : I’m sorry about my language but  _ what the fuck _

**Lusamine** : When I find him I’ll beat him up for you, Delia

**Residentlittleshit** : May I  _ help _

**Lusamine** : …

**Lusamine** : Yes But you can’t throw Faba into the ocean unless necessary 

**Residentlittleshit** : Deal

**Babey** : Fear™️

**Lillie** : Should I be concerned that Mother and Colress are planning to harm father?

**Gladion** : No

**Tiredandtrying** : Lusamine,  _ Please _ , don’t encourage him

**Tiredandtrying** : I appreciate that you’re getting him to stop, but teaming up on Mohn isn’t any better

**Lusamine** : You can’t stop us Augustine. You disrespect my family, I’ll harm you ways unimaginable 

**Tiredandtrying** :  _ He’s your husband  _

**Lusamine** : He doesn’t get way with insulting you or Delia

**Lusamine** : Both of which he did!

**Tinytinyboy** : Augustine, this is Lusamine 

**Tinytinyboy** : Same person who gladly beat the shit out of someone for me in a Pokémon battle after the kid shoved me to the floor when we were twelve 

**Tinytinyboy** : You fuck with us, she fucks with you

**Tiredandtrying** : I have many questions 

**Lusamine** : Augustine is the only one I trust with Delia

**Tiredandtrying** : That’s… comforting?

**Gladion** : I-I…  _ what _

**Lillie** : Mother please calm down

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’ve had it done since Tuesday but I couldn’t upload because I had rehearsal for my school’s play


	29. Chapter 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Imabadbitch > Babey - Ash  
> MistywithaB- Misty  
> Rockhard- Brock  
> Maybeitsnotmaybeline - Dawn  
> MarshMALLOW - Mallow  
> Lemonchild - Clemont  
> Illgladlysteponyou > Actuallyaqueen - Serena  
> Maskedroyal > Cursed - Kukui  
> Itsbrittanybitch - May  
> Purebean - Lillie  
> FuckitupSoph - Sophocles  
> Yeetorbeyeeted > Actuallycares™️ > Bitchysnowman - Paul  
> Countryboi > Thoticus - Gary  
> Whowantslasagna - Cilan  
> Themomthership - Delia  
> Satanicgremlin - Max  
> Whatthefuckkyle - Kiawe  
> DragonsmakemegoUwU - Iris  
> Imwashingmeandmyclothes - Lana  
> Internallydying - Tracy  
> Inyourdreams - Burnet  
> ChaoticNeutral - Norman  
> Honoraryparent > Chaoticadult- Alain  
> Ghostgirl - Acerola  
> McEndmysuffering - Sophie  
> AureaJ - Professor Juniper  
> Onediggyboi- Roark  
> Itscalledfashionbaby-Diantha  
> OlympiaG - Olympia  
> Babybrother > Dratiniisbabey - Lance
> 
> In the Family chat  
> Chatoverlord - Delia  
> Tiredandtrying - Augustine  
> Tinytinyboy - Lance  
> Residentlittleshit - Colress  
> Babey - Ash  
> TrueBabey - Lillie   
> BabyYveltal - Gladion

**CynthiaS** : I have this strange feeling someone is plotting my murder

**Thoticus** : To be completely honest, I know that someone is and who they are

**CynthiaS** : Jskdbskfh

**CynthiaS** : Shit!

**Thoticus** : You killed Arceus’s chosen one and now you have to face the consequences 

**CynthiaS** : What the hell are you talking about?

**Thoticus** : You killed Ash yesterday, now you must perish 

**CynthiaS** : Is this about the fact I didn’t know Ash was Augustine’s son

**Thoticus** : Absolutely 

**CynthiaS** : I’m going to be murdered over that? 

**Thoticus** : Yes

**CynthiaS** :  _ I’m sorry I didn’t realize  _

*********

**Treedad** : She still has a Nokia. She just chucked it at someone 

**Dratiniisbabey** : Yeah, me!

**Treedad** : How was it

**Dratiniisbabey** : Emotional, it hurts because they still exist but physically, it’s like being hit by a bean bag

**Treedad** :  _ It  _ is back

**Dratiniisbabey** : It?

**Babey** : The meat blanket! WHY IS IT HERE

**Rockhard** : Felt appropriate after yesterday 

**Babey** : YOU YEETED AT CYNTHIA

**Rockhard** : That’s the plan

**Babey** : Brock  _ no _

**Rockhard** : No one gets away with killing you

**Babey** : Jalfjskfjdhkfjs YOU’RE KILLING ME

**Treedad** : I hate the meat blanket and everything it stands for

**Dratiniisbabey** : What the hell is the meat blanket?!

**Treedad** : Exactly what it sounds like but for some reason it’s sentient 

**Dratiniisbabey** :  **_WHAT_ **

**Treedad** : I meant what I said

**Dratiniisbabey** : Tell me before I beat you up

**Treedad** : I’m much taller than you, I’m not scared of you 

**Dratiniisbabey** : I still have Eris’s Nokia and I’ll yeet it at you 

**Treedad** : You can’t hurt me with a Nokai and Eris will fight you before you chuck it at me

**Themomthership** : Lance, behave! Lance give her back her phone and stop threatening my husband

**Dratiniisbabey** : Yes ma’am!

**CynthiaS** : You’re being threatened and actually listening? What happened since the last time we talked 

**Dratiniisbabey** : Oh Arceus, you live

**CynthiaS** : Yeah, I know, I’m surprised too

**CynthiaS** : But anyways, answer my question 

**Dratiniisbabey** : Delia is my older sister and I know to be scared of her

**CynthiaS** : …

**Babey** : Don’t say it, Ista Cynthia 

**CynthiaS** : I know they’re siblings but Lance is like that with no one!

**Babey** : I sure hope so

**CynthiaS** : You don’t scare me, child

**Treedad** : _Please_ _don’t fight_

*********

Chat:  **Dum Bitch disease is hereditary**

**Lillie** has been changed to  **TrueBabey**

**Babey** : I think not, thot

**Gladion** : You’re not babey at all, you’re Giratina 

**Tiredandtrying** : @ **Lusamine**

**Tiredandtrying** : Please control your son

**Lusamine** : Gladion, don’t call Ash Giratina 

**Babey** : No I’m not. Giratina is much better than me

**TrueBabey** : Seeing Ash say that is like hearing vibe check and being hit with a Nokia

**Tinytinyboy** : ENOUGH OF THE NOKIA

**Lusamine** : What happened?

**Tiredandtrying** : Lance got a Nokia thrown at him by Eris 

**Lusamine** : Who is she and why did she attack Lance

**Tinytinyboy** : She hates me

**Tiredandtrying** : Last Lumiose Gym Leader and Lance called her child when in all reality she’s 24

**Lusamine** : How do you call her child?

**Tinytinyboy** : She’s like… 5 feet tall and doesn’t grow. She’s extremely vertically challenged 

**Lusamine** : She doesn’t sound that short

**Tiredandtrying** : Considering She’s Kalosian and 24, She’s short

**Lusamine** : Are All Kalosians unnaturally tall?

**Tiredandtrying** : Yes. Ramos, Ash, and Eris are just a few outliers 

**Babey** : I feel betrayed 

**Tiredandtrying** : Ash, you’re literally called babey by everyone and you’re the smallest in the family. Gladion is taller and younger than you 

**Residentlittleshit** : I regret allowing anyone to change other people’s names

**Tinytinyboy** : Not surprised, I told you it wasn’t a good idea 

**Gladion** was changed to  **BabyYveltal**

**Residentlittleshit** : Oh, this was an extremely bad idea

**Tiredandtrying** : Bye, I’m going to bed

**Residentlittleshit** : It’s four pm

**Tiredandtrying** : I can’t hear you over my sleep deprivation 

**Residentlittleshit** : Augustine ffs

**Tiredandtrying** :  _ BYE _

********* 

Chat: **Arceus** **great god above end me**

**Riley** : Ash is  **cursed** human being 

**Treedad** : What happened now?

**Riley** : He was blasting Hatsune Miku songs

**Babey** : RILEY 

**Babey** : YOU SAID YOU WOULDN’T SAY ANYTHING

**Riley** : You seem to forget I can understand Kantonian, those songs are very questionable and not that appropriate 

**Babey** : I’m 16 almost 17! Leave me be!

**Cursed** : Is  _ that _ what they mechanical high pitch music was the other day?!

**Babey** : …. Mayhap

**Treedad** : I don’t question it, I’m too tired to

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** :  _ Ash likes HATSUNE MIKU? _

**Babey** : Some of the songs are catchy :/

**MarshMALLOW** : One of us one of us ONE OF US  **ONE OF US**

**Babey** : I only like ten songs,  _ leave me be _

**MarshMALLOW** : As your dearest friends, we’re going to expose you to more Hatsune Miku and Vocaloid as a whole

**Babey** :  **LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE RILEY**

**Imwashingmeandmyclothes** : I’d like to kindly point out that Dawn compared Riley to Byakuya, which is very untrue

**Imwashingmeandmyclothes** : Riley isn’t an asshole or stotic in the least bit, he’s get introverted and cautious 

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : True, But they look like the could be related 

**Imwashingmeandmyclothes** : Maybe a little 

**Riley** : …

**Riley** : Bye, I’m leaving the chat guys 

**Babey** : I’ll just re-add you, Riley

**Riley** : Please  _ don’t  _

**Babey** : Too bad

*********

Chat:  **Dumb Bitch disease is hereditary**

**Babey** : Parental units and my favorite uncle 

**Babey** : Will Clair ever be added?

**Tinytinyboy** : NO

**Tinytinyboy** : Not now, not later, not ever

**Tinytinyboy** : She is a  _ terrible person  _

**Lusamine** : She  _ is  _ our cousin though so she is family 

**Tinytinyboy** : No, she is a sore loser and annoying as Hell

**Chatoverlord** : What happened?

**Tinytinyboy** : She refused to give a kid their gym badge after they defeated her and she only gave it to them after being forced to and making kid go one some crazy quest to get something 

**Chatoverlord** : Oh dear, I take you had to deal with the mess?

**Tinytinyboy** : Yep!

**Residentlittleshit** : I can yeet her

**Chatoverlord** : Isn’t she one of the few tolerable people in the league?

**Tinytinyboy** : Not we she pulls that shit

**BabyYveltal** : Who is Clair?

**Lusamine** : Our cousin. She’s the daughter of my mother and aunt’s younger brother 

**BabyYveltal** : Why do you not talk about your family?!

**Lusamine** : I do

**TrueBabey** :  _ You just don’t listen _

**BabyYveltal** :  _ I’m sorry she rambles about everything  _

**Lusamine** : I  _ ramble _ about everything now?

**BabyYveltal** : …  _ Gotta go _

**Lusamine** : I’ll be right back

*********

Chat:  **Arceus great god above end me**

**Treedad** : Ash, one of the most valued people in my life, my only son, what the  **_fuck_ ** just happened?!

**Babey** : You won’t be mad?

**Treedad** :  _ What happened Ash _

**Treedad** : Everyone in the meeting going over the Alola Leagues guidelines just heard loud screeching 

**Babey** : I accidentally summoned Mewtwo, Lugia, Ho-Oh, Kyogre,  _ and  _ Reshiram

**Treedad** : How

**Babey** : …

**Treedad** : Ash

**Treedad** :  _ ASH _

**Babey** : I don’t know, it just sort of  _ happened  _

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : That’s a lie

**FuckitupSoph** : We were playing Dungeons and Drudigons and Ash joking says he wants to roll to summon five Legendary Beasts

**FuckitupSoph** :  _ Little do all of us know _

**FuckitupSoph** : THE LEGENDARIES HAVE SOME BULLSHIT TELEPATHIC CONNECTION AND ACTUALLY APPEAR RIGHT OUTSIDE THE HOUSE

**Treedad** :  _ Ash _

**Treedad** :  _ Please stop doing this _

**Babey** : I didn’t think I’d happen!

**Treedad** : You convinces Arceus to smite who ever you want them to!

**Babey** : I didn’t think  _ this _ would happen!

**Treedad** : Ash,  _ no _

**Thatisincorrect** : This is the first time I’ve seen my own  _ older _ brother in actual hysterics

**Itscalledfashionbaby** : He was worse during the Kalos Crisis

**OlympiaG** :  _ Much worse than now _

**Thatisincorrect** : Okay, wasn’t The whole region about to be murdered?

**Itscalledfashionbaby** : I just know he was in hysterics, not what he was in hysterics over

**Lemonchild** : Steven knows

**OlympiaG** : That’s true, he  _ does know _

**Itscalledfashionbaby** : Yeah, I’ll add him

**Kneecapsoftalc** has been added to  **Arceus great god above end me**

**Kneecapsoftalc** : First things first, Why is  _ this my name _

**Kneecapsoftalc** : Second of all, why am I here

**Itscalledfashionbaby** : What was Augustine in hysterics over during the Kalos and I’m sorry, I accidentally flipped yours and Alder’s names

**Kneecapsoftalc** : Then how did you know to invite me?

**Itscalledfashionbaby** : I  _ almost _ added Alder but I have actual names listed under nicknames so I caught myself 

**Kneecapsoftalc** has been changed to  **Stonebitch**

**Stonebitch** : It’s better but not by much

**Itscalledfashionbaby** : I said I’d fix it, not make it better

**Stonebitch** : Anyways Augustine was in hysterics because of the Crisis in general and two people specifically and I’ll give you a hint on who they are

**Stonebitch** : Judging by the people here, there’s a 50/50 chance they’re both here

**Itscalledfashionbaby** : So Ash and Delia

**Stonebitch** : Absolutely 

**Treedad** : Steven,  _ my son just summoned five legendary beasts _

**Stonebitch** : So I read

**Itscalledfashionbaby** : You’re very calm about this

**Stonebitch** : Oh no, I am having a mental breakdown. I can just remain very calm when texting 

**Stonebitch** : I’d also like to applaud him in doing it will playing Dungeons and Drudigons

**Babey** : I don’t like this

**Stonebitch** : I’m being sincere, I never thought that could happen 

**Imabadbitch** : Hhhhh

**Chaoticadult** : I thought the plan was to not add champions to the chat?

**Babey** : That plan got thrown out the window awhile ago when Clemont decided to be a little shit and to be fair Lance is my uncle

**Stonebitch** : What about Cynthia?

**Babey** : Dad was putting her on blast

**Stonebitch** : May I know why?

**Babey** : She didn’t realize I was his son

**Stonebitch** : @ **CynthiaS** is this true?

**CynthiaS** : Shut it

**Stonebitch** : While he does have quite a few of Delia’s traits, he still looks quite a bit like Augustine 

**FuckitupSoph** : So  _ according  _ to Mewtwo, the legendaries actually where watching over him and decided to mess with him for the sake of messing with him?

**Treedad** :  _ Ash _ , _ my child, what the hell _

**Babey** : I!!! Don’t!!! KNOW!!!!!!

**Treedad** : I have  _ so many _ questions 

**Babey** : I have absolutely no answers

*********

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : Riley’s about to have a mental breakdown I think over Dungeons and Drudigons 

**FuckitupSoph** : Well if Ash wasn’t being morbid it wouldn’t be a problem 

**Rockhard** : Oh no?

**Whatthefuckkyle** : He became a Bard for the sole purpose of being able to resurrect people if they die

**Whatthefuckkyle** : I’d also like to point out that he's using the same characters that he made when he first started

**Babey** : I’d like to point out that my character has never died in the past three years I’ve used him

Satanicgremlin: I can’t believe you’re playing DND without me!

**Satanicgremlin** : Does our friendship mean nothing to you?

**Babey** : You aren’t here and we needed to get Riley to play

**Babey** : If you want to join them come to Alola and we’ll play

**ChaoticNeutral** : Max, are you really going to go to Alola just to play some game?

**Satanicgremlin** : Hell yes,  _ We can’t get up to same things like when May and I play with Ash _

**ChaoticNeutral** : What the hell Max

**Satanicgremlin** : Is he roles high enough, he can summon Pokémon irl

**ChaoticNeutral** : I emphasize again

**ChaoticNeutral** :  _ What the hell _

**ChaoticNeutral** : @ **Treedad** control your hellion for once

**Treedad** : You act like I have control over the Legendary Pokémon! I’m not going to stop Ash from playing the game because the Legendaries mess with him!

**ChaoticNeutral** : Augustine,  _ take care of your kid _

**Treedad** : Then take care of yours. Your youngest is going to Alola to just play a game

*********

**Whatthefuckkyle** : Riley looks like he’s having a mental breakdown because Lana and Ash just seduced him to do their bidding while they’re in town and he rolled a nat 1

**Riley** : I didn’t agree to  _ this _

**Whatthefuckkyle** : You immediately agreed to this bullshit when you agreed to play DND

**Riley** : I didn’t think they’d pull this!

**Whatthefuckkyle** : Not my fault, Soph isn’t at fault either

**Satanicgremlin** : If you think this is bad, just know he seduced Arceus and Deoxys 

**Riley** : I’m sorry  _ what _

**Babey** : Y’all are scaring him

**Riley** has been changed to  **EternalMentalbreakdown**

**Treedad** : Please don’t torment your friend  _ please _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hewwo hewwo uwu... so I have a question, do any of you want Eris actually added to the chat? I originally planned to have her part of this chapter but changed my mind because I want to hear if y’all want her in to begin with.


	30. Chapter 30

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Imabadbitch > Babey - Ash  
> MistywithaB- Misty  
> Rockhard- Brock  
> Maybeitsnotmaybeline - Dawn  
> MarshMALLOW - Mallow  
> Lemonchild - Clemont  
> Illgladlysteponyou > Actuallyaqueen - Serena  
> Maskedroyal > Cursed - Kukui  
> Itsbrittanybitch - May  
> Purebean - Lillie  
> FuckitupSoph - Sophocles  
> Yeetorbeyeeted > Actuallycares™️ > Bitchysnowman - Paul  
> Countryboi > Thoticus - Gary  
> Whowantslasagna - Cilan  
> Themomthership - Delia  
> Satanicgremlin - Max  
> Whatthefuckkyle - Kiawe  
> DragonsmakemegoUwU - Iris  
> Imwashingmeandmyclothes - Lana  
> Internallydying - Tracy  
> Inyourdreams - Burnet  
> ChaoticNeutral - Norman  
> Honoraryparent > Chaoticadult- Alain  
> Ghostgirl - Acerola  
> McEndmysuffering - Sophie  
> AureaJ - Professor Juniper  
> Onediggyboi- Roark  
> Itscalledfashionbaby-Diantha  
> OlympiaG > GalaxyMother- Olympia  
> Babybrother > Dratiniisbabey - Lance  
> EternalMentalbreakdown- Riley
> 
> In the Family chat  
> Chatoverlord - Delia  
> Tiredandtrying - Augustine  
> Tinytinyboy - Lance  
> Residentlittleshit - Colress  
> Babey - Ash  
> TrueBabey - Lillie   
> BabyYveltal - Gladion

**Satanicgremlin** : Hey, Professor Sycamore, isn’t Ash lactose intolerant 

**Treedad** : Yes, why? He doesn’t have a major intolerance but he still can’t handle dairy sometimes 

**Satanicgremlin** : Because he just ate a whole pint of ice cream

**Treedad** : Ash no!

**Rockhard** : Sir, this is Ash. He will eat anything, even if it means he has to suffer

**Treedad** : That’s still not good!

**Babey** : I will accept my fate and suffer, there is no point to life without dairy

**Treedad** : Ash! That’s not good for you!

**Babey** : But dad!

**Treedad** : No! You’re going to make yourself sick! 

**Satanicgremlin** : ...oops

**Imwashingmeandmyclothes** : Look what you’ve done, you’ve awakened the mother Kangaskhan 

**Satanicgremlin** : I know!!!

**Treedad** : Ash you really shouldn’t be doing that!

**Babey** : I know  _ but there’s no point to life if there’s no dairy _

**Treedad** :  **_ASH_ **

*********

**Satanicgremlin** :  _ I didn’t think Riley spoke hellspeak irl but boi was I wrong _

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : What makes you think it wouldn’t?!

**Satanicgremlin** :  _ He doesn’t seem like the one to do that  _

**Babey** : With a spell like that one, what do you think would happen? It’s the perfect way to kill someone with hell speak and you can actually do it

**Satanicgremlin** : I hate this

**EternalMentalbreakdown** : Thät’s nïcë, përïsh

**Onediggyboi** : Riley  _ no, not this shit again _

**EternalMentalbreakdown** : Whät ïs wröng Röärk

**Onediggyboi** :  _ What’s even the point of it _

**EternalMentalbreakdown** : Whät ïs thë pöïnt öf hëllspëäk

**Onediggyboi** : Square up thot

**FuckitupSoph** : I need you two to roll a d20 in attack

**Babey** : Kshsjfkahdk

**Babey** : You heard the Dungeon Master, Roark

*********

**Treedad** : I think I just had a heart attack

**Treedad** : Eris actually got a smartphone 

**Lemonchild** : >:3

**Treedad** : Please don’t Clemont 

**ErisP** has been added to  **Arceus great god above end me**

**ErisP** has been changed to  **Chaoschild**

**Chaoschild** : Hey, who ever is calling me *child*

**Chaoschild** : Square up you shit

**Treedad** : Lance  _ no _

**Dratiniisbabey** : She is small, she is young, and she’s a child 

**Chaoschild** : Whomst the fuck are any of you 

**Treedad** : Professor Sycamore and I can assume you know the others then

**Chaoschild** : Oh

**Chaoschild** : OH HELL

**Treedad** : Clemont added you

**Chaoschild** : Whomst?

**Treedad** : Current Lumiose City Gym Leader 

**Lemonchild** : Hello!

**Chaoschild** : Oh so my replacement 

**Lemonchild** : Yes 

**Chaoschild** : Neat

**Treedad** : So Why  _ did _ you get a smartphone?

**Chaoschild** : Nokia started making them so I got one

**Treedad** : I

**Treedad** :  **_What_ **

**Chaoschild** : Anyways… Lance square up or else

**Babey** : Are you a legal adult

**Chaoschild** :  **_ARE YOU ASSUMING I'M NOT?_ **

**Babey** : I  _ just  _ met you

**Chaoschild** : Who is this small sassy child?

**Treedad** : My  _ son _

**Chaoschild** : Oh that makes sense

**Chaoschild** : Also, either I’m going mad or Xerneas is on Mele Mele Island

**Treedad** :  _ What _

*********

**Whatthefuckkyle** : Professor just sorta

**Whatthefuckkyle** : Picked up Ash and yelled “Get away from my son you overgrown Stantler” at Xerneas before walking off with him

**Whatthefuckkyle** : I want so much context on why he yelled this at what’s pretty much a god?

**Itscalledfashionbaby** : Proof and I’ll give context 

**FuckitupSoph** uploaded file  **OvergrownStantler**

**Itscalledfashionbaby** : I am no longer surprised 

**Stonebitch** : What in the name of Arceus?

**Itscalledfashionbaby** : He’s extremely bitter over all the shit the legendaries have put Ash through and the lack of help during the Kalos Crisis

**Stonebitch** : I’m not going to lie, I wouldn’t be surprised if they were only going to show up if Ash died

**Stonebitch** : Also, Wallace is yelling at me about what’s going on. Do I tell him what's going on?

**Itsbrittanybitch** :  _ Make him join and perish _

**Stonebitch** : And why should I?

**Itsbrittanybitch** : Because there’s a lot to say?

**Stonebitch** : You just want to torment him, don’t you?

**Itsbrittanybitch** : Yeah

**Stonebitch** : What’s in it for me?

**Itsbrittanybitch** : You get to see his suffer

**Stonebitch** : Fine but it’s your idea

**Itsbrittanybitch** : I will gladly take the blame to see him suffer

**WallaceM** has been added to  **Arceus great god above end me**

**WallaceM** : For what reasons am I here to bless this place

**Stonebitch** : I can’t believe you actually said that, what does that even mean 

**Treedad** : the small child has fallen asleep and I don’t know what to do now

**WallaceM** : Why do you have a child?

**Treedad** : Because he's my son. Why else?

**WallaceM** : I didn’t even realize you have a wife or at least a significant other. I was convinced you’re married to your work 

**Treedad** : Well then you thought wrong 

**WallaceM** : Can I see pictures?

**[This message has been deleted]**

**Treedad** : Eris stop

**Chaoschild** : Fine but I’m showing him your predicament 

**Chaoschild** uploaded file  **Smallchild**

**WallaceM** : So first of all,  _ Eris _ is added before I am and

**WallaceM** : Ash is your son?!

**Treedad** : Why does no one realize this?! I swear to Arceus, this is annoying 

**WallaceM** : When we were having our gym battle, he was registered as Ash Ketchum, not Ash Sycamore

**Treedad** : It should be Ketchum-Sycamore considering how Delia kept her last name

**WallaceM** : Then Professor Oak fucked up

**Treedad** : I see that

**Treedad** : I’m going to ask him about it Later

**WallaceM** : Anyways, aside from that, why is he so small?

**Treedad** : I study mega evolutions, not genetics and I’m not that concerned that he’s 5’5” at 16

**Chaoschild** :  _ Do you have a problem with short people or do I have to vibe check you? _

**WallaceM** :  **NOPE, NOT AGAIN PLEASE**

**Chaoschild** :  _ then watch what you say  _ **_thot_ **

**Treedad** : Behave, Eris

**Chaoschild** : But he’s bullying a fellow short child

**Treedad** : Eris, I will mute you if you don’t behave

**Chaoschild** :  _ Okay _

*********

**CynthiaS** : When Augustine said he was going to talk to Samual

**CynthiaS** : I didn’t think he’d put him on blast

**AureaJ** : Are you sure? This is Augustine and the reason no one thinks Ash is his son is because Oak didn’t register him correctly

**CynthiaS** : Aurea, he literally went on and said “Samual, if you’re going to do your job, do it correctly. I never realized it’s so hard to register my son as Ash Ketchum-Sycamore”

**AureaJ** : Hey, literally most of the people here didn’t know they’re related. Wallace gets a free pass because he’s been a Champion for such a short time compared to y’all because he’s mentioned it the chat before 

**OlympiaG** : She is correct. Any league official won’t see that he’s not Sycamore’s son when he registers for a gym battle or league because of this

**CynthiaS** : Then how did Ash never notice?

**OlympiaG** : You need to ask him that one

**Cursed** : Hey, you fucks, Ash is still out and if you wake him I’ll yeet you 

**Cursed** :  **You hear me CYNTHIA**

**CynthiaS** : Why are you calling me out? What have I done?!

**Cursed** : The fact you’re asking about this

**Onediggyboi** : Not to side track the conversation but I’m pretty sure my dad’s crying or about to cry because one(1) blue boi is making friends without being told to and he can’t handle it

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : Wait, Byron can  _ cry  _

**Onediggyboi** : Yeah, he’s ready to cry over Riley since he practically adopted him 

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : Why? 

**Onediggyboi** : Ask Riley if he’s okay with you knowing and if he is dm me and I’ll tell you then

**FuckitupSoph** : Riley just took five minutes to decide to say yes and Kukui looks ready to adopt him

**Onediggyboi** : Him and dad are going to fight for legal rights over him, I know it

**EternalMentalbreakdown** : I’m scared now?

*********

**Lemonchild** : So why is your name Eris?

**EternalMentalbreakdown** : Why the hell did you just quote Sir Arlon’s final letter word for word in old Kantonian when asked about Aura Guardians?!

**Chaoschild** : Growing up with history nuts as parents  _ does things and I had no memorize it for a school project when I first started teaching _

**Treedad** : So  _ that’s  _ why your name is Eris

**Chaoschild** : Absolutely, the plan was to name me Hacate but they decided on Eris to go with our last name but they were also going to name me Ares is I was a guy

**Treedad** : What the hell

**Dratiniisbabey** : Wow, you really are the embodiment of chaos 

**Chaoschild** : Shut up Lance 

**Chaoschild** : This is absolutely Why I love battling you with my Mawile and Florges

**Dratiniisbabey** : Shut!!!! 

**Chaoschild** :  **_YOU CAN'T SILENCE THE TRUTH YOU OLD COOT_ **

**Dratiniisbabey** :  _ I’m in my thirties _

**Chaoschild** : Well if I’m a child at 24, then you’re an old coot

**Treedad** : Eris, behave

**Chaoschild** : I am a legal adult everywhere Augustine,  **_YOU CAN’T SILENCE ME_ **

**Treedad** : …

**Treedad** : Can I bribe you still 

**Chaoschild** : Depends? What do you have to offer

**Treedad** : What do you want?

**Chaoschild** : My sanity back

**OlympiaG** : You had sanity?

**Chaoschild** : The galaxy mother is  _ here _

**Babey** : So… uh since Eris is an adult

**Chaoschild** has been given mod powers for an undetermined amount of time

**Chaoschild** has been changed to  **Unholyone**

**OlympiaG** has been changed to  **GalaxyMother**

**GalaxyMother** :  **_I see I finally get a nickname_ **

**GalaxyMother** : Not even my Lemon child gave me one

**Lemonchild** :  _ I wasn’t sure what to call you  _

**GalaxyMother** : It is alright child 

**CynthiaS** : Now that Ash is finally wake,  **_why didn’t you realize you weren’t registered as Ketchum Sycamore_ **

**Babey** : Because I thought the referee just shortened it the whole time 

**CynthiaS** : Kid

**CynthiaS** :  _ CHILD _

**Babey** : Everyone just shortens it to Sycamore or Ketchum!!!!!

*********

**UnholyOne** : I just got called a shitty influence on someone’s kid because I’m their teacher

**UnholyOne** : and I have Fairy type Pokémon 

**UnholyOne** : Like??? I’m sorry you’re a bitch and think types are gendered but what the fuck woman???

**Treedad** : You’re a teacher?

**UnholyOne** : Yes, I teach battle techniques at a night school for trainers who go to normal school still. I’m literally going to vibe check this woman if she doesn’t shut up

**Treedad** : Report her but don’t do that please 

**UnholyOne** : Augustine, I’m literally being told that I shouldn’t be working with her son because my Pokémon are too feminine and I don’t know what to do at this point 

**Treedad** : Get the head of the school? 

**UnholyOne** : I can’t because they’re with  **Samson Oak** and it’s parent-teacher night

**Cursed** : I am, so sorry about that

**UnholyOne** : I don’t want to deal with this, end me

**Cursed** : No, if I have to deal with angry parents so do you, it’s part of being a teacher

**UnholyOne** : Can I pay you to send your Incineroar over? I can give you fifty bucks, Kukui

**Cursed** : How do you know I have one…

**UnholyOne** : I’m no dumbass

**[This message has been deleted]**

**Cursed** : Shut it, not another peep from you

**UnholyOne** :  _ Alright  _

**UnholyOne** : One of the higher ups is here, thank fuck

*********

**UnholyOne** : Hey, why the hell did I have two blue balls almost hit me? 

**Onediggyboi** : All I ask of you is to consider your words

**UnholyOne** : Shut up you nasty child, you know exactly what I meant 

**Treedad** : For once, I agree with her. Please don’t think like that

**UnholyOne** : Anyways, here I am getting stuff for tonight’s lesson but I hear someone yell vibe check which is followed by a screech and the two bull balls. 

**Onediggyboi** : That was Ash and Riley jumping me

**UnholyOne** : I’m gonna go vibe check them, I don’t need this stress

**Treedad** : Please  _ don’t _

**UnholyOne** : Hey, I could’ve got seriously hurt. They most they’ll get is a sprained ankle

**************

**Babey** : Eris stops hurting people challenge 

**UnholyOne** : D̷o̶̷n̷’̸̴t̴̴ m̶҈u̷̷r̷̸d҉e̷҈r̶ m̶҈e̴̴ c҉̵h̷a҉̶l҉l̵̵

**Babey** : Hey what the  _ fuck _

**UnholyOne** : P҉̵e̶҉r̵̷i̸s̴̴h̴ y҈̸o̷u҉̴n̶g҈ o҈n̷̶e҉,̷̵ y̷o̴̵u̵̸ a̴̷l̵m̷̵o̷̸s̴̸t̷̸ h̵̶u҈r̴t̵̸ m̴̷e̸̴ y̵o̸u̸̵ t̷h̴̷o̸t̷̵

**Treedad** : Oh for fuck sake, Eris

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If I don’t post at 3:10 it means I have Rehearsal for the fall play


	31. Chapter 31

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Imabadbitch > Babey - Ash  
> MistywithaB- Misty  
> Rockhard- Brock  
> Maybeitsnotmaybeline - Dawn  
> MarshMALLOW - Mallow  
> Lemonchild - Clemont  
> Illgladlysteponyou > Actuallyaqueen - Serena  
> Maskedroyal > Cursed - Kukui  
> Itsbrittanybitch - May  
> Purebean - Lillie  
> FuckitupSoph - Sophocles  
> Yeetorbeyeeted > Actuallycares™️ > Bitchysnowman - Paul  
> Countryboi > Thoticus - Gary  
> Whowantslasagna - Cilan  
> Themomthership - Delia  
> Satanicgremlin - Max  
> Whatthefuckkyle - Kiawe  
> DragonsmakemegoUwU - Iris  
> Imwashingmeandmyclothes - Lana  
> Internallydying - Tracy  
> Inyourdreams - Burnet  
> ChaoticNeutral - Norman  
> Honoraryparent > Chaoticadult- Alain  
> Ghostgirl - Acerola  
> McEndmysuffering - Sophie  
> AureaJ - Professor Juniper  
> Onediggyboi- Roark  
> Itscalledfashionbaby-Diantha  
> OlympiaG > GalaxyMother- Olympia  
> Babybrother > Dratiniisbabey - Lance  
> EternalMentalbreakdown- Riley  
> Stonebitch - Steven 
> 
> In the Family chat  
> Chatoverlord - Delia  
> Tiredandtrying - Augustine  
> Tinytinyboy - Lance  
> Residentlittleshit - Colress  
> Babey - Ash  
> TrueBabey - Lillie  
> BabyYveltal - Gladion

**Babey** : I refuse that the Eris who vibe checked me and the one who’s here are the same person 

**UnholyOne** : Sorry but I’ve got some news for you!

**Babey** : No! You literally look like a fairy but everyone says you’re the embodiment of chaos!

**UnholyOne** : W̴҉e̵l̸l҉҉ f̷̵a̶҉i̷̸r҉̸i҉e҉s҈̸ a҉̵r̶e҈҉ m̵҉i҉̸s̸҉c҈h҉̴i̸̷e҉f̸ m̸̸a̵̷k̶e̴r҈҉s̶̶ i̵n҈ m҉y̸̴t̷h̶̷o҉s̶

**Treedad** : No one can understand you when you do that

**UnholyOne** : Y̸o̷u҉ c̸a҈n҉̷’҉̸t̴̴ s̷t̵̷o̷p҈ m҈̸e̵,̸̵ y̷o҈u̷̸ a҉̶r҉e̶n҈’̷̵t҉̶ m̵̷y҉ d҉̴a̵d̶̸ a̶҈n̴d҈҉ I̷’̸̸m̴̴ a̵n̴ a̸̷n҉̸ a҈d̸u̶l̷t҈̶

**Treedad** : Eris, I swear Arceus, stop

**EternalMentalbreakdown** : If you’re an adult, act like one

**UnholyOne** : I̴ k̷̸n҈̶o̷w̵ a̴҈l̴̷l҉ y̸o̵u̸̷ s̵e̸c̸̷r̸҈e̵҈t҉̸s̶̷

  
  
  
  


**UnholyOne** : Ŕ̵͎͖̭͔̥̰͚͇̖͓̳̤̗͔̜̙͎̝̝̳͍̜͇͐̾̎̍͌͑̆̽̓̏̓̀́̓̈́̑ͅī̵̗͍̠͓̣̘͔̣̜͕͖̙̯̦̖̣̎͊͗͒̊̍̓̐̓͋͋̑͛̒l҈̮̮̳͓͚͓̯̬̲̠̰̣̮͍͌́͐̒́͌̔̃̎̓͛͛͋̒̎̎̓̏ͅe҈̰̲͍͉̬͍̩͍̗͎͓̮̞̩͖̤͈͔̟̯̫̊̂̅́̊̽̈͒̆̓̑̾̒̆y̸̞̣͚̙̰̳͉̣͓̬̗͎͉͍͔̒̒͆͑̾́̓̿͑̒̏͛͆̈́͂̽͒͒͂̈͂̒ͅ A̶̦͓̟̞̝͎͍̠̗̤͇͒́̀͆̈̀̿̈̐̏̿̽̆́́͛̔̽̑͋ͅͅn̷͍͙̪̬̪͉̩͉̫̳͉̝̖͍̩̤̭͎̠̥̣̗͑̅͋̈́̈̽̽͆͐̋̉̎͗͒̿̈͗͐́ͅd̵̩͈̰̞̱̤̖͕̬̥͖̘͓̤͉͇̤͍̈͌̍̈̾̎͊̌͂̍̔̈́̅̄̄͑r҉̘̭̮͖̫̖̘͙̥̲̖̦͔͉͈͈̠͐̄͑̈́́̊̀͗̐͑͑̊͆́̂͗̊ͅë̵͈̣̠̜̰̯̮̜̙̙̭̳̝͍̗̜̙̙́̓̽̓̏̏͌͌̎̈̑̐͋ͅ K̷̯͇̯̰̠̤͍̤̩̘͉͚̯̳͉̗̣͍͕̱͇̿̆́̄͛̄̂͂̇͋̐́̃̊̉̀͑̔̓͒͊̑̅̎ͅr҈͚̘̦͈͔̲͖̮͈͇̩̙̦͚͚̤̫́̀̏͒̋͋̆̊̑̓̆̾̋̋̾̉̋̽̚ǘ̵͎̭̯͙͖̤̩̳͔̜̙̥̤͎͎͎͔̤̠̜̜͗̏̂̂̏̍͐͑̍́̃̆̈́͊̚ͅp̷̤͍̯̗̝̖̩̠̟̜͕̟̘̙͍̖͚͙͓̱̗̗͋̄̉̊̀̈̓̆̉͌͊̇̍̐̇̇́̐͐͆̏ͅi҈̣̤̮̫̮̳̞͕̜̫̙̞̗̝͉̗̜͆̍̆́̃͑̋́͂͆́̎̾̋̚n҉̩̬̣̳͙̩̭̖̣͖̞̣̀̑̑̀̀̒̃̐̅̽͂̽̇͗̈̉̚

  
  
  
  


**EternalMentalbreakdown** : Hey,  **_What the fuck_ **

**Treedad** : What the hell is she saying???

**EternalMentalbreakdown** : Nothing good!

**Treedad** : Eris behave please

*********

**Thoticus** : Hey @ **Everyone** especially y’all in the league 

**Thoticus** : If y’all don’t remember the meetings from a month or two ago, what the hell were you doing?

**Thoticus** : Professor Sycamore literally broke down because Ash temporarily died

**WallaceM** : When did this happen?!

**CynthiaS** : I know he broke down but I never knew why and  **_WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY TEMPORARILY DIED_ **

**Thoticus** : Because it’s Ash, he’s died multiple times and got yeeted back into the world of the living by Arceus 

**Stonebitch** : I remember Birch and Lance telling me about that

**Thoticus** : You don’t count, you knew Ash was his kid

**UnholyOne** : And I’m the unholy one? This kid literally raises from the dead on a day to day basis

**Cursed** :  _ Don’t you have a class to be teaching? _

**UnholyOne** : Not until 4:30 today, I teach at a night school from 3:00 to 6:00 on Monday-Thursday but today is Friday so it’s till 4:30 to 6:00

**Cursed** : Why is it so short today?

**UnholyOne** : Weekend and it’s the day we take tests or review. Today we’re going over group strategy so we’ll be playing a brief game of DND. The kids have already made characters so we’re set for today

**Treedad** : That’s interesting? 

**Satanicgremlin** : Is it traditional?

**UnholyOne** : No, I don’t have the patience or money. All I own are a few e4 and e3 books so I have to use converters

**Satanicgremlin** : Sophocles and I could lend you some e5 for the day?

**FuckitupSoph** : Yeah!

**UnholyOne** : I’d rather  _ not  _ be slaughtered by your parents and Kukui for making y’all come to Malie City and I don’t have a fly Pokémon either?

**UnholyOne** : Not to mention, I’m just having them battle a monster and nothing else so it’s not a huge problem

**Onediggyboi** : Hey! You’re being an actual adult!

**UnholyOne** : … Maybe you should too, Roark

**EternalMentalbreakdown** : You should take notes then Roark

**Onediggyboi** : Shut it, Riley

**Babey** : Shut up both of you before I vibe check you 

**UnholyOne** : rare time I will listen to a child who isn’t my student but okay

**Babey** : That a good thing?

**UnholyOne** : Yeah, I don’t like children under 18 because of how annoying they are unless they’re my students 

**Treedad** : You sounds like one of  _ those _ teachers

**UnholyOne** : W̴̨̱͈̅̿̒̎̍͞a҈̧̳͇͚͆̐̑̌͌͞t҈̨͚̪͕̟҇̓̊͛͑̏c̴̳͚̅̈́̑͒̕͢h҈̨̛̟͚͒̚̚ w̷͎͇̖͖̖͂̀͢͞ḩ̵͍̗̥̪̈͂̾͋͡a̸͈̙̲̣̠҇̿̓͜ţ̶̝̜̤͑̆̈́͗̓͠ y҈͇̩͕͕̾̈͐̔̅͜͝o҉͍͉̝̜̿̇̿͑͜͞ų̸̰̩̀̓̎͞ s҈̡͈͖͔̳̍̋̇͊͗͞ą̷͖͈̫̀̊̉͞y̵̨͈̟̆̂͊̅͝ t҉̧͓̞̫̥͋̈̆̎̕o҈̢̛̫̦͈͗͆̓ m҉̬̩̝͗̉̀́͐͜͝e҉̥̳͖҇́̋͒͗͢ A҉̧̫̪̭̈̍͝ͅu̴̞̫͂̓̆͜͞ģ̷̙̱̙̤̘́̂̾͞ų̷̖͕̲͊͐̂̓͌͞ͅs̷̡̘̪͔͆̿̓̅͞t̶̢͎̮̣̩̯́͗̈́̈́͠i҉͉͉͐̽̕͢n̵̢̛͈̱̈͒ȇ̶̛̗̳̭̱̩͛͜

**Treedad** : What the hell, Eris

**UnholyOne** : You heard me, thot

**Treedad** : I literally can’t read anything you type

**UnholyOne** : YOU'RE FLUENT IN FOUR LANGUAGES 

**Treedad** : I can speak three of them fluently, I still trip over Kantonian a lot

**UnholyOne** : …

**UnholyOne** : I’ve seen you write to Delia in it!

**Treedad** : I still have trouble speaking it!

**UnholyOne** : p҉̰͙̍̋̎̐͜͝e҈̢̛͓̥͔̏̐̒͛͂́̇̽ͅŕ̴̡̛̬̥͕̟͊͗i҉̧͖̣̥̲̪͓̟̉̒̈͒̔́̂͊͞ͅş̸̖̜̝͎̒̽̇̑̂̅̎͡h̴͍̳͗̌͌̀̿̈́͜͠ Ḁ̵̧͈̮͎͔̂̈̀͆̓̾̐͋͠ư̷̢̜̝̮͎̊̓́͊g҉̨̪̭̃̓͗̒̕u҉̤͍̙̲͎̳͗͊̈́̅̆̚͢͠s̶̢̤͔̖҇̈̊̄͗ţ̸̛͉͖̟̞̟̟͌̀̈́͆͛͆į̷͙͓͎͓͓͎̜̙̎̈͐̈͊̐̃̕n̵̢͍͎͆̽̋̎͡ẹ̴̡̗̟͖̭̦̰͛̈́͂́͛͡

**Babey** : Hey, Eris, how do you know Riley’s full name

**UnholyOne** : I lived in Kalos for my whole life, I know the people who lived on my street only naturally

**EternalMentalbreakdown** : hhhhhh

**EternalMentalbreakdown** :  _ It’s you _

**EternalMentalbreakdown** : I don’t like this

**UnholyOne** :  _ About damn time you noticed _

**Treedad** : What the hell are you referring to?

  
  


**UnholyOne** : W҈̮̞̙̜͕̐̂͑̓̎̉o̵͈͕̳̖̟̣͓͎̜͉̠͗͂͆̈́̒͋̔̽̽̃̽̉̚u҈͎̳̳̘̠̦̖̤͉͈̗̪͐̍̋̓̐͆̑̉̈̄ͅͅľ̸̜̙̰̭̱̱̥́͆̒̑͂d҈̗̱̤̜͙͉͖͖̙̈́̄̅̒͊̇̋̍̅̇̀͂̏͐̚ͅn̶̮̥̘̥̓́͐͑̎̾͆’҉̥̬̘͉̑̈̒̆̾̃̓̾͊ͅt̷̟͓̟̎̓̈́̽̏͐̒̒ͅͅ y̷̯̰̮̖̫̠̲̘̟̝̣͋̀̈̊̌́̓̈̈ò̷͙̱̱̝͈̞̤̃͂̄̅̔̊u҉͕̩̲͓̏̾́͂ͅ l҈̲̲͙̥̗̏͆̌͋̋̏͛̆̎̓͐̋̚i̸̮͍̳̪͚̥̫̱̯̟͔͓̽̅̊͒͐ͅk̵̬̞̞͖͔͍̖̮̘͕͚̝̱̯̠̥͋̆̇̎̊̍̎̉͌͊̈̎̆̌̇̚ḛ̴̩̙̖̬̗̮͉͓͂͊̃̑̌͆̐͆̐̋́̿̓͆͊ t҈̤̩̙̝̥͎̤̈́̓̈̀͊̎͗̒o҈̞̗̰̖̦̙͙̤̠͇͚̯͂͊̔̂̓̿́̽̂̀̈̍̾͂͆̏ k҉̙̩̖̬̱͉̬͓̲̀̐̾̇̃͌͆̚ñ̵͈̮͎͇͈̤̠̮̱̪̲̰̯̳̱̦̅̈́̏͆͊̆͊̌͌̂o̴͚̳̖̩̖͈̗̬̥̣͔̖͂̀̍̈w҈̮̞̟̖͈͈̫̭̝̙̣͐̑̏̔̀̍͊̑̋͌̌̔̓̇̚̚ ẁ̵̲̜͎̰͍̰̬͉̝̤͂͛͊͂̅̍͐̉̀̇̂͋̅̌́ͅe̴͚̝̯̮͖͔͈̭͔̰̭̞̞͆̑̈͒́a҈̮͍͈̙̯̬̪̯̘͇̠͍̣̟̝͒̑̒̒͒̚ͅt҈̰̞̘̱͎̟̭̰̀͐̄̔̈͐̈̅̄̊̎́̏̉̚h̷̯̘͇͔̲̞̞̞̯͇͑̄̇̅̎e҈̩̣̟̩̙̳͇͎̙́́̈́͗́͋̿̃̔̐͗́̓̎̿ṛ̵̮̯͔̾̇͂̏̃̔ b̴̘̤͓̘͉̯̩̩͖̝͙̟͍̥͓̈́̽͆̎̄̂̀̊̚o҈̩̪̦͉̤͙͔̬͕̟͖͉͛̆̑͂̀y̴͚͔̘̙̥͍̐̃̀͗̀̀͐͑̂̊̔̾͆

  
  
  


**Treedad** : …

**Babey** : Stop PLEASE

**UnholyOne** : No

*************

**UnholyOne** : s̟͙̜̘̫̩̥̤̖̭͍͉͖̥̘͚̓͂̽͊͗̇͂͒̐̋̽̎ͅa̗̮̖̮̫̰̙̤͕̞̗̯͖͇̰̗͎͌͊̏͗̃̈́͋̄̑̈͋̈́͐̓̀̓̿̐͒͐̋͑͌̊l͎̝̩̙̬̱̣͈̠͍̭̝̟̗̠̪̟͗̔̀̽̄̊̈̊̀̿͐̆̅̀u̯̯͉͍̖̣̞̰̣͍̬̬͓̝̫̭͙̖̳̦͔̫̟̽̏̏͊̍̑͗̾̀̂̓́͒͒̏̿́̑̓̒̿ͅe̖͍̮̬̪͙̪̭̩̭̜̱̭̪̐̾́̌̇̀̆͒̀̐́̄͂́̓ n̞͈͎͔͓͍̰̥͇̞̳̫̭̅͛̈́̓̾͛̅̑͛͐̏̍́̏́͛ͅȏ̗̤̟̱̣̳̭̯̠̟͕̪͔͙̣͚̥̙̭͉̤̗̌͂̆̊̇̾́͋̅̇́t̠̠̙̱͉̬̱̠̫̗̥̜͈̥͙͒͂̿̂̉̂̓̋́͌̂̌̒̀̑ṟ̩̪̝͕̣̩͉͙̪̱̮̰͈͖̦̫̭͍̙̭̍̾͊̊̅̾̀̔̓͂͐́͂͛̚ë̥̰̬͕͓͉̱̱͍̰͍͚̪͎͍̥́̃̓̽̈́̓̽̀̂͌̍͑̀̌͌͗̇̆͛̒ s̳̣͓͉̬̤̠̥̙͉͙̗͙͍̞͓̰̝̭͓͔̾̅̈͗͆͗̇͌̐͆̀͛͛̈́͆͒e̖̬͉̪̗͖̦͓̝̯̭̬͍̪̩̮̣̘̒́͌͆̉͋̅͌̔̊͆̿̌̈͒ì̘̙̪͓̮̩̗͍̫͖̩͎̝̝͗͊̉̎̑̅̈́̇̄́̆̌͛͛̏ḡ̜̯̦̩̳̜̜̬̦̥̬̜͉̥̮̝̙͙̬̫̝̳̥̃̉͑̑̅̐̇́̃̀̽n̰̪̞͖̣̱͔̱̪͔̬̘̘̰̗͋̓̎͂̇̓̋̎̅̾̂̀̍̽̎̇͛ͅĕ̫̩̘͉̞̮͙̫͈̤̠̟̟̱͉͇͎̲̐̐̔̑̌͌̂̒̃̋̀̓͆̏̎͋̀̑̃̈́́͑̚ͅù͈͉̬̰̬̬͓̯̗͙̰̣͍͖̩̙͇̃̐̊̔̉̈̃̈̽̇̋̍̽̓͑̇͂͌͑r̪͇͙̥̠̳̥̖̝̠͉̪̝̳̞̥̗̤̗̝̯̫̱̋͐̐͛͛͑͑̇͆̃̐̈́͋̚̚ e̪̩̜͍̳̯̠̦͎̝͚̳͗̑͐̆̎̔̃̏̉̀̋͐͊̉̊̚ͅͅt̙̣̞͍͈̯̜͍̤̣̮̳͈͕̣̖̜́͋̔̊̓̿͗̑̿̽̅́̎̋̓̅̚̚ s̤̜̰̮̪͚̥̫̫͓͉̲̦͖͙̫͔̋́̌͑́́͛̋̔̊̓͋͊̋̎a̫̫̙̯͚͕̳̳̖͍͓̔͂̇̔̽̈́̈́̍̾͋̿̂͒́͒͗͂́̍̇̄͑̚ͅͅu͍͕̞͖̦͔̟̞̘̭̣͔͈̥̣̭̠̦̜̣͖̍̀̌̀̇̽̄͗́̐̊͐͑v̙̳͍͓̞̬̭̟͙͇̬͇̤̞͇͕͉̞͇̦̠͚̣̰͊͌̊̂͊̅͒̀͂̓͂̈̈́̍̂̐̐̇̀̇̓̎̚ẻ̩̱̝̰̝̩̭͎̳͇̫̯̥͛́͛̾͛̌͛̍̔̓̌̋͌̎͆û̞̟̪̰͓̪̣̖̣͉̗̪̬͍̜̱̖̥̮͇͔̬̯͖̂̏̂̍̈̓̌̒͂́͐̂̃r͔̳̖̱͕̮̜̯͍͎̲̩͛̽͂͒̍͑̑̀̽̌͌͂͊͗́̂̈́̀̀̋̿ g͉̗̣̬̲͍͇͖̖͍͙̝̬̟͉͍̜͇̣̱͆̈̐͂͌̅̿̿̎̊͂́͋ͅị̝͍̮͎͖͇̳͚̙̯͈͕͖̜̩̙̭͎̯̞̿͛͌̾͆̀̈̒̀̀͒̈̚̚ͅṟ̜̣̣̤͕͇̥͈̘͕̙̞͙̙͇͍͎̞͉̆̀́̂̑̈͗̏̈́͂̽̀͗̑̈̃̒̃̚̚a̬̯͇͙̙̞͉͖̞̝͖͓̱͍̪͖̯͖̙̞͕͎͕̋̄͗́͑̆͗̎̓͗̊̆̇͊̾̅̐̈́̅͗ẗ̲̬̲̜͉̮̮͚̪̜̠͙̥̲̥͈́̏̑̃̿͋̆̓́̇̒̋̎̂͊͑̃͑̊͊̂̄͗̄ͅi̳̩̦̰͍̬̭̲̲͙̣̘̪͖͛̄̃̾̏̍̿̌̂͗̾̉͂͗̾̂ͅn̞̲͕̦̬̱͍̣̣̫͉̗͉̫͔͎͚͓̣̞̰̅̀̇̓͋͆̓̎́̑̾̃́̃͗͂̇̌̏ͅa͉̦͓̱̣͕̱̦̦͚̣̙̥͙̪̰͍͇̖͉̯͛̉̍̈̏̍̓͂̃̑̋͌ͅ.͍͓̳̖̬͓̥̣̭͖͓̫͓͇̱͖̖͗̋͊̉̍́̈́̀̊͗͆͋͗̽̾̂̐͗͂̀͋̑̎̐ͅ.̰̤̫͉̱̞̬̦͔͓͍͓̬͉̩͖̮͓́͆͒͂̀̍̋̏̏̀̊́̈̿̏͑̿̇̊̿͌́̑̃ͅ.͔͎͖͓̭͕͇̗͖̠͙̐̐̄̓̓̂̄̾̎́͋͋̇̾̓̍͑̄̓̏ͅ

  
  
  
  


**Lemonchild** : Oh my Arceus

**GalaxyMother** : Look what you’ve done

**GalaxyMother** : Look what you’ve brought upon us

**Itscalledfashionbaby** : Clemont, why

**UnholyOne** : I know most of y’all could’ve muted me awhile ago 

**UnholyOne** : Yet you have not done it yet. Why?

**GalaxyMother** : Clemont would’ve unmuted you and nothing can stop you

**Cursed** : Aren’t you supposed to be supervising DND?

**UnholyOne** : I’ve taken a mental break because one of the students said something bad while playing. The game itself is going fine and most of the kids are doing well with communicating but… one had to bring alternate universe stuff

**UnholyOne** : Then his friend said that in an alternate universe, I’m Augustine’s and Lysandre’s daughter out of absolutely nowhere

**Treedad** : What? The? Fuck?

**UnholyOne** : I just told the kid that you don’t approve and now he’s mortified

**Treedad** : Eris, why?

**UnholyOne** : Gotta make them behave somehow

**Cursed** : Anyways, I got some stuff for you, Augustine 

**Cursed** uploaded file  **Yourson**

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : Illegal, they’re not allowed to be so pure

**UnholyOne** : I have to go parent a kid, she just yelled that someone else was useless brb

**Themomthership** : You just killed my husband, Kukui

**Cursed** : Not surprised

**MistywithaB** :  _ Ash is Babey _

**Onediggyboi** : Illegal, Riley hates attention 

**MistywithaB** :  **_Ash is Babey ROARK_ **

**MistywithaB** :  **_You can’t say no to babey_ **

**Onediggyboi** : If you are trying to strike fear in me, you’re failing 

**MistywithaB** : Damn and idk how to invoke the void like Eris

**Onediggyboi** : Thank Arceus for that one!

**MistywithaB** : Rude!

*********

**UnholyOne** : Work is over, a kid has to come into before school detention, and I luckily don’t supervise Detention this week

**UnholyOne** : Also, I looked at the photo and read some past messages for context so now my only question is, are they dating?

**Treedad** :  _ I would not be against them dating but I will be against them not telling me _

**UnholyOne** : Oh

**UnholyOne** : I feel like I asked a bad question, now

**EternalMentalbreakdown** : We’re not dating

**UnholyOne** : Idk Riley… then again, I’ve been single for 24 years. I don’t know what dating is like

**Itsbrittanybitch** : Spill the tea you two

**Babey** : I was cold and Riley was in the loft with me

**MistywithaB** : Ash, Babey, you were playing with his hair 

**Babey** : Your point???

**MistywithaB** : You two literally look like you’re dating half the time and both of y’all have grown pretty close, explain that thot

**Babey** : What ever happened to calling me by my last name?

**MistywithaB** : You’re 16 almost 17 and I’m 19. Not to mention I have no clue on if I shorten it to Ketchum or Sycamore and I don’t care enough right now 

**Babey** : Fair

**EternalMentalbreakdown** : Someone Tell Roark to stop calling me a dirty Capitalist and no, I’m not dating

**Onediggyboi** :  **You’re a dirty capitalist in a communist society**

**CynthiaS** : Dirty Dirty Capitalist Riley

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : I want so much context, but I’m to scared

**EternalMentalbreakdown** : It’s just a dumb thing Roark does 

**Onediggyboi** : Because he’s a dirty capitalist and Sinnoh used to be communist years ago 

**Babey** : From a certain perspective,  _ you _ are the dirty capitalist, Roark 

**Onediggyboi** :  _ Fuck _

Onediggyboi:  **_I'VE BEEN BEATEN AT MY OWN GAME_ **

**EternalMentalbreakdown** :  _ Good _

**UnholyOne** : I stand my my statement

**UnholyOne** :  _ And  _ I’m the unholy one?

  
  
  



	32. Chapter 32

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Imabadbitch > Babey - Ash  
> MistywithaB- Misty  
> Rockhard- Brock  
> Maybeitsnotmaybeline - Dawn  
> MarshMALLOW - Mallow  
> Lemonchild - Clemont  
> Illgladlysteponyou > Actuallyaqueen - Serena  
> Maskedroyal > Cursed - Kukui  
> Itsbrittanybitch - May  
> Purebean - Lillie  
> FuckitupSoph - Sophocles  
> Yeetorbeyeeted > Actuallycares™️ > Bitchysnowman - Paul  
> Countryboi > Thoticus - Gary  
> Whowantslasagna - Cilan  
> Themomthership - Delia  
> Satanicgremlin - Max  
> Whatthefuckkyle - Kiawe  
> DragonsmakemegoUwU - Iris  
> Imwashingmeandmyclothes - Lana  
> Internallydying - Tracy  
> Inyourdreams - Burnet  
> ChaoticNeutral - Norman  
> Honoraryparent > Chaoticadult- Alain  
> Ghostgirl - Acerola  
> McEndmysuffering - Sophie  
> AureaJ - Professor Juniper  
> Onediggyboi- Roark  
> Itscalledfashionbaby-Diantha  
> OlympiaG > GalaxyMother- Olympia  
> Babybrother > Dratiniisbabey - Lance  
> EternalMentalbreakdown- Riley  
> Stonebitch - Steven  
> Chaoschild > UnholyOne - Eris
> 
> In the Family chat  
> Chatoverlord - Delia  
> Tiredandtrying - Augustine  
> Tinytinyboy > Shituncle - Lance  
> Residentlittleshit - Colress  
> Babey - Ash  
> TrueBabey - Lillie  
> BabyYveltal - Gladion

**Cursed** : The league conference has been fully set up so it should be happening within two-three months 

**Babey** : HELL YEAH

**Onediggyboi** : I don’t know why but I’m only now realizing, you would be here to participate 

**Babey** : Why else would I be here for months?

**Onediggyboi** : Exchange student

**Babey** : Is that what you were thinking this whole time?

**Onediggyboi** : Yeah

**Onediggyboi** : I’ve known you for a short time and didn’t ask your boyfriend about you constantly

**Babey** :  _ SHUT _

**Treedad** :  _ Ash _

**Babey** : I’m not dating!!!!!

**Onediggyboi** : You’re like a Komala to Riley, don’t lie

**MistywithaB** : You can’t run away from truth, Ash. We know you’re dating 

**Itsbrittanybitch** : ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

**Imwashingmeandmyclothes** : Ash, we have photographic proof you two are dating

**Thoticus** : Ashy, I’ve known you for years, you can’t hide that you’re dating no matter how much you want to. I see the way you look at him

**Babey** : Shut!!!! Up!!!! We aren’t dating!

**Actuallyaqueen** : Ash, you dumbass, you can’t deny love

**Babey** : I’m not though!!!

**DragonsmakemegoUwU** : Idk Ash… you do insist on hugging him and cuddling him a lot

**Rockhard** : Invalid argument. He always is insisting cuddles or something from someone

**Babey** : I can’t believe this, I appreciate the help but not being called out

**Rockhard** : Perish then

**Babey** : What the hell do you think I’m doing?

**Rockhard** : Questioning if you truly are dating Riley 

**Babey** : Stabbed in the back :(

**Dratiniisbabey** : Ash, I’m 69% convinced you’re dating Riley after the few weeks I’ve been here

**Babey** : Shut!!!!!!

**Babey** :  _ I’m being bullied by my favorite uncle _

**Dratiniisbabey** : I’m just pointing out the fact you cling to him and you were literally playing with his hair yesterday 

**Themomthership** : Lance has a point and you two are cute together

**EternalMentalbreakdown** : I didn’t sign up for this

**Babey** : Colress is my new favorite uncle

**Thatisincorrect** : HA

*********

Chat:  **Dumb Bitch disease is hereditary**

**Residentlittleshit** uploaded file  **Lancecaneatshit**

**Tinytinyboy** : Shut it, Colress 

**Lusamine** : What happened now?

**Babey** : Mom and Lance have convinced themselves I’m dating Riley 

**Lusamine** : Who’s Riley?

**TrueBabey** : His boyfriend 

**BabyYveltal** : His boyfriend 

**Babey** : A friend from Sinnoh

**Babey** : Shut it Gladion or your being added to the chat

**BabyYveltal** :  _ Okay _

**Chatoverlord** has uploaded multiple files

**Lusamine** : That’s not really proof that they’re dating… 

**Lusamine** : Then again, I’m desensitized from it after seeing Colress drap himself over Burnet and vice versa

**Tiredandtrying** : Why?

**Residentlittleshit** : I’m the dramatic one of the family, we’ve discussed this

**Residentlittleshit** : And the gay uncle

**Treedad** : That doesn’t answer my question, Colress. Why do you drape yourself over Burnet

**Residentlittleshit** : She does it too to me and it’s just when we’re swooning over Masked Royal during our lunch break 

**Tiredandtrying** : Isn’t he just Kukui?

**Residentlittleshit** : Definitely not

**Tiredandtrying** : They look practically the same. I’m pretty sure that he’s just Kukui

**Residentlittleshit** : I’m telling Burnet you’re saying this

**Tiredandtrying** : Fine, do it

**Babey** : Anyways…

**Babey** : I’m not dating anyone, I swear

**Tinytinyboy** : Sounds like a lie, my dear nephew 

**Tiredandtrying** : Ash, I’m not saying you are but when you start dating someone, tell me so I can talk to them briefly

**Tinytinyboy** : He’s gonna threaten to steal their kneecaps or break them if they hurt you

**Tiredandtrying** : I know you’ll throw hands with them, Lance

**Tinytinyboy** : You’re not wrong

**Babey** : This is why I refuse to date

**Tinytinyboy** has been changed to  **Shituncle**

**Shituncle** : I can’t believe I’m being betrayed by my nephew 

**Tiredandtrying** : You betrayed him first 

*************

Chat:  **Arceus great god above end me**

**AureaJ** : And that’s why you don’t trust any phone no matter how good the brand is

**Treedad** : Sounds like a you problem

**AureaJ** : So why was Eris added?

**Treedad** : @ **Lemonchild**

**Lemonchild** : To cause chaos and why not

**AureaJ** : Oh

**WallaceM** : I still can’t believe she was added before I was

**Stonebitch** : Wallace, honey, the love of my life, I’m begging you to stop

**WallaceM** : Then beg

**Treedad** : Ignoring that

**Treedad** : Why the fuck does no one realized Kukui and the Masked Royal are the same person

**Cursed** : I don’t know what you’re talking about

**AureaJ** : Oh at least you’re sane! The only others who see it are Elm, Birch, and Rowan!

**Inyourdreams** : Kukui… are you lying to me?

**Cursed** : I would never lie to you!

**Treedad** : ?

**Treedad** : Oh?

**Treedad** : Proof you aren’t the same person?

**UnholyOne** : Who the hell is Masked Royal?

**Inyourdreams** : You’ve lived in Alola for how long?! How do you not know the best trainer in Battle Royals?!

**UnholyOne** : I don’t take interest in them and I’m usually planning things for class or grading papers?

**Inyourdreams** : Wacc

**UnholyOne** : You know what’s wack? Nanu questioning me if I work for Team Flare after the Kalos incident 

**Cursed** : He did that?

**Ghostgirl** : Are you that surprised, she’s one of the few Kalos Natives in Ula’ula Island and she was a gym leader so they didn’t want a repeat with Malva

**UnholyOne** : I literally have never had a Fire type on my team. Everyone in team flare has at least one fire type

**MarshMALLOW:** are we just going to ignore the fact that Steven and Wallace are together?

**Itsbrittanybitch** : It’s no secret 

**Stonebitch** : We’ve been married for seven years

**MarshMALLOW** : Oh…

**Purebean** : It’s the people not realizing Ash is Professor Sycamore’s son situation all over again 

**Babey** : It IS

**Babey** : Also

  
  
  
  


**Babey** : Y҈̗̝̙̩̥̦̙̳͚͎͓̟͆̾̾̓̀̍͛̓̓̇̈́̆̽̃͛̄͗̓̚̚o̴̞̗̞̘̙̜͕̟̰̪͉̙̩̖͉̱̦̮͔̤̮̥͋̀̌́̈̐̓̿̒͗͑̄͊̂͗̅̽̚̚ͅṳ̷̙̰̮͚̰̦̦̭͍̪͚̬̮̯͍̔̀͆̋̽̅͂̃̇͑͗̄̑̂̈́̌̃͋ͅ ḫ̵̜̙̣̪̯̦͙͇̪̯̲̤̫͕͕̯̯̤̝̭̓̑̀̓̍̋͂͗̀̈̃̒ͅa̸̯̟̞̭͍̖͙̬̠̞̟̣̫̭̲͍̋̄̏̿̽̽̊̅̎̐̂͗̏͗̚̚v҉͍̰͈̘͉̞͙̖̲͉̬͖̩͉͎̠̤̩͎͊͊͗̈͌̽͌̓̏̿̌̓̂̔͒̈̍ͅe̸͓͇͚̭̳̤̤̪̖̟̳̯̜̜̭̬̞͚͕̣͗͆̄͋̈̿͂̊͛̿̂̂͒̊̄̆̊̽͋̿ a҉̱̤͔͚̦͇͎̠̦̖̤̘̫̥̠͈͉̰̂̒͐͌͆̑͗͂̉̆̿̚l̵̝̫̣̳̰̥̳͈̱̞̠̦̟̗̪̖̲̰̂͗̈́̿̂̌̐̾̽̐͊̇̇̃̊͒͗̔̋͐̅͋́̚ͅͅl̶̘͇̙̟͖̠̩͈̞̙̘̋̏̀̃̿̽̀̀͑̑̾̾ͅ c̵̦̯̜̪̭͖̩̗̰̯̙̘̰̞͓͓͉̓́͂̈́̊͊́̏͊̌́́̎ͅo̶͕̮̮͖̲͓̟͙̟͇̲̝͙̾͂̽̽̍̿̓̓́̽͒̊̌͑̇̉̈́̾̓͐͛m̵̫̲̙̪̝̘̞̥̞̬̙̞̗̦̳̦̮̝̱̖͒̍̆̅̿͂̄̿͋͒̓͆̋͑̽ͅm̵̦̣̗̪̣͍͙͓͇̩̳͓̤̗̞̝͎͔̪̰̮̝͍͗͌̉̏̃̉̄̆̑̒͗̋̏̏̀͊̀͛͆̾̊̂̍u҈͇̘̦͚̰̱̟̜̫͙̯͈̯͇͕̆̀͐͋͌̇̀̉̿̈́̃́̆̓̐̓̍͒͋́̔̓̚t̷̜̯͈͙͍̬̭̙̭̜̲̠̮͉̭͙̳̜̩͕̿̒͂̇̆͑͗̇̊̅͛́̎͆͂͒̀͐͋e҈̝̭̙͈͚̮̫̲̟̘̥̝̟͇̤͔͙̽̎̾̑̌̒̒̊̅̐̔̔̀d̴̫̝͚̟̮̠̜͍͙̜̞̥͕̱̯͍̗͙͖̰̈́̆̓̓͗̽̃̎̑̈́́͆͑͒̆̉̾̀͐̚̚ c̴̯͎̪̠̟̝͓̟̯̘͕̪̖̯͙̝̠̙͈̰̓͗̀̽̀̓̇̏͒́̀͌̐ŕ̸̘̝͖͚͇͍̱͈͙̠̯͔͔͖̪̝͛̀͛̿̌̈́̓̃̊̏̂̏͌̎̓͛̾̇̋̈́ḭ̵̭̤̤̘̠̲͖̗̲͎͉͍̠̥͙̾̉͌͛̈̃͆̀̍͊͐̍͐̌̇̚m̴̝͙̟̟͚̖͚̖̳̥͙͚̤͙͖̲̗͇̤̰͔̥͕̂͊̍̾̇̎͂̿͐̔̆͛͋̅͒́̌̓̊́̏̆e̸̯̬̱̜̮͚̱̩͕͇̖͓̖͖̝͊̀͗̀͗̌̄̃̉̍͊̋s̴̝̗̥̥̣̱̠̗̰͇̦̝̈͑̎̅́̇̿͑̅̓͌̆̔̅̆ͅ a̸͔͕͚̳̥͓̰̝͕̜̘̮̗̥͐̑͂̀̇̔̏̃̋̋̀͆͗͛ͅg҈̦̘͔̪͕̝̬͍̪͈̤̘̂̌̉̀̿́͒̔̆͐͐͗̄̅̀͌̈͌͛͆̓̆̀̚ͅå̸̩̮̘̗̮̥̙̗̦̮̫͇̟̬̿̓͊̈́͂̽̂̄̾̋̊͊̂͋ͅi҉̟͖̜̙͙̬̰͈̘̫̫͍͇̥͔̱͓͍͙̗͇͍̋͌̓͋̔͒̏̈̏́́̐̓̚n̴͕̖̝̭̯͔̭̳̮̲̪͖̝̪͓̜̒͛͌͗̿̊͗͌̾̅̌̚̚ͅs҈͎̖͔̟̮̗̘̰̘͙̙͉͚͉̪̈́̈̈͌͐͑̔͋̽̅͑͒̆̔̈̚̚ͅt̶͖͚̮̗̦̰̜̙͖̜̯̮͇̫̭̙̣́̓̓͑̃̌̂͐̅͆̅͊̽͑̊́̽̄͊̇̀̚ͅͅ A҉̳͇͈̩̪̗̙̥̩̜̦̟̜̝̌̐̊͑̈̍́͂͌̾̑̽̏̔̓́̾̊̓͆̑͗̚r̶͍̩̱̫̥̠͕͓͍̯͓͖̲̮̝͓̝͙̖̬̳̪͒͌̑̒̉̊̋͋̇̽̑̓̀́̋c̷̮̩͕̞͉̩̱̱͔͓͎͇̘͉̭̳͚̜̘̣̟̭̣̐̀̾̋͋͆͗̀̐̈̾̿̃̐͌̄̓͆̀̉̆̔̎̑ͅe҈͓͈͕̤̮̫̩̙͎̗̪̗̟̣̲͆̀̾̔̐̎̏̽̾͂̔̉̄̀̂̈̾͗͂̚̚̚̚u̵̬̠̰̳̖̙̟͕̳̰̯̰̯̗͕͋̌̅͌̃̎̋͗͐̋̋́̌̐̀̌̂̓̂ͅͅͅs҉͕̭̰̖̖̫̖̖͈͖̮̘̏̽̄͆͌͊̓̾̑͊͐̏͒̓̈́͛͛̽̂͐,̴̮̬̠̱͙͍̬̰̤̣͓͙̮͇̜̾́͒̓̎̒̇̄̈͂́̓̔͑̀̎ n̴͇̩̰̜̠̝̳̝̘͔̪͚̱͑̑̀̾̌̎̀̒̒̾͗̏̉̋̃o̴̲̳̪̫̗̬̙͙͚̘͔̘͉͔̤̪̲̟͆̈̌̔̏́̆̓͛̉̉̂͒̄̿̀̑w҉̠̭̖̥̟̝̙̭̩̱͇͖͈͕̮͚̥͗͌̑̀̑̍͂̀̏̅̀̍̽̐͋͐̈́̈͑̾̓ͅͅ y̶̩̯͇̟͎̟̞͙̜̙̘̮̩̗̝̅̎͑͂̅̔͑̑͊̐̎͒̽̽̓͊̓͗̐̈̂́̚ͅỏ̸̯͓͎̳̦͈͚͖̥̯̤̪̤̩͗̈̀͊̿̉͛̽͊̆͊̆͋̍͒̌͌̏̓̇u̵͔͍̳̪̖̬̥̣̮̠̖̬̯̇̅͊̌͊͑̏̊̔͂̒̒̉̀͌̅̎̈̎ m̴̬̪̜̗͈̬̠͓̤̫̠͙̖̱͔͙̤̳̠̯͇̬͎̱̓͒̿̅͋̏͆́͋̐͌̆̐̍̈́͗̍u̴̟͉̰͔͓̤͇͍͓͖͓̭̠̦̪͍̩͐̈̒́̐́̍̒̉͛̓̔̎͋̎̑̑̿̅͐͌͑̚s҈̜̳͚͇̖̞͖͉͙̳̞̱͕̪̩͎̥̦̪̈́̂̔̃̄͛͆̀̓̽͋̔͋̉̐̀̇̚̚t҉̬̜̫̱̫̭̳̟̖̞̰͎̬̖̥̱̈́̑̿̊̓̈́̉̎̓́̃̀̃̽́͌͛͛̚ f҉̫̪̝̤̫̭͉͇̥̱̟̭͎͎̠̬̌́̄̋̇̄̌͋̎̋͗̋a҈̳͙̳̜̖͙̥̗̙͉͉̙̮̎̐͂̀͐͐͆̎̈͒̽̑̎̎̄̌͆c̷͔͖͍̭͙̞̩̣̱̭̫̙̽͗͐͆̀̂̉̍̊̆͋̐e̵̤͓̭̤͈͔̳͎̝̤̙̩̪̟̦̭̣̪̋́̉͛̂̈͗͆̉̈́̈́͂̎ͅ t҉̟͓͕̰̣̩̙̞͚̖̩̳̦͓͚̝̭͖͑́̐̍͂͊̇̓̈́̈́̿̓̂͗̌͗̀̊̃́ͅḣ̴̥͕̮͈̩̗̤̪͎̟̙̰̳̲̟̩̤͖̆̋̍̀̃̔͑̋͌̂̓̈́̇̎̿̑̆̾̊͌̏̃̚ͅe̴̥̥͎͈̰͎̥̮̠͓̗͕̓̈̍͑̌̋̾̒̇́͐̒͗̊͂m҉̝̮̞̪̲̝͚̲̱̠̭̜̖̮͚͇͉͖̠̬̐͒̈́̓̒̾̾̍͒̅̉̿ͅ

  
  
  
  


**Treedad** : I

**Treedad** : Ash,  _ no _ …

**Babey** : The only safe ones are Riley, The adults above 23 except Lance, Kiawe, Soph, and Max

**Treedad** : How is Eris safe? She literally started the mess

**Babey** : She’s been here under a week and had no context to anything so she gets a free pass unlike everyone else

**Lemonchild** : Am I not safe? I didn’t say anything about Riley 

**Babey** : Sure, you think you haven’t done anything wrong 

**Lemonchild** : One fear

**Babey** : Good

*********

**Babey** : Where can I get parental love on the lonely Alolan night?

**Cursed** : You have all your Pokémon plus Suicune sleeping on top of you

**Babey** : Yes but I am a lonely boy who need some parental affection 

**Cursed** : You going to have to get up for that, you know

**Babey** : hhhhhh

**Babey** : Fuck

**EternalMentalbreakdown** : I told you it was going to leave you sore

**Babey** : But  _ how _

**EternalMentalbreakdown** : Using aura in a way you have yet to do so will leave you sore

**Babey** : But why this sore for a  _ flower _

**EternalMentalbreakdown** : I

**EternalMentalbreakdown** :  _ The fact it records things and uses Aura as an energy source to begin with? _

**Itsbrittanybitch** : Did you summon a time flower?

**EternalMentalbreakdown** : Grow would be a better word but yes

**Satanicgremlin** : Ash

**Satanicgremlin** :  _ ASH _

**Babey** : I  _ know _

**Babey** :  _ Please don’t make me think about Rota more than I already have today _

**Cursed** : @ **Treedad** @ **Themomthership**

**Cursed** :If one of you two could come over here and keep Ash from crying,  _ that’d be great _

**Treedad** : We’ll be over there soon

**Cursed** :  _ Thank Arceus _

**EternalMentalbreakdown** : I have a feeling that Professor Sycamore is going to throw me

**Dratiniisbabey** : He won’t 

**EternalMentalbreakdown** : Doubt™️

**Dratiniisbabey** : Delia will make sure he doesn’t

**EternalMentalbreakdown** : For the month I have known him, I’m pretty sure he would throw me if given the chance

**Treedad** : I will only hurt him if you hurt my son

**Treedad** : Only then, will you have to wish for Yveltal’s mercy

**EternalMentalbreakdown** : Oh yeah,  _ that’s comforting  _

**Cursed** : Hey Augustine 

**Cursed** : Your Charizard is terrifying 

**Treedad** : yeah, but he’s an asshole

**AureaJ** : Is this about him using flamethrower on you half the time back in Kanto

**Treedad** : He still did it until Ash was born

**AureaJ** : Rip you I guess 

**Babey** : Momther has befriended Suicune

**Treedad** : I see that, but we better not have a repeat of the Entei incident 

**Babey** : Joke’s on you, they’re gonna steal me

**Treedad** : No to both of those 

**Babey** :  _ Joke’s on you, they already have before  _

**EternalMentalbreakdown** :  **Ash no**

**Babey** : I didn’t choose to be the Chosen One

**EternalMentalbreakdown** : You’re a danger to yourself 

**Babey** : Says the person who had to forced to wear different clothing so they wouldn’t die of heat stroke and almost killed himself when saving us

**EternalMentalbreakdown** : …

**Thatisincorrect** : ANYWAYS

**Thatisincorrect** : Burnet,  _ send pictures _

**Thatisincorrect** : I gotta make the parental units jealous and show them what they’re missing 

**Inyourdreams** uploaded file  **Cryinf**

**Inyourdreams** uploaded file  **Giantlaplilpup**

**Thatisincorrect** : Thank you, they have been sent to our parents and mom’s gonna blow up

**Inyourdreams** : Put them on blast, call them out for their shit

**Thatisincorrect** : What the hell do you think I do everytime I get photos of Augustine with Delia and/or Ash?

**Inyourdreams** : Oh

**Inyourdreams** : OH SKDKAJDLF

**Cursed** : I no longer know what to expect from you

**Thatisincorrect** :  _ That’s what they get _

**Thatisincorrect** : You mess with Augustine, you’re going to be dragged through the dirty

**Cursed** : Isn’t he the older sibling?

**Thatisincorrect** : Yeah but our parents still like me but that’s just because I’m the youngest 

**Thatisincorrect** : Also, I did a bad thing @ **Treedad**

**Treedad** :  _ What did you do _

**Thatisincorrect** : I accidentally explicitly mentioned that you’re in Alola to them and now they plan on coming to “talk” to you

**Themomthership** : Count Your wishes Colress, none of us will have mercy on your ass

**Thatisincorrect** : I know and I respect that 

**Treedad** : … I’ll deal with them and I have Charizard, Lucario, and Garchomp if the try  _ anything _

**Babey** : One(1) fear

**Treedad** : If my parents are literally going to have a fit over me marrying Delia, they aren’t going to be a part of my life. They probably only care so much now because I have a kid

**Thatisincorrect** : That’s exactly why they care

**Treedad** : Oh of course that’s why! Why else would they want to interact with me?!

**Treedad** : I’ll deal with them tomorrow if they do end up coming here, for now it’s probably best for us to go since Ash is passed out and has school in the morning

**Cursed** : Fair, I’ll let you know if they go by the school 

*********

**UnholyOne** : Augustine, if your parents are here before 3:00, I’ll gladly help you deal with them

**Treedad** : Please don’t, that will probably make it worse

  
  
  


**UnholyOne** : B̸͓̣̬̙͔̝̠̞̲͙̭̞̘̟͎̃͛̒́̈̀̐̉̀̈̄̅̑̏̏̓̾̆ͅủ̶͈͔̣͔̣̝̱̤̲̝̪̟͚̪͙̣͙̘̩̘͚͛́̓̒͒̌͊̀̿̃̔͒͆̿͐̽͆̈̉̂t̵͓̦͓͖͍͖̣͔̪̠̳̞̐̾̓̐̉̓͂̾̉͗̆́̐ I̵͎̘̟̗̭̦̗̣͇͖͔̖̲͖͎̟̪̭͖̪̘͇̞͆̐̓́͑̃̋̉͐̿̀̆̆͗̃̄͛̀̋͋̓̄̚̚ c҉̞͉̰̜͈͖͍̙͖̰͉̌́́̈́̌́̍̿́̽̓̽̒͑͗̄̅͌́͗̋̚ͅͅa҈̮̪̞̤͖͎̮̳̩̲̜̥̗̞͉̠̠̝͇͗́͗͊̈̄̅̇͑̈̋̀͂̿̈́̀̉̐̔n̷̤̫̱͓͓̯͖̠̙͇̪͈͖͍̮̪̙̩̤̜̫͙̥͚̎̉̽̈̒̇͌̊̋̍̒̃̍̏̄̒̏̃́̊̍ i҉̩͍͓͇͕̞̤͙̣̟̖̳͐̊͗͗́̏͂͋́̔͆̓̒͂͒̾͆ͅͅn̷̮̝̥̖̣̱͇̥̪̩̤̱̙̭̙̭̝̬̥̫͑̏̈́͐͐͑́̽͒̌͐́̍v҈͓͈̤͖̖͖̩͕͔͔̗̩͖̯͌̍̍͒̄̊̄̓̏̌̎̏̑̊̈̍̊̏ͅͅo҈͕͔̱͍͔͎͇̙̭͙̤̝̗͑̃̓̂̓͑͑̍̎͑͛̋̆ḳ̵͙̭̗̦̜̤̥̭̭̤̥͔̯͙̮͓͈̀̐̆̈́̉͆̅͒̌͒͂͌́ͅe̶̝̝͎͕̣̠͉̤̝̥͍̪̟̲̪̱͍̩̣̘̝͔͉͂̊̋̄͛̾̆̑̋̏͂̄̚ t̵͔͉̞̮̘̬̙̲̭̥̤̿͊̐̅̉̈́̿̓͂̂̏̈́͑ͅͅh̴̳̠̯̳̪͚͓̮̘̱̜̪͍͕͔̥̘͉̯̭̩̔̏̿̇̎͆͒͋́̏̇̋̆͑é̶͈̬̳͖̳̯̖͙̭͍̙̟̠̪̜̭̦̣́̾̇͋͗̏͌͊̒̈́̽̔̊̿̈́̀̽͆̒̈̂̈ vo҉̘͖̞̫̠͍̣͈͔̣̮͚̣̲͖͒̌͑͂͋̈́̅̈̓̃̐̔̈̈̽́͂́̊̉͗̚i̷̞̖̩̗̰͕̠̝̟̜̫̭̭̖̰͙̤̭̫̪̖͕͐̃͑̓́̌̑̔̉͆̿̿̎́̈̅̂̉̆̓̚d҉̗̩̭͍̫̠̠̯̪̱͈̤̗̩̮̬͖͗̈́̿̀̀̒̆̈̄́͒̂́̅̔

  
  
  
  


**Treedad** : Please don’t 

  
  
  


**UnholyOne** : f̴͉̰̰̬̙̪̱̬̞̞̰̱̂͐̋̅̓̃̌͛̌̄̃͋͛̊̑̀i҈̙̖̣͈̳͈̳̖̬̱͙̟̇͑̓̈̔͋̇̆́͛́͂̐̈́̅̚n̴̥̭̲̥̟̰͇̱̞̤͚͉̥̟͍̭̳̲̝̍͊̀̍̓̐͌͆͆͗̔̇̀̏̔ë̷͎̠̘͇̙̦̪̣̳̜͔̘̥̟̮̞̮̯͍͍͎͋̄͗̉̌̒͆͒͋̃͊̌̓̍̎͋̑͂ͅ

**Treedad** : I’m begging you, stop doing that

**UnholyOne** : T̴̨͠h҈̛͜e̴͢͡n̸͢͞ b̶̛͜e̷҇͢g̴͜͝

**Imwashingmeandmyclothes** : Not to swerve the topic but… 

**Imwashingmeandmyclothes** : Hey Ash, never lie to our faces ever again

**Imwashingmeandmyclothes** : Kukui’s Lucario found the time flower and we have  _ proof _

**Babey** : Oh no

**Imwashingmeandmyclothes** :  _ Oh yes _

**Imwashingmeandmyclothes** : Face your punishment 

**Treedad** :  _ Ash, what is she referring to? _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those of you who have read my single dad Sycamore story, Augustine does have a different relationship with them in that and in this. In the Au they fixed it, in this it’s still broken.


	33. Chapter 33

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Imabadbitch > Babey - Ash  
> MistywithaB- Misty  
> Rockhard- Brock  
> Maybeitsnotmaybeline - Dawn  
> MarshMALLOW - Mallow  
> Lemonchild - Clemont  
> Illgladlysteponyou > Actuallyaqueen - Serena  
> Maskedroyal > Cursed - Kukui  
> Itsbrittanybitch - May  
> Purebean - Lillie  
> FuckitupSoph - Sophocles  
> Yeetorbeyeeted > Actuallycares™️ > Bitchysnowman - Paul  
> Countryboi > Thoticus - Gary  
> Whowantslasagna - Cilan  
> Themomthership - Delia  
> Satanicgremlin - Max  
> Whatthefuckkyle - Kiawe  
> DragonsmakemegoUwU - Iris  
> Imwashingmeandmyclothes - Lana  
> Internallydying - Tracy  
> Inyourdreams - Burnet  
> ChaoticNeutral - Norman  
> Honoraryparent > Chaoticadult- Alain  
> Ghostgirl - Acerola  
> McEndmysuffering - Sophie  
> AureaJ - Professor Juniper  
> Onediggyboi- Roark  
> Itscalledfashionbaby-Diantha  
> OlympiaG > GalaxyMother- Olympia  
> Babybrother > Dratiniisbabey - Lance  
> EternalMentalbreakdown- Riley  
> Stonebitch - Steven  
> Chaoschild > UnholyOne - Eris
> 
> In the Family chat  
> Chatoverlord - Delia  
> Tiredandtrying - Augustine  
> Tinytinyboy > Shituncle - Lance  
> Residentlittleshit - Colress  
> Babey - Ash  
> TrueBabey - Lillie  
> BabyYveltal - Gladion

Treedad: Ash

Babey: We were bonding, Lana

Imwashingmeandmyclothes: “Bonding”

Imwashingmeandmyclothes: sure Ash

Babey: Fight me Lana

Imwashingmeandmyclothes: MAYBE I WILL

Treedad: No one’s fighting anyone and Ash, what the hell is Lana talking about 

Imwashingmeandmyclothes: ASH IS WITH RILEY BUT HE'S HIDING IT

Whatthefuckkyle: For once, Lana’s actually right

MarshMALLOW: Ash, you can’t hide it anymore 

Purebean: The whole class knows now, Ash

Babey: Hhhhhhh

Babey: Thots

Babey: All of you are thots

Ghostgirl: OwO? What’s this? Ash is in a wewationship with Wiwey?

Babey: No I’m not

FuckitupSoph: Ash, the professor’s Lucario literally opened it and we saw what was in it, you can’t lie like this

Treedad: If you two really aren’t dating and the others are misinterpreting what happened, then open the flower

Babey: Who’s side are you on

Treedad: I don’t like them messing with you but I also don’t like you lying and keeping secrets like this

Babey: Dad

Treedad: Ash, some secrets can be kept but if you’re dating someone, it’s not something you should hide in case something happens

[This message has been deleted]

Treedad: Ash, I have the message copied. Don’t think you’re so slick

Thatisincorrect: I’ve tried it with him but he’s quick about messages being saved

Babey: Shit

*********  
Private conversation between Treedad and Babey

Treedad: Ash, you don’t have to tell everyone, but at least tell your mother and I 

Babey: You already know if you copied Lillie’s message

Treedad: I want to hear the truth from my son and I will regard the message as a lie until you tell us what’s going on 

Babey: What if I don’t want to tell the truth

Treedad: I will respect you if you don’t want to tell anyone anything yet but you shouldn’t lie or keep it from us forever

Babey: I need some time to think it over first. I’ll tell you after school 

Treedad: That’s fine

Babey: Okay, I’m sorry about this

Treedad: Don’t be sorry about this Ash. I know that some things can be really stressful and hard to talk about 

Babey: Thanks for understanding

Treedad: Of course

*********  
Chat: Arceus great god above end me 

Treedad: No one bothers Ash. If you do, you’ll answer for your sins

Cursed: So you’re the one Ash gets it from?!

Themomthership: Actually he gets from me. Augustine started it but we continued it

Cursed: Okay?

Treedad: Anyways, my point still stands and you should all be in school anyways

Cursed: Y’all heard him

Imwashingmeandmyclothes: Yes sir!

*********

MistywithaB: Where has Riley been in all this

Onediggyboi: Getting Devine Parental Love because he’s finally officially my little brother. 

Onediggyboi: And also signing legal papers to confirm this 

Rockhard: What happened to his own dad?

Onediggyboi: Jail happened. Byron, Augustine, Diantha, Professor Rowan, and I all put him on blast and got him thrown in jail

Rockhard: He’s finally in jail?

Onediggyboi: As it turned out he already had a criminal record

Treedad: I apologize for swerving the topic but

Treedad: Guess who’s fucking here

Cursed: one(1) fear

Treedad: Count your wishes Colress 

Treedad: You’re next after this 

Thatisincorrect: Hhhh okay

Treedad: Perish

Thatisincorrect: I am

Treedad: Good

Imwashingmeandmyclothes: I am scared because of the complications 

Babey: Parental unit, where are you 

Treedad: Hau’oli, but I don’t want you getting mixed up in this

Babey: I got three legendary beasts that will gladly help though

Treedad: Ash don’t 

Treedad: I will ground you if you even try to interact with them

Babey: Hhhh

Babey: Okay

Thatisincorrect: I’ll be there in ten minutes with Lusamine because she has Power™️

Treedad: I don’t need you two getting involved with them

Thatisincorrect: Too bad, bitch. You’re my brother and they’re being Assholes™️

Treedad: I’m not helping you if you get in trouble then

Thatisincorrect: I am thirty-three, I’ll be fine

Treedad: Okay, if you say so

*********

Thatisincorrect: August got into a yelling match with our parents and dad punched him so now the asshole is in legal trouble for assault 

Thatisincorrect: Now they’re no longer a problem either so… today is an experience I don’t want to witness again

Babey: Is Lance dating the Champion Leon?

Babey: I saw them wearing each other’s capes

Thatisincorrect: Pics, Kid

Babey uploaded file Capeswitch

Dratiniisbabey: That was an accident this morning and I thought you knew already

Babey: You never told me or the family chat

Dratiniisbabey: I guess I forgot, no wonder Delia hasn’t said anything since I told her

Babey: I’m kicking you in the shins later then, thot 

Treedad: No one’s hurting anyone, you never said you were dating Leon, and Ash, you still need to talk to your mother and I

Babey: Can I

Babey: Can I not? 

Treedad: Ash, is something wrong?

Babey: A lot of things are

Treedad: Ash, I’m not joking

Babey: Neither am I right now

Treedad: Ash, you know I care a lot for you and about your well being. If something’s wrong, please tell me

Babey: I know but I’m not good with feelings 

Treedad: Ash, you shouldn’t be keeping secrets

Babey: I know but I’m scared

Treedad: Ash, where are you?

Babey: ...Hiding?

Thatisincorrect: Augustine! You are literally bruised right now!

Treedad: I’m going to go comfort my son, you fuck

Treedad: Can I not do that now?

Thatisincorrect: Augustine, that’s not the point here

Treedad: Bye, I’m going to comfort my son

Themomthership: Don’t bother him, Colress or you’re going to get murdered

Thatisincorrect: That is true

Babey: I hear him coming, fuck

Treedad: You can’t hide when you have Suicune, Raikou, and Entei

Babey: Hhhhhhh

*********

Stonebitch: This is only the second time I’ve seen Mother Kangaskhan Augustine in action and I have many concerns

Stonebitch: And considering everything that just happened, this sadly won’t be the last time

EternalMentalbreakdown: I am not on for half the day and you all blow up my phone

EternalMentalbreakdown: also Roark, you over share

Onediggyboi: Let me be proud that I can call you my baby brother 

EternalMentalbreakdown: suffer

Onediggyboi: Also good luck with Sycamore later

EternalMentalbreakdown: Why

Onediggyboi: Someone fucked up and that person was you 

EternalMentalbreakdown: What did I do???

Onediggyboi: Did you only bother reading me talking about you 

EternalMentalbreakdown: You we’re talking about the shithead without permission, thot

Onediggyboi: Hhhhhhh

Onediggyboi: I will tell dad if you try anything 

EternalMentalbreakdown: I can’t believe this

EternalMentalbreakdown: I’m being betrayed by my own older brother

Onediggyboi: Perish then

EternalMentalbreakdown: I already do everyday

Babey: I can’t believe I have to do this

Babey: Because some people are too noisy for their own damn good

Babey: First of all, the time flower, it has nothing to do with Riley and I dating. I had a mental breakdown and Riley was helping me, I literally don’t know how y’all didn’t see me crying and shaking

Babey: Second of all, we are dating, we were just going to tell our parents(and sibling, in Riley’s case) first and then tell you fucks last. 

Babey: Y’all taking some of this stuff out of context

Imwashingmeandmyclothes: Then why didn’t you just admit it this morning

Babey: Because I was going to tell my parents this face to face, especially considering it’s my first relationship!

Imwashingmeandmyclothes: Ash

Imwashingmeandmyclothes: You pure soul

Babey: You’re Giratina incarnated 

Imwashingmeandmyclothes: OwO! Ash admits to being in a wewationship with Wiwey uwu!

Imwashingmeandmyclothes: :)

Babey: Not what I meant but we’ll roll with it

Treedad: How did you guys do this shit. Who do you misinterpret Riley helping Ash calm down

Whatthefuckkyle: We saw five seconds and Riley was holding Ash in those five seconds 

Treedad: Fine but don’t do this again. Give Ash his own time to tell you ffs

Stonebitch: Disappointed Sycamore is so tame, why

Treedad: No one’s upset or hurt

Stonebitch: True but I still think you over reacted a little

Treedad: Mayhap but Ash’s friends were upsetting him and he needed support 

Stonebitch: True 

EternalMentalbreakdown: I missed a lot in the past eight hours, didn’t I?

Babey: You did but you were dealing with legal stuff and your new and better family 

EternalMentalbreakdown: Also I am emotionally exhausted and dead on my feet

Babey: Come to the Shack you can get cuddles. Suicune and the other two are here too and happy to cuddle too

EternalMentalbreakdown: neat

*********

Inyourdreams uploaded file Tiredbois

Inyourdreams: Y’all can tell but the loft is vibrating from the three beasts

MistywithaB: Ksjdhdkfjsj Holy shit

MarshMALLOW: Babeys

Rockhard: Y’all, Mew’s there to

Inyourdreams: Shit your right ajdjahd

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y’all... I’m sorry but I love them a lot. Anyways, this should’ve been up later but my leg woke me up with it cramping so here it is now


	34. Not a Chapter

So small update on the story, there will be no new chapter until the 17th of November. I am busy with the Fall play right now so my free time is limited after rehearsal and homework so with the free time I do have, I want to use it to work on some of my other stories rather than this one. Updates will be less often even after the 17th because I do intend on joining my school’s Forensics team. If something does come up and I have to go on hiatus again, I will make sure to say something.


	35. Chapter 35

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEWWO IM BACK UWU! MY HIATUS IS OVER! Fall Play was super fun but now I’m sad that it’s over because I can’t do it till next September but luckily I have spring musical to look forwards to.

**WallaceM** : First of all, Lance and Leon dating was no secret

**WallaceM** : Second of all, I’m going to throw myself into space with the help of Rayquaza if I have to hear anymore of this vocaloid bs

**Stonebitch** : Explain the last point 

**WallaceM** : It is every vocaloid song ever but it’s the first five seconds and there’s no order. It’s chaotic and I hate it

**Stonebitch** : Oh

**Stonebitch** : I take it’s Lisia’s doing?

**WallaceM** : Always 

**Dratiniisbabey** : Don’t you like Hatsune Miku 

**WallaceM** :  _ Lance, none of this is even relatively coherent _

**Treedad** : Lance now’s not the time 

**WallaceM** : I for one, agree with Augustine. Also, will Leon ever be added?

**Dratiniisbabey** : Why do you ask

**WallaceM** : Well, considering most of us here have our s/os here, I thought yours would be here too

**Dratiniisbabey** : Hhhhhh

**Dratiniisbabey** : I’ll think about it

**WallaceM** : Coward, appreciate your boyfriend

**Dratiniisbabey** : I do, just not here

**WallaceM** : This is why so few people realize you’re dating 

**Dratiniisbabey** : Shut 

**WallaceM** : Can’t silence the all seeing god, Lance

**Dratiniisbabey** : I can try though uwu

**WallaceM** : I’m throwing myself into the astral plane, bye

**WallaceM** has left chat  **Arceus great god above end me**

**Treedad** : My respect for you has dropped because of the cursed thing

**Dratiniisbabey** : It made him shut up, didn’t it?

**Stonebitch** : Lance, you’re a headache

**Dratiniisbabey** : Says the geophile and the person who doesn’t shut up about rocks

**Dratiniisbabey** : You’re also shorter and older than your husband and I

**Stonebitch** : That’s not the topic at hand, Lance

**Dratiniisbabey** :Then perish, Steven

**Stonebitch** : I’d rather not, it would mean being without Wallace

**Dratiniisbabey** : Then suffer

**Stonebitch** : I have better things to do than argue with you

**Stonebitch** has left chat  **Arceus great god above end me**

  
  


*********

**Onediggyboi** : This has been bothering me since I found out, but 

**Onediggyboi** :  _ When did Riley and Ash start dating  _

**Whatthefuckkyle** : That’s a good question. They never acted like it here but then again, Ash just perked up a lot around Riley outside of the text channel 

**Purebean** : Yeah, but then what about Riley? He never acted like he had a romantic interest in Ash

**Imwashingmeandmyclothes** : We don’t question the eldritch child, he is Wacc. I mean, he did befriend half of the mythicals he’s met easily 

**MarshMALLOW** : Y’all just ask Ash, he’s online rn

**Babey** : Damnit, Mallow

**Purebean** : Tell us,  _ Ash _

**Babey** : Fun fact, Riley has little to no filter when he’s depressed and tired

**Purebean** : ÓwŌ

**Babey** : He said “I think I love you and that terrifies me,”

**Imwashingmeandmyclothes** : Jafkshdkfj

**Imwashingmeandmyclothes** : I mean, you are a son of a god

**Babey** : My dad’s not a god though?

**Imwashingmeandmyclothes** : Lugia? Entei? Arceus?

**Babey** : I’m gonna throw you Lana UwU

**MistywithaB** : WOW, what a way to start the day

**Babey** : Oh? What now?

**MistywithaB** : Literally everything that’s happened? I haven’t been on my phone since 2am and this all happens

**Babey** : Then perish I guess, Misty

**MistywithaB** : Rude

**Babey** : Riley would disagree 

**MistywithaB** : You don’t know that

**Babey** : Shush you

**MistywithaB** : :p

**EternalMentalbreakdown** : I feel attacked by my own boyfriend of all people 

**EternalMentalbreakdown** : And I do agree with Misty

**Babey** : :(

**Purebean** : Why does loving Ash terrify you, Riley

**EternalMentalbreakdown** : Because his whole family is terrifying and the fact the champion Leon might be his uncle in a few years scares me? They could crush me if I do the smallest thing wrong

**EternalMentalbreakdown** : Also, dating in general terrifies me because I’ve never dated anyone?

**Purebean** : You can easily fight them and win?

**EternalMentalbreakdown** : You don’t know that and I don’t want to fight them

**MistywithaB** : …

**MistywithaB** : I’d say nice top, Ash, but Riley’s a bottom

**Babey** : Hdlahdkdh whAT

**Imwashingmeandmyclothes** : Misty, you can’t say that to Babey, he won’t know what it means

**Babey** : I know exactly what it means and it  **_scares me_ **

**MistywithaB** : I’m not wrong, am I?

**Rockhard** : Ash is one of the older teens but still is the one to flip at the mention of anything explicit

**[This message was Deleted]**

**  
** **Rockhard** : No, not with Max here

**MistywithaB** : We have all sworn on here!

**Rockhard** : Protect his remaining innocence

**Whatthefuckkyle** : this raises a new question, how did you stay so calm irl and on the chat

**EternalMentalbreakdown** : The sole fear of being rejected and hated :)

**Babey** : :,(

**MistywithaB** : Riley you’re making Babey sad, that’s illegal you trick ass bitch

**EternalMentalbreakdown** :  _ Please don’t cry, Ash _

**Babey** : I could never hate any of you, especially you Riley :(

**Imwashingmeandmyclothes** : Take you two being saps to the pms

**MarshMALLOW** : They aren’t?

**Imwashingmeandmyclothes** : They will be soon though

**Babey** : Rude uwu

**Imwashingmeandmyclothes** : Perish uwu

**Purebean** : Don’t fight uwu

**Whatthefuckkyle** : Don’t get involved uwu

**Fuckitupsoph** : Don’t be a hypocrite uwu

**MarshMALLOW** : I hope you all suffer

**Ghostgirl** : You forgot the uwu uwu

**MarshMALLOW** : Shut it

**Satanicgremlin** : Never uwu

**Satanicgremlin** : Also, I lost my innocence a while ago uwu 

**Itsbrittanybitch** : Join us Mallow uwu

**DragonsmakemegoUwU** : uwu

**MarshMALLOW** : I have never hated a single username more

**Thoticus** : Join the club uwu

**Chaoticadult** : Stop bothering Mallow, guys

**McEndmysuffering** : Alain, it’s midnight,  _ GO TO BED _

**Chaoticadult** : What are you doing up then?

**McEndmysuffering** : The chat is blowing up my phone, what else

**Chaoticadult** : Oh, fair

**Ghostgirl** : Y’all are forgetting the uwus uwu 

**MarshMALLOW** : I would fight you but I don’t want a repeat of last month

**UnholyOne** has entered chat  **Arceus great god above end me**

**UnholyOne** : First of all, Stop blowing up the Arceus damn chat with u*u before I spam the void 

**UnholyOne** : Second of all, what happened last month that makes you not fight her even though you do

**Babey** : Did you just censor uwu? uwu

**UnholyOne** : I will wake your dad up if you don’t stop

**Babey** : Okay!

**Babey** : Riley just looked at the chat and then called me cursed even though he speaks hellspeak 

**UnholyOne** : I will not hurt him, but I won’t hesitate on speaking Kalosian but pronouncing every word wrong if he ever spams the chat with hellspeak

**Treedad** has entered chat  **Arceus great god above end me**

**Treedad** : you do that already

**Treedad** has left chat  **Arceus great god above end me**

**UnholyOne** : I can’t believe I’m being called out like this

**Babey** : I’m just surprised that he went on for the sole purpose of calling you out

**EternalMentalbreakdown** : Is he normally this petty?

**UnholyOne** : No, I just pronounce things wrong a lot. I’ve used Kalosian pronunciation on Galarian words and vice versa

**Babey** : Oh

**Babey** : Also,  _ how well do you know Riley _

**UnholyOne** : In all reality, I only know his whole name and his parents’ names. Nothing else aside from one other thing that we won’t talk about

**Babey** : What do you know Eris

**UnholyOne** : A lot actually. I can teach you how to use proper battle strategy

**Cursed** : Shut it, Eris. That’s my job

**UnholyOne** : Than do it, T̷̢̬̲͖̆͝h̸̢̥́̉͞ơ̶̭̠̿̽͢ͅṯ̷̟͑͛͑͢͠ͅ

**Cursed** : Stay away from him, you chaos child

**UnholyOne** : I’m  _ literally  _ only four years younger than you, Kukui

**Cursed** : Is that nice, kid

**UnholyOne** : W҈̨̜̎́͝a̵̗̟̿͜͞ͅţ̸̛̩͕̽c̵̱̘̀͑͢͡h̵̖̱͚́͗̆͢͞ w̴̨̙͚̃̽̕h̷̛̩̥̊͌͒͜ą̶͚̓̈́̕t̶̢̪̅͛͗͠ ÿ̶̡͎͓́̍̕o̷̧̖͌̍̆͡ȗ̴̧͔̰̙͞ ş̸̭̾̓͞a҉̧͖̫҇̏̄͑y҈̢̦̙̓̐͠ t̴̢̊͡ͅo҈̧̛̙͚̥̈ ḿ̵̬̕̚͜e̸͎͛̅̏͢͞ o̶̝̮̍̾̄͜͠r̶̡͕͇̿̈́͝ I̶͇̰҇̐͜ ẃ̷͍̮͉̆̀͜͝i҈̤͕̞͑͜͠ļ̵͈͋͌̕ḽ̵̛̮̋̈́͢ l̸̡̛͔̾́͋e̸̟̿̋͢͞t̶̫҇͆̇̽͜ t̶̢̯̂̂̕h҉̧̖̒͂̑̕e̵͉̯͂͜͠ v̶̡̛͈̲̏o҈̧̩̊͠i̸̢̟̣̰̾̋̚͠d̵̨̰̮̫̍́͞ c̵͙̲͍̆̀̎͜͡ǫ̷̲̈̑͠n̶̢̜͈̥̆̊̕s̴͖̋̈́̎͢͠ȗ̵̙̔̕͢m҉̤҇̐̽͢ȩ̸͕̗̓̂͠ ŷ̸̥̮̀͜͡o҉͇́͜͝ú̶̢͓̜͒͞r̶̨̜͚͕̈́̋̅͡ s̵̢̤̦͒̆̏͞o҈̱̒̒͜͡u̸̡̩̽͠l̸̨͕̭͙̓͌͝

**Cursed** : Hhhhhhh

**Cursed** : I can’t read that

**UnholyOne** : T҈̨̣̱͉͂̏͞o̶̢̥̖̒͠ͅo҈̜͍҇͗͑͜ b҉̡̛̦͒́͌a̷̧͙̱̘҇͑d̷̨̗̘̘̀͂̕ u̵̧̪̿͡w̵̨̠͗̔͑͞ͅͅu҈̲̙͕̐̿̉̕͢

**Babey** : Did you just summon the void  _ and  _ use uwu

**UnholyOne** : I felt my soul leave my body when doing so

**Babey** : Perish uwu

**EternalMentalbreakdown** : Why did you say it if you don’t like it

**UnholyOne** :  _ I don’t know  _

**EternalMentalbreakdown** : I can’t believe you sometimes,  _ you’re an adult _

**UnholyOne** : I know and I don’t like it

**UnholyOne** : I don’t want to teach tomorrow but we have a guest speaker for the whole school but I have no clue who it is

**Cursed** : How do you not?!

**UnholyOne** : No one told me, that’s how. I will find out later though since I’m the one greeting them at the school 

**Cursed** : Sounds terrible

**UnholyOne** : It’s a mistake, but they don’t care

**Cursed** : Rip you I guess

*********

**Chaoticadult** uploaded file  **Whatisthisfeeling**

**Chaoticadult** : I never knew Professor Sycamore wore glasses and I don’t like it

**Treedad** has entered chat  **Arceus great god above end me**

**Chaoticadult** : Fuck

**Treedad** : I lost my contacts and I need to get the prescription changed on these ones,  _ leave me be _

**McEndmysuffering** : Go take your glasses in asshole or else

**Treedad** : After work I will

**McEndmysuffering** : Do it now you Pillock, you can’t see anything and I know it

**Treedad** : I can see fine for now 

**McEndmysuffering** : The only glasses shop takes a week to fix prescriptions!

**Treedad** :  _ I will be fine _

**Itscalledfashionbaby** and 5 others entered chat  **Arceus great god above end me**

**Itscalledfashionbaby** : Go fix your glasses

**Lemonchild** : I know from experience that they take forever to fix prescriptions. Do it, you twice dipped and twice baked piece of soggy rotten Kalosian toast

**Treedad** : I will not die if I don’t have my glasses

**Themomthership** : August, do it now. I know how you hold things off. It’s going to another month before you fix them

**OlympiaG** : Augustine, just do it. It takes long enough for prescriptions to be changed as it 

**Thatisincorrect** : Okay you fucking dumbass Pysduck, how the fuck are your contacts the right prescription but not your glasses?!

**Chaoticadult** : He’s ignoring your messages 

**Thatisincorrect** : Augustine, go get your glasses fixed or I’ll twist you into a pretzel and feed you into the woodchipper like the tree you are

**Treedad** : I am not scared of you, you overgrown Dunsparce

**Themomthership** : Please, August :( :( :( :( :(

**Treedad** : Fine, I will

**Themomthership** : :) :) :)

********

**Babey** : So first of all,  _ since when has dad had glasses _

**Babey** : Second of all, may I punch two(2) people

**Dratiniisbabey** : since he was 13-14 but he wears contacts and hasn’t worn glasses in 3 years

**Babey** :  _ What _

**Dratiniisbabey** : I know and who do you plan to kill

**Babey** : First of all, I said punch

**Babey** : Second of all, it’s Viren and Alder. 

**Dratiniisbabey** : Oh, then be my guest

**Treedad** : Ash, don’t and Lance, don’t encourage this

**MarshMALLOW** : Too late, Professor 

**MarshMALLOW** uploaded file  **Stronkbois**

**UnholyOne** has entered chat  **Arceus great god above end me**

**UnholyOne** : Kick Alder in the kneecaps for me :)

**UnholyOne** has left chat  **Arceus great god above end me**

**Treedad** : Ash, don’t 

**Babey** : I won’t hurt Alder but I’ll still hurt Viren

**Treedad** : Don’t please

**Babey** : You can’t stop me father, Viren hurt Kiawe and his family so I will hurt him :)

**Thatisincorrect** : It’s a mini Augustine but scarier, fan-fucking-tastic

**Babey** : I’m gonna kick you in the shins you aren’t careful

**Thatisincorrect** : Okay, fair

**Cursed** has entered chat  **Arceus great god above end me**

**Cursed** : Ash, have you seen the knife block and Riolu?

**Treedad** : Did you just lose a whole knife block

**Babey** : I have Riolu at the moment 

**Treedad** : Kukui,  _ how do you lose an entire knife block _

**Cursed** : I don’t know!

**Inyourdreams** : It’s on top of the fridge

**Cursed** :  _ What _

**Inyourdreams** : You moves in there because Riolu tried grabbing a knife from it this morning to threaten Riley

**Cursed** : I don’t remember this

**Cursed** : I remember Riolu and moving the knife block, but not Riolu threatening Riley and moving to on top of the fridge

**Inyourdreams** : Don’t think about it too much, you’ll hurt your head honey. It happened at five in the morning anyways

**Cursed** : Oh for the love of Tapus

**Babey** : I 

**Babey** : My Riolu is a baby, what the McFuck 

**Cursed** : control your child

**Babey** : I’ll try

**Treedad** : I would offer to have my Lucario help you but my Charizard and Samurott would murder me first 

**Babey** :  **_What_ **

**Treedad** : You don’t remember this because you were young but Charizard and Samurott would actually threaten Lucario if he went by you and they didn’t listen to me at all when I told them not to

**Babey** : Why are they like this

**Treedad** : Considering what new events have popped up in the past seven years, they knew you have aura and didn’t want Lucario to be near you for that reason

**Babey** : W a c c

**Treedad** : I know

**Cursed** : All your Pokémon sound like handfuls

**Treedad** : They are except for Slurpuff, Lucario, Cinncino, and Garchomp

**Treedad** : Unlike someone else’s  _ @ _ **_CynthiaS_ **

**CynthiaS** has entered chat  **Arceus great god above end me**

**CynthiaS** : Shut it, Augustine 

**Treedad** : I will stop once your Garchomp and Lucario stop fighting mine

**CynthiaS** :  _ I’m sorry mine are so damn competitive  _

**Treedad** : Good, now I have to go deal with paperwork because I just got more emailed to me

**CynthiaS** : Whomst

**Treedad** : Who says it is just normally mine?

**CynthiaS** : Because no one actually trusts the younger gym leaders and Diantha to do theirs properly 

**Treedad** : It actually is mine for my glasses 

**CynthiaS** : Oh shit, I forgot you wore glasses

**Treedad** : Most do, you’re not special 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Your weekly chaos should be back on track! There will be a new chapter in the morning as well because I have been working on this but just not as often because limited time and my focus on other stories


	36. Chapter 36

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I meant to post this Monday but I had to stay after school. I hope y’all know that I absolutely adore you and how supportive y’all are uwu

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : @ **Treedad** Why must you call Cynthia out like this

**Itscalledfashionbaby** : Don’t worry there’s no malice behind it 

**Itscalledfashionbaby** : They’re buddies on League chat and the resident Thot Patrol there

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** :  _ W H A T _

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** :  _ Cynthia is literally “Sinthia” on the Sinnoh chat _

**CynthiaS** : Alder is a thot along with some others in the league and I’m Sinthia because I say kinky to a lot of things

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** :  _ I’ve noticed _

**CynthiaS** : I know

**Treedad** has entered  **Arceus great god above end me**

**Treedad** : Cynthia, Dawn is only 13

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : I’m 14 and I’ve heard worse from Roark

**Treedad** : Oh Xerneas 

**Onediggyboi** : I have a lot of weird stories from when my parents were still married 

**[This message has been deleted]**

**Treedad** : I don’t want to hear it

**Onediggyboi** : Okay, that’s fair 

*********

**Onediggyboi** : Not to be that one person but we’re all a bunch of dumbasses

**Onediggyboi** : Riley literally only allows physical contact from dad and I so for him to be completely fine with Ash hugging him and cuddling him should’ve been a big hint something’s up

**Onediggyboi** : Ash was????? Very???? Instant???? On???? Hugging???? Him?????

**Thoticus** : Riley’s also the only one he tackles into hugs and insists on hugging when upset? 

**Onediggyboi** : Also, Riley will fight  _ anyone who hugs him??? So Ash has to have some sort of really close relationship with him to allow that _

**Rockhard** : Why are you only saying something now?

**Onediggyboi** : Because Riley would kill me if I said anything earlier

**Rockhard** : Fair 

**UnholyOne** has entered  **Arceus great god above end me**

**UnholyOne** : I

**UnholyOne** : what

**UnholyOne** : None of you thought for a second that they two were dating? I literally thought they were the minute I got context for the photo from the other day!

**Onediggyboi** : Shut you demonic Swablu 

**UnholyOne** : Geophile 

**Rockhard** : Please behave you two

**UnholyOne** : Fine but this man’s getting kicked in the gonads if he isn’t careful 

**UnholyOne** : @ **Treedad** , Scale of 1-10, how clingy is Ash

**Treedad** : 1 with friends, 17 with family + two other people

**UnholyOne** : Who are the other two?

**Treedad** : Brock because he’s his closest friend and longest travel partner and Riley 

**UnholyOne** : I

**UnholyOne** : Guys, please tell me you’re joking when you didn’t notice

**Rockhard** : Ash, will literally just stick to you if you’re a good friend. A 1 to us is a 3 to you on the scale because we’re just unfazed by it

**UnholyOne** : Holy hell, if a 1 is a 3 then fucking 17 is  **_51_ **

**Treedad** : Your point

**UnholyOne** : I’m gonna throw you 

**Treedad** has uploaded multiple files  **Humankomala**

**Babey** : First of all, fuck all of you but Brock

**Babey** : Second of all, we need someone who can translate Riley

**Onediggyboi** : Rude and  _ why does Riley need to be translated  _

**Babey** : We have discussed my lack of ability to understand and speak Kalosian so we need someone who can

**Onediggyboi** :  _ Why _

**Babey** : Riley’s talking in Kalosian you idiotic Bibarel

**Babey** : He’s half asleep, half in the astral plane

**Onediggyboi** : Oh so it’s  _ that _

**Babey** : OwO?

**Onediggyboi** : If you can actually have that translated, that’d be great

**UnholyOne** : What has he said?

**Babey** uploaded video file  **Helppleaseuwu**

**UnholyOne** : First, the name is cursed

**UnholyOne** : Second of all, I can not understand any of that audio

**Treedad** : …

**Treedad** : I have  _ many _ questions 

**UnholyOne** : About what

**Treedad** : My dwindling sanity thanks to you and the video

**UnholyOne** : Rude 

**Treedad** : Riley called Roark a Stinky Rattata Man, you were called an absolute angel, his father something from Giratina’s non-existent fiery armpit, and Byron is the only true good dad

**Babey** : Ahfkahfkdhsk

**Babey** : I can’t believe this,  _ I’m being called an angel  _

**Treedad** : You were when you were younger then Pikachu came and now you’re a devil

**Babey** :  _ Slander from my own father _

**Treedad** : Even ask everyone in the family chat, they’ll agree

**Babey** : MaYbE i WilL

*********

**Shituncle** : To be fair, I thought you were going to tell them, Delia

**Chatoverlord** : He’s your boyfriend, you should’ve told them

**Shituncle** :  _ I forgot  _

**Chatoverlord** : Lance, my beloved baby brother,  _ how _

**Shituncle** : We were dating for a month or so prior to telling you so it kinda slipped my mind

**Chatoverlord** :  _ Lance _

**Babey** : The male parental unit says I’m a devil, is this true?

**Chatoverlord** : Absolutely

**Shituncle** :  _ Yes, do I need to bring up Hoenn? _

**Residentlittleshit** : Probably biased but not really? You’re just kinda chaotic 

**Shituncle** : You haven’t seen him on a daily basis and you’ve only really talked to him on the group chat

**Lusamine** : Your father isn’t wrong, but why do you ask

**Babey** : Riley said I was an absolute angel and dad commented that I was a devil

**Lusamine** : Oh?

**BabyYveltal** :  _ OH? _

**Babey** : Hhhhhh I forgot you and Lusamine aren’t on the main group chat

**Lusamine** : if it makes you feel better, Lance just told us him and Leon have been dating for eight months 

**Babey** : @ **Shituncle** _You’ve been dating for eight months and_ ** _never_** _said anything_

**Shituncle** : Shut it

**Babey** :  _ No, I didn’t keep me dating a secret for eight months  _

**Chatoverlord** : How long then?

**Babey** :  _ Under a week _

**Shituncle** : Fair but stop giving me shit

**Babey** :  _ Never  _

**BabyYvetal** :  **_Whomst are you dating_ **

**Babey** : None of your damn business 

**TrueBabey** : He’s dating Riley

**BabyYveltal** : Not surprised 

**Babey** : Then why’d you ask

**BabyYveltal** : In case you were dating someone else

**Tiredandtrying** : The  _ one _ time this chat blows up my phone and it’s just everyone losing it over the fact Lance is dating 

**Tiredandtrying** :  _ What the  _ **_fuck_ **

**Lusamine** : Augustine!

**Residentlittleshit** :  _ He’s been hiding it for eight months  _

**Tiredandtrying** : First of all, sorry, that was supposed to be in Kalosian 

**Tiredandtrying** : Second of all, Colress, at least he’s dating unlike you

**Lusamine** :  _ Then why wasn’t it, Augustine  _

**Tiredandtrying** : My phone’s set so anything in Kalosian is immediately translated because everyone in the Sinnoh and Johto league yelled at me for when I was talking in Kalosian 

**Lusamine** : How often did you do it to get yelled at by two whole leagues

**Tiredandtrying** : Very often

**TrueBabey** : So what is it like to date, Ash

**Babey** :  _ Lillie it hasn’t even been a week _

**TrueBabey** : Still

**Babey** :  _ This is my first time dating  _

**Tiredandtrying** : I have to go, I just realized something doesn’t match up in someone’s legal papers

**Tiredandtrying** :  _ That _ or they’re just no longer up to date

**Residentlittleshit** : Augustine, how do you not know?

**Tiredandtrying** : The fact the files are from five years ago and I am not sure if they’ve been updated because no one has told me if they’ve been changed

**Residentlittleshit** : Disaster

**Tiredandtrying** :  _ We’re still dealing with shit from the Kalos Crisis _

**Tiredandtrying** : Now perish you nasty Garbodor man

**Residentlittleshit** : Rude 

*********

**UnholyOne** : Okay, not to be that one person but, I don’t remember why I had to meet someone at the library at ten am but I thought I had a teacher meeting at the same time while in all reality, it’s on Thursday at noon?

**Lemonchild** : Oh my god

**Lemonchild** : OH MY GOD, ERIS

**UnholyOne** : I am dumb, I will admit that, but to be fair

**UnholyOne** : I have been up since midnight 

**Lemonchild** : Unholy Dumbass

**UnholyOne** : I will accept that

**Lemonchild** : Good

**UnholyOne** : I’m just sick and tired right now so that isn’t helping 

**UnholyOne** : I’m actually sick and sleep deprived but I cannot do anything about it because we have a guest speaker today. 

**UnholyOne** : I can’t call in either because all the special guest shit with Alder. I still don’t see why we have to deal with such a dumbass

**Treedad** :  _ Please take care of yourself  _

**Treedad** : And is that why you encouraged Ash to kick him?

**UnholyOne** : maybe later

**UnholyOne** : and absolutely 

**Treedad** :  _ Eris _

**UnholyOne** : Suffering is my specialty :)

**Treedad** : This was a terrible decision, Eris. You  _ need  _ to take care of yourself ffs

**Treedad** : We don’t need a Repeat of Helena

**Eris** : Perish 

**Treedad** :  _ Eris I’m serious  _

**Treedad** :  _ You are turning out to be like Helena  _

**UnholyOne** : Okay that’s fine

**Treedad** :  _ No it’s not _

**UnholyOne** : Bye!

**Treedad** :  _ Eris _

**UnholyOne** :  **_Bye!_ **

**UnholyOne** has left  **Arceus great god above end me**

*********

**Whatthefuckkyle** : Why is Riley called Cracker bones?

**Onediggyboi** : Because I’ve seen him break his bones so easily and one other thing

**Whatthefuckkyle** : What other thing?

**Onediggyboi** : Where are you and is Riley nearby

**Whatthefuckkyle** : He’s with us in the school courtyard?

**Onediggyboi** : Tell him that I say to do the thing and have someone record it

**Whatthefuckkyle** : Okay????

**EternalMentalbreakdown** : That’s a terrible decision

**Onediggyboi** : No, I’ve heard it multiple times and hate it, they need to suffer too

**EternalMentalbreakdown** : Fine but the outcome is your fault

**Onediggyboi** : Fine but just do it

**Ghostgirl** : What is he doing 

**Rockhard** :  _ What are you making him do Roark _

**Imwashingmeandmyclothes** uploaded video file  **Crackerbones**

**Imwashingmeandmyclothes** : Disgosting

**Babey** :  _ Oh my god _

**Whatthefuckkyle** : Why and how

**EternalMentalbreakdown** : Okay, to be fair, it’s really not weird if you think about it. It’s just gases separating from the solution in between the joints

**Purebean** : Ash, you have to throw out your boyfriend now. As nice as he is,  _ that was terrifying  _

**Babey** : …

**Babey** :  _ T H E N T H R O W O U T Y O U R B R O T H E R _

**Purebean** : :(

**Babey** : No, you told me to throw out Riley

**Purebean** : :((((((

**Babey** : Horobiru Kudasai

**Rockhard** : Ash, that’s mean

**Babey** : She’s telling me  **_THROW OUT RILEY_ **

**Rockhard** : Ash behave

**Babey** : :p

**Rockhard** : :(

**Babey** : Fine, I’ll behave but I’m telling Lusamine 

**Purebean** :  _ No _

**********

**Babey** : @ **TrueBabey** is telling me to throw out Riley because he cracked his knuckles

**Residentlittleshit** : I’m not surprised, that’s a thing I know a few people from that side of the family do

**Shituncle** : I know you’re calling Clair and I out, but not over this

**Residentlittleshit** : It’s always necessary after you called me unhuman 

**Lusamine** : Was it as bad as Colress or nowhere near as bad?

**TrueBabey** uploaded video file  **Crackerbones**

**Lusamine** : So it is as bad as Colress’s but please don’t tell him to throw out his boyfriend for it Lille

**Lusamine** : That’s something Gladion would do

**Babey** : If I have to throw out Riley, then we also get rid of Lance

**Residentlittleshit** : Or we keep Riley and just throw out Lance 

**Babey** : Sounds good to me uwu

**Shituncle** : Fuck you guys too

**Chatoverlord** : No one is getting thrown out, especially not my brother or Ash’s boyfriend 

**Chatoverlord** : Also, Colress cracking his knuckles is a forbidden topic

**Babey** :  _ What _

**BabyYveltal** : Why

**Tiredandtrying** : He cracked his knuckle so loudly that we though he broke his hand or at least his fingers

**Residentlittleshit** : It really wasn’t that bad

**Tiredandtrying** : Yeah

**Tiredandtrying** : Okay, sure, whatever you say

**Chatoverlord** : Both of you  _ behave _

**Residentlittleshit** : Of course Delia!

**Chatoverlord** :  _ good _

**Chatoverlord** has left  **Dumb Bitch disease is hereditary**

*************

**EternalMentalbreakdown** : I have to go to Galar for two months :/

**EternalMentalbreakdown** : I even got a call from Roark’s mother telling me I have to go, so I really can’t get out of this 

**Babey** : :((((((((

**Onediggyboi** : _ H A _

**Onediggyboi** : You have to go if mom’s threatening you 

**Babey** : Why do you have to go :(((((

**EternalMentalbreakdown** : Byron refused to say but just gave me a letter and an address :(

**Onediggyboi** :  _ P E R I S H _

**EternalMentalbreakdown** : You act like I’m not already 

**EternalMentalbreakdown** : Also, your mother says I must bring Ash when I go back Sinnoh because she “Wants to see the man who stole my heart”

**Onediggyboi** : oh nO

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** :  _ I’ve heard stories but I didn’t think it was T R U E _

**EternalMentalbreakdown** : Idk how to tell her that Ash is small and slightly younger than me

**Babey** :  _ Please clarify and should I be scared _

**Onediggyboi** : My mom is always saying that it’s going to be a big strong man to carry Riley off his feet. She will probably be disappointed to see Riley boyfriend is Smol and just as much of a bottom

**EternalMentalbreakdown** : Shut it, asshole

**Onediggyboi** : Just admit you’re a bottom!

**EternalMentalbreakdown** : Anyways, I’m still sad because I have to go to Galar and I don’t know anyone from Galar :(

**Onediggyboi** : Don’t your aunt and uncle live there?

**EternalMentalbreakdown** : Completely different address from when they moved there and I haven’t seen them in 10 years 

**Babey** : :(((((

**Onediggyboi** : They could’ve moved, Riley

**EternalMentalbreakdown** : True but I’m still going to be there for two months without you :(

**MistywithaB** : Silence bottom, you can literally talk to him here

**EternalMentalbreakdown** : :(((((

**MistywithaB** : Shut it before I throw you, Riley

**EternalMentalbreakdown** : Fine

**Thoticus** : Y’all need to chill

**Babey** : I agree with Gary

**Babey** : But I will miss miss you a lot, Riley 

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : If it really is your aunt and uncle, send pictures of the gremlin

**EternalMentalbreakdown** : I promise to get pictures of the gremlin 

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : Hell yeah!

**Babey** : The gremlin?

**EternalMentalbreakdown** : When I see the gremlin, I will get a picture and show you 

**Babey** : Please do, I want to see who the gremlin is

**Onediggyboi** : All hail the gremlin 

**CynthiaS** : Oh my Arceus 

**CynthiaS** : You guys are still on Riley about pictures of the gremlin

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : Always, Cynthia 

**CynthiaS** : *Sigh*

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : You must worship the chonk gremlin, Cynthia 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do have to stay after school some nights because of a project for a class so most days I can’t post unless I get up super early


	37. Chapter 37

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Imabadbitch > Babey - Ash  
> MistywithaB- Misty  
> Rockhard- Brock  
> Maybeitsnotmaybeline - Dawn  
> MarshMALLOW - Mallow  
> Lemonchild - Clemont  
> Illgladlysteponyou > Actuallyaqueen - Serena  
> Maskedroyal > Cursed - Kukui  
> Itsbrittanybitch - May  
> Purebean - Lillie  
> FuckitupSoph - Sophocles  
> Yeetorbeyeeted > Actuallycares™️ > Bitchysnowman - Paul  
> Countryboi > Thoticus - Gary  
> Whowantslasagna - Cilan  
> Themomthership - Delia  
> Satanicgremlin - Max  
> Whatthefuckkyle - Kiawe  
> DragonsmakemegoUwU - Iris  
> Imwashingmeandmyclothes - Lana  
> Internallydying - Tracy  
> Inyourdreams - Burnet  
> ChaoticNeutral - Norman  
> Honoraryparent > Chaoticadult- Alain  
> Ghostgirl - Acerola  
> McEndmysuffering - Sophie  
> AureaJ - Professor Juniper  
> Onediggyboi- Roark  
> Itscalledfashionbaby-Diantha  
> OlympiaG > GalaxyMother- Olympia  
> Babybrother > Dratiniisbabey - Lance  
> EternalMentalbreakdown- Riley  
> Stonebitch - Steven  
> Chaoschild > UnholyOne - Eris
> 
> In the Family chat  
> Chatoverlord - Delia  
> Tiredandtrying - Augustine  
> Tinytinyboy > Shituncle - Lance  
> Residentlittleshit - Colress  
> Babey - Ash  
> TrueBabey - Lillie  
> BabyYveltal - Gladion
> 
> Sinnoh Chat  
> Truedadfriend - Byron  
> Onediggyboi - Roark  
> Secretlyabottom - Riley  
> Icequeen - Candice  
> Cactusmom - Gardenia  
> Foreveralone - Volkner   
> Sinthia - Cynthia  
> Purplefanta - Fantina  
> Neighborhoodbugboi - Aaron  
> Fiteme - Maylene

**EternalMentalbreakdown** : Fuck Galar and it’s 15 hour flight

**Babey** : I miss you :(((((((

**EternalMentalbreakdown** : I miss you too

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : Have you seen the chonk gremlin

**EternalMentalbreakdown** : I  _ just  _ landed

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : I want to see the chunk gremlin

**EternalMentalbreakdown** : I want to see the chonk gremlin too, be patient

**Onediggyboi** :  _ Chonk gremlin  _

**EternalMentalbreakdown** : Yes, he is a chonk gremlin 

**Babey** : What is a chonk gremlin 

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : You’ll find out soon, Ash

**Babey** : :((((

**EternalMentalbreakdown** : I will spam the chonk gremlin to the chat when I see him

**Babey** : Okay ;-;

**EternalMentalbreakdown** : No! Don’t be sad!

**Babey** : ;-; I miss you though

**MistywithaB** : It has been under 24 hours, shut it

**Babey** : Maybe if you had a boyfriend, you’d understand 

**MistywithaB** : I’d rather not seeing how you and your boyfriend are

**Babey** :  _ You literally wanted to date me not to long ago _

**MistywithaB** : Yeah, because  _ I was dumb _

MistywithaB: Also, yours is talking about something and he’s calling it a gremlin even though he is a gremlin

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : chonky gremlin 

**EternalMentalbreakdown** : Some days a regret mentioning the chonk gremlin 

**MistywithaB** : Perish

*********

**Babey** : Someone end me

**Themomthership** has entered  **Arceus great god above end me**

**Themomthership** : Why honey?

**Babey** : I lost a bet against Mallow

**Babey** uploaded file  **Endmeplease**

**Themomthership** : Ash, sweetie, I love you but what is the meaning of this

**Babey** :  _ I lost a bet and ask Mallow what the intent was _

**Imabadbitch** : The thought Riley and I are really sappy in the pms but we really aren’t. They placed a bet against me that we were and if we really were I had to let Mallow put me in a dress and let her braid my hair. I was very confident that we weren’t but while Mallow and Lillie were looking through my phone, Riley sent a whole paragraph about how he missed me

**Babey** : That’s also why Mallow and I collectively told him to get rest because he has no filter when tired

**Babey** : He also wants you guys to know that the address was for his aunt and uncle and he’ll spam the chonk child in the morning 

**MarshMALLOW** : Kiawe told you not to bet against me but you didn’t listen

**Babey** : It didn’t happen until you have my phone!

**MarshMALLOW** : Suffer 

**Babey** : I will fight you, Mallow

**MarshMALLOW** : You won’t and can’t

**Onediggyboi** has entered  **Arceus great god above end me**

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** has entered  **Arceus great god above end me**

**Onediggyboi** : I told him it would be

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** :  _ Chonky boi time _

**Babey** : You are low-key obsessed over a Pokémon you’ve never seen

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : A little

**MarshMALLOW** : I can’t believe you actually are

**Babey** :  _ Bye _

**Babey** has left  **Arceus great god above end me**

**Purebean** :  _ You killed my cousin _

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : oops

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** has left  **Arceus great god above end me**

**Onediggyboi** has left  **Arceus great god above end me**

*********

**EternalMentalbreakdown** has entered  **Arceus great god above end me**

**EternalMentalbreakdown** has uploaded files  **Feralgremlinchild**

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** has entered  **Arceus great god above end me**

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : It’s the  _ C H O N K _

**Onediggyboi** has entered  **Arceus great god above end me**

**Onediggyboi** : Oh lawd he comin

**EternalMentalbreakdown** : His name is Fabio and he’s curled up on my lap 

**Onediggyboi** :  _ Fabio _

**CynthiaS** : Did you just spam ten more of those photos to the Sinnoh chat?!

**EternalMentalbreakdown** : Yes and I sent 15~20 more to Ash

**EternalMentalbreakdown** : I have so many, that’s not even half of them

**CynthiaS** : Riley, it’s two am there!

**EternalMentalbreakdown** :  _ Fuck you’re right _

**EternalMentalbreakdown** : I forgot about time zone bullshit

**EternalMentalbreakdown** : I’ve been up since three. The gremlin jumped onto my stomach which woke me up

**CynthiaS** :  _ Go back to bed _

**EternalMentalbreakdown** : I _ could  _

**EternalMentalbreakdown** : But it’s already 5

**CynthiaS** : I will bring Byron on here

**EternalMentalbreakdown** : I cannot help my shit sleep schedule, I don’t know what to tell you

**Onediggyboi** : Dad has tried and failed to get him to sleep better

**Treedad** : Please for the love of Xerneas, stop doing whatever your doing that causes this 

**EternalMentalbreakdown** : I can’t stop my aura because if I do so, I die

**Treedad** : … I apologize for staying that then, but please, try to manage your sleep a little bit. This is just a gentle reminder but if it happens again, Ash’s will be much worse

**EternalMentalbreakdown** : Is that a threat?

**Treedad** : Maybe it is, maybe it isn’t 

**EternalMentalbreakdown** : I’m scared,  _ I don’t trust you  _

**Treedad** : Okay, you do what you want. 

**EternalMentalbreakdown** : one fear

*********

**Tuedadfriend** : Am I the only sane one here? I swear to Arceus, it’s just a Meowth, it’s not a big deal

**Diamonddust** : But it’s a gremlin, Byron, a very chonky gremlin 

**Foreveralone** : Byron, just leave the gremlin child and his friends alone

**Purplefanta** : Why are you calling the poor Meowth a gremlin and what does chonky mean?

**Diamonddust** : Chonky is just another way to say chunky and the Meowth looks like a gremlin

**Secretlyabottom** has entered  **Supposedly Holy but actually really cursed**

**Secretlyabottom** :  _ Hello, yes, my boyfriend’s father is threatening me _

**Sinthia** : Not surprised, next problem

**Foreveralone** : You have a boyfriend?

**Purplefanta** : So who’s the boy who managed to find the key to your guarded heart?

**Secretlyabottom** : I do but that’s not the topic at hand. I’m already confident his uncles will slaughter me

**Diamonddust** : He already tried murdering you when he got sick 

**Secretlyabottom** :  _ I know but he’s threatening me over  _ **_my sleep schedule_ **

**Fiteme** : Riley, who is the bitch and why are you scared of his family

**Secretlyabottom** : I’m surprised Dawn never said anything and I thought she would’ve went nuts when she found out

**Cactusmom** : Dawn hasn’t said anything and you can literally see who’s saying what

**Secretlyabottom** : Today is the first time I’ve been on for a week because I was scared Dawn told you all

**Fiteme** : WHOMST ARE YOU DATING 

**Secretlyabottom** : Ash Ketchum-Sycamore 

**Icequeen** : Professor Sycamore  _ fucks? _

**Truedadfriend** : You could have worded that so much better, Candice 

**Icequeen** : I know but it gets the point across better 

**Foreveralone** : She’s right Byron. I’m even surprised he has a kid

**Sinthia** : I have baby pics if anyone wants them

**Onediggyboi** : Everyone does, Cynthia 

**Sinthia** : Riley doesn’t 

**Onediggyboi** : He’s a beginner boyfriend and a bottom, of course he won’t save them without permission 

**Neighborhoodbugboi** : I forget some of you guys where at the regional meetings in Kanto. Literally everyone there found out Sycamore is married and has a kid

**Foreveralone** : I heard from Flint that Ash apparently died

**Sinthia** : He temporarily died. Apparently Arceus resurrects him when he dies

**Fiteme** : Come explain your boyfriend and his bullshit, Riley

**Secretlyabottom** :  _ Ask Sycamore _

**Secretlyabottom** : I didn’t even know until a few months ago

**Sinthia** : Brock would be the better option since he’s seen almost if of that shit

**Truedadfriend** : What even is your boyfriend at this point

**Secretlyabottom** : An Eldritch Child

**Foreveralone** : Okay, sounds normal

*********

**ChLeon** : I just watched Hop have a mental breakdown over Cara Liss’s Pokémon. What is this feeling?

**PrSycamore** : Leon, I am not surprised that your brother is having a mental breakdown and it’s a 50% chance it’s disappointment 

**PrMagnolia** : Oh dear, that woman is absolutely bonkers, anyone would break down at the sight of them. 

**ChLeon** : He’s literally yelling that she’s committed crimes against biology and that he needs to repent to Arceus because he encouraged her

**ChDiantha** : How old is your brother again?

**ChLeon** : He’s 21

**PrSycamore** : My condolences

**PrKukui** : He at least your brother hasn’t thrown Chairman Rose like Augustine’s brother threw Faba

**ChLeon** : You have a brother, Augustine?

**PrSycamore** : Yeah but he’s a forbidden topic here

**ChAlder** : ISN'T HE THAT SCIENTIST WHO WORKED WITH TEAM PLASMA

**PrSycamore** : Yes but that’s a whole other story for another day and for the love of Xerneas,  _ take your phone off caps lock _

**ChAlder** : I DON'T KNOW HOW

**PrJuniper** : I 

**PrJuniper** : I have to go cry, brb

**ChCynthia** : Look what you did, Alder! You killed Aurea, you thot!

**ChAlder** : IM SORRY

**ChLance** : I hope Iris rips away your title soon

**ChLance** : Magnolia and Old Man Oak aren’t this bad and they’re  _ old _ . You’re like at least fifteen years younger than them

**PrKukui** : Damn 

**PrSycamore** : He could be worse, like not telling people things for eight months like two people here that I know

**ChWallace** : You like dragging people through the dirt here, don’t you?

**PrSycamore** : Only when they deserve it :)

**ChLeon** : What does that mean? 

**PrSycamore** : I’m sure @ **ChLance** would be happy to tell you 

**ChLeon** : We’ve been together for months and you only care know

**PrSycamore** : You two literally don’t interact with each other much outside of meetings and Lance never even said anything about it until he was caught wearing your cape

**ChLeon** : We aren’t as public with our relationship and you aren’t much better. Literally everyone thought you were married to your work up until a few months ago

**PrSycamore** : I’ve said that I have a wife and son before??? I’ve said that Lance is my brother in law before too????

**PrRowan** : Not everyone else outside this chat knows though. Our main chat for the Sinnoh league just found out that Ash is your son and Candice’s first reaction was “Professor Sycamore  _ fucks? _ ”

**PrSycamore** : I mean… how else would I have a biological son?

**ChDiantha** : Please don’t say that again

**PrSycamore** : suffer

**ChCynthia** : Before I hop off to deal with Tobias, I gotta do something since I’m now an official moderator of this cursed chat

**ChCynthia** has been changed to  **Thotpatrol#1**

**PrSycamore** has been changed to  **Thotpatrol#2**

**Regional Professors and Champions** has been changed to **Giratina’s** **personal hell hole**

**Thotpatrol#1** has left  **Giratina’s personal hell hole**

**Thotpatrol#2** : Fuck hell, Cynthia

*********

**Babey** has entered  **Arceus great god above end me**

**Babey** : Why have I been woken up at 2:27am because of Meowth photos?

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : Riley

**Onediggyboi** : Riley

**Treedad** : Riley

**Lemonchild** : Riley 

**Actuallyaqueen** : Riley


	38. Chapter 38

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for the chapter being up two hours late. Planned to have it out early but with today being Thanksgiving here in the US, I was helping set up the table

**Babey** : Random thing but

**Babey** : Fuck my cursed immune system because I’m sick again

**Babey** : This is shit because I was sick three weeks ago

**Actuallyaqueen** : I don’t like what that implies 

**Babey** : That’s right, you’ve only seen my shit immune system in action once

**Lemonchild** : Ash _ what are you implying  _

**Babey** : Since it isn’t obvious for some reason, I have a weak immune system and I can get really sick sometimes 

**DragonsmakemegoUwU** :  _ Wot _

**Whowantslasagna** : Ash, you barely ever got sick in Unova

**Babey** : At 15 years old, you really think I never learned how to act healthy when I have a cold or something minor?

**Whowantslasagna** :  _ Ash no _

**Babey** : It wasn’t  _ that  _ often, only once every other month

**Babey** : Or three times in one month, you’ll never know the truth, Cilan

**Whowantslasagna** : Ash, why are you like this?

**Babey** : Anyways

**Babey** : If I am ever woken up at 2 in the damn morning when I’m sick, I will throw you to Giratina

**DragonsmakemegoUwU** : What scares me, is the fact that you can do that with ease

**Babey** : Actually, I’d probably get yelled at if I do that by Acreus and my parents

**Babey** : but still, my threat still stands

**EternalMentalbreakdown** :  _ I’m sorry _

**Babey** : You get a free pass this once

**EternalMentalbreakdown** : I just came to the realization that I have to tell my aunt and uncle that I’m gay and dating 

**Actuallyaqueen** : And I oop 

**EternalMentalbreakdown** :  _ Not the time, Serena _

**Actuallyaqueen** : Fair

**EternalMentalbreakdown** : I have  _ a lot _ of shit to tell them, I think my relationship and sexual orientation is the least of their worries

**Babey** : If it isn’t, they can face Arceus’s judgement

**EternalMentalbreakdown** : Please  _ don’t  _ hurt them

**Babey** : They can square up if they don’t approve of you being gay

**EternalMentalbreakdown** : Calm down, Ash

**Babey** : I fight them for you, Riley

**Babey** has left  **Arceus great god above end me**

**Cursed** has entered  **Arceus great god above end me**

**Cursed** : Okay, that’s enough of that. 

**Whowantslasagna** : All due respect but

**Whowantslasagna** :  _ What did you do _

**Cursed** : I turned off his phone and made him sleep because he’s really sick 

**EternalMentalbreakdown** : ;-;

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : I don’t approve of your sudden use of emoticons because you don’t even use them in the Sinnoh chat

**EternalMentalbreakdown** : This chat has corrupted me

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** :  _ Why am I not surprised  _

**Onediggyboi** : Watch as Professor Sycamore is ready to fight you again 

**EternalMentalbreakdown** : Roark, I don’t need the extra stress

**Onediggyboi** : okay fair, but I’m still pretty sure you got him sick

**EternalMentalbreakdown** : Why must you bring me so much stress?

**Onediggyboi** : Because it’s fun

*************

**Thotpatrol#2** has entered  **Giratina’s personal hell hole**

**Thotpatrol#2** has been changed to  **PrSycamore**

**PrSycamore** : When I said I was fine with any reasonable person as my assistant, I didn’t mean Alain

**ChDiantha** : Is it the table situation? 

**PrSycamore** :  _ Sadly _

**ChLeon** : Explain

**PrSycamore** : He stood up on the table and T-posed at Sophia 

**ChDiantha** : He does that to feel tall. He did at a meeting once to Grant 

**PrSycamore** : I am  _ so sorry _

**PrKukui** : I’m sorry for asking this, but what exactly is the difference between Gigantimax and Mega Evolution aside from Pokémon growing to 10x their original size

**PrMagnolia** : The way they change form. Mega evolutions require a very strong bond and two stones, one of which is specialized to the Pokémon while Gigantimax only requires a Wishing Stone and for the Pokémon to be in their Pokeball before letting them out when changing shape and size. They also have different forms that very slightly while Mega Evolution is more like an actual evolution

**PrKukui** : Oh, that actually makes a lot more sense. I studied evolution briefly while in college and even then, I don’t think Mega Evolution isn’t even covered much

**PrITOak** : Magnolia’s stealing your job, Mr. Sycamore

**PrSycamore** : No, we actually get asked that a lot so we both explain it when necessary, she just beat me to it

**PrMagnolia#2** : Is Alain also the same one who was Champion for a few months before giving it back to Diantha

**ChDiantha** : Yes

**PrMagnolia#2** : What is the Kalos League at this point 

**PrITOak** : Don’t people have to be endorsed by a League official in Galar?

**ChLeon** : Better than just letting anyone compete

**PrITOak** : Bede?

**ChLeon** : That was Chairman Rose who endorsed him!

**PrITOak** : He destroyed a historical artifact

**PrMagnolia** : The poor child was misguided! Chairman Rose was simply using him! I will smack you with my cane if you proceed to misjudge him

**ChLeon** : I’ll let you because he’s one of our best gym leaders in Galar

**PrITOak** : That’s not saying much

**PrRowan** has entered  **Giratina’s personal hell hole**

**PrRowan** : Gary, please behave. I will let Magnolia hit you, if you don’t behave

**PrITOak** : Yes sir!

**PrRowan** : Good

**PrRowan** has left  **Giratina’s personal hell hole**

*********

**Thoticus** : Some days I forget how scary Professor Rowan can be

**Treedad** : You were literally insulting on of Galar’s Gym Leaders

**Treedad** : Also, for the love of Xerneas,  _ I’m not blaming anyone for getting my son sick _ . People get sick and sometimes it’s hard to not get Ash sick. 

**Treedad** : Also, what could they have done that would get Ash sick?

**Onediggyboi** : Tonsil hockey 

**Treedad** : …

**Treedad** : Look, I know they’re teenagers but  _ that’s still a bit much for them at this point in their relationship  _

**Onediggyboi** : But they could be at that point

**EternalMentalbreakdown** has entered chat  **Arceus great god above end me**

**EternalMentalbreakdown** : Shut up, we’ve been dating for only around a week

**EternalMentalbreakdown** has left chat  **Arceus great god above end me**

**Treedad** :  _ See? _

**Cursed** : Why did Ash kick me when I tried to wake him up? 

**Treedad** : He just doesn’t appreciate being woken up 

**Cursed** : He’s never done it before

**Treedad** : He only does when he’s sick

**Dratiniisbabey** : I can confirm this. He’s kicked me multiple times when he’s been sick and especially after the Kyogre and Groudon incident 

**Cursed** : Entei is here,  _ what do I do _

**Treedad** : What

**Cursed** : Entei is sitting outside the door right now and I don’t know what to do

**Rockhard** : Trust then and let them cuddle Ash. It’s because they know he’s sick

**Cursed** : When everyone says Ash is an Eldritch Child, they really aren’t wrong 

**Rockhard** : Brave assumption we’d lie about it. This is the least of your worries when it comes to his Eldritch being tendencies 

**Cursed** : Are there others I should be worried about?!

**Rockhard** : I’ll help you out when they happen. We don’t need you guarding Ash and him kicking you for it

**Cursed** : I am scared and confused???

*********

**EternalMentalbreakdown** has entered  **Arceus great god above end me**

**EternalMentalbreakdown** uploaded video file  **Chonkbaby**

**Onediggyboi** : Is she where you got it from?!

**EternalMentalbreakdown** : No, I got it from the meme queen herself, Candice

**Onediggyboi** : I’m going to fight her later

**Actuallyaqueen** : Is

**Actuallyaqueen** : Is your aunt talking to her Meowth in hell speak?!

**EternalMentalbreakdown** : Yeah

**EternalMentalbreakdown** : Shit, I’ve been

**Actuallyaqueen** : What the hell?

**EternalMentalbreakdown** uploaded file  **FatMeowthChild**

**Actuallyaqueen** : First of all, how does Riley of all people get toppled by a Meowth and second of all, who sent the picture because it can’t be Riley himself. 

**EternalMentalbreakdown** : Galarian Meowth’s are steel type and my sister’s Meowth is just really fat because he lays around all day. Also, I’m Riley’s Uncle

**Actuallyaqueen** : Why do you have his phone?

**EternalMentalbreakdown** : Meowth knocked it out of his hand when toppling him

**Babey** has entered  **Arceus great god above end me**

**Babey** : I want to hug the chonk boi, he looks so fluffy 

**EternalMentalbreakdown** : He’s primarily fat and will crush you

**Actuallyaqueen** : Ash, go back to bed. You’re sick and Professor Kukui, your parents, and your boyfriend will be upset if you don’t get enough rest

**Babey** : I have three Pokémon resting and my gut  _ which fucking hurts _

**Babey** : Actually there’s a fourth now ;-;

**Actuallyaqueen** : Rip you, I guess

**Babey** : @ **Onediggyboi** don’t blame my boyfriend on me getting sick, you thot. Riley hasn’t done anything and I just have a shit immune system

**Onediggyboi** : For all I know, he could’ve gotten you sick from what you two do in your free time 

**Actuallyaqueen** : You guys realize Riley’s uncle is here atm and can see what you’re saying

**EternalMentalbreakdown** : So what’s this about this about my nephew dating and what do him and his significant other do in his free time?

**Babey** : Hhhhhhh

**Babey** : Fuck


	39. Chapter 39

**EternalMentalbreakdown** : I don’t know what’s worse

**EternalMentalbreakdown** : Explaining to my aunt and uncle that I have a boyfriend or explaining to them why my name on the Sinnoh chat is “Secretlyabottom”

**Babey** :  _ What _

**EternalMentalbreakdown** : It’s a cursed thing Dawn and Candice did

**Babey** : Ah

**Babey** : Gonna pass out now, bye

**Babey** has left  **Arceus great god above end me**

**Treedad** : @ **Cursed**

**Cursed** has entered  **Arceus great god above end me**

**Cursed** : I know

**Cursed** uploaded file  **Hesstillsick**

**Cursed** : He’s just been clinging to Entei this whole time and is only awake for thirty minutes at a time at most

**Treedad** : Leave it to my son to treat a Legendary like a giant plush

**Inyourdreams** : Entei’s completely okay with it and will just nuzzle his head when Ash’s grip gets tighter or he moves

**MistywithaB** : Professors, Entei is stealing your job as dad

**Itsbrittanybitch** : WOW, I can’t believe Arceus let’s Ash have four dads

**Onediggyboi** : Who’s the fourth?

**Itsbrittanybitch** : Arceus 

**Onediggyboi** : Omfa

**Lemonchild** : Does Ash have big top energy? Or is this all his Eldritch energy? The world may never know

**Actuallyaqueen** : It’s both

**Treedad** : …

**Treedad** : Why

**Treedad** : I know what a top and bottom is and I don’t approve

**Lemonchild** : Oh shit

**Lemonchild** : @ **GalaxyMother**

**Lemonchild** : If Professor Sycamore kills me, I’m trusting you take care of Bonnie

**GalaxyMother** : Why me?

**Lemonchild** : It’s my dying wish and you’re the only person I trust with Bonnie

**Thatisincorrect** : If you know what a top and bottom are, then say it

**[This message has been deleted]**

**Itscalledfashionbaby** : Augustine!

**Treedad** : He wanted proof so I said it

**Itscalledfashionbaby** : Just dm him next time,  **_please_ **

**Treedad** : If you are going to yell at me, yell at the children here too

**Itscalledfashionbaby** : You are the Thot Patrol, do not become one

**Treedad** :  _ That’s not how it works, Diantha _

**Actuallyaqueen** : Ooo

**Actuallyaqueen** : The girls are fighting

**Treedad** : … 

**Actuallyaqueen** : I will… excuse myself

**Actuallyaqueen** has left  **Arceus great god above end me**

**Lemonchild** has left  **Arceus great god above end me**

**Treedad** : I don’t even know anymore

**Treedad** : I have to go, my glasses are fixed and my new pair of contacts are in too

**Treedad** has left  **Arceus great god above end me**

*********

**UnholyOne** : You all  _ scare  _ me

**UnholyOne** : Isn’t Ash the oldest of the minors at 17?

**UnholyOne** :  _ And don’t we have a 12 year old here?! _

**Itsbrittanybitch** has entered  **Arceus great god above end me**

**Itsbrittanybitch** : Yee and Misty’s actually the oldest of the minors at 19

**UnholyOne** : Oh no

**UnholyOne** : All of you adults here, please for the love of the gods,  **_keep the children under control_ **

**Onediggyboi** : No

**UnholyOne** :  _ Roark, you are the worst of them all  _

**Onediggyboi** : I am  **_21_ **

**UnholyOne** : That is… That is  _ so  _ much worse

**Onediggyboi** : You are literally the embodiment of chaos

**UnholyOne** : Doesn’t mean I’m a-okay with talk about sex around children

**Onediggyboi** : Okay, the furthest I’ve gone has been mentioning Ash and Riley playing tonsil hockey 

**UnholyOne** :  _ I’d also like to mention your friend died once and the fact that everyone is swearing and threatening each other _

**Onediggyboi** : Okay, we had nothing to do with that

**UnholyOne** : Okay, boomer

**Onediggyboi** :  _ You’re older than me _

**UnholyOne** : I don’t care

**Onediggyboi** : I’m going to throw you

**UnholyOne** : Do it coward

**Onediggyboi** : Okay, then meet me in the pit

**Cursed** :  _ Both of you behave _

**UnholyOne** : I’ll behave when everyone else does

*********

**PrITAlshire** has entered  **Giratina’s personal hell hole**

**PrITAlshire** : I’m not on for three days and  _ I’m called out by own brother _

**ChLeon** : You literally broke down and said you wanted to commit “Toaster Bath”

**PrITAlshire** : Leon,  _ they’re suffering _

**ChLeon** : Everyone here is too, y’ain’t special

**PrITAlshire** : It is illegal for you to hang out with Iris from now on.  _ Please never use Unovan slang ever again _

**ChLeon** : I will stop when you stop breaking down over everything 

**PrJuniper** : You haven’t been on for three days and didn’t realize your brother called you out till now,  _ why _

**PrITAlshire** : Dumb bitch disease hit hard and I forgot to charge my phone when it died the other day

**PrMagnolia#2** :  _ Because you locked yourself away these past for day in the library  _

**PrITAlshire** : I am aware and I have my final exam tomorrow in one of my classes and had to finish a paper for said class

**ChLeon** : Poor you

**PrMagnolia** : Shut up, both of you before I go smack you both with my cane

**ChLeon** : Yes, ma’am

**Thotpatrol#1** : I can’t believe Augustine would betray me again like this and is everyone just scared of Magnolia here?

**PrMagnolia** : I sure hope so and it’s Augustine. All his fucks flew out the window last year

**PrSycamore** : I can sadly confirm

**Thotpatrol#1** : What do you mean by sadly?

**PrSycamore** : Exactly what I said

**Thotpatrol#1** :  _ Augustine  _

**PrSycamore** : Have you ever felt the pain of knowing that today could be your son’s last day? Have you ever felt the blame of knowing that you could’ve kept your friend from committing mass genocide? Do you ever just have far too many regrets?

**Thotpatrol#1** : Shut your fuck before I yeet you

**ChLance** : Monthly reminder that Ash has died/come close to death at least twice a year

**PrRowan** : I am having my doubts on if allowing him to be on a journey is a good idea 

**ChLance** : You’ve never been violently threatened by Delia before and only Oak gets to decide that

**PrRowan** : Augustine, is your wife truly that terrifying?

**PrSycamore** : No but Lance is her brother so he’s probably heard her threats more often than I have

**PrRowan** : Dear Acreus, you two

**ChLance** :  _ She is that terrifying  _

*************

**Whatthefuckkyle** : My mom wants me to bring you homemade cream stew because you’re sick and doesn’t believe you’re lactose intolerant @ **Babey**

**Babey** has entered  **Arceus great god above end me**

**Babey** : Tell her I have a stomach bug because even though I don’t have one, the thought of eating makes me  _ sick _

**MarshMALLOW** : I’m gonna make you a little soup if you can handle it. If you can’t, I’ll make you soup when you’re better

**Babey** :  _ Yes please _

**Babey** : I will love you forever if you do 

**MarshMALLOW** : More than Riley?

**Babey** :  _ As a friend _

**MarshMALLOW** : I know, I was kidding

**Whatthefuckkyle** : Ash, do have any proof you’re lactose intolerant?

**Babey** : No 

**Whatthefuckkyle** : Damn

**Babey** : What is the reason behind your name

**Whatthefuckkyle** : Huh?

**Babey** :  _ Your name. Why is is Whatthefuckkyle  _

**Whatthefuckkyle** : Because a kid in the other class always calls me Kyle even after telling him that it’s Kiawe

**Whatthefuckkyle** : It got to the point that he once said “What the fuck, Kyle?” last year so Mallow changed my name to “Whatthefuckkyle”

**Babey** : Oh?

**Whatthefuckkyle** : It’s  **_weird_ **

**Babey** : It’s nap time now and I’m tired

**Babey** has left **Arceus great god above end me**

*************

**DragonsmakemegoUwU** : @ **Babey** ASH

**DragonsmakemegoUwU** : Is your uncle by chance dating Leon Alshire?

**Babey** has entered  **Arceus great god above end me**

**Babey** : I don’t know???

**Babey** has left  **Arceus great god above end me**

**Dratiniisbabey** has entered  **Arceus great god above end me**

**Dratiniisbabey** : I am, what of it?

**DragonsmakemegoUwU** : oop

**DragonsmakemegoUwU** : That’s my cousin, you iron deficient zubat 

**Dratiniisbabey** : I don’t know what I did to deserve that

**DragonsmakemegoUwU** :  _ You’re dating my favorite cousin and neither of you said _

**DragonsmakemegoUwU** :  **_ANYTHING_ **

**Dratiniisbabey** : I didn’t know you two were even related, sorry

**DragonsmakemegoUwU** :  _ Add him _

**Dratiniisbabey** : No

**DragonsmakemegoUwU** : Do it,  _ bitch _

**DragonsmakemegoUwU** : Add Leon @ **Babey**

**Babey** has entered  **Arceus great god above end me**

**Babey** : Let me  _ sleep _

**Babey** has left  **Arceus great god above end me**

**DragonsmakemegoUwU** : Rude

**Babey** has entered  **Arceus great god above end me**

**Babey** :  **_I’m still sick, Iris_ **

**Babey** has left  **Arceus great god above end me**

**DragonsmakemegoUwU** : Oops, sorry

**Dratiniisbabey** : I’m not adding my boyfriend, I don’t even know if he wants to join

**DragonsmakemegoUwU** : Then ask

**Dratiniisbabey** : He’s your cousin

**DragonsmakemegoUwU** :  _ He’s your boyfriend and soon to be fiancé  _

**Dratiniisbabey** : What?

**DragonsmakemegoUwU** : Shut up, you cheap can of glorified ketchup 

*************

**UnholyOne** : @ **GalaxyMother** ,  _ I’ve know Professor Sycamore since I was fucking  _ **_11_ **

**GalaxyMother** has entered  **Arceus great god above end me**

**GalaxyMother** : Really? How?

**UnholyOne** : Barely two weeks after he became Professor,  _ I became his ward _

**Treedad** has entered  **Arceus great god above end me**

**Treedad** : That… that was a thing that happened

**Treedad** : It’s the same reason I’m on a first name basis with Professor Birch

**UnholyOne** : Not my fault Ṙ̵̢̛̘ͅu̷̥̣̕̚͢b̴̡̫̫̈̔͠y̸͓̓̅͜͡ was a complete asshole!

**Treedad** : Never said it was

**UnholyOne** : N̶̡̠͗̈̉͡ẻ̷̞͜͡x̴̢͎͐͡ṱ̴̛̝̤̌͌̚͜ t̴̨͓̚͡ĩ̶̡̛̭̬m̶̙҇͒͜ẻ̶̡̛͇̬͙ Į̵̛̰̃͛ s҉̡͈̊̔̾͞ȩ̴̛͖͐̂ę̴͉̎̾̕ ḧ̵̨̥́̉̔͞ȋ̷̢̯̳͒͡m̴̢͕͆͝ I̷͔̓̅̀͜͠ͅ w҉͖̙͈̐͂̈́͜͞ḭ̶̢̛̘̯͌l̵̰̦̇̈̆͢͝l҈̨̱̤̦̃̈́̊͝ ç̷̛͉̖͂o̸͍҇̈́͜m̵̤̔͋͢͠m̵̫͋̿͂͢͠i̴̛̙̗͂̆͜t҈̡̛͍̓ ḩ̶̰̓̕ͅo҉̢̗̘̽͞m҈̨̛͓̬͆̏i҉̧̪̱̾̚͠c̴̡̛̭̓i̷̡̗͊͐̀͝d̶̢͖̯͕́͠e҉̟̱͓̉͐̒͢͝ a̷̛͖͓͛͜g҈̬̙͍҇̄͜ȁ̴͍͚̀̔͜͝i҈̯҇̔͜ņ̸̜͔̈͝s̸͓̱̊͢͠t̵̡̜̤҇́ h̷̩͚͕̆̕͜ī̶̡̙̣̬̍͛͠m̴̢̫̎̌͡

**Treedad** : I

**Treedad** : Eris, stop. You’ve already punched him on sight for two years and your Mawile already tried killing him

**UnholyOne** : He! Tried! To! Get! My! Trainers! License! Taken! Away!

**UnholyOne** : Fuck no!

**GalaxyMother** : How come you called her 9 then? And why does no one really remember this?

**Treedad** : It was for a year and it was because I was explaining something to another member on why Eris and Brendon cannot be in the same room at the same time. 

**UnholyOne** : I will forever hate him, no one will stop me

**Treedad** : Honest question,  _ How do you think I’ve only been Professor for only 9 years _

**GalaxyMother** : Everything that happened last year

**Treedad** : Okay, that’s understandable 

**UnholyOne** : I have to go to work now, see you fucks later

**UnholyOne** has left  **Arceus great god above end me**

*********

**Babey** has entered  **Arceus great god above end me**

**Babey** : It’s 12am, I feel like shit, but I can’t fall back asleep even with Entei cuddling me

**Babey** : Because of  **_Sinuses_ **

**UnholyOne** has entered  **Arceus great god above end me**

**UnholyOne** : @ **Cursed**

**UnholyOne** : @ **Cursed**

**UnholyOne** : @ **Cursed**

**UnholyOne** : @ **Cursed**

**Cursed** has entered  **Arceus great god above end me**

**Cursed** :  **_I am up, what now_ **

**UnholyOne** : Read up

**Cursed** :  **_oh_ **

**Cursed** : I’ll be down in a second, I think I might have something

**UnholyOne** : Mix DayQuil and NyQuil, it’ll mess up your sleep but it’ll work

**Cursed** : Eris, that’s not healthy

**UnholyOne** : Neither is working when I’m sick but I’m still alive

**Cursed** : I’m telling your boss

**UnholyOne** : You will not or else I will steal your patellas and pull out your intestines with an old, rusty, and bent bobby pin

**Cursed** : _What the hell_

**UnholyOne** : Everytime we have an outside class and I forget to put on sunscreen, I have to play the fun game of “Am I sick or am I sunburnt?”

**Cursed** : How do you not know the difference?!

**UnholyOne** : Paler than white and heat can fuck me up sometimes

**Cursed** : How are you paler than white if you live Alola

**UnholyOne** : I’m not  _ that  _ pale anymore but I am pretty pale to most

**Babey** : Send help, Mew is resting on my neck again 

**UnholyOne** : Mew?!

**UnholyOne** : I’m done! I’m just done, what the literal fuck is Sycamore’s kid!?

**UnholyOne** has left  **Arceus great god above end me**

**Babey** : I forgot we never told her

**Cursed** : She should’ve expected it if Entei’s with you. Also, I’ve found some medicine for you

**Babey** :  _ Yes _

**Babey** has left  **Arceus great god above end me**

*************

**Lemonchild** : Eris, do you just… religiously read our past messages????

**UnholyOne** has entered  **Arceus great god above end me**

**UnholyOne** : Only when I need context for something or if I have nothing better to do before work

**Lemonchild** : I??? What????

**UnholyOne** : I’ve been here for a few weeks, I don’t know everything you guys talk about

**Lemonchild** : You… you knew that Ash died once though????

**UnholyOne** : It’s come up in conversation before 

**Lemonchild** : I guess that’s fair?

**UnholyOne** : Just ask Grant and Viola about my bullshit. They know more than I do

**UnholyOne** : To them, I’m absolutely insane so they have a lot to say about my chaos

**Treedad** has entered  **Arceus great god above end me**

**Treedad** : We all think you’re insane

**Treedad** has left  **Arceus great god above end me**

**UnholyOne** : Not this again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so Iris being Leon’s cousin was something mentioned in Pokémon Masters, not a personal headcanon


	40. Chapter 40

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Imabadbitch > Babey - Ash  
> MistywithaB- Misty  
> Rockhard- Brock  
> Maybeitsnotmaybeline - Dawn  
> MarshMALLOW - Mallow  
> Lemonchild - Clemont  
> Illgladlysteponyou > Actuallyaqueen - Serena  
> Maskedroyal > Cursed - Kukui  
> Itsbrittanybitch - May  
> Purebean - Lillie  
> FuckitupSoph - Sophocles  
> Yeetorbeyeeted > Actuallycares™️ > Bitchysnowman - Paul  
> Countryboi > Thoticus - Gary  
> Whowantslasagna - Cilan  
> Themomthership - Delia  
> Satanicgremlin - Max  
> Whatthefuckkyle - Kiawe  
> DragonsmakemegoUwU - Iris  
> Imwashingmeandmyclothes - Lana  
> Internallydying - Tracy  
> Inyourdreams - Burnet  
> ChaoticNeutral - Norman  
> Honoraryparent > Chaoticadult- Alain  
> Ghostgirl - Acerola  
> McEndmysuffering - Sophie  
> AureaJ - Professor Juniper  
> Onediggyboi- Roark  
> Itscalledfashionbaby-Diantha  
> OlympiaG > GalaxyMother- Olympia  
> Babybrother > Dratiniisbabey - Lance  
> EternalMentalbreakdown- Riley  
> Stonebitch - Steven  
> Chaoschild > UnholyOne - Eris
> 
> In the Family chat  
> Chatoverlord - Delia  
> Tiredandtrying - Augustine  
> Tinytinyboy > Shituncle - Lance  
> Residentlittleshit - Colress  
> Babey - Ash  
> TrueBabey - Lillie  
> BabyYveltal - Gladion
> 
> Sinnoh Chat  
> Truedadfriend - Byron  
> Onediggyboi - Roark  
> Secretlyabottom - Riley  
> Icequeen - Candice  
> Cactusmom - Gardenia  
> Foreveralone - Volkner  
> Sinthia - Cynthia  
> Purplefanta - Fantina  
> Neighborhoodbugboi - Aaron  
> Fiteme - Maylene

**DragonsmakemegoUwU** : @ **Dratiniisbabey**

**DragonsmakemegoUwU** : HE SAID YES, ADD HIM YOU UNDERDEVELOPED ORAN BERRY

**Dratiniisbabey** : I am??? Scared???

**Whowantslasagna** : Iris, it’s midnight in Kanto

**Dratiniisbabey** : Who said I’m in Kanto. I’m just scared because her insults make no sense

**Whowantslasagna** : Oh, she tends to do that

**DragonsmakemegoUwU** :  **_Add him_ **

**Dratiniisbabey** : You won’t leave me be until I do, will you?

**DragonsmakemegoUwU** :  **_YEE_ **

**Dratiniisbabey** : *Sigh*

**Enemyofthestate** has been added to  **Arceus great god above end me**

**Enemyofthestate** : What fifth level of Eternatus’s hell is this?

**DragonsmakemegoUwU** :  _ RUDE _

**Babey** has entered  **Arceus great god above end me**

**Babey** : He’s not wrong, Iris

**Babey** has left  **Arceus great god above end me**

**Enemyofthestate** : Lance, what the hell did you just add me to 

**Dratiniisbabey** : The same chat your cousin wanted me to add you to

**Enemyofthestate** : Which one’s Iris?!

**DragonsmakemegoUwU** :  **_Me bitch_ **

**Enemyofthestate** : And who’s Babey?

**Dratiniisbabey** : My nephew but he’s sick so don’t bother him

**Enemyofthestate** :  _ The small tree child _

**Enemyofthestate** : Wait, is Augustine here?

**Dratiniisbabey** : Yes, Delia and Colress are here too

**Enemyofthestate** : Ah fuck

**Thatisincorrect** has entered  **Arceus great god above end me**

**Thatisincorrect** : Hello Leon

**Thatisincorrect** : @ **Purebean**

**Thatisincorrect** :  _ Permission to yeet Lusamine? _

**Purebean** has entered  **Arceus great god above end me**

**Purebean** : Why

**Thatisincorrect** : Instead of giving Burnet’s work to Wicke, who isn’t swimming in work, she gave it to me

**Purebean** : Gladion says no. She gave it to you since you’re the only one who knows what to do

**Thatisincorrect** : Oh, okay then. Can I yeet Faba

**Purebean** : Yes and steal his patellas

**Thatisincorrect** : Funky

**Thatisincorrect** has left  **Arceus great god above end me**

**Enemyofthestate** : What did I just watch

**Dratiniisbabey** : It’s safer to not question Colress

**Enemyofthestate** : Okay???

  
  


**********

**Treedad** : All I want to know is why Leon got added

**Whowantslasagna** : He’s Iris’s cousin and Lance’s boyfriend 

**Treedad** : Okay, then another question, why is Iris twenty years younger?

**DragonsmakemegoUwU** : My parents had me in their thirties and are ten years younger than my aunt and uncle

**DragonsmakemegoUwU** : I was an accident from their wedding night which is why they never loved me

**Treedad** : …

**Enemyofthestate** has entered  **Arceus great god above end me**

**Enemyofthestate** : I can feel Augustine’s disappointment

**Whowantslasagna** : Most people can

**Babey** has entered  **Arceus great god above end me**

**Babey** : I will kill them later

**Babey** has left  **Arceus great god above end me**

**Treedad** : Leon can legal adopt you as his daughter

**Enemyofthestate** : What are you saying

**Treedad** : Exactly what it sounds like

**DragonsmakemegoUwU** : As long as I get away with calling Drayden my family still, I will be gladly adopted by my VSCO girl of a cousin

**Enemyofthestate** : That’ll be an interesting thing to explain 

**Enemyofthestate** : “Oh yeah, this is my cousin turned daughter”

**Enemyofthestate** : Yep, makes complete sense

**DragonsmakemegoUwU** : Please. I’d rather have two dads then no parents

**Enemyofthestate** : Augustine, this is your fault

**Treedad** : That’s nice 

**Treedad** : I don’t care enough right now because I almost poked my eye out when putting my contacts in this morning 

**Enemyofthestate** : I may be a fashion disaster, but you are a disaster 

**Treedad** : This is already known 

**Enemyofthestate** : Nothing phases you, does it?

**Treedad** : No, things do, I just know I’m a disaster 

*************

**Onediggyboi** : @ **Secretlyabottom**

**Onediggyboi** : @ **Secretlyabottom**

**Onediggyboi** : @ **Secretlyabottom**

**Onediggyboi** : @ **Secretlyabottom**

**Onediggyboi** : @ **Secretlyabottom**

**Onediggyboi** : @ **Secretlyabottom**

**Onediggyboi** : Mom wants photos of the forsaken chonk and wants to “talk” to your aunt and uncle

**Onediggyboi** : @ **Secretlyabottom**

**Onediggyboi** : @ **Secretlyabottom**

**Onediggyboi** : @ **Secretlyabottom**

**Onediggyboi** : @ **Secretlyabottom**

**Onediggyboi** :  _ Riley where the fuck are you, it’s only 5:30 for you _

**Icequeen** : I’m begging you, go to sleep

**Neighborhoodbugboi** : As resident bug boi, I demand you **_shut the fuck up_** and take it to the DMs

**Onediggyboi** : I’ve tried talking to him in the DMs for the past  **_two hours_ **

**Sinthia** : Go to bed

**Onediggyboi** : No

**Cactusmom** : Roark, sleep or else

**Onediggyboi** :  _ I am not scared of you or your children, but I’m hella scared of my own mother! _

**Onediggyboi** : If she wants something, she won’t shut up till she gets it and she’s in UnOvA right now so she won’t shut up anytime soon

**Diamonddust** : I will pay you to shut up! 

**Onediggyboi** :  _ I want sleep but my mother is refusing me of it until she gets the goods™️ _

**Diamonddust** : He isn’t on right now, so what?

**Onediggyboi** : My dearest mother won’t leave me be until she yells at Riley’s relatives

**Truedadfriend** : Shut up all of you before I mute all of you and Roark, I will call her but you must shut up first

**Onediggyboi** :  _ Yes Please  _

**Sinthia** : It’s nights like tonight that remind me that almost everyone has the mindset of a child or is a child

**Truedadfriend** :  **Tell me about it**

*************

**Cursed** : Eris is a terrible influence. We have to get rid of her

**Treedad** has entered  **Arceus great god above end me**

**Treedad** :  _ Did he mix NyQuil and DayQuil _

**Cursed** : What?

**Treedad** :  **_Did he mix NyQuil and DayQuil_ **

**Cursed** : No, he kicked me when I woke him up so I could give him some medicine and called me an “undercooked piece of burning salt”

**Treedad** :  _ Not that again _

**Treedad** :  **_where has he even heard from her_ **

**UnholyOne** has entered  **Arceus great god above end me**

**UnholyOne** : I haven’t said that to anyone recently but I did tell him to call Kukui that when he called me a child a few days ago

**Treedad** : Please stop

**UnholyOne** : Fine but stop calling me a kid

**Treedad** : Stop acting like one 

**Itsbrittanybitch** has entered  **Arceus great god above end me**

**Itsbrittanybitch** : The implication of “Treedad” means you could technically grow him like you grow a tree

**Itsbrittanybitch** : I would like to grow a dad that is as chaotic as Professor Augustine Sycamore that  _ doesn’t wear socks and sandals  _

**Itsbrittanybitch** : Unlike someone else! @ **ChaoticNeutral**

**Itsbrittanybitch** has left  **Arceus great god above end me**

**Treedad** : You know what, it is 9:30 and I will call it a night because  _ I don’t like that _

**Treedad** has left  **Arceus great god above end me**

**Cursed** : Oh my gods, he’s actually calling it a night for once

**Itsbrittanybitch** has entered  **Arceus great god above end me**

**Itsbrittanybitch** : @ **Chaoticadult**

**Itsbrittanybitch** :  _ You owe my 50 bucks now _

**Chaoticadult** : I know. I’ll do it in the morning 

**Cursed** : Did you two place a bet???

**Itsbrittanybitch** : He said he’d pay me $50 to say something really cursed and make Professor Sycamore go to bed

**Cursed** : I guess that’s one way?????

**ChaoticNeutral** has entered  **Arceus great god above end me**

**ChaoticNeutral** : I ignore this chat for three weeks and What happens is that my old boss, my new boss, Eris, Cynthia, and Leon added? Eris is still just as chaotic if not more chaotic then when I last saw her. Entei is literally the embodiment of “Gentle Giant” and lets a sixteen year old child use them as a plush. Most of the Professors here don’t have their lives together somehow

**ChaoticNeutral** : Also, no one really realized that the two most clingy people here were dating?? 

**Itsbrittanybitch** : That last part about Ash and Riley

**Itsbrittanybitch** : We been knew before they admitted it

**ChaoticNeutral** : Also, you’re disrespecting my footwear choice, so now I will wear socks and sandals constantly

**Itsbrittanybitch** :  _ Please don’t _

**ChaoticNeutral** : No

  
  



	41. Chapter 41

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Imabadbitch > Babey - Ash  
> MistywithaB- Misty  
> Rockhard- Brock  
> Maybeitsnotmaybeline - Dawn  
> MarshMALLOW - Mallow  
> Lemonchild - Clemont  
> Illgladlysteponyou > Actuallyaqueen - Serena  
> Maskedroyal > Cursed - Kukui  
> Itsbrittanybitch - May  
> Purebean - Lillie  
> FuckitupSoph - Sophocles  
> Yeetorbeyeeted > Actuallycares™️ > Bitchysnowman - Paul  
> Countryboi > Thoticus - Gary  
> Whowantslasagna - Cilan  
> Themomthership - Delia  
> Satanicgremlin - Max  
> Whatthefuckkyle - Kiawe  
> DragonsmakemegoUwU - Iris  
> Imwashingmeandmyclothes - Lana  
> Internallydying - Tracy  
> Inyourdreams - Burnet  
> ChaoticNeutral - Norman  
> Honoraryparent > Chaoticadult- Alain  
> Ghostgirl - Acerola  
> McEndmysuffering - Sophie  
> AureaJ - Professor Juniper  
> Onediggyboi- Roark  
> Itscalledfashionbaby-Diantha  
> OlympiaG > GalaxyMother- Olympia  
> Babybrother > Dratiniisbabey - Lance  
> EternalMentalbreakdown- Riley  
> Stonebitch - Steven  
> Chaoschild > UnholyOne - Eris  
> Enemyofthestate - Leon
> 
> In the Family chat  
> Chatoverlord - Delia  
> Tiredandtrying - Augustine  
> Tinytinyboy > Shituncle - Lance  
> Residentlittleshit - Colress  
> Babey - Ash  
> TrueBabey - Lillie  
> BabyYveltal - Gladion
> 
> Sinnoh Chat  
> Truedadfriend - Byron  
> Onediggyboi - Roark  
> Secretlyabottom - Riley  
> Icequeen - Candice  
> Cactusmom - Gardenia  
> Foreveralone - Volkner  
> Sinthia - Cynthia  
> Purplefanta - Fantina  
> Neighborhoodbugboi - Aaron  
> Fiteme - Maylene  
> LeagueGrandma - Bertha  
> Localpyro - Flint

**Babey** has entered  **Arceus great god above end me**

**Babey** : If Uncle Lance isn’t in Kanto,  _ where is he _

**Enemyofthestate** : In Galar

**Babey** :  **_Why is he in Galar_ **

**Enemyofthestate** : I stole him

**Babey** :  **_Don’t steal my uncle, you warm terrine_ **

**Enemyofthestate** : A warm what?

**Themomthership** has entered  **Arceus great god above end me**

**Themomthership** : Leon, please don’t mess with Ash. It’s 2:04 in Alola and he’s still sick

**Babey** :  _ Give him back before I yeet you  _

**Enemyofthestate** : Then Tell Lance to get off me. I can’t give him back until he’s awake and will let go of me

**Babey** : … huh 

**Themomthership** : Just go back to bed sweetie, it’s still very early for you and you need your rest

**Babey** : Then make Uncle Leon give Uncle Lance back

**Themomthership** : He will, I’ll make sure of it, but just go back to bed

**Babey** : Fine…

**Babey** has left  **Arceus great god above end me**

**Enemyofthestate** : You are a woman of many talents, I respect that

**Themomthership** : I’m just a mother, I know how to convince him

**Enemyofthestate** : Oh? Does this work on Lance?

**Themomthership** : I learned it from Lance

**Enemyofthestate** : Can I use it on him of it works?

**Themomthership** :  _ Yes _

**Enemyofthestate** : Neat

**Themomthership** : Also, why did you steal my brother

**Enemyofthestate** : Stress relief and I missed him

**Themomthership** : What kind

**Enemyofthestate** : Normal, I’m giving him a break from work

**Treedad** has entered  **Arceus great god above end me**

**Treedad** : You’re going to have four angry Professors after you and if you aren’t careful, a fifth and an In-training Professor

**Enemyofthestate** :  _ I will pay that price if I get to sleep with my boyfriend in my arms for at least one night _

**Treedad** : You don’t fear death, that will be your downfall

**Treedad** : Both Magnolias will kill you for stealing Lance from Kanto

**Enemyofthestate** :  _ I’ll deal with them when it isn’t 5:18 in the morning _

**Themomthership** : This is just the time Lance stole you because I told him that I missed you and he emailed every league member in Kalos that he had done so and not to bother you for two days 

**Enemyofthestate** : Oh???  _ Oh?!?!?!? _

**Dratiniisbabey** has entered  **Arceus great god above end me**

**Dratiniisbabey** : Stfu and go back to bed, Leon

**Dratiniisbabey** has left **Arceus** **great god above end me**

**Enemyofthestate** : You heard him, bye

**Enemyofthestate** has left  **Arceus great god above end me**

*********

**DragonsmakemegoUwU** : Hop wanted me to send this to y’all 

**DragonsmakemegoUwU** uploaded files  **Sizedifference**

**DragonsmakemegoUwU** :  _ It’s the same shirt and they’re the same height but Leon’s buff™️ _

**Dratiniisbabey** has entered  **Arceus great god above end me**

**Dratiniisbabey** : Rude, I don’t like being called out like this

**DragonsmakemegoUwU** : Don’t make it so easy 

**Dratiniisbabey** : I can see how you’re their cousin…

**DragonsmakemegoUwU** : >:3

**Purebean** has entered  **Arceus great god above end me**

**Purebean** : Is Ash’s birthday really in less than two weeks?!

**Dratiniisbabey** : Yes and I already sent his gift to Kukui

**Purebean** : !!!!!!!

*********

**TrueBabey** has entered  **Dumb bitch disease is hereditary**

**TrueBabey** : @ **Chatoverlord** @ **Toredandtrying**

**TrueBabey** : What are things Ash really likes or wants?!

**TrueBabey** : What are things he likes in general too so I can bring him something while he’s sick?

**Themomthership** : when he’s sick, pillow forts. Likes and wants, anything as long as there’s love put into it and anything Pokémon 

**TrueBabey** : ?

**Tiredandtrying** : Furry man got Ash a giant Pyroar plush for Ash’s fifth birthday and when Lance was watching over Ash when he was sick once, he made a pillow fort for the two of them since Ash asked him to

**Themomthership** uploaded files  **Sleepyboys**

**TrueBabey** : So pure ;-;

**TrueBabey** : Would he like an oversized throw blanket with the Pokémon of Glimwood Tangle?

**Tiredandtrying** : he would love it with any Pokémon on it, knowing Ash

**TrueBabey** : !!!!

**BabyYveltal** : I’m missing something

**TrueBabey** : If you joined the other chat, that wouldn’t be a problem :)

**BabyYveltal** : ANYWAYS 

**TrueBabey** : Ash’s birthday is in less than two weeks!!! I want to get him something

**Shituncle** has entered  **Dumb bitch disease is hereditary**

**Shituncle** : You realize Ash  _ can  _ read these when he gets on

**Residentlittleshit** has entered  **Dumb bitch disease is hereditary**

**Residentlittleshit:** I’ll delete them before he gets on

**TrueBabey** : Why isn’t mother on?

**Residentlittleshit** : Someone fucked up  _ all the computers  _ and I’m helping her fix it all 

**TrueBabey** : Can you ask her if it’s okay if I visit Ash?

**Residentlittleshit** : She said go ahead

**Residentlittleshit** has left  **Dumb bitch disease is hereditary**

**TrueBabey** : :3

**TrueBabey** : Gladion, you’re coming with me and bring stuff for a pillow fort 

**BabyYveltal** : What? I didn’t agree to that?

**TrueBabey** : ;-; please

**TrueBabey** : Do it for me at least

**BabyYveltal** : This is a trap

**TrueBabey** :  **_Please_ **

**BabyYveltal** : Fine

**Tiredandtrying** : Make sure Kukui is okay with it too

**TrueBabey** has left  **Dumb bitch disease is hereditary**

**BabyYveltal** has left  **Dumb bitch disease is hereditary**

*************

**Purebean** : @ **Cursed** can we come over? We have offerings for Ash

**Cursed** has entered  **Arceus great god above end me**

**Cursed** : Sure I guess?

**Purebean** : @ **Whatthefuckkyle** @ **MarshMALLOW** _ Bring the goods _

**Whatthefuckkyle** has entered **Arceus great god above end me**

**MarshMALLOW** has entered  **Arceus great god above end**

**MarshMALLOW** : Yee Yee!

**Whatthefuckkyle** : Got it

**Whatthefuckkyle** has left **Arceus great god above end me**

**MarshMALLOW** has left  **Arceus great god above end**

**Cursed** : I do not like this 

*********

**Cursed** : I did not expect them to build a huge ass pillow fort and yet they have

**Cursed** uploaded file **Pillowfort**

**Cursed** : They also are burying Ash in blankets???

**Imwashingmeandmyclothes** has entered  **Arceus great god above end me**

**Imwashingmeandmyclothes** : I want to join ;-;

**FuckitupSoph** has entered has entered  **Arceus great god above end me**

**FuckitupSoph** : Then why didn’t you?

**Imwashingmeandmyclothes** : I’m helping my dad at the docks today

**FuckitupSoph** : F

**Onediggyboi** has entered  **Arceus great god above end me**

**Onediggyboi** : HAS ANYONE TALKED TO RILEY IN THE PAST 72 HOURS 

**Onediggyboi** : Ash is exempted because he’s sick and has literally only been online when talking to the people here

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** has entered  **Arceus great god above end me**

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : Say three days like a normal person

**Onediggyboi** :  _ I’m worried about my brother’s well being and I’m stressed, shut up _

**Onediggyboi** :  _ Considering Riley said he’d call me in the morning or text me but never has since the he told  _ **_four days ago_ **

**Onediggyboi** :  **_I’M WORRIED_ **

**Babey** has entered  **Arceus great god above end me**

**Babey** : ;-;

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : Roark, chill

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : You know he’s with his family that he hasn’t seen in years and he stays up till 1am most nights. He’s probably been busy with his family and forgot

**Onediggyboi** : But what if something happened?!

**Babey** : ;-;

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : Roark, I will literally go track you down and smack you with a fucking Magikarp and Lumineon if you don’t shut up! I respect you’re worried but this is too much!

*********

Private Message between  **DawnB** and  **RoarkC**

**DawnB** : I know you’re worried but cool it! Riley has a family outside of you and Byron, they haven’t seen him in almost ten years. They care about him and want to reconnect. I wouldn’t be surprised if Riley’s been busy doing exactly that!

**RoarkC** : Dawn, you know how Riley can be! You know that he hasn’t always been in the best place mentally and those same people weren’t there for him when he needed them!

**DawnB** : Roark, Riley is surrounded by so many people who love him! He’s been getting so much better over the three years I’ve known him! And you  _ know _ the issue with Riley’s dad and Riley’s explained to both of us why his aunt and uncle have been out of the picture

**RoarkC** : But Dawn, it’s not at all like Roark to do this! He would’ve said something by now!

**DawnB** : I know! But your worrying is make your dad worry, Ash worry, Gardenia worry, and even  _ Volkner  _ worry!

**DawnB** : Ash is out of it as it is with him being sick, now stop before I go through with my threat

**RoarkC** : And if I don’t?

**DawnB** : I hope you like smelling like fish and having a broken jaw

*********

**Diamonddust** has entered  **Supposedly Holy but actually really cursed**

**Diamonddust** : If  _ any  _ of you people mention Riley not being online, I will smack you all after I smack Roark

**Onediggyboi** : Dawn! It’s been four whole days!

**Diamonddust** : WHAT DID I JUST TELL YOU, YOU SHIT

**Diamonddust** has left **Supposedly Holy but actually really cursed**

**Onediggyboi** has left  **Supposedly Holy but actually really cursed**

**Truedadfriend** : Why is Dawn threatening Roark

**Truedadfriend** : Why is Roark scared of someone seven years younger than him?

**Sinthia** : Roark is causing some unnecessary panic in the other chat atm

**Truedadfriend** : Of course he is

**Localpyro** : Why is it always like this when I’m on?

**Foreveralone** : Do judge our dumpster fire because you  _ are _ a dumpster fire 

**Localpyro** : You wanna catch these hands, Volkner?

**Foreveralone** : Unless you want to upset Jolteon, don’t do it hoe

**Localpyro** : Damnit 

**Foreveralone** : I hear you going to get Flareon

**Foreveralone** :  _ Do not take away one of the few things that make me happy _

**Localpyro** : I can be your new Jolteon

**Foreveralone** : Shut up or I’ll kick you 

**Localpyro** : You  _ can’t _ though

**LeagueGrandma** has entered  **Supposedly Holy but actually really cursed**

**LeagueGrandma** : You two behave or else you’re getting smacked

**LeagueGrandma** has left  **Supposedly Holy but actually really cursed**

**Foreveralone** :  _ You heard her, Flint _

**Localpyro** : Fuck

**Foreveralone** : :p

**Localpyro** : Fuck you

**Foreveralone** : No thanks, I’m not looking for a relationship 

**Localpyro** : shUT UP

**Foreveralone** : You made the poor choice, Flint. You can’t say “Fuck” and “You” in the same sentence to me 

**Localpyro** :  **_yeah I know_ **

**Cactusmom** : As resident mom, I demand you two stop be disasters

**Icequeen** : Shut up or else I’m getting Berta on your asses and stealing your toes 

**Cactusmom** :  **_And I’ll let her_ **

**Localpyro** : Can’t believe I’m being threatened by someone younger than be but okay

**Cactusmom** : I’m younger by only seven years

**Icequeen** : I will kick your ass, I’m younger by 10 years but I still will!

**Truedadfriend** : How old are all of you?

**Cactusmom** : 21

**Icequeen** : 19

**Localpyro** : Volkner and I are 29

**Truedadfriend** :  _ You’re all adults  _

**Truedadfriend** : Act like it,  _ please  _

********

**Babey** has entered  **Arceus great god above end me**

**Babey** : I don’t feel like shit anymore and have a coherent thought process!

**MarshMALLOW** : Doubt™️ 

**MarshMALLOW** : I’m literally watching you send 42,069 messages to Riley for when he’s back online 

**Babey** : I said I didn’t feel like shot and conform coherent thoughts, not that I was rational or was sane

**UnholyOne** has entered  **Arceus great god above end me**

**UnholyOne** uploaded file  **Roundfriend**

**UnholyOne** : I have a new friend and he’s beautiful 

**Babey** : I 

**Babey** :I want to hug it

**UnholyOne** : Don’t, he’s really fuckin cold and he’s too cold to hold 

**Babey** : ;-;

**UnholyOne** : No

**UnholyOne** : He’s cold and already almost bit me

**UnholyOne** : I could replace Ramos as gym leader in Kalos when he drops dead

**Treedad** has entered  **Arceus great god above end me**

**Treedad** : We already have a fairy type gym leader  **_and I think not Eris_ **

**UnholyOne** : He’s in his 90s and I have steel types to use!

**UnholyOne** : Galarian Sandshrew is Ice and Steel, Lucario is Fighting and steel, and Mawile is Fairy and Steel!

**Treedad** : Eris, no

**Treedad** : I will not allow that and you are a teacher

**UnholyOne** : I will fight you for the title, Augustine

**UnholyOne** : I run the Kalos trip next month, we can fight when we get to Lumiose 

**McEndmysuffering** has entered  **Arceus great god above end me**

**McEndmysuffering** : Do it Augustine, you two haven’t done it in a while

**Treedad** : Only is it doesn’t disrupt anything else, then fine

**UnholyOne** : **_hell yeah!_**


	42. Chapter 42

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finals week is coming soon so in a week or two I might not update this story for a little while

**Onediggyboi** has entered **Arceus great god above end me**

**Onediggyboi** : She Actually fucking did it! She smacked me with a fucking Magikarp and Lumineon!

**Onediggyboi** : Took her two days but she did it

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : Good now shut your fuck!!!!

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : Riley is not dead just because he’s not online

**MarshMALLOW** : Ash actually just sent 42069 messages to Riley. He just sent the 42069th now

**MarshMALLOW** : IT'S JUST HIM SAYING UWU

**Babey** : Well he stole all my uwus 

**MarshMALLOW** : Square up with me, Ash

**Ghostgirl** : Don’t fight, you guys

**MarshMALLOW** : Are you just… on 24/7?

**Ghostgirl** : Yeah

**MarshMALLOW** : …

**Babey** : Wild

**Ghostgirl** : Now stop fighting before I steal your patellas

**Babey** : What are patellas?

**Ghostgirl** : Kneecaps

**Babey** : _You’ll have to catch me first then_

**Ghostgirl** : Okay, I’ll give you a few minutes

**Babey** : Wait are you serious?

**Ghostgirl** : Yeah, run Ash

**Babey** : Oh shit

**Babey** has left **Arceus great god above end me**

**Ghostgirl** has left **Arceus great god above end me**

**MarshMALLOW** : Oh my Tapu, she actually left!

**Ghostgirl** has entered **Arceus great god above end me**

**Ghostgirl** : You’re next

**Ghostgirl** has left **Arceus great god above end me**

**MarshMALLOW** : I think not

**********

**Babey** has entered **Arceus great god above end me**

**Babey** : Do you ever just want to be held and not thrown into a damn wall

**Ghostgirl** : You should’ve seen it coming

**Ghostgirl** : And Riley hasn’t replied even after sending him 42069 messages?

**Babey** : Nope :(

**Babey** : But he did send me something but I’m pretty sure it’s for my birthday

**Ghostgirl** : That’s not till next Wednesday though

**Enemyofthestate** has entered **Arceus great god above end me**

**Enemyofthestate** : Galar’s Postal service is known for being shit for when it comes to mailing things outside the region, but it has gotten better over the years. 

**Cursed** has entered **Arceus great god above end me**

**Cursed** : Acerola, why did Ash just screech “No”

**Ghostgirl** : Meltan is trying to eat all the metal that’s in the cabinets, ate all the knives, and ate part of the toaster 

**Cursed** : _Not again_

**Cursed** : First it’s Riolu trying to steal knives now it’s Meltan trying to eat them

**Enemyofthestate** : What the _fuck_ is a Meltan?!

**Cursed** : I don’t know much but I know it’s a Pokémon 

**Enemyofthestate** : That’s helpful

**Cursed** : Shut it, at least I wasn’t under someone’s control until some 12 year old came along and beat Rose and you up!

**Cursed** : Said child also had you keep the title because they only participated to have fun and had no interest in being champion!

**Enemyofthestate** : Shut up! How was I supposed to know Rose was insane!

**Babey** : This… this is fine

**Babey** : It’s just dad#2 picking on my second most tolerable uncle

**Cursed** : Who’s 1st and 3rd?

**Enemyofthestate** : How is Kukui dad#2?

**Babey** : Lance is 1st and Colress is 3rd but it’s really a tie between you two 

**Inyourdreams** has entered **Arceus great god above end me**

**Inyourdreams** : My hubby has Big Dad Energy™️

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** has entered **Arceus great god above end me**

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : Ash, Roark thinks I’m apathetic because I’m an only child and I don’t know what it’s like to worry about a friend or close family member 

**Babey** : I

**Babey** : _What a lie, you threatened me because I didn’t write to you for a month and you thought I was in the hospital or dead_

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : That’s What I told him and I even told him to ask you, Cilan, and Iris because he didn’t believe me!

**Whowantslasagna** has entered **Arceus great god above end me**

**Whowantslasagna** : As someone who had to witness that, it definitely happened

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : @ **Onediggyboi** WHAT DID I TELL YOU THOT

**Onediggyboi** : Shut it, Dawn! Riley’s my actual brother!

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : My honorary brother is a fucking danger magnet, Roark. He could die at any moment because of his bullshit and a month without hearing anything from him is terrifying!

**Babey** : 20 bucks says he broke his phone

**Onediggyboi** : I

**Onediggyboi** : What

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : Such little faith. 40 says he was just busy 

**Onediggyboi** : Are you two really placing bets on Riley!?

**Babey** : Okay because of aura bullshit, when Riley and I started dating a thing happened where I get a gut feeling when something happens to Riley and vice versa for him

**Babey** : I’m pretty sure I would’ve felt something if something happened by now

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : Join us, Roark, you’ll get 50 bucks if you’re right

**Onediggyboi** : What? That’s not how bets work

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : That’s what we do. You get whatever the other person puts up. You can bet 100 and if you’re right you get what the other person/people put up

**Onediggyboi** : 120 says something actually bad happened

**Babey** : Bold assumption, Roark. Are you sure about that?

**Onediggyboi** : _Very_

**Babey** : Okay, just be ready to pay it if you’re incorrect 

*************

**Whowantslasagna** : I want to establish this quickly, everyone low key hates Alder but my brothers and I are just extremely tired of him and his shit

**Whowantslasagna** : With that being said

**Whowantslasagna** : _Chili put dried up ghost peppers in his food_

**Whowantslasagna** : He keeps calling us the wrong name and Chili are just beyond annoyed now. Iris send help

**DragonsmakemegoUwU** has entered **Arceus great god above end me**

**DragonsmakemegoUwU** : I can’t, I’m trying to bribe Leon into adopting me

**Whowantslasagna** : _I don’t want to get in trouble but he’s going to get us into trouble_

**DragonsmakemegoUwU** : _Give me two minutes, oh shit_

**DragonsmakemegoUwU** has left **Arceus great god above end me**

**Babey** has entered **Arceus great god above end me**

**Babey** : Dad, beat up Alder on the League chat

**Treedad** has entered **Arceus great god above end me**

**Treedad** : I already am at the moment

**Babey** : _Good_

**Treedad** : I’m all truth, I’m technically dragging him through the dirt for it but also so other shit but that’s not important 

**Imwashingmeandmyclothes** has entered **Arceus great god above end me**

**Imwashingmeandmyclothes** : Does everyone just _hate_ Alder?

**Treedad** : It’s not hate, we just don’t like him because he’s really annoying

**AureaJ** has entered **Arceus great god above end me**

**AureaJ** : I can sadly confirm and he’s says stuff that he shouldn’t because we have a few young champions there from some regions

**FuckitupSoph** has entered **Arceus great god above end me**

**FuckitupSoph** : Then why does Eris hate him?

**Treedad** : … _A lot_ of reasons. None of which I will say

**FuckitupSoph** : Waccc

**FuckitupSoph** : Also, Ash, we need you at Ula’Ula, the others are swarming Gladion and T-Posing at him

**Babey** : You say this as if I won’t also T-Pose

**FuckitupSoph** : We need you to T-Pose with us

**Babey** : Okay but I’m bringing Acerola and Riolu

**FuckitupSoph** : Okay, coolio

*********

**BabyYveltal** : I firmly believe that Ash is a devil no matter what you tell me. Him and his friends are literally t-posing around me

**Residentlittleshit** has entered **Dumb bitch disease is hereditary**

**Residentlittleshit** : Sounds normal 

**BabyYveltal** : But why??????

**Residentlittleshit** : Because it’s Ash. He’s my brother’s kid, he’s the chosen one, and he has Eldritch tendencies 

**BabyYveltal** : one(1) fear

**Babey** has entered **Arceus great god above end me**

**Babey** : Join the other chat, Gladion

**BabyYveltal** : No. This one is already hell

**Babey** : Then I will forever t-pose on you and I will get Lillie to do it too

**BabyYveltal** : _No_

**Babey** : Then perish

**Babey** has left **Dumb bitch disease is hereditary**

**Residentlittleshit** : Alexa, this is so sad, play Despacito

*********

**Purebean** : Ash, you are the most difficult person to shop for

**Babey** : _You don’t need to get me anything, Lillie_

**Purebean** : I’m going to and you can’t stop me!

**Babey** : Then I’m gonna get you something for your birthday 

**Purebean** : No, I’ll fight you first

**Babey** : Perish 

**MarshMALLOW** has entered **Arceus great god above end me**

**MarshMALLOW** : Do you two normally fight over this stuff?

**Purebean** : No

**Babey** : You don’t need to buy me anything for my birthday

**Purebean** : Riley and Lance already have, so I will too!

**Babey** : _Don’t_

**Purebean** : You didn’t tell them not to!

**Babey** : I didn’t think Riley would and I can’t stop Lance!

**Purebean** : And you can’t stop me either!

**Babey** : I’m gonna get you twice as much as you get me for my birthday, for your birthday 

**Purebean** : That threat won’t stop me, I’m gonna be a good cousin and get you something

**Purebean** : You can’t stop me, _Ashton Satoshi Olivier Ketchum-Sycamore_

**Lemonchild** has entered **Arceus great god above end me**

**Actuallyaqueen** has entered **Arceus great god above end me**

**Actuallyaqueen** : Why is your full name so _long_

**Lemonchild** : _Ash, why do you have two middle and last names_

**Babey** : Because my parents decided on it but Satoshi was a last minute decision friends

**Actuallyaqueen** : Mines not even that long and I have two middle names

**Babey** : It’s just one extra one ffs!


	43. Chapter 43

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do recommend you read https://archiveofourown.org/works/22003330 before reading this chapter but you don’t have to. That story just gives some context.

**Treedad** : …

**Treedad** : @ **UnholyOne** Eris, why did I just get a concerning message about you and CPS from Professor Rowan

**UnholyOne** has entered  **Arceus great god above end me**

**UnholyOne** : What?

**Treedad** : “Did Eris finally call CPS on Mr. Krupin?”

**UnholyOne** : …

**UnholyOne** : Oh! That…

**Treedad** : Eris, what the fuck is he referring to 

**Treedad** : Eris,  _ what did you do _

**UnholyOne** : Technically nothing illegal?

**Treedad** : Eris, what exactly did you do

**UnholyOne** : This is not a conversation for over messages, I will tell you when I’m in Kalos

**Treedad** : Eris  _ what in Arceus’s holy land did you do  _

**UnholyOne** : I will tell you, just not now!

**Treedad** : Eris, you scare me

**UnholyOne** : Shut up!

**UnholyOne** has left  **Arceus great god above end me**

**Treedad** : Eris, get back here!

*********

**FuckitupSoph** : Add strategically placed quotation marks to sentences to make them exciting!

**FuckitupSoph** : Some examples are;

**FuckitupSoph** : Congratulations to your “baby” 

**FuckitupSoph:** Congratulations to “your” baby

**FuckitupSoph** : Congratulations to “your” “baby”

**FuckitupSoph** : @ **Treedad** @ **Cursed**

**Treedad** has entered  **Arceus great god above end me**

**Cursed** has entered  **Arceus great god above end me**

**Treedad** : What did Ash do know?

**Cursed** : I KNOW, STOP IT SOPHOCLES

**Treedad** : What happened, Kukui

**Cursed** : Yeah, Ash got slammed into the ground and for five minutes, he was dead. Then got up and walked it off

**Treedad** :  _ Why _

**Cursed** : Ultra Beasts

**Treedad** : …

**Treedad** : Second time in the span of three months, Kukui

**Treedad** :  **_How_ **

**Cursed** : I don’t know!!!!!

**Babey** has entered  **Arceus great god above end me**

**Babey** : I’m fine!!!

**Treedad** : I know, but you still died Ash!

**Babey** :  _ I am fine _

**Treedad** : I will believe that when you aren’t dying so often

**Treedad** :  _ How did you die Ash _

**Babey** : I got yeeted off my ride Pokémon by an ultra beast when I was in the sky

**Treedad** : Ash

**Treedad** :  _ Ash no _

**Babey** : I’m sorry

**Treedad** : Ash, I will wrap you in bubble wrap again

**Thatisincorrect** has entered  **Arceus great god above end me**

**Thatisincorrect** : I think not! It was a disaster the last time you did that

**Treedad** : Are you referring to Riolu?

**Thatisincorrect** :  _ Yes _

**Babey** : Riolu says “Fuck you”

**Thatisincorrect** :  _ It almost stabbed me _

**Babey** : Too bad he didn’t!

**Thatisincorrect** : I will yeet you into the ocean like how I yeet Lance

**Babey** : Lugia will yeet you first

**Treedad** : I’m surprised you didn’t yeet Lance while he was in Alola

**Thatisincorrect** : You and Delia were there, you would’ve killed me if I did that

**Treedad** : You’re not wrong

**FuckitupSoph** : Ash, what is your family

**Babey** : Complete chaos

*********

**Treedad** has entered  **Arceus great god above end me**

**Treedad** : @ **UnholyOne**

**Treedad** : WHAT A SECOND

**Treedad** : DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH WHY YOU NO LONGER HAVE A LUCARIO 

**UnholyOne** has entered  **Arceus great god above end me**

**UnholyOne** : I don’t know what you’re talking about, Augustine. I never had one

**Treedad** : Eris, I have the files to prove you did

**UnholyOne** : Like hell 

**UnholyOne** : I never had one and you’re delusional 

**Treedad** : I have your trainer file, photos, and I can literally call Thorne and ask him

**UnholyOne** : Fuck you, you wouldn’t dare

**GalaxyMother** has entered  **Arceus great god above end me**

**Itscalledfashionbaby** has entered **Arceus** **great god above end me**

**GalaxyMother** : You did have one. You always threatened to beat Helena up with him

**Itscalledfashionbaby** : Your Lucario constantly glared at me 

**UnholyOne** : I never had one, you guys. I’ve lied before but I’m not going to lie about this

**Treedad** uploaded multiple files  **Proof**

**UnholyOne** : That’s your Lucario

**Treedad** : That is not true. Mine has a scarred ear, yours does not

**UnholyOne** : I can explain

**UnholyOne** has left  **Arceus great god above end me**

**GalaxyMother** : Augustine, what’s going on

**Treedad** : I got a concerning Aleksie Krupin from Rowan and then I asked more about it which apparently she called him about something that happened two years before she stepped down as gym leader and happened around the same time that Lucario just disappeared 

**GalaxyMother** : Okay?

**Treedad** : This all happened when she just stopped talking to everyone but Thorne. It’s weird for her to just close everyone out, her Lucario to stop existing, her Mawile to suddenly hate her, and for her to want to step down. Something must have happened to cause that. 

**GalaxyMother** : Augustine, all she ever did was close people out. Maybe something with her parents happened to make her close people out and choose to step down. 

**Treedad** : Yes but what about her Pokémon. That’s awfully strange 

**UnholyOne** has entered  **Arceus great god above end me**

**UnholyOne** : I will explain this when I’m in Lumiose, which is two and a half weeks from now, okay? Just drop it or I’ll drop kick you

**UnholyOne** has left  **Arceus great god above end me**

**Itscalledfashionbaby** : Augustine it might be wise to just drop it until then

**Treedad** : I will but I’m holding her to it

*********

**Riley** has been added  **to Arceus great god above end me**

**Riley** : Holy fuck, I’m not fucking dead, Meowth just punted my phone and I had to get a new one

**Riley** :  **_I also don’t remember any of my information for this damn app and I won’t until I go back to Sinnoh or until Dawn gets to Galar_ **

**Babey** has entered  **Arceus great god above end me**

**Babey** : RILEY

**Babey** : YOUR BACK

**Riley** : Yeah but my aunt’s mad at me

**Riley** : Meowth punted my phone because I keep feeding him at 4am when he’s supposed to be fed at 6am but I didn’t one day because I slept in and that upset him

**Riley** : Aunt Bea’s mad though because I’m up at 3:30 and fed Meowth two hours before he’s supposed to be fed. She not mad about the phone because Meowth punted her phone last month because she was getting too many notifications for Meowth’s liking

**Babey** : Babe, my heart, my soul, my love

**Babey** : How much caffeine have you had

**Riley** : I’ve been running on pure fucking spite these past three days because I’m gonna go to Kalos and stab the fucker known as Aleksei Krupin

**Onediggyboi** has entered  **Arceus great god above end**

**Onediggyboi** : RILEY

**Riley** : I WILL COMMIT HOMICIDE AND YOU CAN'T STOP ME

**Riley** : Also, I know you died for five minutes because I felt a lot of pain then passed out for a solid five minutes, what did you do Ash

**Babey** : Ah fuck

**Onediggyboi** : You’re not dead!

**Babey** : You owe me money, Roark 

**Onediggyboi** : Shut it

**Riley** : what?

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : Ash, Roark, and I placed bets on why you’ve been offline for so long. We now both owe Ash money because he was betting that you broke your phone

**Riley** :  _ Such a “loving” boyfriend  _

**Babey** : At least I didn’t think you were dead or something like Roark did!

**Riley** :  _ What’s that supposed to mean _

**Onediggyboi** : I!!! Was!!!! Panicked!!!

**Riley** : Some brother you are

**Onediggyboi** : Shut, I had mental breakdowns over you

**Riley** : Then send me 42069 messages if you’re so worried! 

**Onediggyboi** : All Ash said was UwU!

**Riley** : Your point? 

**Onediggyboi** : Riley, you’re killing me

**Riley** : good

**Riley** : I read the earlier messages and I have missed… a lot

**Babey** : You did, so be careful with Eris atm

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a blog now that's actually meant from my AO3 now, by the way! https://www.tumblr.com/blog/lunar-requests-a-battle
> 
> Any questions you have or ideas you’d like to see, just send me an ask and I’ll answer as soon as possible! (Please send fluffy ideas. All I’ve been writing has been angst and the next three chapters for the Single Dad Au fic will be hurt and comfort)


	44. Chapter 44

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : @ **Riley** Why do I need to tell you your contact information, again?

**Riley** has entered  **Arceus great god above end me**

**Riley** :  **_YOU WERE THE ONE WHO MADE MY ACCOUNT BUT YOU NEVER TOLD ME THE FUCKING PASSWORD_ **

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : Oh yeah, I forgot that part

**Riley** :  _ Dawn _

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : Maybe if you did it yourself, this wouldn’t be a problem

**Riley** :  _ Dawn _

**Riley** : You stole my phone and put this app on it! I didn’t get a say!

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : I will dm you the password

**Riley** : I asked earlier for you to just do that and you said no!

**Babey** has entered  **Arceus great god above end me**

**Babey** : dumbasses, all of you

**Riley** : You died  _ how many times _ ?

**Babey** : Not the topic, you don’t even know how many times I’ve died

**Babey** : **Anyways**

**Babey** : You’re both  _ fools _

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : You’re not wrong, but it comes with the territory of knowing Roark

*********

**Whatthefuckkyle** has entered  **Arceus great god above end me**

**Whatthefuckkyle** : Someone has to say it but Eris and Wallace look like their related

**WallaceM** and 2 others have entered  **Arceus great god above end me**

**WallaceM** : I do not look like that demonic Swablu of a person

**UnholyOne** : I may be an asshole but at least I’m not a pompous asshole like him!

**Stonebitch** : Honey, the kid has a point

**WallaceM** :  _ Steven _

**UnholyOne** : Unless he’s related to the Weiss family,  _ snowball's chance in hell _

**Whatthefuckkyle** : @ **Treedad**

**Treedad** has entered  **Arceus great god above end me**

**Treedad** : I personally like living, so I will not answer 

**Rockhard** has entered  **Arceus great god above end me**

**Rockhard** : Why can’t Ash have the same sense of self preservation you have? 

**Whatthefuckkyle** : Wallace, are you related to the Weiss family?

**WallaceM** : A little? My fifth cousin once removed married a Weiss 

**UnholyOne** : …

**UnholyOne** :  **_Watch your kneecaps fucker_ **

**Whatthefuckkyle** : So you two  _ are  _ related but not really?

**UnholyOne** : We really aren’t related at all. I have a few first cousins from my dad’s side, but on my mother‘s side I have a shit load of cousins except for first cousins.

**Rockhard** : It’s possible that Wallace’s fifth cousin is your father

**WallaceM** : No, the person my cousin married was Elias Weiss

**UnholyOne** : Oh thank god, you really aren’t  _ that  _ related to me

**Treedad** : Moving on because we really don’t need to talk about this 

**Treedad** : Why is Steven’s name “Stonebitch”

**CynthiaS** has entered  **Arceus great god above end me**

**Stonebitch** has been changed to **CapitalistPropaganda**

**CynthiaS** has left  **Arceus great god above end me**

**CapitalistPropaganda** : It’s better but not by much

**Rockhard** : It’s accurate 

**Onediggyboi** has entered  **Arceus great god above end me**

**CynthiaS** has been changed to  **CommunistPropaganda**

**Onediggyboi** has been changed to  **IndustrialPropaganda**

**IndustrialPropaganda** : Which of you fucks changed my name

**Rockhard** : Me

**Rockhard** : If Steven’s Capitalist Propaganda and Cynthia is Communist Propaganda, then you’re Industrial Propaganda 

**IndustrialPropaganda** :  _ Bitch _

**Rockhard** : Try me

**Treedad** has left  **Arceus great god above end me**

**IndustrialPropaganda** : Oops, we’ve upset the only good adult

**Rockhard** : I don’t blame him, you’re tiring, Roark

**IndustrialPropaganda** : Shut

**Rockhard** : No

**CommunistPropaganda** has entered  **Arceus great god above end me**

**CommunistPropaganda** : Ladies, Ladies, you’re both tiring

**CapitalistPropaganda** : I’m begging you to stop

**CommunistPropaganda** : Kinky

**CapitalistPropaganda** : No 

**WallaceM** : I’m done with all of you

**WallaceM** has left  **Arceus great god above end me**

**CommunistPropaganda** : Coward!

*********

**Onediggyboi** has entered **Supposedly Holy but actually really cursed**

**Onediggyboi** : We need to hold an intervention 

**Cactusmom** : For you?

**Onediggyboi** : No, for Cynthia 

**Cactusmom** : Oh

**Onediggyboi** : She changed Steven’s name to CapitalistPropaganda and is saying kinky to things there

**Diamonddust** has entered  **Supposedly Holy but actually really cursed**

**Diamonddust** : That whole ass chat needs an intervention

**Sinthia** has entered  **Supposedly Holy but actually really cursed**

**Sinthia** : If I need one, the Eris needs one too

**Onediggyboi** has left  **Supposedly Holy but actually really cursed**

**Cactusmom** : Due to some unfortunate events, Roark will not be here for some time

**Diamonddust** : Thank Arceus

**Localpyro** has entered  **Supposedly Holy but actually really cursed**

**Localpyro** : You chucked his phone

**Cactusmom** : he hAS COLD ASS FEET AND HANDS

**Localpyro** : I keep telling you, don’t cuddle him

**Cactusmom** : Eat shit, he’s my boyfriend 

**Localpyro** : You keep complaining about him!

**Cactusmom** : I still love him

**Diamonddust** : You chucked his phone

**Cactusmom** : I warned him, he didn’t listen

**Foreveralone** has entered  **Supposedly Holy but actually really cursed**

**Foreveralone** : Hear me out

**Cactusmom** : No

**Foreveralone** : Don’t date

**Diamonddust** : We get it, you can’t get a date and you’re jealous 

**Foreveralone** : I don’t want to date

**Foreveralone** : I’m happy with just being roommates with Flint and living with my Pokémon

**Localpyro** : What about when I date and move out?

**Foreveralone** : Sounds even better. I won’t have a person stealing my food

**Localpyro** : I come every week to steal food

**Foreveralone** : I will change the lock as soon as you leave

**Localpyro** : I will find a way to steal your food

**Foreveralone** :  _ Begone  _ **_thot_ **

**Diamonddust** : When I was added to the hell chat, I did not expect any of this

**Diamonddust** : Bye y’all 

**Diamonddust** has left **Supposedly Holy but actually really cursed**

**Cactusmom** : You two scared her off!

**Localpyro** : No, Volkner did

**Foreveralone** : We’re both to blame, Flint

**Cactusmom** : You two fight too much, I wouldn’t be surprised if Riley left because of y’all 

**Cactusmom** has left  **Supposedly Holy but actually really cursed**

*********

Private Conversation between  **Riley** and  **ErisP**

**Riley** : When and what time are you available 

**ErisP** : What?

**Riley** : I made a promise and I intend on keeping it, when can give you Riolu back. My aunt wants to know when I’ll be in Alola and for how long

**ErisP** : So you can be with your little boyfriend on his birthday, that Thursday and you can just come here on Tuesday

**Riley** : Alright

**ErisP** : I hope Lucario wasn’t your only Pokémon 

**Riley** : He’s not, I have others that I caught

**ErisP** : Good, I’m not letting you keep him and it’d suck to not have any Pokémon

**Riley** : Fine

*********

**EternalMentalbreakdown** has entered  **Arceus great god above end me**

**EternalMentalbreakdown** :  _ I’m back on my normal account but I  _ **_scared_ **

**Babey** has entered  **Arceus great god above end me**

**Babey** : You have stole all my uwus 

**EternalMentalbreakdown** : There’s 42069 of them!

**Babey** : Take the uwus Riley

**EternalMentalbreakdown** : I will but only this once

**Babey** : :)

**Chaoticadult** has entered  **Arceus great god above end me**

**Chaoticadult** : I refuse to believe your dad is sane, Ash

**Chaoticadult** : He has Appletun, Cinccino, and Vaporeon sleeping on him while he has a meeting with some of the gym leaders. 

**Babey** : Shake the food container 

**Chaoticadult** : I’ve already tried and Appletun launched an Apple Acid at me

**Babey** : Then perish

**Chaoticadult** :  _ Ash _

**EternalMentalbreakdown** : Aren’t those Pokémon large? I know that Vaporeon and Cinccino are around two feet

**Chaoticadult** : I don’t know how or why, it just happens

**Lemonchild** has entered  **Arceus great god above end me**

**Lemonchild** :  **It’s because he’s a** **_cryptid_ **

**Babey** : You aren’t wrong but you aren’t right

**Lemonchild** :  _ One or the other Ash _

**Enemyofthestate** has entered  **Arceus great god above end me**

**Enemyofthestate** : One thing that I’ve learned about Augustine, is that he shouldn’t be questioned

**Babey** : Colress and Lance

**Enemyofthestate** : Yeah

**EternalMentalbreakdown** : What

**Enemyofthestate** : Every since dated Lance and joined this cursed chat, those two have literally told me every weird thing he’s done

**Thatisincorrect** has entered  **Arceus great god above end me**

**Thatisincorrect** : Call our towards @ **Inyourdreams**

**Thatisincorrect** : She called me a Science whore

**Inyourdreams** has entered  **Arceus great god above end me**

**Inyourdreams** : Am I  _ wrong _ ?

**Thatisincorrect** : No, but that’s not the point. If I am a science Whore, then what the  _ fuck _ is my brother

**Inyourdreams** : I don’t know!

**Thatisincorrect** : That man allows analyzes the science in everything!

**Inyourdreams** : You just fucking analyzed the science of fucking  _ Arceus and if they’re really our god _

**Thatisincorrect** :  _ Burnet, if Mew is the ancestor of all Pokémon, then how is Arceus the one who created all of existence _

**Thatisincorrect** : What if everything we know about mew is a complete myth and it’s only the ancestor of non-god Pokémon 

**Thatisincorrect** : What if there’s multiple Rayquaza because the Earth’s sky is so huge, how does one Pokémon protect it all?

**Inyourdreams** : This is what I mean!

**Thatisincorrect** : Whatever

**Thatisincorrect** : Anyways, I see we’re talking about my “lovely” brother and I will say this, he once yelled that god is dead and threw a book at me

**AureaJ** has entered  **Acreus great god above end me**

**AureaJ** : We’re talking about weird things Augustine has done?

**AureaJ** : It’s my time to shine 

**AureaJ** uploaded video file  **Postsemifinals**

**Babey** : I 

**Babey** : Why was I never told of this???

**AureaJ** : Those two made a deal and the sole reason Lysandre agreed was because he didn’t think Augustine could get him over his head

**AureaJ** : So Anyways, it’s the end of the semifinals Augustine runs out of the locker rooms, points at Lysandre and yells “We made a deal!” before actually trying to flip Lysandre onto his back. I pull out my Pokédex and record it because you see this 5’4” 16 year old trying to throw a 6’5” 15 and a half year old over his shoulder and Lysandre’s laughing hysterically at this, but then it’s dead silent because Augustine actually did it. It took a little bit but he did it

**Chaoticadult** :  _ What was the bet _

**AureaJ** : If Augustine’s team didn’t get swept in under five minutes during the semifinals, he gets to throw Lysandre over his shoulder 

**AureaJ** : His team didn’t get swept at all and it was honestly funny seeing it happen

**Chaoticadult** :  _ Why did it happen _

**AureaJ** : I don’t know, probably because Lysandre’s used to throw Augustine over his shoulder if he knew something was going to happen and also, he was the shortest of the group

**Enemyofthestate** : I can’t believe half the shit I hear about him, he sounds like an angry poochyena

**AureaJ** : That’s what he was if his height was brought up

**Chaoticadult** : That’s why Ash is so pissy about his height being brought up!

**Babey** : Your knees, Alain, hand them over!

*********

**Treedad** has entered  **Arceus great god above end me**

**Treedad** : That was because at 5:30 in the damn morning on a Saturday after I had been studying all night, you came into my room and fucking blew the mouth piece of your trombone in my ear @ **Thatisincorrect**

**Treedad** : Neither of our parents got mad at you, they yelled at me for staying up, and you’re just an ass

**Thatisincorrect** has entered  **Arceus great god above end me**

**Thatisincorrect** : You missed mom to the Head Smack™️ and they only did that because you have never slept for two days prior to then

**Treedad** : You knee that and yet you still decided to wake me up in such a way at such a time

**Thatisincorrect** : Fair

**Treedad** : Also, @ **Chaoticadult** @ **AureaJ**

**Treedad** : @ Me if you’re going to talk shit about me

**AureaJ** has entered  **Arceus great god above end me**

**Chaoticadult** has entered  **Arceus great god above end me**

**Chaoticadult** : Only your brother, future brother-in-law, and Professor Juniper were! 

**AureaJ** : Face the facts Auggie!

**Treedad** : Leon is dating Lance, Alain

**Chaoticadult** : … Is Lance not your brother too

**Treedad** : Lance is my brother-in-law, not my actual brother 

**Babey** has entered  **Arceus great god above end me**

**Babey** : Alain,  _ we’ve talked about this _

**Chaoticadult** : In my defense, you’re family is a mess and they both talk shit about your dad

**Babey** : That’s just because dad works with Leon

**Treedad** : …

**Treedad** : I will admit that I was not the best as a child, but this isn’t supposed to be passed around

**Thatisincorrect** : You are the original dumbass, you are the sole reason the family chat is “Dumb bitch disease is hereditary”

**Treedad** : I have a laundry list of stories about you 

**[ This message has been deleted ]**

**Thatisincorrect** : No! Illegal! We don’t talk about it!

**Treedad** : Then don’t be a little shit

**Thatisincorrect** : Perish! It’s my job as your brother!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! I’m not dead but I sure feel like I am! I’ve been sick these past three days and finals start Tuesday uwu. Two-three chapters from now will be the birthday stuff but with that will also be the stuff between Eris and Riley. That being said, it’ll be written in Pros and do you guys want as a chapter here or as a one shot?
> 
> I have a blog now that's actually meant from my AO3 now! https://www.tumblr.com/blog/lunar-requests-a-battle


	45. Chapter 45

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There will be an important not at the bottom which I kindly request you to read. 
> 
> Imabadbitch > Babey - Ash  
> MistywithaB- Misty  
> Rockhard- Brock  
> Maybeitsnotmaybeline - Dawn  
> MarshMALLOW - Mallow  
> Lemonchild - Clemont  
> Illgladlysteponyou > Actuallyaqueen - Serena  
> Maskedroyal > Cursed - Kukui  
> Itsbrittanybitch - May  
> Purebean - Lillie  
> FuckitupSoph - Sophocles  
> Yeetorbeyeeted > Actuallycares™️ > Bitchysnowman - Paul  
> Countryboi > Thoticus - Gary  
> Whowantslasagna - Cilan  
> Themomthership - Delia  
> Satanicgremlin - Max  
> Whatthefuckkyle - Kiawe  
> DragonsmakemegoUwU - Iris  
> Imwashingmeandmyclothes - Lana  
> Internallydying - Tracy  
> Inyourdreams - Burnet  
> ChaoticNeutral - Norman  
> Honoraryparent > Chaoticadult- Alain  
> Ghostgirl - Acerola  
> McEndmysuffering - Sophie  
> AureaJ - Professor Juniper  
> Onediggyboi > IndustrialPropoganda- Roark  
> Itscalledfashionbaby-Diantha  
> OlympiaG > GalaxyMother- Olympia  
> Babybrother > Dratiniisbabey - Lance  
> EternalMentalbreakdown- Riley  
> Stonebitch > CapitalistPropoganda- Steven  
> Chaoschild > UnholyOne - Eris  
> Enemyofthestate - Leon  
> CommunistPropoganda - Cynthia 
> 
> In the Family chat  
> Chatoverlord - Delia  
> Tiredandtrying - Augustine  
> Tinytinyboy > Shituncle - Lance  
> Residentlittleshit - Colress  
> Babey - Ash  
> TrueBabey - Lillie  
> BabyYveltal - Gladion  
> Sinnoh Chat  
> Truedadfriend - Byron  
> Onediggyboi - Roark  
> Secretlyabottom - Riley  
> Icequeen - Candice  
> Cactusmom - Gardenia  
> Foreveralone - Volkner  
> Sinthia - Cynthia  
> Purplefanta - Fantina  
> Neighborhoodbugboi - Aaron  
> Fiteme - Maylene  
> LeagueGrandma - Bertha  
> Localpyro - Flint
> 
> I have a blog now that's actually meant from my AO3 now, by the way! https://www.tumblr.com/blog/lunar-requests-a-battle

**PrITAlshire** :  _ Piers is fucking terrifying  _

**PrITAlshire** : How the hell did Leon manage him?!

**ChLeon** has entered  **Giratina’s personal hell hole**

**ChLeon** : Well I didn’t date his sister 

**PrMagnolia#2** has entered  **Giratina’s personal hell hole**

**PrMagnolia#2** : I sure hope not

**ChLeon** : Bad time to interject 

**PrMagnolia#2** : Okay

**PrITAlshire** : Permission to slaughter the two with weird hair

**ChLeon** : No!

**PrMagnolia#2** : As much as I shouldn’t encourage murder, yes you may

**PrSycamore** has entered  **Giratina’s personal hell hole**

**PrSycamore** : It’s 4:30 in the morning for you three, what the hell are all of you doing up

**PrMangolia#2** : What are you doing up?

**PrSycamore** : Feeding my Pokémon and the Pokémon in the garden, I have to mix wet with dry food so some of the younger ones will eat because they don’t like the dry food

**PrRowan** has entered  **Giratina’s personal hell hole**

**PrRowan** : You are the last person to say anything about being up at ungodly hours. I remember you used to say up well past 2am

**PrSycamore** : This is not a topic for discussion, 

**ChDiantha** : You still do it now, Sophie and Ash have both said something about it

**PrITAlshire** : Well, while you guys argue, I’m gonna go dispose of the twins

**PrRowan** : No

**ChLeon** : At least have Gloria do it since she can get away with it

**PrITAlshire** : No,  _ they’re insulting my research papers again _

**PrMagnolia** has entered  **Giratina’s personal hell hole**

**PrMagnolia** : Just have Gloria do it, she’s been wanting to for years

**PrITAlshire** : Please

**PrSycamore** : No one is killing anyone, no matter what

**PrITOak** has entered  **Giratina’s personal hell hole**

**PrITOak** : First off, the name needs to be  _ fixed _

**PrITOak** : Second off, if looks could kill, I would be dead because I called you a bottom and also

**PrITOak** : You didn’t not like or trust Riley when you first met him

**ChLeon** : For the time I’ve known him, that’s just a very him thing to do. He didn’t trust Rose ever and didn’t like me at all for a good two years

**PrSycamore** : That would never have happened if you didn’t have an eight year old as a gym leader and Chairman Rose is a psychopath

**ChLeon** : Didn’t you hire a nine year old?

**PrSycamore** : Eris was 12, she just looked nine

**ChDiantha** : She  _ still _ looks nine, Augustine 

**PrITOak** : Say it to her face Diantha

**ChDiantha** : When I actually see her I will

**PrITAlshire** : Who is Eris

**ChDiantha** : The girl who gave Birch’s kid a black eye a few years ago

**PrITAlshire** : Doesn’t ring any bells

**PrITAlshire** : Anyways, I’m gonna go to go deal with the twins 

**PrITAlshire** has left **Giratina’s personal hell hole**

**ChLeon** : Oh no!

**ChLeon** has left  **Giratina’s personal hell hole**

*********

**IndustrialPropaganda** has entered  **Arceus great god above end me**

**IndustrialPropaganda** : I feel this is just very important to point out but Riley’s Uncle’s partner Pokémon is a Hattrem but he’s a therapist in Motostoke and his aunt’s is a fat and lazy Meowth but she is a pediatrician 

**IndustrialPropaganda** : For fuck sake, Hattrem’s vibe check others for showing emotion!

**Enemyofthestate** has entered  **Arceus great god above end me**

**Enemyofthestate** : Not all Pokémon are like their dex entries

**IndustrialPropaganda** : You say this as if that will change my thoughts

**Enemyofthestate** : kid, you’re being ignorant. Not all Hattrems are violent

**IndustrialPropaganda** : I will believe that when I’m not vibe checked every time I go to Galar!

**CommunistPropaganda** has entered  **Arceus great god above end me**

**CommunistPropaganda** : You got vibe checked  _ twice _ out of the six times you’ve gone!

**IndustrialPropaganda** : It has been every time, dad can confirm!

**CommunistPropaganda** : Byron never said shit!

**IndustrialPropaganda** : Ask him! You two are on the same cursed chat!

**CommunistPropaganda** : Why are you only saying something about it now if it’s happened?!

**IndustrialPropaganda** : Because now it’s actually relevant!

**CommunistPropaganda** : Sounds like you don’t like Riley’s family or our lord and savior Chonker

**IndustrialPropaganda** :  **_Our lord and savior is Giratina_ **

**IndustrialPropaganda** : And it’s not that! Their Pokémon choices are just  _ questionable _

**CommunistPropaganda** : You’re questionable!

**Enemyofthestate** : Are you two really fighting over this?

**Enemyofthestate** : Shouldn’t you also respect her because she’s your boss?

**IndustrialPropaganda** : She’s literally only six years older than me and I’ve known her before I was a gym leader. She’s just essentially a cousin that I see almost daily. 

**CommunistPropaganda** : I don’t know what you’re doing in Galar but the Sinnoh league is just one huge family, not including Rowan but we do include Lucas. 

**IndustrialPropaganda** : @ **EternalMentalbreakdown**

**IndustrialPropaganda** : Where the fuck are you

**EternalMentalbreakdown** has entered  **Arceus great god above end me**

**EternalMentalbreakdown** : I just got home from an hour run at five in the morning, what do you want now

**IndustrialPropaganda** : Why were you on a run at five in the morning?!

**CommunistPropaganda** : Is that an honest question Roark? Think about who your talking about

**IndustrialPropaganda** : I am. Riley rarely gets up at five am

**EternalMentalbreakdown** has left  **Arceus great god above end me**

**CommunistPropaganda** : You scared him off!

**IndustrialPropaganda** : Sounds fake, you can’t scare the likes of Riley off  _ that  _ easily

**EternalMentalbreakdown** has entered  **Arceus great god above end me**

**EternalMentalbreakdown** : No! Meowth just got a thing of flour dumped on him so now he now has to be bathed!

**EternalMentalbreakdown** : This fucking  _ Toe theif _ of a Meowth won’t give me a break and now I have to figure out how to bathe him without my arms get clawed to shreds 

**CommunistPropaganda** : Just let the Meowth bathe itself 

**EternalMentalbreakdown** : That’ll make him sick!

**CommunistPropaganda** : Then good luck I guess?

**EternalMentalbreakdown** :  _ Cynthia, please be an adult _

**CommunistPropaganda** : I don’t know what to tell you! None of my Pokémon are feral like yours!

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** has entered  **Arceus great god above end me**

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : oof, rip Riley

**EternalMentalbreakdown** :  _ Dawn _

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : Riley, I wish you the best of luck in bathing the chonk, but how did it happen

**EternalMentalbreakdown** : I don’t  _ know _

**Actuallyaqueen** has entered  **Arceus great god above end me**

**Actuallyaqueen** : First of all, Galar Meowth’s are totally toe thiefs 

**Actuallyaqueen** : Second of all, try putting him into warm water gently and ease him into the water.

**EternalMentalbreakdown** : Thank you! For once a decent and helpful person in this chat!

**Lemonchild** : oh?

**Lemonchild** : OH?

**Lemonchild** : Serena, you better not catch feelings

**IndustrialPropaganda** : Are none of you aware that Riley’s gay, as in, he’s only into guys?

**Actuallyaqueen** : I guessed that and also,  _ someone else owns my heart _

**Lemonchild** : Whomst

**Actuallyaqueen** : For me to know and you to find out :)

**Lemonchild** : One (1) fear

**Internallydying** has entered  **Arceus great god above end me**

**Internallydying** : This is only my second time acknowledging this chat and I’m disappointed 

**Internallydying** : In no way is Galarian Meowth that bad, I’m sure you’re all exaggerating

**EternalMentalbreakdown** uploaded file  **gremlin**

**EternalMentalbreakdown** : I can conclude that Galarian Meowth is 100% a fucking gremlin

**Internallydying** : Wait if Riley’s in the picture and trying to bathe Meowth, then who took it and is texting us

**EternalMentalbreakdown** : His aunt. He left his phone on so I took the chance. 

**Actuallyaqueen** : Tbh, you sound like siblings

**EternalMentalbreakdown** : Yeah, that’s normal. Anyways I have to go make sure Fábio doesn’t hurt Riley and actually gets clean. 

**EternalMentalbreakdown** has left  **Arceus great god above end me**

**Lemonchild** : this just proves the point that Meowth is a fucking Toe Theif, Tracey!

**Internallydying** : Oh no! One Meowth is definitely the set personality for a whole species!

**Actuallyaqueen** : My dad had one that absolutely hated me! Every time I tried to go by him the damn thing would get mad at me!

**Internallydying** : I still don’t believe that they were as bad as you say they are

**Actuallyaqueen** : That’s your fault and I will laugh when a Galarian Meowth sleeps your fucking toes!

**Internallydying** : Ha! I live in Kanto!

**Actuallyaqueen** : Then I’ll send a Galarian Meowth over!

**Thoticus** has entered  **Arceus great god above end me**

**Thoticus** : Please don’t, that’s not the best idea since Galarian Meowth’s don’t naturally live in Kanto

**Actuallyaqueen** : Then Tracey better stop being a bitch!

**Internallydying** : I didn’t come here to attacked like this

*********

**UnholyOne** has entered  **Arceus great god above end me**

**UnholyOne** : I found the forbidden jacket

**UnholyOne** uploaded file **Forbiddenjacket**

**Enemyofthestate** has entered  **Arceus great god above end me**

**Enemyofthestate** : Oh my god

**UnholyOne** : I will have you know, it’s still too big no me

**Enemyofthestate** : Bede says fuck you

**UnholyOne** : Tell him no thanks

**Kingofthefey** has been added to  **Arceus great god above end me**

**Kingofthefey** : Eris, you’re the worst and Leon, you’re not much better

**UnholyOne** : If he’s king of the fey, then what the fuck am I?

**Enemyofthestate** : his Queen

**UnholyOne** : Kind reminder that I can and will have Zenzi after you. We’re not date and we never have 

**Treedad** has entered  **Arceus great god above end me**

**Treedad** uploaded file  **Postmeeting**

**UnholyOne** : You said you deleted it!

**Kingofthefey** : Liar!

**Treedad** : Zenzi sent me this a few months ago

**Kingofthefey** : I can’t believe this

**Treedad** : Your dads won’t do their jobs so someone has to

**Kingofthefey** : Leon, why do you allow this?!

**Enemyofthestate** : Because it’s fun

**Lemonchild** and three others have entered  **Arceus great god above end me**

**Lemonchild** : Hold up,  _ that’s  _ the forbidden jacket?

**UnholyOne** : Yeah. It only started when Bede became a gym leader though. The old Ballonlea Gym leader Opal made it for me and at first it was 3-4 sizes too big, now it’s 2-3 sizes too big

**ChaoticNeutral** : Okay, but why is it forbidden?

**Kingofthefey** : It’s forbidden because Opal never made me one and Eris really didn’t have much of a connection to her. 

**UnholyOne** : Yeah but you got an ass ton of parental love and care from her. I got a fraction of it from her, Sycamore, and my parents combined. Also, I offered to give this to you

**Kingofthefey** : But it’s not right, she made it for you 

**UnholyOne** : Yeah, but she was your mother/grandmother. It’s fine, I live in Alola anyways

**Kingofthefey** : Keep it or I’ll steal your toes 

**Satanicgremlin** : I’m having a hard time believing these two aren’t dating

**Bitchysnowman** has entered  **Arceus great god above end me**

**Bitchysnowman** : I’ve suffered enough around Roark and Gardenia to know that they’re dating 

**Bitchysnowman** : I’ve also seen how everyone who dates here interacts with their s/o to know there’s a pretty good chance they’re dating. 

**FuckitupSoph** has entered  **Arceus great god above end me**

**FuckitupSoph** : Hey you two should kiss!

**UnholyOne** : … Why must you quote the ASDF movie?

**FuckitupSoph** : Why not?

**UnholyOne** : You’re worse than my students 

**Cursed** has entered  **Arceus great god above end me**

**Cursed** : Hey! Say that to my face!

**UnholyOne** : Cool it Kukui, I’m not trying to start a fight

**UnholyOne** : I told you how the last day of school before the end of the school year, I didn’t have a lesson plan and the kids insisted that we watched the entirety of the ASDF movie and didn’t like it if I tried closing out of it

**Cursed** : Your students sound worse than mine

**UnholyOne** : My students never went out of their way to quote it

**FuckitupSoph** : Where is the quote directly from

**UnholyOne** : Asdf movie five at 0:15

**FuckitupSoph** : I

**UnholyOne** : I’ve had to see it a lot since I first started teaching 

**Cursed** : Even more proof your students are the worst

**UnholyOne** : The more I think about it, yours are better

**Cursed** : Oh? OH?

**UnholyOne** : My Top student tries to battle me constantly but his whole team are just dragon types

**UnholyOne** : It’s like battling Lance’s Dragonite 

**Dratiniisbabey** has entered  **Arceus great god above end me**

**Dratiniisbabey** : Is that good or bad?

**UnholyOne** : Super bad because I can take Down his whole team with just Whimsicott or Florges 

**Kingofthefey** : What the hell?

**UnholyOne** :  _ I know _

**UnholyOne** : It gives the other kids a good laugh though when they see his Kommo-o is taken down by a Pokémon that’s a fraction of their size

**Dratiniisbabey** : Wait, why is Bede here?

**UnholyOne** : The Forbidden Jacket

**Kingofthefey** : Because Eris and Leon like being mean to me

**Dratiniisbabey** : Is that the same Jacket that Opal made you that she made intentionally too big because she thought you’d grow since you were only 13 at the time?

**UnholyOne** : Yeah

**Dratiniisbabey** : Eris, you are like coral, you grow a 0.3 centimeters every year

**UnholyOne** : Ass

**UnholyOne** : At least I don’t have massive weaknesses like you do. You’re extremely weak to ice types

**Dratiniisbabey** : At least I can live with that and don’t beat people up when they mention it

**Kingofthefey** : Was Ruby saying that she was lying about her age and shit though? That kid had it out for Eris and tried getting her kicked out of the league.

**Dratiniisbabey** : So that’s why he got the black eye and was kicked out of the league

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is not a call out and I know everyone has their own preferences, but please, if you have a preference for a relationship that contradicts the one in this story, please do not say so in the comments. I accept that you prefer two characters to be siblings or friends, but if that is the case and they are dating in this story, then do not comment so. Also, aside from romantic, all relationships in this are the same for my other stories unless stated otherwise.


	46. Chapter 46

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Imabadbitch > Babey - Ash  
> MistywithaB- Misty  
> Rockhard- Brock  
> Maybeitsnotmaybeline - Dawn  
> MarshMALLOW - Mallow  
> Lemonchild - Clemont  
> Illgladlysteponyou > Actuallyaqueen - Serena  
> Maskedroyal > Cursed - Kukui  
> Itsbrittanybitch - May  
> Purebean - Lillie  
> FuckitupSoph - Sophocles  
> Yeetorbeyeeted > Actuallycares™️ > Bitchysnowman - Paul  
> Countryboi > Thoticus - Gary  
> Whowantslasagna - Cilan  
> Themomthership - Delia  
> Satanicgremlin - Max  
> Whatthefuckkyle - Kiawe  
> DragonsmakemegoUwU - Iris  
> Imwashingmeandmyclothes - Lana  
> Internallydying - Tracy  
> Inyourdreams - Burnet  
> ChaoticNeutral - Norman  
> Honoraryparent > Chaoticadult- Alain  
> Ghostgirl - Acerola  
> McEndmysuffering - Sophie  
> AureaJ - Professor Juniper  
> Onediggyboi > IndustrialPropoganda- Roark  
> Itscalledfashionbaby-Diantha  
> OlympiaG > GalaxyMother- Olympia  
> Babybrother > Dratiniisbabey - Lance  
> EternalMentalbreakdown- Riley  
> Stonebitch > CapitalistPropoganda- Steven  
> Chaoschild > UnholyOne - Eris  
> Enemyofthestate - Leon  
> CommunistPropoganda - Cynthia
> 
> In the Family chat  
> Chatoverlord - Delia  
> Tiredandtrying - Augustine  
> Tinytinyboy > Shituncle - Lance  
> Residentlittleshit - Colress  
> Babey - Ash  
> TrueBabey - Lillie  
> BabyYveltal - Gladion  
> Sinnoh Chat  
> Truedadfriend - Byron  
> Onediggyboi - Roark  
> Secretlyabottom - Riley  
> Icequeen - Candice  
> Cactusmom - Gardenia  
> Foreveralone - Volkner  
> Sinthia - Cynthia  
> Purplefanta - Fantina  
> Neighborhoodbugboi - Aaron  
> Fiteme - Maylene  
> LeagueGrandma - Bertha  
> Localpyro - Flint
> 
> I have a blog now that's actually meant from my AO3 now, by the way! https://www.tumblr.com/blog/lunar-requests-a-battle

**Lemonchild** has entered  **Arceus great god above end me**

**Lemonchild** : I feel as if we’re ignoring the fact that Eris is biological related to Kalos’s chairman

**GalaxyMother** and three others have entered  **Arceus great god above end me**

**WallaceM** : I hope you’re joking

**GalaxyMother** : Is she related to Zenzi?

**WallaceM** : If they’re related I’m quitting

**[This message has been deleted]**

**UnholyOne** : That was my  _ mother _ , not me who did that, Olympia 

**WallaceM** :  _ Are you and Zenzi related _

**UnholyOne** : Yes but we aren’t allowed to talk to each other much??? My mom doesn’t want us to talk at all because she doesn’t trust Zenzi. She’s another cousin from my mother’s side. She’s my second cousin once removed or something. 

**WallaceM** : You have multiple cousins

**UnholyOne** : Yeah, but the ones that are actually relevant to me are her, Elias, and Alois. Even then, they’re all second cousins or further. 

**GalaxyMother** : What did she do for your mother to threaten her like that?!

**UnholyOne** : Miscommunication and her mother was always on mine about her parenting abilities so she took it out on her. Most people had something to say to my mom about how she cared for me

**Itscalledfashionbaby** : Wallace, what do you have against Zenzi

**UnholyOne** : Yeah, having something against me makes sense but not Zenzi

**WallaceM** : because Zenzi is  _ terrifying  _

**UnholyOne** : Okay fair. She did threaten to snap a person’s neck when we were kids

**Itscalledfashionbaby** : She did  _ what _

**UnholyOne** : To be fair it was 12(?) years ago

**Itscalledfashionbaby** : Wait, haven’t you said before that you had an aunt from your father’s side that you were very close to? Did she not have kids?

**UnholyOne** : Oh, she had kids, that’s who Zenzi was threatening. She hates my cousins on my dad’s side.

**UnholyOne** : She’s also has a distaste for my aunt

**WallaceM** : What

**UnholyOne** : My aunt said she’d talk to my dad but she never did and then moved to Johto so I was alone

**CapitalistPropaganda** has entered  **Arceus great god above end me**

**[This message has been deleted]**

**UnholyOne** : Stop quoting what she said, please. Anyways, what happened was that my mother misinterpreted our relationship I guess. My father told me that my mother didn’t like how close we were and that if I wasn’t with Thorne or Helena, I was with Zenzi. 

**[This message has been deleted]**

**[This message has been deleted]**

**[This message has been deleted]**

**UnholyOne** : Clemont, stop you little shit. I mean it when I say it, you fuck

**Treedad** has entered  **Arceus great god above end me**

**Treedad** : I’m personally surprised you aren’t upset people are being her up in general

**UnholyOne** : Shush you. 

**CapitalistPropaganda** : Anyways, what does being close to one of the few family members that didn’t leave you have to do with being bad or well… whatever your mother thought it was

**UnholyOne** : Didn’t put two and two together. I’m not close to my parents, along with my aunt Lorette and her family. Though I’m kinda close to three of my distant cousins. 

**UnholyOne** : Speaking of which

**UnholyOne** uploaded file  **Hideaugustine**

**Lemonchild** : Is that a fucking hoverboard

**Treedad** : Eris, what is the meaning of that

**UnholyOne** : Alois is apparently in Kalos right now and paid Zenzi to go on a hoverboard. 

**Lemonchild** : Send the video

**UnholyOne** uploaded video file  **Sendhelp**

**Treedad** : What did I do to piss her off now?!

**UnholyOne** : Kalos incident or something. Alois said that she’s mad because over a man named Lysandre and your relationship 

**Treedad** : Ah fuck

**UnholyOne** : Augustine, what the hell is going on between you and Zenzi? I’ve never seen here so ready to kill anyone beside my parents

**UnholyOne** uploaded file  **Nvm**

**UnholyOne** : Don’t worry about it anymore, she’s run into a wall because Alois didn’t help her get off

**Treedad** : … I don’t even know anymore, what the fuck

**UnholyOne** : No one does at this point

*********

**EternalMentalbreakdown** has entered  **Arceus great god above end me**

**EternalMentalbreakdown** uploaded file  **Egg**

**Babey** has entered  **Arceus great god above end me**

**Babey** : Go to bed, it’s almost 11:00 in Galar

**Babey** : Also, @ **MistywithaB**

**MistywithaB** has entered  **Arceus great god above end me**

**MistywithaB** : I thought there was only one trick ass bitch in this chat, turns out there’s two

**EternalMentalbreakdown** : Clarify

**MistywithaB** : That’s a fucking  _ Togepi egg _

**MistywithaB** : I don’t have a Togepi anymore ;-;

**EternalMentalbreakdown** : Well yeah, they stay away from conflict

**MistywithaB** : Riley yoU FUCK

**Babey** : Who’s the second?

**MistywithaB** :  _ You _

**Babey** : ;-;

**Babey** : IN MY OWN CHAT, YOU DISRESPECT ME AND  **_MY BOYFRIEND_ **

**MistywithaB** : Suffer. You’re disrespecting me and I miss my baby

**Babey** : That’s fair, I’m sorry

**MistywithaB** : I accept but you’re still mean, thot

**Babey** : Fair

**MistywithaB** : Riley, what are you going to name your Togepi

**EternalMentalbreakdown** : What?

**MistywithaB** : They’re your baby, name them

**EternalMentalbreakdown** : I really don’t know

**IndustrialPropaganda** has entered  **Arceus great god above end me**

**IndustrialPropaganda** : Name them Irini

**EternalMentalBreakdown** : What is the significance of that name, you keep suggesting it to others when they plan to name their Pokemon

**CommunistPropaganda** has entered  **Arceus great god above end me**

**CommunistPropaganda** : roark shut up before I tell your parents

**IndustrialPropaganda** : Shush Cynthia

**CommunistPropaganda** : Don’t be a fucking pain in the ass Roark

**EternalMentalbreakdown** : Roark, Cynthia, what are you talking about 

**CommunistPropaganda** : He’s being a little shit, that’s what’s wrong 

**EternalMentalbreakdown** : Roark, what is the significance of Irini

**IndustrialPropaganda** : Long story short, mom and dad were expecting me to be a girl and my name was supposed to be Irini which means peaceful and I am the opposite of both of those

**EternalMentalbreakdown** : 

**EternalMentalbreakdown** : Why must you be like this?

**IndustrialPropaganda** : It’s just my speciality 

**EternalMentalbreakdown** : …

**EternalMentalbreakdown** has left  **Arceus great god above end me**

**Babey** : You made him leave ;-;

**CommunistPropaganda** : Sadly, Roark has a habit of doing that

**IndustrialPropaganda** : Shut it! You made Riley leave our Sin Bin™️ for two months 

**Babey** : What is the Sin Bin and how did Cynthia make Riley leave it

**CommunistPropaganda** : Candice changed his name to “Secretlyabottom” and I took away his ability to change names after he changed Candice’s name to “Thecoldneverbotheredmeanyways” which is long and forbidden 

**Babey** : A Disney movie is banned in a chat that you guys call the “Sin Bin”? 

**IndustrialPropaganda** : It’s not as weird as when Maylene got the word “Bonding” banned

**Babey** : Wacky flex, but alright 

**FuckitupSoph** and seven others have entered  **Arceus great god above end me**

**FuckitupSoph** : Ash, it has been decided that you are excommunicated from the class

**Babey** : Oh Arceus, I say one thing and it summons eight of you

**Whatthefuckkyle** : Ash, I don’t even know most memes but I know for a fact that what you said is incorrect 

**Satanicgremlin** : Ash… no

**MarshMALLOW** : I’m with Kiawe on this one

**Imwashingmeandmyclothes** : Ash, please tell me you reworded it on purpose 

**DragonsmakemegoUwU** : Ash, you’re killing me

**Whowantslasagna** : Ash, my dearest friend, your poor phrasing has the same taste of over brewed cold tea

**Itsbrittanybitch** : For once, Cilan has said something I understand and something  _ very true _

**Babey** : What have I said that’s so wrong????? 

**Imwashingmeandmyclothes** : It’s “weird flex, but okay” not whatever you just said!

**Babey** : I didn’t know that! I’ve heard it a few times but not enough to know it exactly!

**IndustrialPropaganda** : So are you tiny gremlins telling me it’s not “странный изгиб, но хорошо”?

**FuckitupSoph** : you comE INTO MY HOUSE

**Babey** : See! I’m not the only one who says it differently 

**DragonsmakemegoUwU** : You win this time Ash!

**Kingofthefey** : Wait so it’s not “komischer Flex aber okay”?

**FuckitupSoph** : You heathens

**Kingofthefey** : I’m not a heathen but you are

**CommunistPropaganda** : Bede…

**Kingofthefey** : Sorry

**CommunistPropaganda** : Better be or else

**Kingofthefey** : Yes Ma’am 

**Babey** : Imma hop off because I’m tired and y’all are rude

**Babey** has left  **Arceus great god above end me**

**Kingofthefey** : I’m doing the same because it’s late and tomorrow ends the Gym challenge season 

**Kingofthefey** has left  **Arceus great god above end me**

*********

**UnholyOne** has entered  **Arceus great god above end me**

**UnholyOne** : Hey @ **Babey** @ **EternalMentalbreakdown**

**UnholyOne** : Was the shit about Bede and I dating because I said something about you two dating before you admitted you were dating?

**Babey** has entered **Arceus great god above end me**

**Babey** : How the fuck did you find out?!

**UnholyOne** : You kept going on and offline whenever someone said that Bede and I were most likely dating!

**Babey** : To be fair, Leon encouraged it

**UnholyOne** : Oh for fuck sake

**Babey** : Don’t kill me?

**UnholyOne** : I won’t. But just to let you know Bede’s gay

**Kingofthefey** has entered  **Arceus great god above end me**

**Kingofthefey** : I’m bi Eris

**[This message has been deleted]**

**Kingofthefey** : Shut up!

**UnholyOne** : No! You called my classroom’s phone to complain to me about how your ex invited you to his wedding and I had to have you swoon over each of your boyfriends 

**EternalMentalbreakdown** has entered  **Arceus great god above end me**

**EternalMentalbreakdown** : Take your damn lovers quarrel to the DMs! Aunt Bea got me up at 5 am again for her run and I’m tired as hell

**EternalMentalbreakdown** has left  **Arceus great god above end me**

**Kingofthefey** : Wait Bea has a nephew?

**UnholyOne** : Yeah and a twin brother

**Kingofthefey** : Since when?!

**Kingofthefey** : She’s never said anything about that! Why the fuck did she tell you?!

**UnholyOne** : Yeah and an older sister. I didn’t find out through her, Riley told me. 

**Kingofthefey** : She never once mentioned it to us and why the hell do know her nephew?!

**UnholyOne** : She doesn’t and shouldn’t have to. It’s her life and she can tell you as much and as little as you want and Riley and I lived on the same street until I moved to Alola. 

*************

Private Conversation between  **AugustineS** and  **ErisP**

**AugustineS** : Don’t fuck with Bede

**ErisP** : No

**AugustineS** : Shove him in a snowbank for all I care but don’t do this. You know he can’t understand sarcasm over text 

**ErisP** : But it’s fun to fuck with him

**AugustineS** : Eris stop or I’ll let Thorne and Celéste

**ErisP** : Fine

*********

**EternalMentalbreakdown** has entered  **Arceus great god above end me**

**EternalMentalbreakdown** : I… you are aware that my aunt and the fighting type gym leader are two different people, right?

**UnholyOne** : Very much so. Bede doesn’t though

**Kingofthefey** : Eris, you bitch!

**Kingofthefey** uploaded video file  **Shouldvethoughttwice**

**UnholyOne** : IS THAT JUST A FUCKING MONTAGE OF ME FALLING AND GETTING THROWN

**EternalMentalbreakdown** : Why is you being thrown even relevant enough for this

**UnholyOne** : Because Helena used to throw me because I’m just so small. If you were on Sycamore’s good side, I’m sure he would send some other shit but luckily you’re from it

**Treedad** has entered  **Arceus great god above end me**

**Treedad** uploaded video file  **Smallchild**

**UnholyOne** : What a bitch

**Treedad** : I will willingly post this no matter what. Helena only liked talking to three other people, seeing here call you “Small bean” and deciding that you were the league baby was hilarious 

**Babey** : Are we not going to acknowledge that the song in the background is Mr. Blue Sky and the video ends with her falling out of a tree with the caption of “To be continued”

**Kingofthefey** : Yeah. Everyone in the league has already seen it 

**Kingofthefey** : Also, you and your bitchy cousin still owe us a trip to the ice rink!

**UnholyOne** : No, fuck you

**Kingofthefey** : Fuck me yourself coward

**UnholyOne** : Zenzi is busy all the time and you only want me to go so you can watch me trip and fall

**Kingofthefey** uploaded file  **Doitforhim**

**Babey** : What

**UnholyOne** : No, Milo’s the worst

**Kingofthefey** : Do it for Allister then

**UnholyOne** : No

**Kingofthefey** : Why not

**UnholyOne** : I’m not going to Galar just to go ice skating. I don’t have anything against you guys but it’s pointless for me to do so

**Kingofthefey** uploaded video file  **Please**

**UnholyOne** : Fine but only because I owe you

**Kingofthefey** : Something tells me otherwise. Maybe your soft spot for Allister and kids?

**UnholyOne** : shUT

**Treedad** : I can see it know, six weeks from now Galar headlines are just going to say “Ballonlea’s Gym Leader Bede found dead in Motostoke Riverbank”

*************

Private conversation between  **AugustineS** and **LeonA**

**LeonA** : Knowing what that dumbass has planned, in three weeks it’ll be “Unidentifiable body found on route 6”

**AugustineS** : Possibly but very unlikely, she’ll have students with her when she’s in Kalos 

**LeonA** : We’ll see then I guess

*********

**MaeveD** has been added to  **Arceus great god above end me**

**MaeveD** has entered  **Arceus great god above end me**

**MaeveD** : First rule of thumb, you don’t ever question Eris. Eris is the same girl who beat the shit out of Ruby, continuously stabbed him with a pen, and gets literally thrown around. Zenzi being her cousin should be the least of your concerns. 

**EternalMentalbreakdown** : What do you mean she stabbed Ruby with a pen?

**EternalMentalbreakdown** : Did it break skin or only leave ink?

**MaeveD** : …

**Enemyofthestate** : You don’t want to know. It’s safer that way

**Babey** : How’d she beat up someone 9 inches taller than her?!

**MaeveD** : Ask her

**MaeveD** has permanently left  **Arceus great god above end me**

**UnholyOne** : Wait a second! You’re the one who encouraged it! You told me to stab him when he was a little bitch!

**UnholyOne** : Fuck!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So uh... I *might* be wanting to have Bede and Eris end up together but I’ll leave that up to you guys if I add it or not.


	47. Chapter 47

**Lemonchild** has entered  **Arceus great god above end me**

**Lemonchild** : Why was fucking Satan of all people here?!

**UnholyOne** has entered  **Arceus great god above end me**

**UnholyOne** : Shut up, Valerie is much worse than Maeve, don’t disrespect her

**Lemonchild** : I don’t listen to people who stab others with pens

**Lemonchild** : Anyways, @ **Treedad**

**Treedad** has entered  **Arceus great god above end me**

**Treedad** : Because someone needs to attest for the fact that Eris shouldn’t be questioned

**Treedad** : Also, the thing about Valerie, from what I’ve heard, is very true. I know Thorne and Maeve hate her and Helena refuses to put up with her. It takes a lot for Maeve and Thorne to hate people. 

**UnholyOne** : None of us like her because she wanted to take my spot when I was 14-15. She got upset when I refused her and took in Clemont as my successor! She thought she had a right to it because she trained Fairy types and was older!

**UnholyOne** : The only time age has effect is if your 5+ years older that the current gym leader you plan on training under

**Thoticus** has entered  **Arceus great god above end me**

**Thoticus** : Sorry to interrupt but Ash needs to be disowned 

**Treedad** : No. Gary that’s rude

**Thoticus** : @ **Babey** tell them what you told me

**Babey** has entered  **Arceus great god above end me**

**Babey** : I’d rather not

**Thoticus** : Oh? OH? Is it because your dad’s on? Your boyfriend? Both of them?

**Babey** : I will gladly smother you if you don’t shut up 

**Thoticus** : Coward!

**Babey** : I am but at least I’m not a bitch like you!

**Treedad** : What are you two talking about?

**Babey** : Nothing!

**Thoticus** : Ash, I literally have a snapshot of it, I will send it! You come into my house, interrupt my sleep, and then proceed to be cursed!

**Babey** : I don’t know what you’re talking about 

**Thoticus** uploaded file **areyousure**

**Babey** : Hey, don’t do this to me today

**Thoticus** : No!

**Babey** : Silence fool

**Thoticus** : The only fool is you! 

**Treedad** : Gary why the hell is that cursed? There’s nothing wrong with it 

**Babey** : See, even my dad agrees with me!

**Thoticus** : That’s probably just because he doesn’t know about Leaf’s bullshit!

**Treedad** : I am aware of what happened when Leaf babysat you two when you were younger

**Thoticus** : Then you should know why the nickname is cursed!

**Lemonchild** : Ash, what the fuck

**Babey** : No

**Lemonchild** : Ash, I know exactly what that’s from if you’re talking about what I think you’re talking about. Ash, don’t be a heathen like this

**Babey** :  _ I’m the heathen _

**Lemonchild** : Yes, good to see we can agree on something 

**Babey** : Shut up

**Babey** : Gary literally said that my parents were most likely have sex just because neither were online

**Lemonchild** : That is very true

**Thoticus** : Ash, this is about you, not me and even then

**Thoticus** : I don’t do this!

**Babey** : Shut it you

**UnholyOne** : You three, just shut up or explain already. 

**Thoticus** : He wants to name Mew “Tarte” after a fairy from Precure

**UnholyOne** : What the fuck is precure 

**Thoticus** : Did not you have a childhood or something?

**UnholyOne** : Yes, next question 

**Thoticus** : Well damn, that explains a lot

**UnholyOne** : And the sole fact you watched something called Precure seems pretty telling too

**Thoticus** : My cousin forced me to watch it everytime she babysat me!

**UnholyOne** : Ok zoomer

**Thoticus** : Hey now

**UnholyOne** has left  **Arceus great god above end me**

**Babey** : What the hell 

**Treedad** : That’s just Eris for you sometimes. 

**Babey** : She brings me the feeling of  _ fear _

**Treedad** : That is sadly very common

**Treedad** : @ **UnholyOne**

**Treedad** : What have I done now?

**UnholyOne** has entered  **Arceus great god above end me**

**UnholyOne** : What?

**Treedad** uploaded file  **Fuckyouflowers**

**UnholyOne** : Oh, those! The tag around it should say who it’s from because I didn’t send them this time

**Treedad** : They’re from Astrid?????

**Babey** : What are fuck you flowers?

**UnholyOne** : A tradition that Maeve started where every year, she would send Celéste a bouquet of flowers that say fuck you. Then it moved to Chairman Bisset, then Augustine, then somehow Norman for three years, Professor Birch for two years, and now it’s back to Augustine again I guess? First few it was only between Maeve and Celéste, but now the tradition is that anyone one within the Kalos league can but only one person a year can do it

**ChaoticNeutral** has entered **Arceus great god above end me**

**ChaoticNeutral** : Wait, those were from one of you guys? And they meant “Fuck you”?

**UnholyOne** : Yeah. I don’t know who did it because I just send the flowers to Zenzi when I get the chance

**UnholyOne** : I’ll ask if it was Thorne or Helena. I told them about Ruby a lot but they mixed you and Birch up so technically the flowers were meant for Birch

**ChaoticNeutral** : I’m worried about you and the other gym leaders

**UnholyOne** : Don’t

**UnholyOne** : Celéste and Maeve are bitter exes, no one truthfully knows what happened between them, we just know it has to do with their jobs as models

**ChaoticNeutral** : Hey Augustine, what the fuck

**Treedad** : Don’t bring me into this

**ChaoticNeutral** : You allow this?

**Treedad** : This is the least of my concerns, especially now that I have to deal with the aftermath of my best friend trying to commit mass genocide

**ChaoticNeutral** : Once again, I’m worried about the Kalos League members

**Treedad** : Okay

**Treedad** has left  **Arceus great god above end me**

*********

**Imwashingmeandmyclothes** has entered  **Arceus great god above end me**

**Imwashingmeandmyclothes** : My friend sent me a Tik Tok and small question 

**Imwashingmeandmyclothes** uploaded video file  **Whatthehellisdisney**

**Imwashingmeandmyclothes** : Is this you, @ **UnholyOne**

**UnholyOne** has entered  **Arceus great god above end me**

**UnholyOne** : Who the fuck sent you that?! 

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** has entered  **Arceus great god above end me**

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : You’ve never seen a single Disney movie?!?!?

**UnholyOne** : No. My parents didn’t let me watch them because they were “inaccurate”

**Maybeitsnotmaybeline** : Well yeah! I don’t want to watch a movie where the main character is turned to bubbles or the villain is forced to dance on hot coals!

**Imwashingmeandmyclothes** : she sENT ME MORE

**Imwashingmeandmyclothes** uploaded video files  **Unholytiktoks**

**FuckitupSoph** has entered  **Arceus great god above end me**

**FuckitupSoph** : Please become a teacher at our school 

**Imwashingmeandmyclothes** :  _ Yes _

**Cursed** has entered  **Arceus great god above end me**

**Cursed** : …

**Cursed** : Eris, what the hell

**UnholyOne** : Kukui, tell me that you would not do the same thing

**Cursed** : I don’t know what I would do, I just know that I wouldn’t do  **that**

**UnholyOne** : Invalid. You don’t have a high school senior who keeps challenging you with Dragon types against your fairy types

**Cursed** : You’re right, I don’t, but you still don’t do that. Yours are over leveled

**UnholyOne** : …

**UnholyOne** : He should still be able to hurt them a little

**FuckitupSoph** : Wait a second! Everyone says you’re short but you’re one of the tallest people in that class

**UnholyOne** : I am short by Kalosian and Centanin standards. 

**FuckitupSoph** : One (1) fear

**UnholyOne** : My cousin and one of my best friends can throw me still and it scares me

**Kingofthefey** has entered  **Arceus great god above end me**

**Kingofthefey** : Zenzi and Helena are just freakishly strong. They scare everyone

**UnholyOne** : True. Zenzi’s also terrifying because she can sword fight with most Kalosian and Centanin swords

**Kingofthefey** : Does she own a rapier?

**UnholyOne** : She owns two, but one’s dulled and has been passed down in her family for centuries and then she has Zweihänder which she has for the same reason as the one rapier

**Kingofthefey** : Not gonna lie, but she’s kind of like Lysandre’s opposite. She has the blue color scheme while his is red, he fought to destroy the world while she fights to protect it. She looks out for the best of the world while he looks out for himself. 

**UnholyOne** : I know, that’s all I ever hear. Valerie also keeps bringing up how I didn’t help with the Kalos crisis. She seems to forget that I couldn’t because I was teaching 

**Kingofthefey** : Excuse me, I need go do a few things. 

**Kingofthefey** has left  **Arceus great god above end me**

**UnholyOne** : Aw fuck, Bede don’t!

*********

**EternalMentalbreakdown** has entered  **Arceus great god above**

**EternalMentalbreakdown** : @ **Babey** @ **UnholyOne**

**EternalMentalbreakdown** : My aunt wants both of your contacts so she can talk to you??? I don’t know why but she says she needs to talk to you both about something

**UnholyOne** has entered  **Arceus great god above end me**

**UnholyOne** : Yeah. You know it’s serious if she won’t tell you

**Babey** : I mean I guess? 

**EternalMentalbreakdown** : Okay

*************

**BDesmarais** has created chat  **Where’s Your God Now**

**AshKS** and three others have been added to  **Where’s Your God Now**

**AshKS** and three others have entered  **Where’s Your God Now**

**AshKS** : This chat name feels like a threat

**BDesmarais** : Oh it is. Anything remotely bad happens to Riley, your God will be unable to save you

**ADesmarais** : Ignore her. She can’t hurt anyone, she’d cry first

**BDesmarais** : shuT THE FUCK UP ALBINE

**ADesmarais** : No

**ErisP** : What the cinnamon toast fuck

**AshKS** : ANYWAYS

**AshKS** : What is the point if this

**BDesmarais** : Well Riley’s going to be in Alola from Tuesday to Thursday, but there’s a problem

**AshKS** : He is?!

**BDesmarais** : Yeah, but he nearly passed out yesterday without any signs and I’m worried. He’s 18 almost 19 and that was around the time my sister’s illness started showing. One sign is fatigue. I’m worried that Riley could have it

**ADesmarias** : In short we need you two to keep an eye on him. You two will be around him the most

**AshKS** : Okay, we will

**ErisP** : Sounds fine to me

**BDesmarias** : Oh good because I really don’t have a backup plan for if you two say no

**AshKS** : …

**ADesmarias** : My sister and I collectively share one brain cell, but I have it now because today she’s not at work

**AshKS** : Wack

**ADesmarias** : You’re not wrong

*********

**EternalMentalbreakdown** : I have this strange feeling of impending doom


	48. Chapter 48

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not a normal chapter so no normal update time. Sorry it's so long compared to other chapters.

“Your hand’s burnt,” Eris says, seeing the reddish skin of his fingertips and palm, “Why?”

Her blunt and apathetic voice bothered Riley. She doesn’t show the concern she had when she was eighteen, instead she shows the tone he’s heard her cousin give. Did she change so much from then or was there something more to it? Did she end up hurting for something when he left or did something happen between her and her family? She doesn’t talk of family often and when she does, she just gives them superficial information. 

“It was just some dumb accident. My aunt didn’t cause it,” Riley says, looking away and hiding his hand. 

“You’re like a book, Riley. Full of emotions and easy to read,” she says, “The night I met you, I remember it all. The blood, the call with rowan… the pained look you wore. Riley, I don’t doubt that your aunt hurt you.”

“So you… really remember everything?”

“Yeah. Opened my eyes to see that I had it better compared to most kids,”

“But you’re parents left you alone,”

Eris tilts her head, “They did, but they didn’t hurt me.” She sighs and stands up from her chair across from Riley’s, “It made me want to help people, made me want to be a teacher.”

“What are you doing?” he asks, skeptical of why she just got up with what seemed to be without reason.

“Making coffee. It’s not as dark or bitter as most. It’s a light blend,” she says, “So since you have yet to tell me how you burned your hand. How about I guess?”

“Sure, have at it, I guess,” Riley sighs, “I don’t know why you care though.”

“Based on the severity, my best guess is burned your hand on a hot pot or cup,”

“Nope, guess again,” Riley says. Eris glances at him. There’s a bored and distant expression on his face, the blue of his eyes is swimming as he stares at the floor. 

“Was it your aura?” she asks, placing down two cups onto the counter.

Riley just stares at her, his eyes wide and shining, “How do you know that?”

“I’m not a child like you are, Riley,” she says, “I know that aura is the force of life, strengthened and weakened by emotions. I see it in your eyes too. They weren’t blue.”

Riley looks away from her, “Don’t tell Ash or the other’s, my aunt already worries over me enough.”

“I won’t, but I do request that you don’t keep it a secret forever,” Eris says. She presses down the plunger of her coffee press and pours them into the two mugs, “Sugar and milk?” she asks as she grabs the two.

“Just milk is fine,” he says. He grasps the old Pokedex tightly. The one with the broken screen and scanner, the one that Rowan let him keep without question. Rowan saw that it was a Kalosian model but didn’t ask questions, he just had him get a new one and offer him a starter for once the eggs had hatched. 

“So what made your aura burn you?” Eris asks, stirring milk into his coffee before adding milk and sugar into her own. “Of course, you don’t have to tell if you don’t want to.”

“I… I don’t know. I saw that I could basically make the aura just kinda… dance across my hand then my mind wandered all I was thinking about were the scars and just started doubting myself,” he explains, “Next thing I know, my aura was burning me.”

“Ah, I see,” she says. She walks back over to the living room and hands him the coffee.

“Thanks,”

"As much as I may hate myself for it,” she starts, a small sullen smile on her face as she sits down, “You can keep Lucario if it hurts you to part with him.”

Riley stares at her in disbelief, “I can’t do that! He’s yours, you cared for him for years and he built such a strong friendship with you!”

“I know,” she says before taking a sip of her coffee, “Then we’ll let Lucario choose who he goes with.” Riley just nods softly. Lucario is a living being, having the right to choose who his trainer belongs to him. The two just sit there, sitting in silence as they drink the coffee.

“Hey Lucario, can you come here for a sec’,” Eris calls from the back door. Outside Lucario was playing with Gallade and her other Pokemon and getting to know her Alolan Sandshrew. Lucario looks to the two humans and walks over. Mawile glared at the two of them, not liking that Eris had called him over.

“Hey bud,” she says with a soft smile. Riley never saw her smile, it made his heartache knowing that if Lucario chose him over her, it could hurt her. “Can you and I talk for a little?”

Lucario gave her a questioning look but nods, “Lu… Lucario?” he asks, asking if something was wrong.

She shakes her head, “Whichever you chose, it’s fine with me. Your happiness means more than mine,” she starts, “I don’t mean to pressure you, but… Would you rather stay with Riley or me? You choose who you want regardless of how the other might feel.”

Riley knows that Lucario can feel the wave of emotions going through him as he decides which Trainer to stay with. He’s stayed with them both for seven years, this was not easy. At least that’s what Riley was thinking before Lucario almost immediately chose Eris. He shouldn’t be oo surprised, Eris practically raised him and he also helped him regain his health when he was a Riolu. It was how this all works, after all, she had a deeper bond with Lucario, she was his trainer first. 

“Rio!” he says, nuzzling her cheek.

“Okay then. Now go back to the others, we still need to talk,” she says, scratching his ears. He runs back to the other Pokemon and Mawile clings tightly to him while Sandshrew motions for Lucario to pick him up. Eris walks back inside with Riley following behind him.

“You know Riley, I’m sure he’d understand,” Eris says, “If-”

“No, Lucario chose you and it’s fine,” he cuts in. She’s not apathetic, she was justing hiding how much she missed Lucario, one of part of the true family she has. It doesn’t feel right to keep it from her anymore. “Eris, it’s fine, I promise.”

She frowns, “Riley, I don’t need aura to tell that you’re hurting.”

“Eris, you don’t need to worry about me,”

She gives a small laugh, “You really are the same little boy from seven years ago. You just have an attitude now.”

“Eris…”

“Riley, if you’re hurting from this, you can tell me. I won’t hold it against you. I don’t have a problem with it,” She’s lying, he sees it. She will have a problem with giving up Lucario forever, she just won’t say it. He knows it.

“No it’s fine, I’m better now,” he says softly, “You lent him to me so he could keep me safe. I’m safe now, my father is no longer is a problem.”

She sighs and nods, “If you say so, but call if you ever need something. I don’t have a problem with it and you can really call me at any time if you’d like.”

Riley nods, “I will, thanks.” Eris gives him a concerned look but doesn’t bother with asking any questions. The two sit back down and sit in the silence.

*********

“Where have you been? You said you’d be here by yesterday night,” Ash asks, his and Riley’s hands were entwined as they sat up in the loft. The only thing that really kept Ash from jumping on to Riley was the fact he had an egg and Kukui grabbing onto Ash’s arm before he could jump on to him because of Riley’s egg when he had arrived at the beachside house.

“I know, I know but my plane got delayed so I didn’t end up getting here till this morning,” Riley says, “I meant to text you but my phone died.”

“So I take you already talked with Eris?” Ash asks.

“Yeah, I actually just came from talking with her,” he says softly. His eyes seemed out of focus and his words seemed distant.

“Is everything okay, Riley?” Ash asks, “Did something happen between you two?”

“No… it’s just weird to see her again after so long, especially after the last time,” Riley says, “She changed a lot.”

“How is she different? Dad never said anything about her being different, if anything he probably sees her as the same person he knew a few years ago,”

“She seemed… like she could fall apart at the seams and like a child. Now, she’s calm and has herself together, but she’s still a teen at heart I think. I don’t know… he just seem like an adult like your father and Professor Kukui,”

“Maybe it’s just because she’s a younger teacher? Maybe it’s her students that bring out that side of her,” Ash says, “How come you two know each other?” 

“She was the one who helped me get away from my father,” he says, “She wasn’t how I thought she’d be. Everyone said she was harsh and cold. I even heard a kid call her violent… but when I met her, she was willing to help me, albeit kinda frustrated.”

“I think being frustrated with you is just a common trend with you, Riley,” Ash says.

“Oh?” That seems to snap Riley out of his daze, “Where’d you get that idea?”

“Roark told me that you managed to frustrate him and Byron pretty often when they first took you in,” Ash says with a small laugh, “What did you do to manage that?”

“You wound me,” Rileys says in a playful tone, “I may have been easily set off, but I don’t think it upset Byron as much as it upset Roark.”

“I don’t know Riley, Roark said otherwise,” Ash says. Ash’s young Riolu walked over to the couch and held out his hands for Ash to pick him up, “You’re cuddly today, aren’t you?” Ash laughs, picking up the little Riolu and placing him on his lap. Riolu immediately curls up in his lap when Ash sets him down.

“Riolu’s young, isn’t he?”

“Very, Professor Burnet and my uncle says he’s around five months old,” 

Riley just nods and rest’s his head on Ash’s. Mew floated over to them and eyes widened seeing that Riley was back. Mew squeals loudly before there is a bright light and Riley quickly moves the egg from his lap before Mew-turned-Zacian lands on him. He groans loudly as Mew rests on him in such a form.

“Is everything okay up there?” Kukui yells from the latter.

“No,”

“Yes,”

Kukui sighs and climbs the ladder to see what was going on in the loft only to see the giant wolf-like Pokemon on top of Riley. “Are you okay, Riley?”

“The egg is but I am not,” he groans, “Why must mew do this?”

“They missed you, probably,” Kukui sighs, “Do you want me to try getting Mew off you or no?”

“N-no, I’ll be fine,” he says.

“Okay, if you say so… Ash, can you grab the egg so he doesn’t accidentally drop it?”

“Yeah,” Ash nods, Reaching up and grabbing the egg out of Riley’s hands, “So wait, which Pokemon is this?” 

“Zacian, it’s from Galar,” Kukui says, “You’re lucky it wasn’t a Kotasy, Professor Hawthorn says that they’re huge and heavy.”

“Who?”

“Hawthorn and Kotasy are from Centani, Weisdorn is their professor while Kotasy is one of their legendaries,” Kukui explains, “I think you can ask Eris about it, I don’t really know much about the region aside from some scandal they had fourish years ago.”

“Gotcha,” Ash nods, “So when the others get here?”

“Soon. Thirty minutes at most,” Kukui says, before climbing back down.

*********

The others soon arrived like Kukui had said and they started messing around immediately. At that point, Kukui had pulled Riley to the side to talk to him.

“Hey kid, is everything okay? You just seem… really distant today,” Kukui asks. During his time knowing Riley, he’s never been all that distant. Maybe withdraw and nervous, but never distant.

“Yeah… I’m fine,” Riley says.

“Riley, if somethings wrong, please tell me. I know I’m not your aunt or Byron, but I’m still willing to talk with you if something’s bothering you and Ash doesn’t have to know if that’s what you’re worried about,”

“I-I don’t know how to explain it…” Riley admits, “Something happened Monday and the reason I had to talk with Eris was because we made a deal back when she helped me as a kid…”

“Where’s Lucario?” Kukui asks sternly. That Pokemon had never left his side to his knowledge.

Riley looks away, “That’s the thing… the deal… it had to do with Lucario.” Kukui didn’t like that. Eris was an adult both times she met him, she had power over him that she could use to pressure him. Did she pressure him to give her Lucario in exchange for something?

“Riley, what was the deal,” Kukui says, his brows furrowed.

Riley tensed up, “I-it’s not like that! It’s just… Lucario was  _ her  _ Pokemon, she essentially lent him to me since I was so young and wasn’t even a trainer at the time,” Riley says, trying to clarify what he said, “I promised I’d give him back when we met again.”

“So… you know longer have him,” Kukui asks, confirming what had happened, “And you now just have the egg?”

“Y-yeah,” Riley nods, “I was hoping to have the extra few hours to clear my head afterward, but like I said, my flight got delayed.”

“I am… sorry kid,” Kukui says softly, “I’m sure Ash wou-”

“No, it’s fine. I’ll be fine,” Riley says, “I knew I’d happened, but I’ll be fine, I swear.”

“Fine, but if you ever feel like you need to, you can step outside for a bit,” Kukui says.

“Don’t worry about me, Professor,” Riley says, giving a seemingly sincere smile.

“I am legally required to worry about anyone concerned with Ash. Especially you, kid,” kukui sighs.

“Hey! Riley isn’t dead!” Lana says, seeing him walk over to Ash.

“Yet,” Sophocles adds.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” 

“Usually if someone gets pulled out of the room by Kukui, it’s not good,” Lana says.

“That only applies to you,” Mallow says dryly, “You’re the one who used to say “Ancient sins” when pretending to summon Giratina.”

“This isn’t about me, this is about Riley,” Lana says, “Kukui never gave him the shovel talk.”

“Yeah, but Riley is the last person to make someone cry.” Gladion says, “I think if he hurt Ash, he’d start sobbing before he actually could.”

“If you ask Roark, I can make a person cry easily,” Riley says shrugging, “Which… isn’t entirely wrong?”

Gladion stares at the older teen, “What the  _ fuck _ .”

“It wasn’t on purpose but Roark once made me cry when I was twelve and when Cynthia and Gardenia tried to get me to stop, they started crying as well. Being twelve was really weird for me. I also learned that day that Roark has weak knees and if you kick him in the back of them, he’ll just fall,”

“I say this again,” Gladion sighs tiredly, “What the  _ fuck. _ ” 

“It was a weird time for me,” Riley defends.

“Ash, why is your boyfriend like this?” Gladion groans.

“That’s not important right now. Riley is the least questionable person of our group,” Mallow says, “If anyone deserves it, it’s Lana.”

“I for one, completely agree with Gladion because Riley is the one who can control aura,” Kiawe says, “Lana cannot compete with that.”

“What about Ash? He can too to some extent,” Mallow says.

“Yes, but Ash is like a god and we probably shouldn’t question him for our safety,” Kiawe says.

“What are you all fighting about now?” Kukui asks, raising an eyebrow at the group of kids in his living room.

“Who’s more questionable, Lana or Riley?” Lillie answers.

“Lana,” Kukui responds, “Always Lana.”

“See, even Kukui thinks so!” Mallow says.

“I don’t care, Lana has nothing against Riley!” Gladion yells.

“Hey Ash, can you even eat birthday cake without getting sick?” Lana asks.

“Yes because butter is bullshit because for some reason doesn’t have lactose in it,” Ash says.

“I am, so sorry you have to deal with this,” Kukui sighs to Riley.

“Eh, it could be worse,” Riley shrugs, “Dawn and Brock could be here.”

Ash jabs Riley in the side and calls over Mew. “Lay down on Riley.”

“Wait, wha-,” Riley says before Mew lays down on him, crushing him with the large form of Zamazenta. “Not this again,” Riley groans.

“Don’t tempt fate,” Ash says, “You should’ve seen this coming.”

“Ash, get Mew off Riley,” Kukui says, “There’s no need for that.”

Ash calls back Mew so Riley can sit up. “Oh Arceus, I can breath again,” Riley sighs, “Why do you allow this?”

“I’m sorry, don’t be mad,” Ash says, leaning over and hugging Riley.

“I’m not made, don’t worry,” Riley says. Ash smiles softly at him, pulling himself closer to Riley.

“So how does it feel being seventeen?” Lillie asks.

“Weird. Clemont and Alain both mentioned that I’d be an adult in a year, but the thing is, I’m not legally an adult until I’m technically twenty because I’m a Kantonian citizen,” Ash says.

“What do you mean by technically twenty?” Lillie says.

“I’ll really be nineteen but because of some holiday, I’ll be considered twenty. One of the things that should not be questioned,” Ash explains.

“You in general should not be questioned,” Kiawe says.

“And you’re right,”

“Hey, food’s done, so come get some!” Kukui yells from the kitchen.

*********

Riley wasn’t going to lie, he’s never felt so dead since the time Ash got sick because of aura training. The plane back to Galar killed him and he was ready to pass out. He was on his way to Postwick with his uncle because his aunt was going to be working late. The car ride was quiet for the most part.

“Riley,” Albine says, breaking the silence, “You and I need to talk but we can do that after you rest or now, the choice is yours.”

There was a grim tone in his uncle’s voice. He didn’t like the fact that it was a talk he had to have, “Now, I guess…”

“Riley, I know you know it was illness that made Mariam… pass away, I know that you really haven’t recovered much from it,” he starts, “She didn’t show any signs till she was twenty and passed out while helping our parents with dinner. She knew for a while that she had it, but she didn’t say anything because Bea and I were young. You… didn’t find out until you were eight.”

“What are you trying to say,” Riley asks, “Is everything okay with you and auntie?”

“Y-yeah, we’re fine. I think you know but Mariam wasn’t our biological sister. Ma and pop fostered her for a few years before we were born and adopted her not too long after ma found out she was pregnant with Bea and I, but Riley, you are her kid. Bea was there with her when she gave birth to you, but we’re both worried about you right now.”

Riley didn’t like this. Neither of them brought up his mother unless he asked about her. He didn’t like that they were talking about her illness. He didn’t like they were talking about his blood-relation to her. “Uncle Al, is something wrong?” He asks again.

“Riley… Bea wants to get you tested, she wants to know if you have it like Mariam did. She emailed Byron about it this morning for getting his consent for the test,” Albine explains, “For Bea and I, you’re really our only family at this point. Mariam's gone and ma and pop haven’t talked to us since the funeral.”

Riley doesn’t respond. He doesn’t know how to. He hates the knot forming in his stomach and how the dread fills his mind. Is it possible that he has it? How long would he have to live if he did? Would it be possible to cure? Multiple thoughts flooded his mind.

“Let’s just… drop it, for now, move to something else,” Albine sighs, “How’s Ash? Did he like what you got him?”

Riley straightens up and nods, “Yeah, he liked it and he’s doing fine.”

“What’s he like? He seems like quite the energetic seventeen-year-old,” Albine says, “Not even Bea had that much energy and she was in our school’s swim, lacrosse, and tennis team.”

“Yeah, he does but I guess… that’s just one thing I admire about him. He’s energetic and can hold a brave face to a lot of things. Nothing really makes him stop smiling,” Riley says, fondness clear in his voice, “He’s a great person to be around and he can make a lot of people smile.”

“Mariam was like that. Her first husband, Ignace, would always smile around her. She made him laugh when few others could,” Albine says, “Ash honestly sounds like your mother, to be fully honest with you.”

Riley nods, “Auntie said that the other day.”

“You know… sometimes people find love in something they didn’t have,” Albine says.

“What are you implying?” Riley asks, looking at his uncle.

“I’m not implying you have some sort of complex, but what if you find yourself in love with Ash because he’s like Mariam? I mean, the two are similar and you never really had someone like her in your life,”

“Whatever,” Riley sighs, shaking his head, “I don’t see why you care.”

“Just curious about the boy who caught my little nephew’s heart,”

“I’m almost nineteen,”

“I know, I know but you’re still little to me. Not to mention, last time I saw you before moving was when you were a little nine-year-old,” 

“Shut up or I’ll kick you,” Riley groans.

“Don’t kick me. I’m driving and don’t even think about it when we get home,”

“I know, I know. Hattrem will try vide checking me,” Riley sighs.

Albine gives him a confused look, “Y-yeah… whatever that is…” he sighs, “Anyways, moving on from your zoomer stuff… we’ll be home in ten minutes.”

The ten minutes went by quickly and Albine helped Riley carry his things from the car. When they got inside the house Albine’s Indeedee was very excited to see Riley again.

“Indee! Dee Dee!” she greets. Riley scratches her head as he sets the egg down on the table.

“Good to see you again,” he says with a soft smile, “Uncle Al, how come you never bring them over when you visit?” 

“Because Hattrem and Fabio always fight and it’s not fair to just bring Indeedee,” he answers from the top of the stairs, “You know you can visit me if you want to see Indeedee.”

“Yeah but Auntie doesn’t want me going farther than Motostoke without a Pokemon and all I have is the egg,” 

“Bea can shove it. You’re an adult, the train station exists. I don’t see her problem,”

“It’s auntie, she worries a lot,”

“Too much if you ask me,” Albine sighs, heading back downstairs, “Are you hungry? I doubt you’ve eaten since breakfast.”

“Anythings fine with me,” Riley says. He stretches his arms before heading to the stairs, “I’m taking a nap. I didn’t sleep much last night.”

“Heh. I wonder why,” Albine laughs.

Riley rolls his eyes at his uncle. He feels a sudden wave of dizziness before he falls, his knees going weak and becoming unable to hold him up.

Albine reacts quickly and catches him before he gets hurt. “You okay?”

Riley nods, his vision feels like it’s spinning, “...Y-yeah, I’ll be fine,” he mutters softly.

Albine helps him back up and helps him get to the guest room, “Maybe it is good if you get tested, I don’t think this is just normal exhaustion.”

“I’m fine, really. There’s just a lot of things going on right now.”

“Yeah… I guess that’s a fair assessment with Lucario and all, but if you start feeling sick just yell, got it?”

“Yeah…” Riley says softly. Albine sighs and ruffles Riley’s hair as he sets him down on the bed.

“You really are your mom’s kid, ya know?” he says, “Always trying to make sure people don’t worry about you.”

“Auntie says that a lot,” 

“Good, it’s not a good thing and you should know it. You can rely on us if you need to, it’s fine,” Albine says, “Now get some sleep.”

“I will,” he says. Albine leaves the room and Riley lets his head hit the pillow. Some Thursday it was turning out to be. The worry of being sick like his mother and the pain of having to give up Lucario was eating at him, it made him feel sick. He didn’t want to worry them but he’s already failed that. He sighs and closes his eyes, falling into a restless sleep.

**Author's Note:**

> Imabadbitch - Ash  
> MistywithaB- Misty  
> Rockhard- Brock  
> Maybeitsnotmaybeline - Dawn  
> MarshMALLOW - Mallow  
> Lemonchild - Clemont  
> Illgladlysteponyou - Serena  
> Maskedroyal - Kukui  
> Itsbrittanybitch - May  
> Purebean - Lillie  
> FuckitupSoph - Sophocles  
> Yeetorbeyeeted > Actuallycares™️ - Paul  
> Countryboi- Gary  
> Whowantslasagna - Cilan


End file.
